


Purgatory: Senior Year

by LouLa



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-16
Updated: 2009-12-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 20:59:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 135,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouLa/pseuds/LouLa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward needs to grow up and Bella needs to open up. Relationships change, people change, everything changes. The formative High School years are always the hardest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by Strae.

Purgatory, hell, a torture chamber, whatever you call it, it's high school. Lately, it's been even worse. At least before, I had sports to make this worth something. Not anymore.

A month ago, I was Edward Cullen, star of the wrestling team, the track team, the basketball team, and the hockey team. The teachers weren't allowed to give me crap because I was the star athlete of Forks High.

That, or because my father is head of Forks Hospital and a world renowned doctor at that. Always giving to the poor, that man was – putting his only son through hell in Podunk USA for the charity case that was Fork, WA.

Alas, five weeks ago, I tore my ACL when some fuck pushed me at a track meet and I caught my leg on the hurdle, completely tearing the ligament. Alec Jane – what a stupid name, but I hunted him down and murdered him… in a dream. I wished I could murder him.

Even after surgery and a promise to use my brace and crutches religiously, my Seattle specialists said I may never be able to rigorously play sports again. What did that mean? Everything, it meant everything. My life was over; nothing mattered anymore. Without sports, Edward Cullen ceased to exist. Edward Cullen was nothing without his sports.

The multiple scouts for colleges all over the US that I drew to Hicksville also ceased to exist. Over– my life –done. Forks, I fucking hate you.

I sighed and hit my head against the wooden desk beneath me as the wonderfully intelligent Mr. Banner rambled on and on about things no one cared about.

Why had Carlisle done this to me? This was his fault, all of it. We could have stayed in LA and I could still be being scouted for scholarships to the best U's in the country.

The money wasn't the issue, I could afford to go to Harvard – or my parents could afford to send me there would be the proper statement – if I wanted to, but places like Harvard don't take crippled ex-athletes with a 3.04 GPA.

So here I was, not even pretending to listen to Banner's droning, raising my GPA!

I was smart, or I could be smart, or I wasn't stupid, whichever. I could raise my grades without a whole lot of effort, but I just didn't want to. My effort was sports, my life was sports. Was!

I snorted at myself and hit my head again.

"Mr. Cullen, would you like to say something?"

"No, Banner, please continue."

I didn't even bother raising my head to answer. I rolled my eyes and pulled at my ridiculous head of hair as he continued his speech. Maybe I should shave my head. It would be fitting for the depressive state I was in, plus I couldn't pull on it anymore.

Something cold traced along the skin on my lower back and I jumped. I turned to see Jessica Stanley smirking at me. "Hey Sexy," she said in a sultry tone.

I rolled my eyes very obviously _at_ her and turned back around, slamming my head back down to my desk.

I'd hoped that with my crippling, these infantile girls would stop harassing me, but they were even worse now. They offered to carry my books, rub my knee, rub my cock – subtlety wasn't a strong point of the Forks girls. Most of them, anyway.

Whatever Jessica had touched my back with before, she was doing it again, even lower. My t-shirt didn't meet my jeans as I leaned forward onto my desk. I tried to ignore it as she traced back and forth over the skin with the cold object, but it was terribly annoying. Almost as annoying as her laugh.

I reached back and grabbed whatever the object was. Once it was in my fingers, I recognized it was a pencil and I chucked it backwards. I heard it hit the tile floor in the back of the classroom.

Jessica sighed and I heard her stand up.

"Ms. Stanley, can I help you?" Mr. Banner asked.

"No, sir, I dropped my pencil."

At least Esme was a good mother, even if Carlisle was an ass. Esme despised this move to Forks as much as I did. How long had we lived here now? Four years. Four long, insufferable, bane of my existence, years.

The cold was on my back again, further into my pants, tracing the upper edge of my underwear. Was she stupid? Well, that was a redundant question.

"Mr. Banner," I interrupted, "can I be excused? My knee hurts."

"Sure, Edward, go to the nurse's office."

I snorted to myself. "Yes, sir."

Jessica somehow had my crutches in her hands before I could even get to them. I wretched them from her grip, not bothering with a fake smile.

"Mr. Banner," I recognized Emmett's voice easily, "he's looking pretty sore, I think I should escort him."

"Sure, whatever," the teacher said, fed up with the interruptions.

Emmett played his part well, making his way quickly to me to grab my books from my desk. I stood with the help of my crutches and smirked at him as he carried my books.

Once out of the god forsaken classroom, I said, "Thank you, my book bitch, please feel free to kiss my left nut before you depart."

He clubbed me on the back, nearly knocking me off balance. "Shut the fuck up, I'm not past pushing your ass down a flight of stairs and saying you tripped."

I laughed, humorously, I actually found that hilarious. He gave me an odd look, probably wondering if I was a bit suicidal.

"Why do you treat Jess like such a bitch? She's got a hot bod and she'd totally bang your brains out," Emmett tormented.

"Sorry, Emm, I don't go for stupid blondes," I replied tempestuously.

I got a real punch for that one. "Don't you dare talk about my Rosalie that way!"

"Oh, ouch Emmett, that really hurt," I said sarcastically, rubbing my arm for effect. It did sting a little…

"Go fuck yourself," he said, dropping my books to the floor and continuing down the hallway.

I sighed. Great, now I had to carry my own books. I leaned my crutches against the ugly mint green wall and started to bend down. My knee ached a bit from the pressure but I ignored it. I put a book in each hand and repositioned my crutches.

Thank God there was a party at Lauren's tonight, I needed a fucking stiff drink, stat. I may have hated that little fake blonde flake, but she couldn't help it if her parents raised her to have what she wanted. Every Friday night. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Mallory for not taking care of your daughter correctly and being the host to many a high school hangover.

I made my way to my too small locker and threw my books in and grabbed my hoodie. Spanish wasn't worth my time of day – plus Mrs. Goff was easy, I'd deal with her Monday, if I felt like it. I had a parking space close to the door reserved for me, since I was handicapped and all. I climbed into my silver Volvo and sped out of the lot.

My mom would be home… Shit. I changed direction and started driving aimlessly around town until I could go home without making her suspicious. My speakers blared the wonderful words of Adam Gontier.

" _This world will never be, what I expected_ …"

No, definitely not. But it wasn't too late. I had lots of drinking left to do. Oh, the pessimism of I! Surely, drinking wouldn't be the greatest thing I'd do with my life. Maybe it would… Who cared though, really? My hopes, dreams, aspirations were all out the fucking window, but my life wasn't over.

I rolled my eyes at myself. I couldn't even talk myself into that. For all I knew, my life was over. I drove too fast, too recklessly through the dead streets of the ghost town. Only a few hours to kill and I could drink myself into a coma and find out if my life really was over or not.

Jesus Christ, was I suicidal? No… No? No. Just in need of some alcohol. Maybe I'd just give one of those all too willing girls their fun with me tonight. No… I'd feel worse after that then I did now.

I took the curvy, serpent-like driveway too quickly and didn't bother pulling into the garage. I parked near the front door and pulled my crutches out. My mom opened the front door for me.

"Thanks," I muttered, not slowing down.

"Honey," she said. I rolled my eyes and stopped. "How was your day?"

"Fine, Mom. I'm going to take a shower. I'm going out tonight."

"Oh, well, alright I guess. You know your curfew."

"Er, do you think it would be okay if I came home in the morning? I think I'm staying at Emmett's." Staying at Emmett's, having Emmett drag my passed out form to his house, same thing.

She sighed. "You better be careful, I don't want to hear about any fights…"

"When have I started a fight, mother?"

She groaned and sighed, walking away. She wasn't stupid, I don't know why I insisted on treating her like she was. She knew I had the tendency to throw punches at whoever got in my way when I was in a 'mood' and drinking only made it that much worse.

At least she wasn't like Jasper's mom who liked to pretend that teenagers don't drink, have sex, or do drugs. My mom lived in this century and she knew I would drink, whether I had permission or not. I was at least mildly responsible, I didn't drive when I was drinking, mostly because when I was drinking I was too wasted to even remember how to start a vehicle. That and Emmett carried the keys so I couldn't find them.

The wonderful fact was that Lauren lived kitty-corner to Emmett and I could stumble my ass – or get it dragged – back there pretty easily. I did almost drown once though… Damn swimming pool.

I pulled my clothes off and took the stupid brace off my knee. I eyed the scars on my knee. They were such ugly reminders. I sighed and hopped one-legged into the shower. The hot water felt good, though unfortunately, my mom liked to run the dishwasher or washing machine whenever I was in the shower and make the water cold. Maybe she thought I was jerking off or something, giving me a cold shower.

Probably. I couldn't help but chuckle a little. She was really kind of an evil bitch that way. What kind of mother denies her son a shower jerk? I should start jerking off into tube socks and making her wash them...

I got out and wrapped a towel around my waist and grabbed my crutches. After drying off a bit, I pulled on some underwear and shook the water out of my hair and ears. I pulled on a t-shirt and took my iPod to my bed. I turned it on and closed my eyes, letting the heavy guitar rifts soothe me. With my blinds drawn tightly closed, my room was almost dark and I saw my phone light up on my dresser.

I stood up and hopped to it and went back to my bed and opened it. 1 New Text Message.

Jasper. _U b there 2nite?_

I hated text speak. _Yes._ Send.

I dropped my phone next to me and let the music in my ears drown everything else out. Stupid phone lit up again.

Jasper. _Sweet._

Well, that was worth the distraction. Two seconds after I shut my phone, it buzzed in my palm. I reopened it.

Emmett. _U cummin 2nite bitch?_

Cummin? Did he think he was clever? _Yes._ Send.

 _Leave me alone_! I sighed and threw my head back into my pillow. Was it seriously only 4:34? At least I had my trusty iPod. What would I do without it? I'd die, I'd die without my iPod.

I laid there for hours listening to the music, ignoring my phone when it lit up as more people text messaged me. Why did they care where I'd be?

My mom eventually came into my room and pulled my ear buds out so I would come eat dinner. She picked up my dirty clothes while she was at it. I found a pair of jeans and pulled them on before going to join my 'rents for supper.

Yuck, meatloaf. I think she wanted me to kill myself.

"How was school?" my father asked.

"Super," I said sarcastically.

"Did you at least try to learn something today?"

"Of course."

He gave up. Smart man. I forced down a small bit of meatloaf, but mostly ate the rabbit food she had there. A salad was better than meatloaf.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out this time.

Emmett. _What do u want?_

What kind of retarded question was that. _Smirnoff._ Send.

Vodka by the fucking quart; straight up and ice cold. Dumb ass. I politely excused myself from the table and went to the fridge. Leftover pizza was in there so I grabbed a couple of slices of that and managed to still limp my way to my room.

After shoving the cold pizza down, I grabbed my keys and iPod off my bed and stuffed some cash into my pocket. I kissed my momma's cheek like a good boy and headed to my car.

"Don't hurt yourself… or anyone else!" my mom yelled from the kitchen before the door closed.

Yeah, I couldn't make any promises.

I drove through the shit hole town to Emmett's house and parked in front of it. I walked in without knocking, as I usually did, and was assaulted by his younger sister who had a crush on me. I had to be nice to her, since I lived in his house on occasion. I finally made it down his basement steps and then we were going back up them again. At least I wasn't getting fat while I was laid up.

"Leah, stop harassing Edward, he's gay, remember?" Emmett said when we were headed down the hall and his sister spotted me again.

"He is not, Emmett. Right, Edward?" Leah, Emmett's half sister, asked me worriedly.

I smiled at her and mussed her hair. "Right, you're just like a sister to me is all."

She grimaced at that. We made it out the door and Emmett went to his car. As Emmett was digging around in the trunk, Jasper pulled up. He was too busy texting, probably to Alice, to say anything.

Emmett pushed something at me then. Smirnoff Twisted V Black Cherry in small bottles, in a carton.

"What the fuck is this?" I asked.

"If you're going to bitch about it, go buy your own shit. Just drink it and shut the fuck up," Emmett answered and started walking towards Lauren's house.

"You know what I drink, what the fuck is this?"

"It was all I could get, get the fuck over it."

Why did I rely on Emmett to do anything? He was an incapable son of a bitch. "I'm not drinking this shit."

"Give me my fucking money," he said, stopping and turning around.

"Why should I? This isn't what I wanted."

"Because there was never a guarantee! How about you try being a fucking man and stop complaining like a bitch?"

"You got me the girly, flavored bullshit!"

Jasper laughed and grabbed a bottle of it. He popped a top and tasted it. "Blech, no, still tastes like vodka. How do you drink this shit?"

I grabbed the bottle from him and took a swig of it. It was still vodka, it would still get me drunk. Whatever, I guess. I dropped the open bottle back in its place in the cardboard holder and dug in my pocket for the money I had brought. I overpaid him, as usual, even when he didn't deserve it.

"Done being a prissy bitch?"

"Would you like to be the first person I hit tonight?"

He laughed and patted my shoulder. "Sure, just don't expect me not to hit you back. I don't give a shit if you're handicapped."

I chuckled. Got to love Emmett. "Okay, let's hurry the fuck up," Jasper said.

"Why Jazzy, you got to get home to Mommy?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, so does Rose," Jasper said.

Emmett cussed and started running for Lauren's house. It turned into a race between Jasper and Emmett, leaving me in the dust and feeling even worse for myself. I grabbed my open bottle of the girly booze and knocked it back. This shit wasn't cold enough.

I limped my crippled ass into the house where several people were already passed out. Forks knew how to party, I'd give it that much. Tyler Crowley was ass up over the back of the couch. His ass was in serious trouble of being raped by the town gay… Jessica found me quickly.

"Hey, can I get you anything?" she asked, I think in a tone that was supposed to be seductive and illustrated by the fact that she was sucking on her finger.

"Yes, you can leave me alone, doll," I said and limped toward the kitchen. After grabbing a bottle, I threw my booze in the freezer. They better get cold fast.

It reeked like alcohol and weed in the house so I limped out to the back porch where there was actually some music playing and some beerpong going.

A new round just started so I got in on that. It just had to be Jessica who I teamed with and we were going against some Juniors. I didn't try very hard, much to Jessica's dismay, and I ended up with a nice buzz after we were finished. Jessica grew more…insistent after every drink. When she tried to reach into my pants I limped away, not in the mood for a game of grab dick.

My empty bottle got discarded in the grass next to the fourteen hundred plastic cups. I went to the freezer and was ecstatic to find my vodka cold. Finally, something goes right.

Emmett was looking fairly fucked up when he found me. He grabbed a crutch and started whacking random people with it. It looked like fun, but I was enjoying my quiet corner with my icy Smirnoff. Three down, three to go.

This shit was working too. I was definitely feeling it. Where did my other crutch go? Crutches and drunk didn't work well.

"Emmett," I yelled loudly. Rosalie showed up instead, though I don't know why. We didn't care much for each other.

"He's still beating people with your crutch," she said. She hopped up onto the table in front of me and sat there. She leaned forward then and said, "Oh, I love those."

I hoped she was talking about my drink. "Lovely. Go get me another, they're in the freezer."

"I don't take orders from you," she spat.

"Please," I said cynically.

She rolled her eyes and slid off the table. Ah, solitude. For two fucking seconds. Jessica came out of no where and started feeling me up again. What was it with her? How could one person be so imperceptive? Did she not get that no meant no? Did she not care that I wanted nothing to do with her?

"C'mon Edward, I'll do anything for you."

Why? Why the fuck did she want to get in my pants so bad? "Run along trashy," Rose hissed at her.

Well, at least she was useful for something. "You can run me off of Emm all you want, but you have no say in if I'm near Eddie."

I groaned and rolled my eyes. A bitch fight might be entertaining though. Jessica stood no chance, she was all hair and boobs, Rose had legs for miles and guns from volleyball and softball. I grabbed my bottle from Rose and limped away on one crutch. I found Emmett and clubbed him in the back with my crutch. He just ran, obviously finding himself hilarious.

I had no patience for this. I followed in the direction he went and spotted him, just moments before he smacked an ass that I could spot from a mile away with my crutch.

She jumped and squeaked at the attack. I limped forward and hit Emmett in the nuts with my other crutch. Bastard, he needed to start picking on people his own size. I got my other crutch away from him as he doubled over and grabbed his crotch.

I didn't hit him that hard, just enough to make his eye water a little. Rose came out then and gave me a look then rushed to Emmett. Ha ha, I was so dead if his dick didn't work.

I turned back and retreated to my quiet corner and ended up finishing my last two bottles too quickly. Damn…stupid…fuck.

Crutches and drunk were really, really bad. I didn't know what I was looking for until I found it. That ass. I patted it.

She squeaked again and turned, probably getting ready to punch me. Oh well, she could hit me, I probably wouldn't feel it. "Edward," she gasped. I suppose I wasn't usually a grabber, but she wasn't usually at the parties…

"What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"Same thing as you. Are you alright?"

"I'm great, how are you?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You're wasted," she told me.

Pfft, like she knew what wasted was. "I'm not even close to wasted."

"Okay, Edward, I'm taking you home."

I smirked. "You just want to go home with me."

"Wow, you are really wasted."

I was not, I was completely… Cat. "Why is there a cat on your shirt?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at the object on her shirt and raising my hand to point at it.

"That's a bird, actually," she crossed her arms over her chest. "Stop staring at my chest."

I grabbed the string of her hoodie and pulled on it a little, and I think I giggled. "What are you doing?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "Edward, come on, I'm taking you home."

"But I'm not living at home tonight…but you can take me anywhere you want."

"Emmett's?" She asked.

"Emmett is stoned."

"Okay, well, are you staying at Emmett's tonight?"

"Leah is there, she has a crush on me."

"Edward, listen to me, are you staying at Emmett's?" Her lips were so pretty.

"Yeah…" Pretty lips.

"C'mon then, let's go."

Yay, fun with the pretty lips and nice ass. Where's my drink? "Where did you put my drink?"

"I didn't touch it, come on." I'd follow that ass anywhere, so I did. I think I used my crutches, something was under my arms anyway, maybe it was Jasper and Emmett. We got to the front door of Emmett's house. "'Kay Edward, goodnight."

"Yeah," I said. I was tired.

"Edward, go inside. It's cold."

"In a minute…"

"Come on," she said, opening the door. There was that ass again. I followed it. She knew Emmett's house, she'd been here before, a time or two…I think. Maybe that was Alice? The stairs were a bit difficult to navigate.

I took my normal residence in the overstuffed chair at the back of the room. "You shouldn't be alone, you can stay here… Lots of bad... drunk..." What had my point been?

"I'll be fine. Sleep it off, we have a session on Monday. Not like you'll remember."

"I will too. I always remember, I just pretend to forget. People might wonder if I remember everything."

Her eyebrows knit together as she stared at me, shaking her head. "Goodnight."

"Be safe," I told her, then closed my eyes.

I woke up a little bit when something was taking my shoes off, then it was oddly warmer. I snuggled with the warmness.

– – –

A hideous track of that " _Wake me up before you go, go_ ," song was what I got to wake up to. Loud, ringing, bright, pounding – ow.

"Gahhhh," I groaned.

I recognized an equally pained sounding groan as Emmett's. Emmett's little brother, Leah's twin, Seth was standing at Emmett's stereo.

"Get the fuck out of my room," Emmett bellowed at him.

Seth laughed and turned the music up louder. It was like nails on a chalkboard. I groaned again and covered my ears. It didn't make it go away.

"Seth, you asshole, knock it off and get out!" yelled a female voice. Leah, I think.

I was surprised when the shrieking stopped fairly quickly and a soft warm something touched my cheek. I opened my eyes to see Leah leaning over me. "Do you need anything?"

Why did girls always ask me that? Her brother was sitting ten feet away. "Aspirin, water, a revolver?"

She smiled and leaned closer, kissing my cheek. "I can do the aspirin and water, but I will not let you hurt yourself."

I would wager that she had brought me this blanket. What else had she done to me? How did I even get home? Emmett must have dragged me.

"You better be bringing some for me," Emm yelled – making my ears ring – to Leah's retreating form. He groaned then. "I got plastered."

"Tell me about it…"

"I can't, I don't remember much."

"That was a figure of speech, Emmett, I meant me too. How did you get me back here?"

I heard his bed rustle. "I don't know. I don't remember bringing you."

"Me either."

"Dude, my head is fucking killing me."

"I know, shut up already."

He did and Leah was back with pain meds and water. "Anything else?" she asked.

I dug in my pockets but they weren't there, just like they always weren't. I pointed to Emmett and said, "Get my keys from Emmett and start my car for me?"

Her face fell. "You're leaving?"

"I promised my mom I'd be home in the morning."

She nodded grimly and got my keys from Emmett.

Standing was a daunting task, and after mumbling a goodbye to Emmett, I faced the always troublesome stairs. Somehow, I managed to climb them and not kill myself. Leah was still in my driver's seat when I made it outside.

I opened the door and my head pounded as the loud music met my ears. "Turn it down," I yelled.

"Sorry," she said and got out of my car.

I got in and muttered, "Thanks," then sped away.

Home, bed, sleep. I slept the weekend away, doing absolutely nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday, the worse fucking day of the week. Does anyone like Mondays? I mean, seriously?

Even after sleeping thirty of forty eight hours, my alarm clock went off too early. I showered, though I didn't bother shaving for the second week. I had some serious, nasty looking scruff going on. I looked like a dirty homeless man, in expensive clothes. Maybe I'd start a trend.

My hair was a mess, my face was unshaven, my eyes were bloodshot, but my clothes were pressed and debonair. Definitely. Edward Cullen the trend setter. Wow, I really was starting to sound like a fag. Oh well, the thought of being 'stylish' amused me.

My mother had my breakfast ready for me and some money alongside my limited one per day Oxy. Wouldn't want the doctor's son to be a drug addict now, would we?

I drove to school with my iPod blaring heavy metal through my car speakers. Jasper was waiting by my parking spot.

Jasper Hale was really an unfortunate bastard for being so fortunate. His mother worshipped the ground his father walked on. She was a tactless woman, with nothing but her rich husband and athletic, smart kids going for her. She's the type of woman that would have worked at the local McDonald's and screwed up everyone's change, if not for her husband. And thank God for him, he had good, strong DNA. He was a prick, true down to the core prick, but he was a smart prick with standards – when it came to his kids at least.

Jasper's twin sister, Rosalie, was the queen bee of Forks High. The song "Beautiful, Dirty, Rich" played over the loud speakers as she walked down the halls. Every school had one, there was just no way Rosalie Hale wasn't going to be Forks'.

Thank God Jasper was normal, for the most part. He was the calmest person I'd ever met. Maybe it was because he was so honest. How he remained grounded and honest with all the bullshit his family puts him through, I'll never know.

"You look like hell," he told me.

"I get that a lot lately."

"Maybe you should try shaving and doing something with that mop on your head."

"What are you, my fucking stylist?"

"I'm just saying, you used to actually try to look decent."

"Honestly Jasper, what the fuck is your point?"

"Alright, I'll shut up."

"Thank you."

I made my way to my locker. Long, wavy dark locks of hair caught my eye a few lockers down from mine.

Bella Swan. A great friend, and my tutor. She had moved to Forks the same summer as me and we started high school that same day. Ever since I saved her that first day of school from being ran over by Tyler Crowley when she tripped into his path, we'd been friends.

She'd just parked that hideous mess of a rust bucket she called a truck and started up towards the main office, looking just as confused as I was. Everyone was looking at her; she was hard not to notice with that loud backfire the Chevy had given. I followed her towards the office to get my schedule. She had a small piece of paper in front of her face and was scrutinizing it so hard, she didn't hear the car that was coming or notice the pothole in the pavement.

As the van with music bumping barreled toward her, I waited back, planning to allow the car to pass before I crossed. Bella would have made it just fine, but her foot dipped into the pothole and she stumbled. My natural instincts kicked in and I rushed forward. I caught her, wrapping my arms around her waist, and kept her from falling in the path of the car as he continued to drive, not even noticing the fact that he would have killed her had I not been there.

Mere inches separated me from the dark blue van and I still had Bella held in my arms. I was gasping for breath, having just saved a life did that to you.

"Um," said a sweet voice.

It was then that I realized that I was practically crushing her frail body to me. I released her and she stumbled away from me. Neither of us said anything else to each other as we walked to the office together. The school secretary, Ms. Cope, gave us our schedules and I held the door open for her to walk through as we left.

"Thank you," she muttered quietly, "er, for everything… like my life."

She was cute, the complete opposite of the Cali-girls I was used to. She was sort of short and her hair was dark, but she was really pale. Her complexion was all cream and roses, she blushed easily and it was lovely. Her lips were full and soft looking. But her eyes… Her eyes. It was possible to get lost in those chocolate orbs and impossible to look away. So big, so brown, so deep.

She looked away from me first, blushing as she stared at the ground.

"I'm Edward Cullen, I just moved here from LA," I told her.

"Bella Swan, I just moved here for Phoenix."

"Huh, really?" I'd never have guessed Phoenix...maybe Alaska, but definitely not someplace so hot and sunny.

She nodded. "Moved back really, but I guess I should go find my class now."

"Er, yeah, me too. What do you have first?"

"Gym," she said in a tone of voice that held no enthusiasm, more loathing.

"Me too. Maybe we can stick together, the noobs!"

She laughed and we walked. "I won't hold you to that. Sports and I don't get along."

I laughed, but soon found out what she had meant. The first day of school just equaled a lot of running, sit ups, pull ups, basically just Coach Clapp testing all of our physical abilities. I was among the ranks of Jasper Hale and Emmett McCarty, and apparently that was saying something as they were the school's star athletes – before I came along anyway.

Bella, well, yeah… I started out next to her in a timed run and lapped her quickly. I felt bad, genuinely. Poor girl couldn't run to save her life. I ended up partnered with her for the sit up count. I couldn't help but think how cute she looked as she tried not to look at me as she did her curls. I was the opposite, I stared at her as she counted my sit ups, getting lost in those deep pools of soft brown. Unfortunately, she told me she forgot how many I did, though I had counted as well. After shuttle running and doing pull ups, we played dodge ball the rest of the class. We were to find a partner and pair up for badminton that would start tomorrow.

I intended on pairing with Bella for the shear fact that I knew no one else, but some spiky-haired twerp – otherwise known as Mike Newton – already got to her. I ended up with Jessica.

After that fateful day, Bella and I were friends. We didn't see each other outside of school much, sports kept me and even though I was attracted to her, I wouldn't allow myself the distraction of having a crush on anyone. The years flew by and Bella and I were on the same ground as ever.

I sighed. What was the point of dating in high school? I had to concentrate on sports… _had_ to. Now I had to concentrate on my academics and who better to help me concentrate then Bella Swan. My lab partner, my study buddy – her GPA was practically off the charts.

We had a date tonight, a study date – a real date was out of the question. There was no point, or so I kept telling myself. Even if I did like her, even if I did find her attractive there was just no point. She was a good friend, dating would complicate that, plus we'd never get anywhere… Edward Cullen didn't date. On that note, neither did Isabella Swan. No point.

After putting my things in my locker and grabbing what I'd need for study hall, Bella was still at her locker. I crutched up behind her, she didn't hear me. I pulled my phone out and texted her.

 _Turn around._ Send.

I heard her phone buzz in her pocket and she reached back and pulled it from her seat pocket. My little plan got detoured by the fact that I was distracted by her butt. She had such a grabable ass, touchable, lovable, got-to-haveable. She turned then and I remembered my point.

"You've just received the worst news of your day."

She looked confused, and utterly adorable. "And that is?"

"You have to spend the night with this."

Her eyebrows raised. "Really?"

I doubted that the fact that I'd just said spend the night with me on accident got lost on her. "Study date?"

"So you did remember? I should start making sure you're drunk when I tell you things."

What did that mean? It was my turn to look confused. "When was I drunk?"

She snorted. "Oh come on, Edward," I loved how she said my name, "you were plastered, stop acting like I'm stupid."

"Honestly, Bella," I loved to say her name, "I have no idea what you are talking about…"

She shook her head, giving me an incredulous look. "Seeing as I took you home and put you to bed Friday night, I know for a fact that you were indeed drunk."

What? She took me home? Put me to bed? Well, at least I knew how I got home now. "Oh."

"You don't remember?"

"No. What did I do?"

She blushed. Damn it, she blushed. What had I done? Thinking back real hard, I remember something about a cat. Well that was random, what did a cat have to do with anything? "Nothing, other then slurred a lot and made less sense than usual."

She closed her locker then and started in the direction of the study hall. I followed. "You haven't told me what time…er, or I don't remember what time."

"Same time, same place, the usual. Bring everything, it might be a long night."

"You sure you want to spend the night with me?" I asked, motioning towards my haggardness.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, believe it or not, you can't scare me off with hair. You're going to have to try harder to get out of studying."

I chuckled and continued to the back of the room. I had a Calculus assignment due in an hour, a History assignment due in two, a Biology assignment due at the end of the day, and probably something to make up in Spanish. I was screwed.

I started with Calc, and thankfully it wasn't a long assignment, fairly easy as well. The History wasn't as easy. I hated History, it was so bloody boring. I was determined to actually get my homework done for once though. My head was twisted into place today. Partially, at least. I could have had it done sooner, but why else did they give us study hall?

Ten minutes before study hall hour was over, I was struggling on the Bio work.

"Bella," I whispered.

She either ignored me or didn't hear me. She tended to get a bit absorbed in the books she read. Dork.

"Bella."

Her head turned back towards me. "What?" she mouthed.

"C'mere," I whispered.

She sighed, closed her book, and walked back to me. "Hmm?" she asked.

"Help me, please."

She sighed and looked at what I was working on. "This is an important assignment, Edward, why don't you have it done yet?"

"I'm working on it… I need help."

She pulled the chair noisily from under the table and sat next to me. She looked over the work I had completed on my own. "This is good, why do you need my help?"

"That took me like ten minutes for the one problem, I can't get this done alone."

"I'm not giving you the answers, Edward."

No, obviously not. Bella Swan would never be caught cheating. "Just help me, you know I do this better when you talk."

And I did. She had a melodic way of describing things and it made them click into place faster. So she helped me, and when the bell rang I was just finishing up my last problem.

"You are a lifesaver."

"Yeah, yeah, don't be late tonight, scruffy."

I grinned at her. I swear, only Bella could make me actually smile anymore. And when she smiled back, it made my heart leap.

"There he is," she muttered.

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

She shook her head. There who was? I looked behind me and saw Jacob Black tossing a football with Emmett outside. Damn athletes got to skip first hour as long as they maintained good grades. Why had Bella said that, though… Jacob had a thing for her, that was obvious, but did she have a thing back? She was still staring at me when I looked back. She sighed and turned to leave.

I looked back out at Jacob, who was now running up with Emmett towards the school for second period. What if him and Bella were an item? I hated the thought. Why should I though, she was just a friend. And I didn't know if there was anything but normal friendship between them.

The time it took me to make it out of the classroom and back to my locker, Jacob had already made it to Bella and was chatting her up.

He was too close for comfort as he asked her, "What are you doing tonight?"

I smirked. Bella answered, "I have to study with Edward."

Jacob's angry eyes flashed up towards me, but I was quick and pretended to be digging in my locker. I tried not to look again as I eavesdropped.

"Tomorrow night?"

"I have a project."

"Wednesday then?"

"Studying with Edward."

"What about the party on Friday then? Do you want to go with me?"

"Uh, I'm already going with Alice."

I looked then. Bella was going to another party. Two in a row? That was unlike her. But she'd be there… Jacob caught a lock of Bella's hair, unbeknownst to her. I wanted to punch him in the face as he rolled its silky, shininess between his unworthy fingers.

"We could double, Jasper and Alice and you and I?"

"Er, no thanks, I'm pretty sure I'm just going with Alice."

Too bad it wasn't me she was going with, that would have really pissed off Jacob. _No, Edward_.

Right, no dating. Jacob seemed angry, but he was persistent. "When can we go on a date again then?"

Again? _Again_? A-fucking-gain? She'd went out with him? Fuck, no, fuck. God damn it.

She was free to do as she pleased, I reminded myself. No, no she wasn't. We didn't date, we didn't date together, that worked for me. Her dating didn't work for me, because if she was dating, I wanted it to be me, damn it. What was I going to do now?

"I don't know Jacob," she said, sounding a bit miffed. "I'm really busy."

I saw his jaw clench and he caught me watching this time. He gave me a glare that would have terrified someone more fragile, I didn't even take it as a warning, more of a… challenge.

"Alright, babe, I understand. Later then." He walked away, in the opposite direction of mine and Bella's class. He was a year younger, thank God for that.

I grabbed my books and caught up to Bella as she started to class. "You went on a date with Black?" I asked.

Her eyes darted up to mine. "Where'd you hear that?" she muttered.

"Er, well…"

She glared at me. "You snoopy-" she stopped there. "Yes, and I'd appreciate if you'd keep that to yourself."

"Why did you go out with him?"

I got the glare again, then she tripped. I dropped my books and crutch to catch her arm. Her books fell to the ground, but she did not. She collected her bearings, straightening herself, and was pure red as she bent for our books and my crutch. I took what she handed to me and she muttered a thanks.

I gripped my crap in one hand and used my other hand to push her disheveled hair from her face. "Are you alright?" I asked.

She blushed deeper, staring at the floor. "I'm fine, just tripped." She looked up at me then and our eyes locked. "They made me," she blurted unexpectedly.

"What?" I asked confused.

She looked away and started walking again, we were going to be late for class if we didn't walk and talk. "I got grounded for back talking the Chief, Alice intervened and somehow talked my dad into letting me off. But get this, I had to start being more 'social' for it. They made me go on a date with Jacob, and now Alice is dragging me to parties."

"Police Chief Swan wants his daughter to party?" I asked.

"Don't ask me how or why, but apparently I'm not social enough, plus Alice has Charlie wrapped around her little, tiny, capable pinkie finger…"

"So you didn't want to go on a date with Jacob?"

I saw her peak up at me. "No…why do you care anyways?"

Good, our no dating agreement was back. "We are friends, aren't we?" I asked.

"Sure," she said, indifferently.

"So, do you have to go out with him again?"

"I hope not."

I chuckled and went to my table at the back of the room. I opened my text and something foreign fell out. This wasn't my textbook. And my name was on the note that fell out…What the hell?

"Edward, do you have my book?" Bella asked from her seat.

I grabbed the note and quickly stuffed it in my pocket. "Yeah, you must have switched them."

She came back with my text and swapped our books. Mr. Varner called for everyone to take their seats and class began. I pulled my text open and grabbed the note from my pocket. I hurriedly scanned the note and found my name again.

 _But he's Edward Cullen, Alice, don't be stupid_ , Bella had wrote.

I scanned upwards. _You have to tell him how you feel_ , was in Alice's hand writing.

I scanned lower again. _Don't be a coward Bella, I think he has-_

"Mr. Cullen?"

Shit. What? "Yes?"

"The answer?"

Fuck, to what? "Uh, 1.77245..."

"I didn't ask for the square root of pi." He strode back towards me then and I wasn't stealthy enough. He pulled the note from under my text where I'd stuffed it. Shit, that note wasn't even mine.

He didn't read it though, he simply tore it up into small pieces and dropped it into the garbage. I sighed and relaxed, for two seconds. Then I remembered what the note had said.

What did Bella feel? What did Alice think I had? Damn it.

I peaked up at Bella who was hunched over her table and either doodling or taking notes. Probably the latter, she was always writing something.

As much as I tried to concentrate through the day, I couldn't help but feel preoccupied by the fact that Bella was feeling something for me. Contempt maybe? Maybe worse? Was she afraid to tell me she didn't want to tutor the idiot ex-jock anymore?

Most of our classes were together, that's just how it worked in a small school. Only two hours were we not in the same class, she took some excelled pre-college crap that I should have also been taking. Oh well, next semester. I was even more inattentive then usual as I stared at the back of her head, trying to see inside of it and get my answers. It proved ineffective and at the end of the day, I had learned squat, taken no notes, and had zilch for homework, though I'm sure we'd been assigned something.

"See you later," I heard her call as I put my books into my locker. How was I going to carry all of this crap?

"Hey," said a chipper voice from behind me. I didn't have to look, I knew who it was.

"Hi Alice."

Alice Brandon, Bella's cousin that lived with her and her father. After Alice's parents both died in a car crash, she'd moved in with Charlie and Bella. Alice was a great friend, not only because she was dating my best friend, but because she just was. Plus, if you needed anything, Alice was the one to count on.

"Ali, will you be a dear and carry my books?"

She gave a quiet laugh. "You are such a dork. Got a big date with Bella tonight?"

"Yeah, an allnighter."

"Oooh, you two are getting busy!"

"With homework, fun." Was there a way I could ask Alice about Bella's "feelings"? She grabbed my books and started towards the parking lot.

She was so tiny, not even five foot. Jasper liked to call her "fun sized". I didn't even want to know.

I unlocked the Volvo and she threw my books into the passenger seat. "There you go, Donnie Dorko, don't get into too much trouble with my cousin."

I snorted. "I'll try not to." She snickered and waved over her shoulder as she went. "Alice, wait." She stopped and turned. "Er, do you know—I mean, do you think Bella really wants to do this?"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just that—I mean, if you know she doesn't want to do this tutor thing anymore, you'd tell me, right?"

"She doesn't mind, Edward."

I nodded. "Okay." I turned to get in my car.

"Edward." I turned back around and Alice was staring at me, her mouth half open like she was going to say something. She shook her head and gave me a friendly smile. "Never mind." With that she ran back into the school.

I climbed into my Volvo and drove home to kill some time before dinner and going to Bella's.


	3. Chapter 3

As I pulled up to the small, worn white house, parking next to the even more worn looking red truck, I cut the engine and got out with the aid of my ever-trusty crutches. Chief wasn't home yet, and Alice wasn't home either. I opened the passenger door and grabbed as many books as I could manage. I ended up with two.

I limped my way to the house and knocked on the door with my crutch.

"Come in," Bella called.

"Uhhh," I said, trying to figure out how to get the doorknob to turn without dropping everything.

"Oh," Bella said, probably remembering I was handicapped. I heard her little feet padding quickly towards the door and I prayed she didn't trip.

When she pulled open the door, my brain went into overdrive, cataloging every last detail of her. She had her hair pulled back in a messy bun, random stands hanging in her eyes. She was makeupless, as usual, but her full lips were stained bright red. She had on a thin teal tank top, with a red plaid long-sleeve, over sized, button-up open over it and a pair of gray cotton cutoff sweat pants. The shorts weren't cut to be too short, but they curled up on their own accord, exposing more of Bella's leg then I had ever seen. Unfortunately, I wasn't lucky enough to have seen her in a swimsuit.

"Sorry," she mumbled and I noticed the reason for her red lips as she popped the cherry popsicle between her lips and reached for my books.

The brain of a 17 year old just worked in a miraculous way; that popsicle turned to something else in my mind. The way her cheeks hollowed drove me insane with lust, and my lust was only made worse as she leaned forward to grab my books. The tops of the pale swells of her chest were revealed to me, as was the soft pink bra supporting them.

She turned and placed my books on the small table inside and was moving to make her way around me to the open passenger door of my car. My quick reflexes came in handy. I snapped the crutch out in front of her, high enough not to trip her.

She gave me a look. I told her, "Go inside, I need the exercise."

She glared at me and tried to push my crutch out of the way. She pulled that popsicle from between her lips, which made both a pop and slurping sound that made my already aroused state become that much worse. "Edward-"

"Bella, get in the house," I demanded. I needed both the exercise and the chance to lose the erection she caused.

She scowled and turned on her heel, grabbing my books and stomping to the kitchen area. I watched her ass as she disappeared then started back to my car. The sky rumbled above me and I looked up.

"Please wait until I get my books," I begged. Like I was that lucky. As soon as the words left my mouth, heavy drops of rain started to fall from the constantly hovering clouds.

I tried to hurry, but with six books total, I had to make two more runs. Bella waited under the porch, collecting my books when I got there.

The erection displacement wasn't working at all due to the fact that the air was cooling down and Bella didn't have on the proper attire. I got drenched by the rain, at least that hid the probably visible pre-cum stain I was sure to be making in my jeans. Her nipples were like perfectly round little pebbles poking through her bra. Not to mention the fact that she still had that damn popsicle.

I unzipped my hoodie and tied it around my waist, both because it was wet and because I really needed to hide that bulge in the front of my jeans. I forced myself to stop looking at her as she walked towards the kitchen area again.

"Brrr!" she whined.

"That's what you get for eating a popsicle when it's cold out," I chided. Eating a popsicle, more like giving the god damn thing head…

She scowled at me and took a bite of the red ice. Yeah, that didn't work to turn me off at all... She started licking up the popsicle and I was on the verge of blowing my load just by watching her lick and suck that popsicle off.

Irritated at how much the damn girl affected me, I grabbed her wrist, mid lick, and grabbed the popsicle stick with my other hand. I took her flavored blowjob practice toy away and limped to the garbage can, throwing it in there harshly.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she seethed.

I considered honesty, I considered just flat out telling her that her sucking off that popsicle, combined with her nip-ons, was making me hard as a rock. But no, she couldn't know that. I stuck with my normal arrogance.

"I'm Edward Cullen, of course," I said cockily.

"That doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want in _my_ house."

"No, it doesn't, but you should know by now that I do whatever the hell I want, doesn't matter whose house it is. Now can we please get to work so I don't have to stay here all night?" Because I am in _serious_ need of a hot, soapy shower about now.

She turned red and said, "Fine. My apologies for keeping you, Edward."

She didn't say my name with the usual ringingness, she more just spat it, like a cuss word. If she wasn't feeling contempt and hostile towards me before, she definitely was now. It wasn't her fault she affected me in such a way that she did…Or maybe it was? What was her magic? She was a witch, obviously, only witches had the power to make one human being so drawn to another.

"Sit down, or are you too pompous to sit in a plain wooden chair? Do you need a throne?" she hissed at me.

I scowled and pulled a chair out noisily, sitting across from her. I avoided looking at her, not even making eye contact when she spoke, and physical contact of any kind was out of the question.

The Chief came home after the sun set behind the dark, rumbling clouds. He tried to be quiet, but Charlie was always grumbling about something. Bella sighed.

"Do you need me to cook you dinner?" she asked her father.

"No, no, I'll find something," he muttered, banging contents around in the fridge.

"Just go sit down dad, I'll make you something."

"Oh great, Bella, thanks," he said and exited the kitchen.

"Do you want something?" she asked me, still holding some tone of irritation in her voice.

I stared at the table and shook my head. I wasn't speaking again unless I had to. Bella couldn't hate me, I couldn't let Bella hate me, I would die if Bella hated me.

She sighed again. "Edward, I'm making something anyway, do you want to eat?"

"No, thank you," I said, softly, trying to redeem myself by being mannerly.

And because I could play the good little boy so well, I even continued my homework while she banged pots around in the kitchen. Honestly, the only reason I continued the homework was because I knew if I didn't, I'd just stare at her while she cooked, and that wouldn't help my situation. Plus, maybe it would help my redemption.

She dropped a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich to the table in front of me and took her own sandwich to the other side. "I know it isn't Filet Mignon like you are used to, but we're not even halfway done, you need to eat something."

I stared disdainfully at my sandwich. I love grilled cheese. "It's perfect Bella, thank you," I said, more to my sandwich than to her.

"Whatever. Stop moping and eat."

"I'm not moping," I muttered.

"You are always moping," she said.

I looked angrily up at her, ready to retort, but she was raising her eyebrows at me, daring me. I bit my tongue and grabbed my sandwich. I tore into it, filling my mouth with the hot melted cheese and bread.

"I'm not trying to mope," I muttered, still feeling the need to defend myself.

"Edward, even before this happened, you would mope. If you lost anything, if your shoelace came untied at an inopportune moment, you'd mope. It's what you do, you mope and you gloat. If you aren't busy feeling sorry for yourself, you're being an arrogant bastard."

It was true, all if it, I knew this, but I hated that that was what Bella thought of me. The funny thing was though, she didn't say it in an irate tone, she didn't sound the slightest bit annoyed. It was almost as if she was speaking of something…special, like she cared for the person I _used_ to be. No, I was definitely hearing things, hearing what I wanted to hear.

"I'm sorry for all of that," I said, apologizing for the ways of Edward Cullen.

"Don't apologize," she said, her angry tone back. I looked up at her, sadly. Now what had I done? She looked down at the table. "Don't look at me like that," she muttered.

"Like what?" I asked. I searched her face to read her emotions, but she seemed to be hiding as she stared at the table.

"Like you actually care if I'm mad at you."

She thought I didn't care. "Bella," I said, reaching out my hand, longing to touch her. I wish it was possible to show her how much I really did care, but it wasn't. My hand stopped short, falling to the table just inches from hers. "You know I care," I said softly. She just scoffed. "If this tutoring thing is coming between us…"

"Us," she snorted.

Yes, us…there was no us. "Our friendship."

"It's not like we're really that good of friends anyway," she said scornfully. I recoiled, pulling my hand back. "It's not like you want to be here, we never hang out, we're not friends." Her voice held a condescending tone, one put there purposely, and underneath that she almost sounded like she was reminding herself.

"I wanted to Bella, I wanted to…hang out, but before I never had the time…and now. You don't want to hang out with me," I said. "But I want to be friends. Why aren't we friends?" It honestly hurt, to the pit of my being, that she didn't think we were friends…or that she didn't want to be my friend, not that I blamed her.

"We're acquaintances. You saved my life four years ago, I'm tutoring you now, end of story."

"I thought we've been friends for those four years, are you telling me I was wrong?" I hoped she didn't see through me or maybe I wanted her to. I needed to have some kind of connection to her other than a simple 'acquaintance'.

"It doesn't matter, let's just get back to work."

"Bella, if there is something you're not telling me, I want to know." And I did, I had to know. If she hated me, then I had to know it to get over this… this… God. I needed to get over her.

Her jaw shook and her mouth opened like she was going to tell me the truth but she didn't, she just said, "No," very weakly and unconvincingly.

"I found the note," I blurted.

She seemed to know exactly what note I was talking about. Her wide eyes darted up to mine and she stared at me, growing teary-eyed, her mouth hanging open in both fear and shock.

I looked away from her and stared at my hands. This was possibly the last time I'd ever talk to Bella again. "I didn't read it all. I just saw that Alice wanted you to tell me how you feel, but you were afraid to. I want to know, Bella, if you hate me, I need to know."

"Hate you?" she asked breathlessly.

I nodded, unable to speak anymore. There was a silence and the only sound I could hear was my heart breaking. I didn't think I was in this deep, but it shouldn't have hurt so much if I was just crushing on Bella.

"I don't hate you," she said quietly. It sounded honest, but why should it have been? I could be hearing what I wanted again.

The front door opened and closed and Alice dropped keys to the counter. I didn't realize more then one person had entered the house until Jasper said, "Look at them, the freak and the geek."

I wasn't in the mood for this. He could make fun of me all he wanted, but not Bella, he was not allowed to pick jokes at Bella.

"You are the geek, Bells, but don't worry, it looks cute on you. This, this though," he said, then scratched the scruff on my chin. "What the hell is this? Chewbacca? What is that shit?"

"Isn't it past your bedtime, Jasper Elliot?" I asked.

He wasn't fazed at all. He looked at his watch. "Not yet, still got a couple hours before curfew."

I rolled my eyes. "Charlie, I'm home," Alice called, then sank down next to Bella in another wooden chair. Charlie grumbled a reply, not daring look up from his TV set.

"Ugh, I hate this stuff… Do we really have a test tomorrow?" Alice asked, shuffling through our piles of homework.

"Will you two please go away? We have a lot of work left to do," Bella asked stiffly.

I could see Jasper staring at us through the corner of my eye. His head kept turning back and forth, like he was looking from one side of the table to the other. Alice started prattling to Bella about the party this Friday, while Jasper continued to stare.

Jasper was very intuitive, he could probably taste the tension between Bella and I. "Ali, babe, we should go hang out with Charlie," he said then, obviously settling on Bella and I needing time alone.

But Alice, Alice was the opposite of intuitive – she just didn't have the knack for mood detection. "I'm hungry, Jazzy, I want some food." I think Jasper must have been giving her a look, not that I was watching directly, but staring unseeingly at a paper beneath my nose. Peripheral vision caught Alice's movement as she copied Jasper's earlier surveillance of us. "You two should go up to Bella's room, it's not going to be quiet down here."

I wondered vaguely if the tears from earlier were still sparkling in Bella's eyes. I knew my jaw had to still look as though it was locked permanently in place. Bella could say she didn't hate me, but deep down, I knew she did. She had become upset at the news that I had read her note and found out about her dislike of me, she was far too kind of a person to ever actually admit her feelings. She would never have made her aversion to me known.

Bella stood automatically, gathering all of our supplies. Jasper, ever the gentleman, helped her carry the boatloads of books up the stairs to her bedroom while I was left to limp my way up after them. Jasper gave me a scrutinizing look as he passed me on the stares and I felt the urge to push him down the flight – there was no way he was letting me live this down, not in silence anyway. Emmett would soon know I was in Bella's room with obvious tension palpable between us. Great…

This was probably her own personal hell, me – the stupid jerk she hated – in her bedroom for an undetermined amount of time. But when I walked in, she didn't look angry, only upset. Why was her brow wrinkled as if she was worried? Why did she have to confuse me in these tormenting ways? Did she hate me? I had to know.

I knocked the door shut with my crutch and dropped them to the side, landing them loudly onto the floor. I grabbed Bella's wrists from at her side and pulled her to me. Her eyes instantly locked to the side, far from looking at me. I pulled her close, closer then I expected and I could feel the curves of her body against me, distracting me.

I shook my head and stared at what I could see of her eyes. I needed to hear her say it. "You hate me," I said. It was something between a question and a statement, either way she would answer. Her silence would confirm my notion and I'd never bother her again.

The proximity of our bodies was terribly daunting. I could smell her, feel her, hear her breathing, I could almost taste her skin. "No," she whispered to me.

I didn't believe her, I couldn't let myself believe her. "Then look me in the eye and tell me you don't hate me, Bella, I don't believe you. You don't even believe us to be friends, why shouldn't I believe you hate me?"

Her face turned towards mine unexpectedly. Multiple things happened at once. Not only did our lips come very close to brushing as I leaned in towards her in the heat of the moment, but our eyes locked and hers were burning with intensity as she stared unwaveringly at me. I gasped, I couldn't help it, we'd never been this close to each other and I'd never felt the _need_ to kiss someone so strongly before.

Air was blowing quickly through her nostrils and her lips parted. I wanted to taste those lips, finally, to not have to just dream about how they would feel and taste anymore, but to actually know.

"I don't hate you," she said.

My lips trembled as I leaned in…just a bit closer. I could hear her breath catching in her throat and feel the hot, damp air against my lips, leaving them tingling. But what I didn't hear was the footsteps on the stairs. There was a sharp rap on her bedroom door as a knuckle connected with it.

"I want this bedroom door open," Charlie grumbled then walked away from the door, presumably across the hall into the bathroom.

Bella jumped and gasped at the sound of her father at the door and quickly stepped away, turning her brilliant shade of red. What had just happened?

I stood immobile for a few moments, just replaying everything. Bella was hiding something, that was obvious. If I believed she didn't hate me, then what was the other option? She couldn't possibly have _feelings_ for me.

I looked back at Bella, who was sinking to the floor with our piles of books. No, she couldn't have feelings for me. I was drew again from my thoughts as the knuckled rapped the door again. "I said open."

I limped the one step to the door and pulled it open. "Sorry, Chief Swan," I said, trying to sound sincere.

He gave me a dirty look and started down the flight of stairs. "We better get to work or you're going to have to spend the night," Bella mumbled behind me.

I was distracted again. I almost wished she knew how badly I wanted to spend the night; that would be the highlight of my life.

I sank down to the floor, keeping my distance because Bella _didn't_ have feelings for me and I was beginning to think that I was in… in… lo… No. We were friends, Bella and I were friends and I had a crush, because she was beautiful and smart and sexy and funny... I was in like with Bella, nothing more.

I attempted ignoring the way her movement always drew my eyes and the fact that my eyes didn't have to be drawn because I couldn't stop staring. We studied, and studied, and studied some more, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. I know she caught me staring, more than once, peeking up at me through her long dark lashes.

I was so not ready for that test tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

The day started off with a bang. A bang on my bedroom door, to be exact.

"Edward, get up _now._ You're going to be late for school!" my mother shouted through my door.

My alarm clock had not went off. What a day it would be with the test in bio, great. Being late to school, another great. Seeing Bella...

That got me out of bed, but then I recalled the fact that things were still weird between us and I slowed down again.

I showered and dressed and ate and then drove to school at a speed that would have gave Charlie a run for his money. I pulled into my parking space and grabbed just the books I needed from the seat beside me and got into the main hall just as the warning bell sounded. Several students rushed past me towards their classes.

I don't know why you couldn't be tardy for study hall – it was ridiculous. I searched out my desired seat, next to Bella and her study materials, and made my way cautiously towards her. She didn't really acknowledge my presence, not looking up from her studying, but she did push a notebook at me. I gratefully started scanning the same notes I had endlessly went over the night before. I'd forget it all by the time biology rolled around anyways.

Bella didn't say a word to me, she didn't look at me, she didn't smile. It made my day all the more gloomy – hellish was more like it.

I actually made it through the whole day, much to my immense surprise, though I'd been tempted to leave in the middle of my bio test and again during my Spanish class, among the many other times Jessica tried to catch my attention during other classes.

I kept stealing glances at Bella, who was somehow across the room for me in every class and at lunch. She still seemed distant, not even noticing my penetrating stares. Not once did I see her brilliant smile, and even when Alice started twirling her hair and giving it gentle tugs to get her attention she remained dour. I wanted to see inside her head, to see what was going on in her brain, to know what she was thinking and if it had anything to do with me. I couldn't keep my thoughts off of her, but that was probably only because I was in lov– _like_ with her. I constantly reminded myself she didn't have feelings for me.

I drove home boredly. What in the world would I do tonight? There was nothing to do. So I did that: nothing.

I, at least, was able to catch a good night's sleep and wake up at the right time, getting to school with time to spare.

When Bella didn't offer me the seat next to her, I continued on, not bothering her with my unwanted company. I sat at the back of the room and stared longingly out the window at my old team shooting hoops in the distant basketball court. If the team wasn't holding my attention, the back of Bella's head was. Why couldn't I just read her mind already?

I accomplished nothing in the hour and jumped at the sound of the bell. The day passed, not slowly, but not quickly enough either. Biology came around and I stared at the back of Bella's head again, ignoring Banner's banter and trying to ignore Jessica behind me.

The scent of vanilla wafted closer to me and I knew what was coming. "Edward, I know what would make you happy," Jessica whispered into my ear.

I grimaced. Vanilla was not the scent I wanted to fill my nose, I longed for strawberry. Bella made me happy, why wouldn't she offer me what these other girls did?

Because she was Bella, Bella would never _offer_ her body like these tramps. She had standards, morals – I wanted to break her rules.

No, that was wrong. But it would be so right to have her in my arms, to feel her around me, to taste her, to hear the sounds she made when-

"Mr. Cullen, would you mind joining us?"

I looked up to see the entire class at the front of the room, staring at me, still in my desk. "Uh, my knee…it hurts," I whined, using the excuse that had worked so many times before.

"Let me guess, you want to be excused?" I didn't bother answering. Mr. Banner shook his head at me and continued his lecture.

I collected my things and started out of the classroom. Somehow, my books ended up slipping from my grasp and falling to the floor.

"Stupid fucking shit…" I grumbled to myself, cursing the books straight to Hades, where they belonged.

"I got it, Edward," said that sweet voice that would always make me smile. I hated charity cases though, so I continued to bend for my own books. "I said I'll get it," she said.

I ignored her and picked up my books. My knee ached a bit from the pressure but I ignored that too. When I stood back up with my books, her brown eyes were locked on me, a scolding look to them. "What are you doing out of class Ms. Swan?" I asked in my best Banner voice.

I put a book in each hand and repositioned my crutches. Her hands left her hips and she reached for my books, successfully pulling them from my grip so I was palming only my crutches. "I have a dentist appointment," she said. "What are _you_ doing out of class?" she asked me, starting in the direction of our lockers.

She would have heard my excuse in class, she knew why I left, but she didn't believe me. I still used the same almost truthful lie. "Uh, my knee hurts."

She looked me over, seeing right through my lie. Her eyes rolled, she sighed, and she shook her head. "I don't know _why_ I waste my time on you."

I gave her my best puppy dog eyes. "Because you are secretly in love with me, Bella." It was a joke, of course, the most terrible kind. It hurt me after I said it. I don't know why she really wasted her time on me, but I could still hope – maybe, someday she might. I think I mostly said it since _I_ was secretly… I stopped my thoughts there.

Her eyes got a bit wide and her mouth opened like she was going to say something, but instead she pushed my books at my chest and when I gathered them, she turned to leave. Her locker was just a few paces away though. She dialed her combination and opened the locker, throwing her books in and pulling her jacket out.

She slammed the locker and turned to leave. "So I'll see you tonight?" I asked.

"No," she said.

"Bella, you're not mad at me?" I asked as she walked away. She didn't answer. "I was just kidding…"

She turned the corner without a word or backwards glance. Shit.

Bella couldn't be mad at me, I couldn't have her mad at me when I needed to study. There was a test tomorrow in History, and Bella had the good notes. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and started texting her.

_You were just kidding, right?_ Send.

_No_ , was her reply.

Fuck. I texted Alice. _Please talk to Bella, she's refusing to help me._ Send.

_No, Edward, you stop using Bella_.

Using Bella, how was I using Bella? She had said she wanted to help me after all this crap happened. She had been more than willing. I'd given her the option more then once to back out of these study sessions.

_What is that suppose to mean?_ Send.

What did she mean? Sure, Bella did all the hard work, but she'd have done it anyways, why not help a crippled man out? She offered!

_Figure it out, maybe try pulling your head out of your ass_.

Damn, Alice must be ragging or something, she was never that snappy with me. Maybe Bella was too.

Whatever. I traded my shit for my other shit and started towards my car.

What was I going to do on a Wednesday night? Homework? No. Studying? No. Go home? No, mom was there. Bella? Yes, doing Bella on a Wednesday night sounded like a good plan. Too bad that wasn't actually an option. Another night of nothing, fan-fucking-tastic.

From school, I drove aimlessly around town. I must have drove up and down main street eight times before I saw Bella's rusty old Chevy sitting at the dentist's office.

It was verging on stalkerish but I pulled up next to the truck and waited. When I saw her exit the small building, I grabbed my crutches and got out of my car as quickly as I could.

She froze when she saw me. "Smile," I said, referring to the fact that she probably just had her teeth cleaned.

She didn't, she grimaced. She walked forward, staring at the ground. "What do you want?" she asked.

"I want to apologize." I did, I shouldn't have said what I did. It was arrogant and selfish. She probably thought me a complete prick, a cocky bastard, She probably believed that I actually thought she was in love with me, like half of the schools population. "I was just kidding and I didn't mean anything by it. I am sorry if I offended you."

"That's not the point, Edward," she muttered.

"Um, okay, well I'm sorry than for that." Whatever that is.

She gave me an incredulous look then shook her head and walked around me. She yanked her rusty door open, it groaned loudly and before she could slam it, I caught it. "Bella, please, I need you."

She bit her bottom lip into her mouth and stared at her steering wheel. "Please," I begged.

"Whatever Edward," she muttered.

"Does that mean you'll help me?"

"Whatever," she said again.

"Bella," I said and I reached to touch her hand.

She pulled it away and said, "Same time, don't be late or you can forget about ever asking for my help again."

Before I could respond she grabbed her door and pulled it right out of my grasp and slammed it in my face. Her truck started with a deafening roar and it popped loudly into gear and whined as she backed out of the space.

What had I said to make her so upset with me? And what had Alice's point been?

Like Bella said, whatever. I guess it didn't matter because I had my study session tonight, with the good notes. I'd just remember to thank her a couple times tonight and be a good boy with manners and everything.

I drove home and kissed my mother on the cheek.

"How was your day?"

"Oh, fantastic mother, I learned loads of things," I said sarcastically.

She half-smiled at me. "You know you're not too old to have your mouth washed out with soap, young man. I don't appreciate the back talk."

"Honestly, I slept through English and skipped Spanish. And, Bella is mad at me. Overall, a pretty damn great day," I half yelled at her.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you need to start taking school seriously-"

I nodded grimly as my mother scolded me. Little did she know, I had learned long ago to tune voices out and still pretend to be listening. How the hell did she think I made it through a school day otherwise?

"Your father is going to hear about this. Go to your room!"

"Yes, mother, but I have to study with Bella tonight."

"You're grounded, she can come here."

"You know that's not how it works-"

"I'll give her gas money. You're not going anywhere. Call her now."

Why had I told her the truth? Oh, that's right, because I'm an idiot. Oh well, it didn't matter, but if Bella wouldn't drive here, I was screwed.

I called her. "What?" she answered heatedly.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I'm grounded. My mom said she'd give you gas money to drive out here."

"I can't."

"Oh, Bella, please, I need this and my mom isn't going to let me leave."

"Well that's your own fault isn't it." What was her problem? God, there was something in the water. Every woman was on the fucking rag!

"Yes, it is my fault that I tore my ACL in half and I have to rely on everyone else for everything. I'm so sorry for all the trouble I've caused you, Bella." I realized I was verging on whiney, spoiled brat, but what the hell?

"No, it is your fault that you take everything for granted. It sucks when everything isn't handed to you on a silver platter, doesn't it?"

"Excuse me?" I asked. Malignant, petulant woman child!

"If you're not here at six o'clock, I'm locking the damn door and you're not coming in, I don't care if you're a minute late. Take this seriously or I'm done."

"I can't really help it if I'm grounded-"

"Goodbye, Edward."

The phone went dead, and like a two year old, I chucked it.

I flinched as it hit the wall and jumped up too fast off the kitchen chair. I groaned out loudly as my knee twinged and pulled painfully.

"What is it?" my mother asked, coming into the dining room from the kitchen. I was bent over holding my knee. "Oh, Edward," she said, rushing to me.

"Just leave me the fuck alone," I groaned, grabbing my crutches and hobbling to my hopefully not broken phone.

"You are not too old for a spanking either, Edward, you better watch how you talk to me."

I rolled my eyes. It hurt like hell, but I eventually got my phone. Thankfully, it wasn't damaged.

"Is Bella coming?"

"No," I said angrily. My bedroom had been switched from upstairs to down thanks to the injury so limped my way to there as quickly as I could manage and slammed my door.

I heard the garage door open. _Great, dad's home_. I dug my iPod out of my pocket and pulled my jeans off. I turned the light off making my room pitch black and turned on some Buck Cherry to blast my thoughts away. I laid back on my bed and listened to the blaring in my ears.

For some reason, "Crazy Bitch" really reminded me of Bella right now. I let my mind wander and wondered what it would be like to fuck her.

When there was a crack of light shining through my door as someone opened it, I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. It was probably my dad, coming to lecture me. The light turned on but I ignored it.

No one pulled my ear buds out after a few moments, so I cracked an eyelid.

"Shit," I said, probably really loudly as the music in my ears affected my speech.

There stood Bella, staring at me as I lay back on my bed in my underwear, probably sporting wood as I thought about her digging her nails into my back. I grabbed a pillow and threw it into my lap before yanking my ear buds out and turning off the iPod and dropping it to the floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

She turned red and looked away from me. "I should go," she said and turned to leave. For the second time in one day, I stood up on my healing leg and cried out in pain. "Edward," she gasped and rushed to me.

She had dropped to her knees in front of me and uselessly placed her hands on my braced knee. Her kneeling before me really wasn't helping my boner situation. All to well I could imagine her pealing my underwear down my legs and wrapping her full, parted lips around me, taking me into her hot mouth.

Her hand gripped my hip and she pushed me back. "Sit down," she said. I might have, but her hand was just inches from my cock.

Embarrassingly, I just stood there with my erection in her face, staring at her. She looked up at me a few moments later and I looked away finally, probably pure red. I spotted my discarded jeans. "Will you, uh, grab my jeans for me?" I muttered.

She crawled across my floor on her hands and knees and I think I whimpered a little. Her shirt was riding up her back and revealing the creamy white skin there. The upper edge of her red underwear was peaking out the top of her jeans as well. I closed my eyes and turned my head away until I heard her approaching me again.

I took my jeans from her and sat down to put them on. "I'll go," she said quietly.

I lunged forward and caught her hand that was just about out of reach. "Please don't. Please, please don't go."

I couldn't see her face and she didn't answer. I let go of her hand and continued pulling my jeans on. Once they were on, I sat back down on my bed and reached for her hand again. I pulled her down on the bed next to me, close to my side. I ignored the way she smelled so good and the way her touch tingled and the heat that radiated from her skin. She was staring firmly at her lap, her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Look at me," I pleaded. She turned her head slightly but didn't meet my gaze. "Bella, look at me." I could see the confusion wrinkling the corner of her eye. "Please?"

Slowly, her gaze met mine and I was shocked to see her eyes were a bit watery, the aftermath of embarrassment I suppose. Alas, the tears compelled me and I leaned closer and cupped her cheek. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at me.

"I'm really sorry, Bella and I'm going to try really hard to appreciate your help." I stared her straight in the eye, willing her to believe my words. She looked disappointed so I went on. "You are a really great friend and I don't want to lose that. I'll understand if you don't want to help me anymore."

She pushed my hand off of her cheek and looked away from me then stood up. I thought for sure she was leaving as she walked away, and it hurt. She didn't go though, she simply picked up her bag from by the door and brought it over to my bed. She dug a notebook out and threw it at me and sank to the floor about five feet away from me, leaning against my bed.

"Go over the notes and I'll quiz you when you're done."

She pulled her Calculus book out of her school bag. We had an assignment due tomorrow that I hadn't even started on yet. That and a Lit project that I hadn't started. Fuck. Maybe she'd let me borrow her text quick since mine was at school and I could do the project in study hall.

I opened her notebook and turned 'til I found the page with the correct subject. Her hand writing was so messy, I loved that. Her notes were perfect though. I read every last detail she had there, some of it twice. She needed to believe that I was serious or I'd be stuck on my own, no chance for a good college.

When I finished, she quizzed me and I was pathetic. I kept staring at her damn mouth, mesmerized by her full lips and pink tongue. I kept having to make her repeat the question. She got fed up with me quickly.

"Pay attention, damn it, I don't have all night! Listen to me, Edward."

I nodded and closed my eyes. I could do this if I couldn't see her, most likely. And what was my deal anyway, I didn't usually have such a hard time concentrating during our study sessions, unless I was in need of a shower – a me time shower, with lots of scrubbing. That's what I needed right now, a nice hot shower with lots of dirty Bella thoughts and sufficient soap.

" _Edward_!"

"Fuck, damn it, I'm sorry. One more time, please, Bella, I got this, I'm just distracted. My pain meds, they get to me, please just one more time."

She sighed and repeated the same question for probably the forth time. I caught it this time and answered it easily. This was easy if I was paying attention. When she was sure that I had it, she stood up.

"Wait, do you have to go?"

She gave me an odd look. "Kind of, yeah."

"Well, I guess if you have to go…" I mumbled, trailing off, and rubbing the back of neck as I stared at the floor.

"What, Edward?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Can I use your Calculus book for a few minutes?"

She huffed and sat back down. She pushed the book across the carpet. "What page is it?" I asked.

She groaned. "169."

I snorted. "How did I forget that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Because you don't care."

I ran my hand through my hair then looked at her. "Bella, I-"

"Don't even bother, Edward, I get it. Just hurry up."

She'd never been this eager to be rid of me. I really was an asshole, I guess. I tore a sheet of paper from her notebook and started the Calc assignment. A few minutes turned into about twenty but she was silent. There was a lot more problems than I'd thought.

I pushed her book back to her eventually and put the finished assignment on my nightstand. She was already standing, bag in hand when I turned back around. "Bye," she said.

"Bella! Wait." Her shoulders dropped and she stopped. "Did you eat dinner yet?"

"No, but I have to-"

"You know how Esme prides herself on people eating her food. Stay, for her."

Just then my door burst open and two noisy guys walked through – Emmett and Jasper.

"I'm sure they'll eat. Bye, Edward."

She rushed out of the room between Jasper and Emmett who were still talking animatedly about something. I grabbed my crutches and hauled myself off the floor and after her. She wasn't quite to her truck when I caught up.

"Bella, I don't want you to be angry at me."

She froze. "I'm not, I just have to get home to feed Charlie."

"I've known you for four years, I know when you're angry with me."

"I have to go."

"Bella, if this tutoring thing is going to ruin our friendship, I'll find someone else."

"We have a lot of different opinions, Edward, we just don't see things the same way. I'll get over it. I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that she got in her truck and drove away. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and typed in a message.

_Thanks Bella, for everything, you know…like my life. ;)_

I sent it and smiled, anticipating her reply. Something like "ha ha" or a sarcastic "no problem, baby" but she didn't reply.

I shuffled my way back into the house and found Jasper and Emmett already at the dinner table, digging into the dinner my mom prepared.

"Why didn't Bella stay?" she asked right away when I sat down.

"She looked like you stabbed her with a pencil," Emmett mumbled though a mouthful of food.

"I told you she's mad at me, and she has to feed Charlie," I told my mom, ignoring Emmett as best as I could.

"Oh no, Belly-welly is mad at the Eddie-kins, Jazzy-purr, she's not in lurve with him anymore."

I really didn't have the patience for Emmett's crap teasing tonight though and the dinner roll in my hand went flying at his head.

"Edward Anthony, I am going to ground you for another week if you throw one more tantrum tonight."

I glared at my plate and muttered cuss words. "What's this I hear about grounding?" my dad asked as he walked in.

Emmett answered. "Eddie is being a naughty boy and Esme is punishing him."

A fork or knife would do a hell of a lot better then my dinner roll. Dad's a doctor, he could fix the damage. My life was hell already, what did it matter if I was grounded for another week?

"Emmett, one more word and I'm kicking you out of my house," I threatened.

My dad laughed. " _Your_ house?"

"You know what I meant," I muttered.

Everyone was hell-bent on pissing me off these days. Bella hated me, Alice seemed to hate me, Esme hated me, Carlisle hated me, Jasper hadn't said a word to me since he got here, Emmett would have hated me if he was capable of an emotion that strong. God hated me. Yes, that was it, blame God.

"What is wrong, Edward?" my dad asked.

"I'm not in the mood for a heart to heart, dad, can we save this conversation for another time?" I'll admit sarcasm might have been leaking into my tone.

"Well, you look like hell, how many Oxycontins did you take today?"

"One, after lunch." Of course, my appearance meant I was a drug addict.

"Did you need it?"

"No, dad, I thought I'd pop one in for the hell of it."

"Edward," my mom warned.

"I'm not hungry," I said and grabbed my crutches.

I slammed my bedroom door a bit too viciously and thanked god for the attached bathroom. I locked my bedroom door, turned on my iPod deck just loud enough to be loud enough and not piss Esme off more, and stripped my clothes and brace off. I locked the bathroom door and started the shower, making the water hot enough to steam up the guest bathroom. I needed to escape, to be alone, to be free of the fucking reality that I was worthless and hated. My life was over.

These shower sessions always centered around Bella. I loved to think about her naked, I loved to think about her body, I loved to think about her pleasing me and me pleasing her. It wasn't weird… I was just a guy who found a girl attractive, she just happened to be my friend.

Someone pounded on my locked bedroom door. "Quit jerking off and let us in," Emmett hollered.

I wasn't jerking off, not yet, but I wasn't putting off my original plan for them. I had to get away from this. I hopped on my good leg to the shower and got in. The hot water felt amazing and I stood carefully under the spray, avoiding pressure on my leg.

My mind wandered immediately to some of my favorite memories of Bella. The one just hours ago came back immediately. I put it in different context.

She was knelt on the floor in front of me, staring my bulge down. She slowly, innocently, stroked her hands up my legs and to the top edge of my underwear. As she grasped the waistband, she looked up at me, her full bottom lip nervously bit in her mouth and her eyes wide with anticipation. I nodded eagerly for her to continue and she did, pulling my boxer-briefs down.

She gasped, loudly, when I came into sight and she stared curiously at my erection in her face. "It's so big, Edward," she told me.

I liked to believe I was big. I'd never measured, it was weird to me that people measured their dicks, but if I had to guess, I was probably somewhere around the eight inch mark and if I had as good of an eye as I believed I did, Bella's little fist would never make it all the way around my shaft.

No, her fingers didn't touch as she lightly wrapped her hand around me. She licked her lips as she continued to stare at my cock. "Sit," she commanded, so I did.

I was hard by now, so I wrapped my own fist around myself as the water beat down on my face and chest. I stroked slowly as my imagination Bella did.

Her hand didn't move fast, she was hesitant, unsure. "Oh, Bella, that feels amazing," I told her.

Her lips curled up a bit and she leaned forward and brushed her soft lips against my tip. Then she kissed it again. Her pink tongue poked out between her lips and she shyly licked away the pre-cum gathering at my head. She pulled her tongue back into her mouth and I could tell she sampling it, tasting me.

Her lips curled up again and she took a more bold lick of my tip. I groaned at the feel of her soft, hot tongue on the sensitive nerves. "That's it, love, keep going," I encouraged.

Her lips wrapped lightly around my head as her hand continued the slow strokes of my shaft. "Bella," I gasped.

She swirled her tongue around the part in her mouth and her hand picked up pace. I could feel the tightening in my groin beginning. "Mm, Bella, don't stop."

She didn't, she was very persistent. She applied more pressure with her tongue and sucked on me a bit harder. Her hand also increased pressure and tempo. I was a goner.

I actually heard myself grunt Bella's name when the first spurt burst from my tip. I tried to keep quiet after that as I emptied my balls against the shower wall. It felt so damn good to cum. In my mind, Bella was drinking down every drop of my spunk, eagerly and enthusiastically. She caught every drop, happily sucking and licking away all the residue.

My imagination dissipated with my erection. Reality came crashing back down. I grabbed body wash and cleaned myself then washed my hair. I rinsed off and turned the water off. I sighed. I was back in my self-loathing world of hate, with no Bella.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I did look like hell. My eyes were dark, cold, and hard – no life in their green depths, they actually looked kind of black. That suited me, black eyes. My hair was a mess. There was ugly rough hair that needed to be shaved away from my face, but I didn't have the energy or care to do it.

I sighed and scratched my ass and opened the bathroom door. The bedroom door was wide open and Emmett was laying on my bed, Jasper on the floor next to it with my finished Calc homework.

I walked to my dresser and grabbed underwear, pulling them on before removing my towel. I shook my hair out and dug for a t-shirt and some sweatpants.

Emmett sang along with the song playing. "I could be mean, I could be angry, you know I could be just like you. I could be fake, I could be stupid, you know I could be just like you."

I hummed with the chorus then totally got into the verse, singing the, "I could be cold, I could be ruthless, you know I could be just like you. I could be weak, I could be senseless, you know I could be just like you."

Three Days Grace was the shit.

After the "der-da-der, der-da-der," the song ended and some crap opera song came on. I grabbed my iPod off its deck and set everyone of my Three Days Grace songs to play and sat in my leather chair.

None of us spoke to the other, we simply listened to the music. I swear to God, I nearly broke down when "Time of Dying" came on.

The song changed my life.


	5. Chapter 5

The verses struck me straight to my core.

_On the ground I lay motionless in pain  
I can see my life flashing before my eyes  
Dead I fall asleep, is this all a dream  
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare_

_On this bed I lay, losing everything  
I can see my life passing me by  
Was it all too much or just not enough  
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare_

_I will not die - I will survive_.

The song ended and I sat there, breathless. My head was spinning with thoughts.

Everything I heard today suddenly meant something different.

_Stop using Bella_ , Alice had said and even wiser yet, _Pull your head out of your ass_.

I did, and I took my first breath of fresh air and opened my eyes to see the light.

What did they call these? Epiphanies?

I was a selfish prick, a self-pitying selfish prick. Look at me go – self, self, self. It's always about Edward! Poor, poor Edward, he tore his ACL and now he was acting as if his life was over. Well it wasn't over!

I needed an education. I needed to stop acting like a spoiled rich bitch. I needed to grow the hell up! And I was off again, I and need – my favorite words.

Tomorrow would be different. Sure, school was still going to be hell, but I could at least try a bit harder. I only had to do this once and I had to do it right. Bella would get the appreciation she deserved. No one else would put up with my shit, they'd have dumped me long ago for _using_ them.

Emmett and Jasper muttered their farewells, but I hardly noticed in my new wild musings.

I only have a semester and a half left to change my life. If I didn't start actually trying to be something other then a cripple, than that's all I'd ever be.

I turned off my iPod and laid down in bed.

Tomorrow would be different. I was done with the wallowing, the anger, the bitterness. Everyone got a clean slate tomorrow.

– – –

I woke early, optimistic. I dressed in jeans and a button down, feeling in need of more then just a t-shirt today. I actually made sure my hair wasn't mattered and shaved away the stubble on my face.

"Good morning, Mom," I said in a chipper tone. I kissed her cheek.

"What do you want?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, just to say that I love you."

"Oh god, Edward, what did you do? Last time you said you loved me, the Mercedes was totaled."

My stomach sank. I was a terrible son. "Honestly, Mom, I just love you. I don't want anything, I didn't damage anything."

She gave me another suspicious look. "Well, alright then dear, I love you too."

She brought me a plate with toast and jelly and smiled. "Thank you," I said.

She nodded, but then shook her head, giving me a scrutinizing look. I ate my toast, thanked my mom again, and headed to school with my finished assignment. It was strange, but I was nervous. I reminded myself of the clean slate as I parked my car.

Bella was already at a table in Study Hall. I crutched to her side and waited 'til she looked up. "Can I sit here?" I asked, giving her the option to be away from me.

She smirked. "I don't know, can you?"

I smiled. "May I?"

She rolled her eyes and pulled the chair out for me. I sat and leaned my crutches against the table.

"I'm sorry to bother you," I started, "but I want to apologize." She looked at me with nearly the same expression as my mother. Disbelieving, confused, and I hadn't even started yet. "I really do appreciate all you've done to help me these last few weeks Bella and I know I've done a really crappy job of showing it. I want you to honestly tell me right now whether you still want to tutor me."

"I'm not giving up on you yet, Edward."

"Well, then I'd like to make it worth your while. Anything you want Bella, anything at all, please."

She stared incredulously. Then finally said, "I don't want anything."

"No, you have to want something."

"Fine, then I want for you to start trying harder and to stop being so caught up in sports."

I grinned. "I'm already doing that. I'm growing up, Bella, time to be serious. Now, something for you, anything!"

She sighed. "No, nothing. Have you started your Lit project yet?"

Fuck. Way to make a point, Edward. "No, I haven't, but I'm going to right now and I won't look away from my notebook until it's done."

She smiled. "And for some reason I believe you."

I had to prove myself. I threw myself into that project. It was simple really, I didn't even need the whole hour to finish. When I finished, I looked over at her to see her chewing on the end of her pen absentmindedly as she read her tattered, always present copy of Wuthering Heights.

I chuckled and she looked up. "What are you laughing at?" she asked.

I winked at her and said, "Nothing."

She narrowed her eyes then asked, "Are you finished?"

"I keep my word."

She grabbed my notebook and proofread my project. When she looked back at me, there was the strangest look on her face. "Wow," she said.

"What? That bad?"

"No, Edward, that was really, really good." And she was being honest. Everything I'd wrote had came from the heart. I'd always hated poetry, but sometimes you just have to do something you hate. "I mean really. What happened to you?"

I laughed once, then went silent. I looked across the room to the sign that read, 'Friends don't let friends drive drunk.' I looked back at Bella and said very honestly, "I changed."

There was something about her. Isabella Swan, there was something indeed. Maybe it was the way she looked at me, how she could make my breath short, my heart palpitate, and my knees shake.

_Come on, Edward, don't fuck this up now. Concentrate_.

"Like…how?" she asked confusedly.

"Honestly?" I asked. She nodded. "I heard a song and it made me realize that I was going no where and I was headed there fast. I got over myself, I'm done living in the past and resenting everything."

"That's deep," she said, sounding only mildly amused.

I chuckled. "You know me, Mr. Sensitivity." She gave me a questioning look. "I didn't like cry or anything," I said. I did still have an image to live up to.

"It's okay if you did," she said. And I believed her.

"I didn't."

"Hmm," she said and looked away.

I felt like I was losing her again. So I blurted, "I almost did."

She smiled. "Almost doesn't count."

I didn't get it, what did she want? "Do you want me to cry?"

She laughed and my heart stuttered. "No, Edward, I want you to be honest."

"I am being honest."

She nodded. "I know." She looked away again.

I thought. "Anything, Bella." She looked back at me. "Anything you want. A dinner night, a movie night." It hit me then and I slapped myself in the face. "A night away from me! That's what you want. It won't hurt my feelings Bella, any night."

Her face fell. "Edward, no I don't want-"

"It's completely okay with me, I wouldn't want to spend time with me either. I know I'm an ass and I promise to do everything I can-"

"I want a movie night," she blurted, "and a dinner night." Her hands flew over her mouth and she looked mortified. Why, I'll never know, but I smiled.

"You got a deal, anytime, anywhere, anything. It's all you and I even promise to have my homework done before we meet." I was on a role with these promises, and I had to make it my personal duty not to break them.

"Edward, you don't-"

I covered her mouth this time. "I don't have to do this, I want to, for you, because you deserve it and so much more."

Her eyes closed and her face pushed against my hand a bit harder. Before I knew what I was doing, I was stroking the soft skin on her cheek and tracing her lips with my fingers. The bell rang loudly and I pulled my hand away, nearly jumping up, but I remembered my knee.

_Fuck, get a hold of yourself man!_ "Sorry," I muttered and turned in my seat to get my crutches. I didn't look back as I left with my notebook.

I was going to ruin everything before it even started. I had to keep my hands to myself, my thoughts and wants hidden deep away.

But the way she looked at me. She saw me, Bella saw me, for me. She'd known all along that I could come back, but she didn't push me. She put up with my selfish ways, my completely unfair mistreatment of her unwavering friendship. She didn't give up on me.

Now it was my turn to prove my loyalties. I'd show her I could do this. I'd show her I could be a great friend... and great boyfriend...

_No. Friend, friend, friend, only her friend_ , I told myself.

The day went by in a blur, and Bella wasn't the only one giving me odd looks.

"Edward, buddy, how many of your pills did you take today?" Jasper asked me worriedly at lunch, when I actually laughed at a joke and received multiple stares in return.

"None, Jazz, why?"

Emmett stepped in. "No, the pills make him worse, Jasp, he's doing something else. What is it and where did you get it?" he asked eagerly.

I laughed, and it wasn't even forced, it felt good to laugh, then I got serious. "Emmett, drugs aren't good for you."

His bushy eyebrows knit together as he starred confusedly at me, then to Jasper. "What is wrong with him?"

I rolled my eyes at them and leaned my chin onto my hand, looking down the table at nothing in particular. But Bella was down there, and she caught my eye. She was somehow unfortunate enough to be squashed between Mike Newton and Jacob Black. She looked so unbelievably uncomfortable as the both sat with the weirdest positions I'd ever seen. Each of them had one arm, the closest to Bella, palm up on the table, just waiting there, like traps.

It clicked, I got what they were up to. Dirty bastards! I felt the strong urge to kill them both, realizing they were both trying to secure her hand. She could hardly eat they were both leaned in so close to her.

She looked up at me then. I tried to question her with my eyes. She blushed for some reason and looked away, but I kept staring, knowing she'd have to notice my staring eventually and look back. She did after a few moments, and she just blushed again, looking so uncomfortable. I motioned with my head to the empty seat beside me. Her eyebrows wrinkled and she looked utterly confused – not to mention incredibly gorgeous.

I mouthed, "Come on," to her and she shook her head a little, obviously still confused. I groaned and rolled my eyes, all in good humor. "Bella," I called loudly, pretending like I needed to catch her attention and making sure her trappers heard as well. I looked back towards her and started motioning towards the seat beside me. "Can you come here, I have a question?"

She didn't answer but she stood and grabbed her tray. She made her way to me fairly quickly, almost running from the football playing predators.

As a general rule, a well known rule that everyone abide by, the seat to my left was empty. After some prick hit my knee with his, the rule was just known and followed. I was more than willing to let that rule slip, for Bella anyways.

She sat her tray down and asked permission by hesitating. I felt the strongest urge to pull her into my lap, but since I couldn't do that, I smiled at her and after a few moments, she sat down.

"Thanks," she muttered to me out of the side of her mouth.

I laughed and looked down the table at Jacob and Mike. "Your boyfriends don't look happy."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she stated matter-of-factly.

I laughed again, and I was surprised when she laughed too. I looked at her and found her staring at me, her eyes alight with honest happiness. This was so much better then the gloom she'd been in the other day, and she was right next to me. I wanted to hold her hand so badly. Well, I wanted more than that, but even just holding her hand would have made me the happiest man. Even just under the table, not even public. It would be so easy.

I felt my fingers twitching towards hers and quickly brought them to the top of the table and tried not to use the trap gesture, though I was curious if she'd take my hand.

As we began eating again, Alice – who was now across from Bella, seated on Jasper's lap – started rambling about the party this Friday. I'd almost forgotten.

"What are you wearing?" Rose asked from Emmett's side.

Alice snorted a dainty little sound of sarcasm and said, "Bella refuses to look at clothes, not until the day of." Alice gave a sudden gasp then nearly squealed, "We should coordinate! Rose, you have to come over and we'll get ready together."

Rosalie nodded – though not looking enthused in the slightest – then her and Alice started in on the most boring conversation of clothing that I'd ever heard.

I gently nudged Bella's side and leaned in to whisper, "Are they always like this?"

Truth be told, I would have said it out loud and not given a hoot, but I really wanted to properly fill my nose with Bella's strawberry and floral scent. And then she turned her head while I was still leaned in and I nearly just closed that small distance. Surely we could make a relationship work...

"Yes," she answered.

She agreed. She agreed that we could make a relationship work. Would she agree to be my boyfriend? _No, no Edward, she didn't even think of you as her friend, remember!_ But she has feelings for me. _You don't know that!_ She could, she might have feelings for me. _No!_ But she's so beautiful, I could date her, I could persuade her to go out with me... _No! She doesn't have feelings for you, and you don't date – and nor does she!_ Shit.

I didn't realize that I was staring, probably gawking, until she turned her head away and blushed. I leaned back to my designated seat, keeping an appropriate distance. Alice and Rose were still at it, chatting animatedly about skirt length, while Jasper and Emmett were fighting about whether the coaches last foul on Emmett was legitimate.

It seemed so odd. Emmett, Jasper, and I had always been friends. Rosalie grew up in Forks, when Bella moved back, Rose was the first to "claim" her, and when Alice moved in a year later, she and Rose grew attached at the hip, combining the three. Jasper and Alice were seemingly designed for each other. They met, they fell in love, end of story – they were so boring, they didn't even fight. Emmett and Rosalie...they were Emm and Rose. They were the couple who went from beating the hell out of each other and screaming, to making out and pawing each other's clothes off in a matter of seconds. They had a love-hate affair, but it worked for them.

But that left Bella and I. We were the odd ones out, and we always had been. It was more than once that Rosalie or Emmett had just blurted out that we should hook up, triple date, do the nasty, etc. It was compelling, I agreed. Bella and I should have completed the circle, turned the four plus two into the six. It seemed like fate to me. But the no dating thing worked so well for us.

If we didn't work, if she didn't want me, if something terrible happened, I couldn't lose her just because I wanted more. Plus, breaking the friendship between the six of us would have been hard too.

"So you never told me, Ed, what are you smoking...or snorting, or shooting, or swallowing?" Emmett asked me unexpectedly.

I could imagine the look on Bella's face, but she surprised me when she jabbed me in the ribs and said, "Yeah, _Ed_ , what has you so happy?"

_You, Bella, you have me so happy. I want you, I need you._

I grabbed her hand, that just happened to be on her thigh, and squeezed it – and her thigh – hoping it would come across as a friendly gesture and not some sick cop-a-feel move. Her thigh was so warm through her jeans though, and I don't know if there was a static charge going on or what but my hand felt a bit tingly on hers. I pulled it away quickly, realizing it was a bad idea.

"Uh, honestly, nothing. Just ask Bella," I said.

Rosalie gasped. "Oh my god! Finally!"

"Dude, fuck, Ed! Why didn't you tell us you two finally hooked up?" Emmett asked.

I realized they all took what I said out of context. Way to make me feel better, assholes. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't make myself deny it because I wished it were true. I wanted it to be true so fucking bad it hurt!

"No, we didn't hook up," Bella grumbled. She was obviously pissed they came to that conclusion. I was always dragging her into uncomfortable situations. "Lunch is over. Edward isn't high. And all of you really need to grow up. And mind your own business," she said and stood, taking her tray to the bin.

Jasper was kind enough to take mine with his and Alice's. I watched Alice run after Bella who was taking the tile floor at a quicker than normal pace as she made her exit.

I sighed and stood with my crutches. Emmett and Rosalie didn't even say goodbye as they left, too preoccupied with each other's asses. Jasper came back to me. He seemed to be assessing me again.

"Something is different, much different, but you are still...something is bothering you," he told me.

"Okay, Silvia Brown. Do you also see what my dead Grandpa Aro is telling me in the afterlife?" I asked coolly, trying to hide my emotions a bit better. Was I being that obvious?

"Edward, spill," Jasper said. I just continued to limp away, trying to quicken my pace, but outrunning an athlete on crutches was a lost cause. He easily lengthened his stride and matched my gimpy hops. "You like her, don't you?"

"I don't know what you are talking about," I said as evenly as possible. Muttering it would be a dead give away, yelling would probably be as well, laughing wasn't even possible – and actually spilling my secret love... I was nearly hyperventilating. Love!

"You don't have to tell me, Edward, I can see it, I can feel it. You are like a ticking time bomb around her. You should tell her, you know."

I ignored him. I didn't need to hear this. When I turned the corner to the hall where my locker was, I spotted Bella immediately. She turned pure red when she saw me and as I passed, I noticed Alice flinch and wince, quickly quieting whatever babble was hissing out of her lips.

Jasper stole Alice away from Bella, though I got the impression she didn't mind one bit. Something was definitely going on here. After I collected my things from my locker, I stole a glance to my right, just to see her again before we parted ways as she had her "advanced" classes to attend.

Her eyes were closed, her hands still inside her locker though she appeared to be searching for nothing. I could tell she was taking deep breaths.

Worried, I moved towards her. She looked like she might pass out of something by the way she was taking those calming breaths. "You alright, Bella?" I asked quietly.

Her eyes opened slowly and she nodded at me, not directly catching my eye. She took a deep shaky breath, gave a light smile, then walked away.

I didn't enjoy my next classes, but I endured them. What made it all worse was that either Bella was not in my class or she was seated halfway across the room and I couldn't even look at her properly.

We didn't get the chance to speak the rest of that day and Friday was much the same.

Thankfully, my mother was gracious and agreed to let me off "parole" for the party that night.


	6. Chapter 6

As seven o'clock rolled around, I headed towards town in the shiny Volvo. I took the time to make sure my hair was shiny and not oily, tousled but not too messy, my face was smooth and not stubbly, and my clothes was fashionable, but not pompous.

I had a plan. Yes, a plan. I was on my best behavior. Hell, I even asked Emmett not to buy me booze! I was turning into the poster child Carlisle and Esme so longed for.

The party wasn't at Lauren's tonight, it was too nice outside for an indoor party. The air was damp, but it was fairly warm and for once, the clouds were a normal whitish color, not gray. I drove down the long abandoned road 'til it ended, finding the dozens of other cars parked there.

I got out and followed the sound of voices in the trees. The viney roots that crawled across the ground made it harder then hell to make it, but I eventually found the clearing.

There were several chants, or drunken slurs, of "Cullen!" as I crutched over the grassy ground, through the crowd. I didn't stop to chat with the people who tried to make conversation. I was on a path, and there was only one person I was looking for.

I spotted her dark, wavy hair and froze. Even from the back, I could tell tonight was going to be difficult. Her perfect legs were encased in a tight leggings and she had a fairly tight looking top on too. No doubt this was part of Alice's "coordinate" plan, as both Alice and Rose were in leggings and possibly identical looking tops, not that I was paying any attention to them.

I waited back, collecting my bearings. If my plan was going to work, I couldn't be falling all over myself like I was sure to be if I approached her now. Just as I talked myself into a calm, assured myself that all we were going to do was talk like _friends_ , I missed my chance.

Jacob showed up and placed one of his meaty paws on the small of Bella's back. I growled, but stood my ground. Bella was my friend, just my friend, if she wanted to date Jacob Black, that was her business. I hated it, the thought, the idea, the notion, I hated it. But we were only _friends_ …I hated that too. Just friends!

My fingers were griping my crutches with a death grip, my jaw locked rigidly in place, and my eyes were locked on the situation before me. If she desired _him_ there was no way I could keep up this façade, I'd go mad if they started publicly dating. But I had to know.

I couldn't hear the conversation, but I saw Bella look up at Jacob and laugh.

"This is killing you, isn't it?" Jasper asked me, appearing out of no where by my side.

It was killing me. I looked over at him, gauging his expression. He knew the truth, that was obvious. I just scowled, unable to admit anything but unable to hide it. He nodded. Jasper probably knew me better than anyone.

"I'll grab you a beer," he said.

And with that, my no drinking plan went out the window. I moved to the edge of the woods and sulked, or wallowed, or I guess Bella would say I was moping.

I wanted to stay leaned against that tree all night, staring invisibly at the girl of my dreams, making Jasper do beer runs for me every time my can, cup, or bottle ran dry, but that wasn't part of the new Edward. The new Edward mingled, so that's what I did.

Mingling was a lot harder than it looked. I used to be good at it, now I had to force it. Ben wasn't as interesting as he once was. Had he always talked nonstop about wrestling? Marcus didn't once say anything remotely worthy of noting. Lauren couldn't hold a conversation to save her life, unless she was talking about Tyler or shoes and I didn't feel like listening to that. I ignored and avoided Jessica as much as possible. Felix and Demetri were only chatting about the latest scandals of Forks and who looked hottest tonight. So, when I ran into Emmett and Jasper, I tried to stay there, but Bella, Alice, and Rosalie showed up not long after me.

I downed the rest of my drink and avoided eye contact with Bella; I avoided all contact with Bella, not daring to take a glance for the fear of not being able to look away or who knows what I'd say tonight. She said hello, I said hi back, and we didn't speak again.

It didn't take long for Jasper to pull me away from the crowd.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he whispered angrily at me.

"What?" I asked, pretending not to know what he was talking about.

"Did you find someone more interesting? You haven't even looked at Bella!" I scowled. Someone more interesting then Bella? I would bet on my life that there wasn't such a thing. "What is your problem?" he growled at me.

"Jasper…" I said, trailing off, begging him to drop it.

"What?" He asked loudly, incredulously. I just shook my head, I couldn't tell him. Jasper grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little bit. "Just spit it the fuck out."

"I fucking love her, you idiot. I've loved her since the ninth fucking grade, I loved her before I even met you or Emmett." I pushed him as I spoke, whispering heatedly at him. I shoved him back a good couple of feet until I caught sight of Bella's smiling face as she stood looking up at Emmett who was obviously telling a story. I sighed and put my hand back on my crutches. "I love her," I said quietly, looking at her beautiful face.

"Then why the hell are you standing here telling me, Edward, go tell her."

I got angry again. I shoved him back forcefully. "Why would I do that, Jasper?"

He looked at me like I just said the most idiotic thing he'd ever heard. "You are a fucking idiot, Edward. If you love someone, you tell them." He looked over his shoulder then and hollered, "Alice?"

I don't know what the fuck he was doing, but if he told Alice, I'd kill him. She looked around a bit then spotted us. "Huh?" She asked.

"I love you, babe," he said.

She smiled and replied, "I love you too."

He turned back to me. "See, look how easy that is."

I could have hit him. How was I the idiot? "Fuck you, Jasper," I said then walked…er, limped and stumbled away. I was apparently drunker then I thought because I had a hell of a time finding my way out of those woods.

With my original plan being I wasn't going to drink, I hadn't given Emmett the keys. I spotted my car and fished my keys out of my pocket and hit the unlock button on the controller. Just before getting in, I heard a distant, "Edward, wait!"

I knew her voice, even from a distance…and I knew her tones, she sounded worried. Was she okay? I stopped what I was doing and she tried to make her way to me quickly, but she tripped a lot. She emerged from the edge of the woods, stumbling like she was drunker then me, but I doubted that. I actually looked at her for the first time tonight, and I think I gasped at the sight of her. She somehow looked even more gorgeous than I imagined, even with her hair disheveled… and green stains on her knees.

I grabbed my crutches back out of the car and started in the direction she was coming from. "Are you okay?" I asked her, worried something had happened. If Black had put his hands on her…

She was touching me, her fingers were on mine and I was shocked, literally. It felt like I was somehow coming to life more than ever as her fingers touched mine, giving me a rush of something electrically charged. It made my heart race, sending the electric charge through my entire system as my blood rushed. And then it was gone. It was like shutting off a power supply. All of the sudden I was cold and weak again.

"Now I am," she said, holding up my keys. So that was why she had touched me… Why did she need my keys? "Get in, Edward."

"Why am I getting in?" I asked, not that I was fighting it. I'd do anything she asked.

"Because you've been drinking and I'm driving you home."

"Who put you up to this?" I asked.

"Just get in, Edward."

I sighed and made my way to the other side of the car and climbed in, putting my crutches in the backseat. She was fumbling with the seat adjuster, moving it forward as her legs were so much shorter then my own. When everything was situated into place, including her seatbelt, she put the car in gear and started making a u-turn.

As she drove down the road, she started laughing. I'd been watching her the entire time, but I have no idea what she found funny.

"What?" I asked.

"I haven't drove an automatic in a long time."

"Oh," I replied brilliantly. I'd wondered what she kept reaching around for. "You never answered my question," I told her.

"Which one?" She asked, taking the turn in the direction of my house.

"Who put you up to this?"

I noticed the scowl that she made. "No one put me up to anything."

I looked away from her then. I couldn't take it anymore. Something was happening, I'd set something in motion. I never should have said it out loud, I never should have told Jasper…Everything was about to change and I could feel it.

"Jasper tell you to drive me home?" I muttered.

"No, he did not. You've been drinking Edward, I wasn't going to let you drive home."

"Why not?" I asked.

"You know, believe it or not, I'd care if you turned this thing into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk," she said heatedly.

"You just missed my driveway," I pointed out.

"Shit," she said. It made me smile; Bella didn't use many words that were considered inappropriate very often. "Shit" was about as foul as Bella's language got.

She got the Volvo turned around and went slow so not to miss my drive again. "How are you getting home?" I asked her. I really hoped she wasn't going home…

"Jasper said he'd come in get me in a bit. He shouldn't be long, don't worry."

She parked my car close to the door and cut the engine then handed me the keys. I hauled my crutches out and got out of the car, but Bella didn't follow. I motioned for her to come, but she didn't, she either ignored me completely or pretended not to see me. I limped back to the car, going around the driver's side and opened the door.

"Come on," I said.

"I'll just wait out here for Jasper, thanks."

I heard her phone buzz in her pocket then and waited. She groaned when she read what I assumed was a text message.

"What?" I asked.

"Jake wants to come get me," she muttered.

I saw red. If he thought he could come here, to my house, and steal her away from me he had another thing coming. I pulled my cell out and started texting Jasper.

_Do NOT let Jacob come here, unless you want to see me behind bars. I WILL murder him if he shows up._ Send.

It only took him a few moments to reply. _Its alright, hes staying to hang with Em. C ya in a few._

"Jasper said he'd be here to get you in a few minutes," I told her.

"Great, thanks," she muttered, though she didn't sound too enthused about the idea.

"Oh, did you, I mean, you wanted Jake to come get you?" I asked, trying not to sound like I was heartbroken. She didn't answer. "I'm sorry, I just assumed that you didn't want him to."

I turned to leave then because I couldn't look at her. I couldn't live with this… this… idea of her _wanting_ Jacob. It made me sick, it was repulsing and disgusting to me. She chose the… oaf… that dog over me. But why shouldn't she.

She didn't know how strongly I felt for her. She didn't know how much I desired her. She didn't know.

I froze. I heard my car door close and I looked back to see Bella leaning against it, waiting. She wasn't waiting for me, but I still liked to think she was.

Screw just being friends, screw this no dating bullshit. If I wanted Bella, she needed to know it to make an educated decision. If Jacob could fall all over her, then why couldn't I?

I rushed back to Bella, going as quickly as the intolerable crutches would take me and stood directly in front of her.

I didn't even give her a chance to refuse me, I didn't gauge a reaction, I didn't even ask permission, I just threw myself at her. I leaned into her, probably too quickly and harshly and knocked our lips together.

The sad thing was, for me it was the most amazing thing. Just to finally have my lips on hers, no matter how sloppy and rough the kiss was, it was the greatest kiss I had ever had. And it lasted a whole 5 seconds and she turned her head away from me.

I was still being so forceful that my lips literally slid along her cheek and stayed there when she turned her head.

"You're drunk, stop Edward, you're drunk," she told me.

I pulled away, positively breathless with how badly I wanted this. "I'm not drunk, Bella," I said honestly. Just beer didn't actually get me drunk, just a little buzzed, and clumsy.

With that, I lost my crutches and secured her face between my hands, turning it back towards me. I was blind in my want, I wanted her so bad. I couldn't breath or think, I may have blacked out.

I don't remember anything but my lips on hers again. I don't remember what she looked like in that moment before our lips connected, I don't remember even looking at her, just blindly pushing our lips together.

I longed to be here forever, connected to my Bella. I wanted nothing more then to sustain myself on her lips, breathing and tasting nothing but her for the rest of my life. Her hands were on me, and I got even more excited. I slid my hands down from her cheeks to her throat, feeling the soft skin there and even her pulse racing, her blood pumping quickly through her veins. I traced the shape of her collarbones with my thumbs, sending tingles through my system at the intimate touch.

It wasn't until she shoved me so severely that I fell on my ass to avoid pulling my knee that I realized her hands on me had been pushing me away all along. Bella stood there, pressed against my car, her eyes wide and her mouth agape, staring at my crippled and fallen form on the ground for a few long moments, and then she ran.

I followed her with my eyes and saw Jasper's Shelby stopped just down near the mouth of the drive. Even from the distance, I could see the shocked expressions on their faces as they stared at us, Jasper's door cracked open enough to have the light shining on inside. Bella made it to the car and Jasper got out, pulling the driver's seat up for her to get in before he started towards me. I didn't look at him, I watched Bella get in the car, and then I watched Alice practically jump the center console to get to her in the backseat.

"What the hell happened?" Jasper asked me, then reached out to help me up.

I pushed his hand away and got up on my own, creating a delightful twinge in my knee in the process. I didn't even look at him, I just stared at Bella. She was trying to hide, that was painstakingly obvious, but she wasn't hidden enough to hide her tears. The light from inside the car caught them, making them sparkle as they rolled down her cheeks.

My heart broke all over again and I tried to move towards her, but Jasper's hand was on my chest. "Edward, don't. I'll take care of this."

Alice looked up and she gave me a small smile before looking at Jasper and nodded with her head, motioning for him to come on. I don't know why Alice smiled, but it didn't reassure me.

I made Bella cry. I scared her. I hurt her.

"I'll take care of this, just don't do anything stupid," Jasper told me then turned to leave.

I couldn't move. I was rooted to the ground, my feet wouldn't unstick. I stood there staring as they left, unable to take my eyes off of what I'd done. The console light shut off, hiding her from me, but still I stared, knowing exactly where she sat.

What had I done?

I ruined everything. Not only did I ruin my chances with her, but my friendship with her as well. I forced myself on her. Bella was hurt and crying because of what I had done to her. What was wrong with me?

I did something I never thought I do – besides forcing myself onto the girl I loved. I requested the advise of my father, or considered it at least.

I needed one good nights sleep before I could talk about this, if I could talk about this. I slept off the mild drunken stupor and tried to make myself believe that it was all a terrible nightmare, but alas, it wasn't.

The next morning, after we ate breakfast, I followed my dad to his office. He of course heard me following, but didn't think anything of it until we got to the door.

"You haven't played dad's shadow since you were five, Edward, what's your deal?" he asked me.

I leaned on one of my crutches and ran my hand through my hair. "I need to talk to you," I said. Then added, "If you have the time, I mean."

He didn't have the time, of course, thank God. I turned to leave before he actually answered and started down the staircase again.

"Edward, what are you doing?" he asked me.

I stopped and turned my head back to look at him. He was staring at me like I was his crippled son that had no idea what he was doing – but that was the case. This was fucking embarrassing. I hadn't even started talking yet and I was already making a complete asshole of myself.

He jerked his head towards his office and said no more. I gave myself a lecture about this being the only option and told myself to grow a pair of balls and be a man.

With that, I made it to the office and took a seat across from his desk. "How can I help you?" he asked me, very business like.

"You can take me out back and shoot me like the crippled idiot I am," I told him.

"Well, that's very convincing, Edward. Is that what you want? Did you come here to tell me you want me to shoot my only son?" He leaned back in his leather chair and folded his hands, his dark green eyes growing very disappointed as he looked at me.

"No, sorry. Dad, I…" He continued to stare at me with his penetrating gaze. He was a patient man and he wouldn't say a word. He would silently wait me out until I couldn't bare the silence any longer and just blurted what was on my mind. "I did something stupid," I said.

His eyes were knowing. He looked at me like he expected this. Of course he did, I was an idiot. I did nothing right, I messed up continuously, pleasing no one.

He waited silently again. I sighed. "I'm in love," I said.

This managed to surprise him. His eyes grew wide with shock and his chair popped forward, no longer leaning casually back.

"I-i-n?" he stuttered confusedly.

"Yes, love. In love. I, Edward Cullen, am in love and I fucking suck at it."

He just stared. He wasn't prepared for this. "Okay, hold on a minute," he said, throwing his hands out in front of him, making me slow my roll. "So you have a girlfriend?" he asked.

"No," I said, uncomfortably.

He looked even more confused. Then something crossed his face, and he had to work to hide the emotion. He cleared his throat and sat up straight. "Um, a…a boyfrie-"

"Jesus Christ, dad! _No_!" I yelled, cutting him off before he could finish. What the hell was he thinking?

He sighed and leaned back into his office chair, looking vastly more relaxed. "Thank God. Uh, well, I mean, it would be alright, I just-"

"Shut up dad," I said.

His rambling stopped and he laughed. "Sorry. Okay, now that we got _that_ out of the way, how about you spit it out, kid. You used to talk to me, you still can."

"Yeah," I replied brilliantly. "I don't know what to say."

"You said you did something stupid, so was that the falling in love thing… or?"

"No, I did something stupid to the _girl_ I'm in love with."

"Right. Well, are you going to tell me who she is and what you did or are we going to play guessing games all night?" I didn't reply. "I know all of your classmates, Edward, I'll start guessing if you want." Again, I didn't reply. He had to know who it was, he wasn't stupid.

"Okay," he sighed. "I guess my first guest would be Jessica." Or maybe he was stupid.

"Fuck no," I growled.

"Edward, watch your mouth," he scolded, then proceeded. "That was a heated response. She's always in my office, you know. I just assumed, with the way she talks and asks about you, that something was going on. She's quite inappropriate that one, always making comments to me, as well as about you. I nearly suggested therapy for her to her mother, but it turns out her mother is the same way. Poor child."

"Dad," I said, trying to recapture his attention as he pitied the town's crazies.

"I didn't raise you to be a coward, just tell me already."

"It's Bella," I muttered.

"Oh," he said, in a surprised tone. Then there was silence. "Isabella Swan?" he asked after a few long moments.

What other Bella would I be fucking talking about? "Yes," I sighed.

"Oh," he said again. I looked up at him, wondering what his problem was. Then his face turned grim. "Wait, what did you do to that poor girl?" he asked.

I didn't like the way he said that. Was he implying something, was he implying that she was _poor_? Was that what all his disappointed "oh"-ing was about?

_No, dad isn't thinking that_. He just wanted to know what I did to her; what I had done to her was what made her unfortunate. "I kissed her," I admitted.

"And?" he asked, looking as confused as ever.

I sighed and leaned my head onto my hands, digging my nails into my scalp. I let him have it. "It wasn't until recently that I realized I love her and it's been driving me crazy. She's all I think about, ever, I'm obsessed with her. I went through a bunch of shit, believing she hated me, but she insists she doesn't. I've been killing myself trying to make a friendship work, but I want more, I want so much more, Dad.

"So, I had a plan. Last night, I went to the party planning to behave and just talk to her, just talk and try to determine if she wanted more with me. Well, I was distracted as ever when I saw her… Anyways, I couldn't even get the nerve to look at her. I got a bit…depressed with myself and may have drank. She noticed that, and when I went to leave, she followed me and drove me home, worried that I would hurt myself." I couldn't help but feel even worse now. I'd been so much worse to her then I imagined.

I continued. "I was so stupid, dad. I didn't think. I was jealous, I thought, think– I think she likes someone else and I can't stand it. I wasn't drunk, though my judgment was probably impaired, so I decided right then and there that if she didn't know, she'd never like me back. I attacked her," I said. "I threw myself at her and kissed her, forcing myself on her. And I didn't stop until she pushed me so hard I fell."

I was disgusted with myself. I hated myself more then ever. Again, all the same questions ran through my head. What had I done? Why did I do that to her?

"Did you hurt her?" he asked me quietly.

I nodded. "She was crying when Jasper showed up to get her."

"Maybe we should back up a bit. What kind of love do you feel for her, Edward?"

"I'm _in_ love with her, dad!" I don't know how much plainer I could be.

"Yes, okay, but do you just want to… Let me just put this in your terms and flat out say it. Do you just want to fuck her?"

I wanted to hit him. "No! I love her, love her love her. I mean, I do want…No. I'm in love with her, in every way possible."

"I was your age once, Edward. I know what it's like to think I'm in love when really all I want to do is-"

"Please don't say it again," I cut him off. I groaned. "Yes, I want to… be… sexual with Bella, but that's not why I love her. I'd be okay just to hold her hand, just to have her and know she loved me back. I can see myself marrying her one day," I admitted, truthfully.

It was the truth. I may have only realized it then as I was saying it, but it didn't make it less true. I loved Bella. And I didn't want to _fuck_ her, I wanted to make love with her, however girly that sounded.

"Okay. So you kissed her, you may have hurt her, she may not have feelings for you."

My father was just asking for a bloody lip. Did he think I didn't realize this?

"Stop pulling your hair," he muttered at me. I released my hair and looked up at him. "Grow up," he instructed.

I gave a short, angry, bitter laugh.

"Life doesn't always go the way we want it to, Edward. You love Bella, that's fine, but until you grow up you need to back off. You've been in a downward spiral these last couple of weeks, and I don't blame you, I wouldn't handle what you're going through well either, but you can't drag her more into that then you already have.

"Now, your mother tells me you have been on pretty good behavior recently, even telling her you love her. That's an improvement and now that you've brought this to my attention, I think it has something to do with Bella.

"She's a good girl, Edward, don't ruin her. If you think that you haven't gotten over the unfortunate events that have been thrust upon you, then just wait to progress your relationship with her. I know it is difficult, but if you are only going to push her away after you tell her you care for her, like you did with us, then save her the trouble."

I nodded grimly. He was absolutely right. Bella was a good girl, a great girl, she didn't need my issues in her life. I still had a lot of changing to do before I would ever be good enough for her.

"That doesn't mean you should keep your feelings completely to yourself. You need to talk to her. First off, which I'm sure you know, you need to apologize for what you did, and don't blame the alcohol that _you may have_ been drinking. Tell her the truth."

He was pissing me off again. "Oh, yes, dad, it would be so wise to go up to her and say, 'Bella, I'm sorry for attacking you Friday night. I was simply jealous and wanted to harass you with my lips to get my point across. I love you, you see, that's my reason.'"

My dad chuckled. Bastard. "No, son, you're right, that would not be wise. Something more thought out than that would be helpful. Don't be tactless."

It was my turn to chuckle. "We both know I got my tactlessness from you. I can't believe you asked me if I wanted to fuck her after you told me to watch my mouth."

He laughed. "Well, you weren't getting my point."

I couldn't laugh, so I shook my head. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Grow up," he told me again.

I couldn't honestly thank him; he'd hindered just as much as he'd helped.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a whole fifteen minutes of silence that I got to myself in my bedroom that Friday morning before my phone started ringing.

First Emmett, then Jasper. Then there was about a ten minute break and I was willing to bet that they called each other before each of them tried to call me again. I wasn't in the mood to answer.

I didn't want to know what happened after Jasper left. I didn't want to know what Bella told him and Alice. And worse yet, I didn't want to hear Jasper call me a fucking idiot, because I already knew that's what I was.

Worst of all was that Emmett probably knew as well. Emmett picking at my open wounds would not be helpful right now.

My phone rang two more times, each of them calling me once more, then nothing. I didn't even realize why that was until my door was busted open another fifteen minutes later.

Personal space and Emmett had no meaning. He literally lifted my ass off the bed while Jasper dug through my dresser. What the fuck were they doing?

Jasper threw shorts at me and said, "Get dressed."

"No," I said.

"Yep," he replied.

"No," I repeated.

"Okay, Edward, you asked for it," Emmett said, and the fucking prick was pulling my pants down.

"What the fuck, Emm, get off me you pervert!"

He was unfazed. My best friends were not easy to deter. "Put the damn trunks on, now, or I will do it," Emmett told me.

I looked at the shorts. They were swimming trunks. "Why?" I asked.

Jasper spoke. "Because it is fucking close to eighty degrees out and this is probably the last we're going to see of the sun, and you are not going to sit inside and mope your fucking life away. Do it now or I'll bring Bella in here."

That caught my attention. He noticed. "That's right, you heard me. She's in the Jeep, waiting. You have five minutes to be ready to leave or I'm bringing her in here and telling her you want to have a nice long chat about your feelings."

Fuck. Feelings or car, feelings or car. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet, I didn't know what I was going to say, and either option was putting me in an awkward situation. At least one way I could possibly avoid the feelings talk.

Trunks in hand, I made my way to my bathroom and stripped to nothing, pulling the swimming trunks on. I decided against wearing a shirt, but grabbed a beach towel. I looked at myself in the mirror and grimaced. I looked like a fucking ghost. I hadn't been in the sun for nearly two months and it showed.

I ran my hands through my hair a couple times and wiped the left over sleep from my eyes. Then took a deep breath and told myself it was now or never.

I almost wanted the never option. No, I was just being a ball-less pussy. I hit myself in the chest and gave myself the man up lecture again.

Trusty crutches and stupid brace in place, I limped my way out of that bathroom and followed the much tanner and muscled pair out to the Jeep. I had never felt so self conscious in my life. Why had I chosen not to wear a shirt?

I hollered goodbye to my parents before I shut the door behind me.

Apparently I was to sit in the back as Jasper took my crutches away when I neared the big red Jeep. Emmett took the driver's seat and I hopped my way to the door while Jazz threw my crutches into the back. The windows were tinted enough that I couldn't see inside so when I opened the door, I had no idea who would be there.

Of course it was Bella, this was their plan. Emmett obviously knew everything, but he wasn't picking on me? I stood there, looking at her nervously while Jasper got in on the other side, situating the little Alice on his lap.

Bella looked at me for about two seconds, then turned red and stared straight ahead. If she could do this, I could do this. I used my arms to get into the oversized vehicle.

It wasn't quite as old and worn as Bella's truck, but it was close. The door groaned and creaked and the seat springs whined. I didn't even want to know why the springs were so loose – well, it was easy to figure out why, I just really didn't want to think about it. Emmett started up the engine and it roared then sputtered.

"Piece of shit," Emmett groaned.

"Just give it some gas, babe, you know that's all it needs," Rosalie told him.

Emmett's car and driving skills had never been advanced. Sometimes I wondered why I even got in the car with him. He was the most dangerous driver I had ever known.

He turned the engine over again and it hissed and we shot forth as he put it into gear. He made an incredibly sharp u-turn in my driveway, nearly taking a few trees in his path out and the sharpness of it sent Bella nearly into my lap and Alice did topple over towards me.

She giggled, her hand placed on my knee. "Hi Edward, it's nice to see you."

Bella was smashed against my side, Alice was everywhere, Jasper was cussing Emmett out, and Rose was throwing instructions at him. I felt bad for him, truly I did.

"Hi Alice, how are you?" I asked her. I couldn't help but laugh.

Finally, we straightened out and Alice was back to where she was suppose to be. "I'm great, Edward," Alice said to me.

I didn't greet Rose, same as always. I settled back into my seat and Bella scooted away from me. "Do you have enough room?" I muttered to her, afraid to actually speak to her, but unwilling to make myself look like more of an ass.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "Sorry."

"It's alright. Emmett just isn't the best driver," I said.

She giggled, I swooned. The no shirt was biting me again as I was close enough to her that she could clearly see all of my flaws. I was loosing my six pack from lack of working out and my arms and shoulders were looking scrawny. My skin never got very dark, but I was actually looking paler than she was.

I took my time to notice her then. Her hair was tied back in a long ponytail, the soft waves cascading like a waterfall from the back of her head, brushing against her neck and shoulders. Her naturally beautiful skin and face was not hidden under layers of make up. That was one of the reasons I loved her so; she was so natural. Her beauty was flawless, she had no faults.

She wore a white tank top, I could see the red swimsuit top tied around her neck. My groin stirred at the thought of her losing that tank. Her legs were mostly bare, just a pair of denim cutoffs covering the probably matching red bottoms of her bathing suit.

The white of her skin was delicious. I could stare at her for hours, days, years…forever. Every contour and curve of her body was perfect, I couldn't keep my eyes away. I was trying to remain inconspicuous with my stares, but she had to have noticed, I was practically drooling.

I don't recall most of the car ride, but we pulled up to First Beach and I nearly grabbed my crutch to start beating Emmett to death.

The stupid fucking retarded idiot brought us to First Beach, First _fucking_ Beach.

I couldn't help it, I opened my big mouth. "First Beach?" I asked, letting the hostility leak into my tone.

"What is your deal with this beach?" Emmett asked me.

He knew I hated it here. "Hmm, let me think. One, it sucks. Two, it really fucking sucks. Three, it is always crowded. Four, it is rocky. Five, Mora Beach is so much better." And six and most important, First Beach is where Jacob Black is bound to be.

"Mora Beach is half an hour further," he groaned.

"And at least four times better then this shitty beach. Will someone please agree with me?" I begged.

"This beach is fine," Rosalie said. Naturally, she was just worried about getting into the sun to make her a bit oranger.

"I agree with you," Bella said. I was surprised, I expected Jasper or Alice to agree, but hearing Bella agree made my heart soar.

I looked at her. "Thank you!"

She grinned. "Mora Beach is much warmer, half an hour isn't that far. Rose, you know the sun hits better down there…"

Rose seemed to consider that for a moment then said, "Emmett, we should go to Mora Beach instead," making it sound like it was her idea all along.

I scoffed and Bella gave a quiet snort, leaning back into the seat at the same moment I did. Emmett threw the truck around so fast that Bella was again half in my lap, this time it was her who was gripping my leg.

It sent all kinds of wonderful feelings through my body to have her hand on my knee. Her soft, warm palm against my skin had me burning and aching – in the best way possible – in just moments. I wasn't fighting it anymore, I was letting myself feel everything she did to me and enjoying it. I made myself enjoy the way my heart raced when she looked at me, the way my breath caught when she spoke or smiled, the way her touch felt like an electric source, the way her blush made me want to tear her clothes off.

Maybe that last one was pushing it, but deep down inside, I did enjoy how it has always been her that I fantasized about. She was the girl of my dreams, even my waking dreams. I'd always pictured her naked when I was in the mood. Bella was who I wanted, plain and simple – no, she wasn't plain and simple, but the statement was. There was no contesting it.

"Sorry," she muttered again, releasing my leg.

I laughed. "Don't be." I kicked Emmett's seat with my good leg and said, "But he should be, I think I have whiplash."

I saw his eyes narrow at me in the rearview mirror. I smirked. "You know, Bella," Emmett started. He wouldn't!

"Whoa, Emmett, you just missed our turn," Jasper said.

"What?" Rose and Emmett said at the same time.

"Oh, wait, no, never mind. I'll just _keep my mouth shut_ ," Jasper warned.

"You're such a dumb ass, Jasper," Rose spat.

I groaned, I didn't want to hear their bullshit. Are we there yet?

Jasper, such a mature individual, didn't respond to his bitchy sister's remark.

I didn't know what I was going to do about Bella, but as soon as we got to that beach, I knew what was going to happen. The couples were going to split off like they always did, leaving Bella and I on our own. That might have been good, if I had the nuts to talk to her. But, no, it was just going to end up being awkward.

I had to apologize for what I did, and we did have to be alone to do that. Bella really wasn't acting like she was angry, but we were both tiptoeing around each other right now.

Emmett turned the crackly radio up, making my ears buzz and hum with the thumping static. I was lost in thought as a nearly unrecognizable song crackled out of the speakers.

The fact that I love Bella was extremely obvious, to me at least, and now to Jasper, Emmett, and my dad. But how she felt about me, I didn't know. I had assumed she'd hate me after attacking her, making her cry, but she didn't seem even angry, just uncomfortable.

Maybe that was it then. She'd assumed I was drunk when I went in for the kill, so she wrote it off as nothing. She mustn't have wanted to lose our friendship, or she would have slapped me the moment I laid eyes on her again.

What would I have done then? I would have groveled, I would have groveled like my life depended on it. I almost wished she would react so I could as well. If she was angry, I would be a lot more inclined to let the truth be known, versus feeling like telling her is going to ruin something.

She wrote off the kiss, heck, maybe she thought I didn't even remember it. That was a compelling thought, to let her believe that I didn't even know I attacked her. It was wholly unfair though. Why should she have to believe she was the only one suffering for my terrible mistake? I would apologize, no matter how embarrassing or painful it was for me. I would not let her believe I forgot or let her think I wasn't sorry – even if a small part of me wasn't.

We arrived at the beach in under a half hour, thanks to Emmett's nearly vomit inducing driving skills. And as I suspected, the Jeep was hardly parked and they all took off. Jasper had Alice over his shoulder and Rose was on Emmett's back as they raced towards the water. It was such a terribly sad, depressing sight to see for me.

I was careful not to put any weight on my knee as I moved towards the back end of the vehicle to get my crutches, Bella beat me to it, handing them to me.

"Thanks," I told her. She nodded and pulled the cooler, a book, and a blanket out then proceeded to jump up and down.

I wasn't sure what she was jumping about, but I didn't really care as my eyes glued to her bouncing chest. "Uh, Edward, a little help?" she asked breathlessly after a few minutes.

It was then that I realized she couldn't reach the liftgate. I gave myself a slap on the wrist for being such an ungentlemanly pig and easily reached the door and shut it.

She gave a huff and I chuckled. She collected her book and blanket under her arm then bent for the cooler as well. I hated being a cripple, it ruined everything.

"Bella, give me that," I said. I at the very least could carry her book and blanket.

"I got it," she said determinedly.

She always had to do things the hard way. I leaned forward, still sure to keep my distance so not to give her the wrong impression and scare her again, and grabbed the book and blanket from under her arm. I draped the blanket over my shoulder with my towel, momentarily distracted by the smell wafting off of it – it smelled just like her and I so longed to shove my face into it and inhale. I noticed the tattered book in my hand and snorted.

"How many time have you read this thing?" I asked her, waving the book a little bit, then situating it so I could follow as she walked towards the beach.

"It's a good book," she defended.

"I didn't imply that it wasn't," I countered.

"I don't have it memorized yet, so…" she trailed off.

I chuckled. "You have to be close."

She laughed and looked over her shoulder at me. "Shut up," she said. Though I sensed she was only joking, I did as she asked.

We made it to the beach, and we she sat down the cooler, I unwillingly handed her the blanket. After she spread it out, I dropped my crutches and asked her, "Do you mind?" motioning that I wanted to lay my towel next to her.

She shook her head, so I threw my towel down and dropped loudly down onto it. I still had her book, I was curious. I leaned back into the soft ground and bent my knee up, creating a little shadow so I could read what the words said.

I noticed then though that Bella was still standing there. I looked up at her to see her looking down at me, biting her lip. When I looked, she turned her head, turning red – freeing the urge to grab her and ravish her, I just barely refrained.

Maybe she didn't expect me to be so close. What was she doing?

"Do you want me to move?" I asked. I couldn't help it that I sounded a bit sad, I really just wanted to be close to her.

"No…um." She finished with that. The girl confused me endlessly, so I decided to just go back to reading. I heard her lay down next to me and I fought the urge to look…and touch. "I brought that book for me, you know," she said.

I smirked. Yes, I did know that. "I was curious as to why you keep reading it. Here though," I said, handing it over.

"No, it's okay, really." She said. I swear I heard her take a deep breath, and then she moved a bit closer to me. "I can sort of see it from here."

My gut was in knots. I wanted this so bad, this simple, innocent thing in the sand. I wanted to get closer, this book was the perfect excuse, I love it already. I edged closer to her. "How's that?" I asked, when our arms were touching.

"Uh-huh," she answered. I took it to mean everything was good.

I did my best to ignore her sweet smell, the heat and electricity of her skin, the sound of her breathing – which sounded, oddly, as fast as my own.

"Just tell me when to turn the page," I whispered.

"Okay," she whispered back.

I nearly laughed. We were so infantile, whispering like we were going to get caught doing something we weren't suppose to.

I was surprised when I finished the page first, but it was only moments later that she said, "Er…" and I turned the page.

She giggled a little and I laughed too. It was so exciting just to lay here with her, and then I felt it.

"Bella," I said quietly.

"Hmm?" She asked.

"I'm sorry," I told her. She didn't reply, though I felt her stiffen at my side. I looked over at her and she was staring up at the almost blueish white sky, her cheeks stained with the most beautiful shade of crimson. "Really, really sorry."

She nodded but didn't say anything. I looked back to the book again and waited until she approved for the page turn.

I wasn't reading anymore, just staring at the words there, or I guess technically I only saw the letters. Every "L", every "O", every "V", and every "E" jumped off the page at me. It was so damn annoying. I already knew I loved her, did I really have to be reminded so constantly?

She only asked for about two more page turns and then she was silent. After a good ten minutes of her not signaling for me to turn the page, I looked over at her. My heart swelled as I saw her eyes were closed, her mouth parted slightly, that perfect bottom lip of hers hanging in the most beautiful little pout.

I longed to lean up and kiss it. She wouldn't know. What was one innocent little kiss? As if to reprimand me, I heard Alice scream, "No," from the distance, then heard a loud splash. Bella stirred but didn't wake.

She sighed in her sleep and again, I swooned. I was head over heels for her. She could so easily have asked me to die for her and I would have without a second thought. Just like that, she was the most important thing to me.

I was confused as to whether she was still asleep when she whispered, "Edward." She gave a small twitch then though, her eyes still closed and her lips still parted slightly.

She was still sleeping. She said my name in her sleep. She was dreaming of me. I could have combusted with joy. This was something, this was a big something!

"Edward," she whispered again.

I tried my chances and whispered back her name. Her eyes fluttered as she dreamed and her lips curled up a bit. I wanted to tell her now, I wanted to say it so bad to her dreaming form. I wanted to take her hand and profess my love to her unconscious body. But I didn't.

Instead, Bella was whispering again. "Edward, I l-" and just like that there was another loud scream and she sat bolt upright.

She looked mildly confused and then her eyes rested on me still laying beside her and her eyes got impossibly huge. Her face turned beet red and her mouth hung open in a gasp. I sat up, worried about her reaction. Her hand came to her mouth, and she touched her lips, staring at me.

"Bella?" I asked. What had she been dreaming? What had she been saying?

Her eyes locked on mine and her pupils dilated, slowly turning her eyes darker. Her hand dropped down into her lap and a fleetingly look of disappointment crossed her face. She turned away from me then and started crawling across her blanket.

I groaned, getting the most fucking amazing view of her denim clad ass. I had to turn my head away as I felt my swimming trunks grow tight again. Tonight was definitely a shower night.

"Do you want anything?" she asked me.

"Yes," I replied. I want you, on me, now! That wasn't what she meant though, so I continued on with, "Just water."

"Just water?" Emmett asked, obviously close.

I made the deadliest mistake ever as I looked up. He was walking towards us, his hands cupped over his genitals, butt ass naked. I made a very loud noise of disgust and that sound was quickly followed by a shriek from Bella.

I felt the urge to grab her and hide her face in my chest. I didn't want her to see that, ever.

"Don't act like you're not impressed," he said in a arrogant tone. "Bells, throw me a couple beers."

"Get them yourself, Emmett, and Edward, tell me when he's gone. Oh god…" She sounded mortified, thank god.

Emmett grumbled and I heard him move closer to us. I wasn't even taking a chance to look for at least another five minutes. The most repulsive mental image of Emmett copying Bella's earlier move to get the drinks flashed in my mind and I nearly puked.

_Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella's ass, Bella's hot, sexy, smoking, delicious body, Bella's lips, fuck, her feet, anything but that. Bella, Bella, Bella_.

Finally, the cooler closed and I heard Emmett moving away from us. "Free Willy!" he called and I heard his heavy footfalls on the sand as he ran away from us.

"Is it safe?" Bella asked.

"Hell if I know, I'm not looking either."

"Edward," she whined.

I peaked through my hand and didn't see anything. I removed my hand completely, letting my eyes adjust to the brightness and saw we were in the clear.

"It's safe," I told her.

"If you are lying..." she warned.

I saw the perfect reason to touch her then. I reached my hand out and gently clasped her fingers in my own and pulled them down from her eyes.

"It's safe," I repeated, keeping her fingers in my own. She didn't pull away and I refused to let go unless she tried, so my fingers remained on her a good 30 seconds longer then necessary until she ever so slowly slid her hand out of mine and handed me the water I had requested.

"Thanks," I said. She smiled and nodded at me.

I realized then – well, I realized right away but didn't really think about it 'til now – that she still had her clothes on, over her swimsuit.

Unthinkingly, I blurted, "You're going to get weird tan lines."

Her brow wrinkled, then she looked down and said, "Oh."

Trying to redeem myself, but I being incapable of doing so I again just blurted what I was thinking. "You never swim."

Whenever it was nice enough to come to the beach, she always kept her clothes on over her swimsuit and she never swam.

She turned red then. "I can't swim very well," she admitted.

It was my turn to say, "Oh." I made a plan then. "Well, hey, how about we go in together? I can't go out very far because of my knee anyway. We'll just hang out in the surf."

"I don't know, Edward," she replied nervously.

"Come on, I won't let you drown," I said.

She scowled. "Emmett's naked in there, I don't know if I want to."

I sighed. Damn it. "Okay." I tried one last tactic, one that would mean more than if she'd just go in the water with me. "I'll hold your hand," I told her.

There was a long moment of silence, so I turned to look at her. She looked undecided, which gave me hope. I took that hope and harnessed it and made it give me the strength to reach out and take her hand, to actually take it.

I curled my fingers over the back of her hand as it lay on the blanket between us. Her lips parted and quivered, no sound emitting from them what so ever.

She shook her head lightly and that was my answer. No.

My stomach sank and twisted with the hard knot of rejection and I pulled my hand away from hers. The foul, bitter taste of rejection tainted my mouth so vilely, I could hardly stand it.

It took me an embarrassingly long time to get my crutches and stand up, but I made it eventually.

"I'm sorry," I told her again, truly regretting the contamination I spilt all over our friendship again.

This one wouldn't be healable for me. She didn't want me.


	8. Chapter 8

She said nothing as I walked away, and that was all it really took to break me. I called my dad as soon as I was out of hearing distance and he agreed to come and get me as soon as he could.

I didn't know what I was going to do, but I needed to get out of here. I felt broken, hollow, cold. Isabella Swan broke me. She didn't want the heart I handed to her, she threw it into that sand and filled it up with the course grains – leaving my heart heavy, damaged, and unwilling to beat regularly.

How could I have let myself believe she had feelings for me? How could I have been so stupid, so idiotic, so absolutely ridiculous?

I couldn't stop my feet as they carried me along with highway towards Forks. I had to get out of here. The clouds to the west were churning dangerously over the Pacific, dark and unfriendly. I was headed east, away from the storm, but that didn't matter, it would catch me quickly, unmerciful to my already crippled body.

Carlisle drove fast, and I used the "I might hurt someone or myself," tactic to make sure he really put the pedal to the metal. He shouldn't have been more than another 20 minutes away. Now all I had to do was keep walking and pray that the others stayed on the beach at least until I got picked up.

I couldn't deal with seeing her again, I was just barely keeping it together as it was. If I had to see her tantalizing beauty one more time, I'd lose it completely, and God only knows what I'd do then.

I had to keep it together, for everyone's sake, until I was on the road. I had to drive, I needed speed and a long road to clear my head. I couldn't come back, not until I was sure she couldn't break me again.

_She'll always be able to break you_ , my mind warned. I shook it to clear those thoughts. I just had to get out of here, I'd be able to get over this as soon as I got a fresh, cleared head.

_Come on, dad_! _Hurry up_.

My lungs were starting to ache as I moved as quickly as possible with the crutches in place. I was going to have delightful bruises under my arms after this, but that pain didn't even begin to equal-

_No, just stop thinking about it_.

I kept on, running from girl who was my everything. Why did I let myself admit it? How could I fall so deeply and foolishly in love with her?

_Stop thinking about it_.

Black car…not his. Damn. _Hurry up, dad_! I was on the brink of losing it. My lungs ached like I was drowning, each breath hurt like I was inhaling sea water. It hurt so fucking bad, and I couldn't not think about it. I would rather have had my other ACL torn than have to go through this pain. I'd never felt anything near this painful in my life.

I was burning at the stake, crippling into a useless lump of flesh, but I wouldn't let myself collapse. My body convulsed with a sob but I fought the next one back and refused to let myself crumble.

_Not yet_ , I told myself, _Just hold on a little bit longer._

I managed to. The black Mercedes came barreling around a curve and I gave a grateful sob, one that hurt like hell. Dad got the car turned around quickly and I was in the passenger seat moments later.

"What happened?" he asked.

I refused to answer that question. I would never speak of _her_ again. I hate _her_.

_No, you dumb ass, you love her_.

No, I hate _her_. I hate _her_ for breaking me. I hate that I gave _her_ the power to break me. I hate _her_.

_You don't hate her_.

Yes, I do. And I hate you too, so stop trying to talk me out of hating _her_.

My mind was adamant about the fact that I didn't hate B- _her_. I couldn't think _her_ name, I couldn't say _her_ name, and I didn't want to hear _her_ name, but my father kept saying it, creating invisible welts on me. _Her_ name was like a torturous whip, lashing me. _She_ was the torturous whip, _she_ was lashing me, making me bleed and die.

I was cold, even though I was burning. I was dead, even though I knew I was alive. My heart was broken, even though it was still beating a helpless tune. I was silent, even though I wanted to scream and sob.

"Edward, what are you going to do?" my dad asked grimly.

I spoke for the first time, sure of my answer. "I'm leaving."

"Where are you going?"

"I just need to get out of here, Dad, I need to go away for a while."

"Think of your mother, Edward, think of what this is going to do to her."

It stung, but not nearly as much as the thought of staying here and keeping all of this inside and quiet. I needed to get out of here to escape it, to let out the monster that was inside of me. Nothing would hurt Esme more than seeing her son broken and bleeding. It would hurt her, and me, worse if I stayed.

"What did Bella do to you?"

I flinched at her name. Why couldn't he just stop saying it? Why did he have to keep using her name?

"What happened with you and Bella?" There is no me and... her.

"What did Bella say to you?" Nothing, she said nothing to me.

"Edward, what did Bella do?"

" _Nothing, she did nothing! She took my fucking heart and she threw it away. She did nothing!_ " I screamed. If he wanted to fucking hear me yell and scream and cry, he was going to fucking hear it.

How could I have fallen in love with such a bitch? How could she do what she did to me, saying nothing, just shaking her ugly head?

Thinking of her that way nearly toppled me in the waters to drown. I couldn't stand it, it was eating me, consuming me. Because I knew I couldn't fucking hate. I couldn't think one shitty thought about her and I was ready to beat the shit out of myself.

_Almost there, almost there_ , my mind soothed. At least it wasn't trying to make me love her anymore. _But you do love her_.

"Aghhhh!" I screamed.

"Edward," my dad said, worried about my outburst of pure agony.

The driveway was just feet away. Just drive faster dad. I looked into the backseat and found the backpack I had asked him to pack for me. I grabbed it, ready to make a…gimpy run for it to the Volvo.

"Edward, you're an adult, I know, but you still need to tell me where you are going."

"Uncle J's," I told him, deciding right then and there that I was driving down to LA.

"Edward…" I closed my eyes, expecting him to try to talk me out of it again. "You'll do what you need to do. Just promise me that you aren't going to hurt yourself, look me in the eye right now and _promise_ me you will _not_ harm yourself."

I looked my dad in the eye and swore, promised, and lied up and down that I wouldn't cause myself harm. There was no truth to my promise, I couldn't honestly swear I wouldn't. I had no idea what I would do when the pain really took its hold.

He pulled up to the garage where my Volvo was parked and I told him to tell my mom that I loved her.

Before I could get out, he caught my arm. "Tell her yourself, Edward. You don't have to go. Anything you want or need is right here. Missing school is going to hurt what you've been working for."

I pulled my arm away and dug my car keys out of the backpack. I swung it onto my back and got into the Volvo.

I wasn't stopping, I wasn't turning back. I got into the silver car and hit the gas, not slowing down or looking back for anything.

– – –

The drive was pure torture, a painful agony. I let myself think of how much I actually love that girl, how much I wanted her, and then I thought of how she took it all away from me, slamming the most important door of my life, right in my face.

A whole day of driving, I made one stop for the bathroom, otherwise Interstate-5 was all I saw. Portland, Salem, Sacramento, all just passing images. All through the night, I didn't even slow down, passing city after city, town after town.

The Olympic Peninsula was the only area of rain I hit on the entire drive. Everywhere else was dry. Forks was crying with me. Good.

I didn't get tired until my eyes ran dry and my throat got sore. I should have stopped for a drink, I was probably dehydrated as fuck, but I didn't care. My empty stomach ached in the most pleasing way, proving the whole point.

I was empty. Completely empty.

Finally the LA exits started appearing. Jason lived on the upper north side of the city – or J, I should call him, he preferred J. He was a lawyer, the kind you go to when you're in trouble. No, not parking ticket trouble, more like, "I just ran over my asshole neighbor with my car and I need to get the fuck out of the country," trouble. LA was the perfect place for him.

He lived alone. He was unmarried – really, he was just the complete opposite of my father. Dad prided himself on being a honest, hardworking, legitimate, forgiving, and charitable doctor. J… J was just out to take your money and be on his way. He was a portly, short man with dark hair.

I pulled up to his house about an hour later. The one thing I didn't miss about LA, the traffic. I grabbed my backpack out of the backseat and opened the car door, and was immediately harassed by stifling heat. I forgot how bright and hot it was down here. It had been a while.

I settled my crutches into place and raised myself out of the car and then realized the reason I came down here. My decision to come to LA hadn't made much sense to me from the beginning, but I went with it. And now, I got it.

Staring at me were two wide, excited deep blue eyes. "Eeee!" she squealed. Her reddish-blond hair flowed around her shoulders and her large, hardly covered breasts bounced in her pink bikini top as she ran towards me.

Tanya Denali. She jumped at me, not even bothering to be careful of my knee, but I didn't care. She was exactly what I needed, and I don't know how I failed to realize that.

"Edward, Edward, Edward," she chanted, bouncing in my arms, rubbing those barely covered tits right against me.

"Easy love, we haven't even got reacquainted yet and you're already panting my name."

She gave a breathy laugh into my ear then growled. "Is that why you came to see me?"

Obviously. "Of course not."

5'10" and California to the core, Tanya could put even the hottest super model to shame. She had overstated curves that made even my mouth water. And the best part, she was completely silicone free. Thin, long legs, a really nice ass, hips that were made to be grabbed, a long, lean torso, round, full tits, and a face that finished it all off with perfection. Tan, blond, tall, long, strong, lean, hot.

There was no being shy with Tanya, she brought every man's monster out…literally. She grabbed my ass, I shoved my hand down the back of her swimsuit bottoms and grabbed hers.

"Well, well, aren't you Mr. Handsy."

Fuck Tanya, please don't do your "I'm just a tease," bullshit. I haven't fucked anyone since I was here last, just fucking give it to me.

She pushed me against the closed back door of my car and I managed not to put any weight on my knee. Her hips collided with mine and she rubbed herself against me.

"You spoiled me you know, even though you were a virgin, you were really fucking good, and so big," she cooed to me.

Good, she wasn't going to play around with me. "Well, I'm handicapped these days, so you're going to have to do all the hard work," I told her.

She smirked. "Yeah, I heard about that. But…." Her hand went down the front of my swim trunks and grasped my thick, hardness. "I'm pretty sure you've got the hard work covered." She giggled and stroked my length.

I groaned. Just what I fucking need. Thank you, Jesus.

Just as Tanya was leaning in to kiss me, J came out of the house. "Ah, Edward. Your dad said you'd be here fairly quickly. Didn't forget Tanya, I see."

Tanya giggled and stepped to the side a bit, concealing her hand in my trunks a bit better. Like I said, there was no being shy around her. It's hard to resist a hand made of velvet sliding along your abandoned cock, plus, she didn't give a shit, why should I?

"Well, I told your father I wouldn't be around, but you were already on your way, so you'll have the house, kid. At least now I don't have to pay someone to baby-sit Bruno," he said.

Sweet Jesus, there was a God. Best fucking decision ever. Tanya's hand took a firmer grasp on me and I fought a moan.

My voice gave me away, but oh well. "Thanks Uncle j-j-J," was all I managed, before a groan rumbled in my throat.

She was so fucking good, a sex goddess. I could have saved myself so much trouble if I'd have just came here right away after realizing…

J gave me a knowing look then winked. "You kiddies have fun now," he told us, then opened the garage door.

Tanya giggled and purred, "Oh, we will."

I grabbed her hips and repositioned her so her jerking me off wouldn't be visible – even though it was quite clear what she was doing – as J backed out of the garage in his expensive Ferrari. As soon as the car was out of sight Tanya turned around again and pulled me out of my trunks.

She purred approvingly as she eyed my length. I grabbed her swimsuit top and tore it off her breasts, eyeing them just as hungrily, and giving them the same rhythmic squeezes and pinches she stroked me with.

I gave a greedy grunt, bucking into her hand. "So long," I panted. "God, I missed you."

She seemed to like that, quickening her strokes. "Am I the only girl you've been with?"

"Yes," I admitted.

It was hard to be ashamed of something that pleased her. Keeping Tanya pleased was a very good thing. I had been a virgin up until the last visit we'd made to Uncle J.

One very hot, very, very hot day while both of our parents were out shopping in the city, she'd come over to hang out in the pool. That was fine, Tanya was fairly good company even before our tryst. This was before my injury, when my ego was hugely inflated and I didn't exactly dislike the attention she gave me. And Tanya wouldn't be denied.

I hadn't realized how flirty she was being, apparently I don't pick up on those cues well. So, when Tanya just altogether got naked, throwing her swimsuit onto the deck, I was a bit surprised. More than a bit, I was floored, and embarrassed, I had no idea what she was up to, even with something as obvious as getting naked with me in a swimming pool.

Despite my blushing embarrassment, I couldn't help but stare, she noticed. She taunted me, teased me even, and then got handsy, finding my aching erection. Thank god she had been pleased with my size or we may not have been on the same ground.

I was a jock, fit, and I was smart enough to know if I did a good fucking job – literally – I would be getting laid again. So I gave her hell on that pool deck, even making her cum before I did. My weekend turned out to be a hell of a lot better then I'd planned it – and the uncomfortable edge of guilt and shame was handleable, because it made no sense. There was nothing to be ashamed or guilty of then and there certainly wasn't now.

Her other hand grasped my length, pumping me with quick, irresistible strokes. I grunted and groaned and grabbed her hips, bringing her legs right up against mine as she jerked me. My head fell back as I felt the orgasm approaching and I reattached my hands to her perfectly round globes.

"Look at me," she purred. I didn't want to, but she was right, I had to see her blond hair and blue eyes when I came…I inhaled her citrus scent. Sweet, but not too much, she was sweet and spicy…

I was in Suburbia on a Sunday afternoon, getting handjob in a driveway. To mend a broken heart…

– – –

Her soft, sweet lips pressed against mine, her gentle purrs of pleasure were music to my ears.

"Oh, Edward, Edward, I'm cumming," she cried happily into the air.

Her legs wrapped tight around my hips as I ground against her, her pleasure heightening, leaving her body quivering against me. Her back arched high, her head rolling back in the ultimate peak of happiness. Her moans reverberated around the room, bouncing off of every surface to come back to me. Me.

"Edward," she panted.

Her tight walls gave spasms around me as I gave her that joy. "I love you so much," I told her.

"Edward, I love you, I love you too," she cried deliriously.

She meant it. It wasn't just the orgasm that was making her say it, she meant it. My name spilled from her lips, only my name. She purred it, growled it, cried it, moaned it, groaned it, screamed it, whispered it. It was all the same, it was _my_ name she called. She wanted me, she loved me.

As her back straighten again, she looked up at me with all the happiness in the world. With a devious smile, she pushed me away from her, rolling with me. She mounted me, still connected to me, not breaking our bodies union even a fraction. Her hips rolled, rocking me inside of her. I moaned at her, making her smile even wider.

"Say it again," she said.

"What love, what do you want to hear?"

"Tell me who you love, tell me how much," she urged.

"I love you. I love you more than anything, more than anyone. I love you. I'll love you forever."

She smiled at that and continued to roll her hips, driving me insane with the lust at the sight and feel, my love for her intensifying everything.

"I love you too," she said. "The same, I love you the same, just as much as you love me."

I pulled her down to me and her fingers wrapped into my hair. Her full lips connected with mine again and she didn't stop her movements on me, still creating a wonderful friction that was driving me insane. Her breasts and nipples drug against my chest with her movements, making her shake and moan into my mouth.

"Edward," she mumbled against my lips.

She knew what it did to me to hear her say my name. I dove my tongue into her sweet mouth and my hands grasped her thin hips then slid down to her perfect ass. Upwards they went over her smooth back, over her spine and shoulders and up to her soft, long, thick locks of hair.

She sat up on me and my hands went to her front side, feeling every silken inch of her skin. Her chest, her breasts, her arms, that tiny little waist, her skinny thighs, and that dark tuft of soft hair between them.

"Say my name," she said.

"Mmm, Bella," I moaned.

Her hands fell forward onto my chest. "Tell me you love me, Edward," she said.

"I love you, Bella, I love you," I panted.

"That's right, Edward, you love me," she told me.

"Yes, you Bella, I love you."

"Is that why you fuck me?" she asked.

"I don't fuck you, Bella, I make love to you."

She shook her head. "Oh, so you make love to me, and _you fuck Tanya_."

– – –

I was bolt upright in bed, panting and sweating. My cock ached from overuse, but it was hard again. It was four in the morning, she needed to leave soon.

I kept having these dreams and I couldn't deal with them. I found a way to push them aside for a little while at least.

I shook her shoulder, making her wake. "Ughh, what?" she groaned.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her naked body closer to me, then rolled her on top of me.

"Again?" she asked. It was the fourth time tonight.

We were on Wednesday already, she had to get to school in a few hours, and I wasn't letting her sleep. It wasn't her fault I couldn't sleep without having these dreams… she helped to push them away though. They were becoming more frequent, and stronger too.

"Edward, I'm exhausted, can't you wait until tonight? I don't know if I can do it again," she whined.

"Come on, baby, I'm hard," I begged. I need this, I need it now.

"Ughh," she groaned. "Can't you at least be on top this time?"

"I don't think so, it will fuck up my knee. Come on, get on and I'll help you."

She groaned and reached between her legs. I grabbed one of the many condom packages sitting on the night stand and tore it open, handing her the lubed up rubber. She slid it into place and lazy slid down onto me.

She was still mostly asleep, but I didn't even fucking care. She leaned onto my chest and I grabbed her hips and made her bounce and rock on me.

I groaned and moaned loudly, trying to wake her up. I inhaled her scent, pushing all thoughts of flowers and strawberries out of my mind. I stared at her blonde hair and watched her big, bouncing boobs. Her dark, tanned skin, her bare, shaved pussy, everything that I didn't imagine when I saw…It wasn't helping this time.

_Wake up, Tanya, wake the fuck up. I need to hear your voice, I need to see your blue eyes. Come on_!

I took a tighter hold on her hips, fucking her with everything I had. I was so fucking angry. Tanya started whining into my ear.

"Edward, that hurts, slow down, it hurts."

I growled angrily. What was the point of her being here if I couldn't fuck her how I wanted to?

I stopped making her move so much and just rocked her on me. Her muscles tensed and her thighs clenched, a whimper coming out of her mouth. I was being rough, rougher than I'd ever been, surely leaving dark bruises on her hips, to match the one I'd already left on her arms, ribs, thighs, boobs, and ass.

Her clenched muscles felt good. I rocked her harder, feeling the tightening starting to tingle in my groin. She gave a pained cry and it sent me off the edge.

After I'd emptied myself into the rubber inside of her, I relaxed into the soft bed beneath me, my mind finally blank. I heard her sniffle as she dismounted me and closed my eyes, not wanting anything else to disturb me.

The bed shifted as her weight was taken off of it and I heard her rustling around, still making sniffling sounds. "You're an asshole," she said, then exited out the side window.

Yes, I was an asshole. I knew that. Seeing her in pain gave me pleasure. Being the one to cause her pain, gave me pleasure. I knew she didn't deserve it, but that didn't stop me. I just wanted my own pain to go away, I didn't care who I hurt.

I fell asleep again, not bothering myself over the fact that when I woke up, I'd have no one to release my anger, sadness, and frustration into.

My buzzing cell phone woke me. I don't know why I didn't just turn it off. Sunday I'd received 20 missed calls. Mom, Dad, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie… Bella… Jessica, the works. And from then on, the calls only increased. Monday, 50 missed calls. Tuesday, nearly 100 missed calls.

Mom, Alice, Mom, Dad, Alice, Emmett, Alice, Mom, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, Mom, Alice, Dad, Jasper, Alice, and again… Bella….

I don't know why she was trying to call me. Probably to rub it in. And what was Alice's deal. Out of everyone, including my mom, she called the most. My voice mail was full, overflowing. I had upwards of 100 text messages, but I refused to read them.

Mom and Dad were leaving messages on J's answering machine, knowing I could hear them. Alice somehow got the number too. She was crying, begging, pleading me to come home. She mentioned _her_ name and I hit erase before she could say anything else.

They were making me feel worse. I wanted to enjoy it here, but this wasn't home. Bruno was an asshole, J's house was insufferable with all the traffic, the pool couldn't even distract me. Tanya was gone, refusing to look at me – and I deserved that and worse – and I was lonely and hurting worse than ever.

This wasn't working as planned. So, late Wednesday night, after dreaming about professing my love to Bella on rooftops – which of course meant me making love to her on a rooftop, panting my love for her and her crying it back – and waking up with the inability to breathe, I said fuck it and grabbed my bag. I stuffed a couple hundred dollars and J's spare key into the Denali's mail slot with a letter of apology to Tanya – a very nondescript letter – and notes on Bruno's care.

With that, I got into the Volvo and started home. I kept my window's down and drove quickly through the somehow heavy 1 AM traffic, though not speeding nearly as much as I had on the way here. I had 20 hours of driving to finally lose this pain, and I would do it.

She would not have the power to break me. Who was she but some stubborn girl. She was nothing. Nothing. I would ignore her just as she did to me and I would not let her hurt me anymore. Isabella Swan was nothing to me.


	9. Chapter 9

It was around seven in the morning when I got through Sacramento and started hitting the somewhat lighter traffic heading north. I pulled my cell phone out and did the unthinkable; I called Alice, before I called my mother.

Alice would be awake and getting ready for school by now. It barely rang and she was on the line. "Oh god, Edward, are you okay?"

I forced a chuckle and said, "Yes, Alice, I'm fine."

"Ohh," she sighed. "Edward, I was so worried. What were you thinking?"

"Alice, how about you just tell Jasper and Emmett that I'm on my way home, okay?"

She hesitated. "Bella has been-"

"I have to go Alice, I'll see you soon. I should be home around seven or so tonight, you and Jasper and Emmett can come over if you want."

"What about-"

"No, Alice," I said, cutting her off again.

"But Edward, she's been really-"

"No," I said firmly. Alice obviously knew by now what had happened. This was Alice we were talking about, she could weasel information out of a British Foot Guard.

"Edward, I know you don't want to hear it, but don't you dare cut me off again and don't hang up," she started and so I hung up.

I dialed my mom's number and was harassed first by angry screaming, then loving coos, then screams again, and then she started crying, and I hadn't said a word yet.

"I'll be home around seven tonight," I informed her when she had calmed down enough for me to get a word in edgewise.

"Don't you ever do this to me again, Edward," she scolded loudly, lovingly, while she was crying.

"I'm sorry, mom," I told her.

She gave a huge sob and the crying started all over again. I got the "you're my only son" lecture, "what were you thinking?" seemed to be a common question, "do you have any idea how worried I was?" was another favorite, "I love you" was her final repetition, saying it over and over again until she was sure I got it.

"I love you too, mom," I repeated, close to ten times before she finally told me to drive safe, and then contradicted that by telling me to get home quickly.

I did drive quickly, that was the only way to drive. Slow and steady caused just as many accidents as fast and reckless did. I was never as alert going 65 as I was going 85. At least I wasn't breaking 100 going home…okay, maybe a couple times.

I kept my mind on track as I drove, feeling the warm breeze slowly turning cooler as I sped north. Watching the blue skies go gray as I neared the upper northwest. This was home. Home was where I belonged and some little girl was not going to run me off.

The barely noticeable driveway was nearing and I slowed down, taking it slowly. The curvy driveway through the trees led me to my home and I pulled around to the disconnected garage. After cutting the engine, I just sat in the car for a while, in the dark.

I didn't get long. The garage light came on and my car door was flung open and Mr. I-don't-know-what-personal-space-is grabbed me out of the car. Emmett's hugs still frightened me, he was capable of killing a man with just a hug. Bear hugs took a whole new meaning when he gave you one.

Emmett's voice was booming and loud as he yelled at me, cussing me out for being a mentally challenged nincompoop. "But I love you anyway, and don't disappear again you…" the insults started flying again.

Alice was making the scariest sounding, high pitched keening I'd ever heard and I felt the unbearable impulse to plug my ears. After Emmett finally put me down, that tiny woman jumped me. Her little fists were connecting with me all over, not hurting in the slightest, but her intent was clear and the emotion she was putting into it really did hurt.

Jasper calmed her down enough to make her stop hitting me, I sure wasn't going to stop her, and she hugged me instead. "What were you thinking? How could you do that to us? Do you know how scared we were that something happened to you? We thought you were going to hurt yourself. Bella," I cringed, "locked herself in her room the rest of the weekend. She was so upset."

"Alice, Alice, sweetie, you need to be quiet now," Jasper told her.

"No. I don't care if he doesn't want to hear," she yelled at him, still clinging to me. I couldn't push her away and I had to stand there and take the pain she was going to inflict on me.

Or maybe I didn't. Emmett's huge hands grabbed Alice's little arms that were wrapped around my waist, as she started to tell me about how much _Bella_ had been hurt, and he pulled her away from me.

"Don't hurt her," Jasper warned.

"Wouldn't think of it," Emmett said, dragging the fighting Alice away, which left just me and Jasper.

And Jasper knew me best. He said nothing, just grabbed my things from my car and walked with me as I made my way to the house. His silent presence calmed me in the most mysterious way.

As we reached the door Jasper said, "What Alice meant to say is that we're glad you're back. Will you be in school tomorrow?"

"I don't know, probably not."

He nodded, then touched my arm. "If you need to talk, you know how to find me. Don't run off again," he said.

I nodded. His calming aura might be needed and I could say it a hundred times over, Jasper knew me best. "Did you all drive together?" I asked him.

"No, Emmett came separate, but I brought Alice."

"Would you be weirded out if I asked you to spend the night?" I asked, feeling weird already.

He laughed. "Yes, you homo. No, seriously, I was going to make Emmett take Ali home anyway and force myself on you."

I had to chuckle. "Oh, really?"

"Not like that, perv. But I'll totally spend the night with you, Edward," he said in a girly tone and then flipped his hair.

I laughed at his gayness. "You scare me," I admitted, jokingly, and opened the front door, completely unprepared for the psychotic attacking I was going to get.

My mother nearly tackled me to the ground she hugged me so hard. Her housewife lipstick was smeared all over my face by the time she was done with me and I wouldn't be surprised if she never said anything other then "I love you" for the rest of her life. I'd turned my mom into a crazy mess.

"Esme, dear, he's alright, see. He's fine," my dad tried to calm her.

She turned on him, still holding onto me for dear life, but turned her head to yell at my father. "How could you let him leave?"

He didn't even looked fazed by her outburst. I would assume he got yelled at a lot in my absence. I'd really hurt everyone with my leaving.

"He tried to stop me, mom, he really did, but I'm an adult, I made the decision to… run away." I hated calling it that, but truthfully, that's what I did.

"You're grounded," she yelled at me, still not easing her grip on my ribs.

"I know," I said. "How ever long you say mom."

"Forever," she sobbed into my chest. "You're not to leave me ever again. I love you."

"Okay, okay. It's okay, Mom. I love you too, but I haven't eaten in nearly a week, what do you say to making me some supper?"

That perked her up, almost. She loved to cook, but I got scolded again for not eating. She asked what I wanted and waffles sounded tasty.

"Jasper's staying over," I told her.

"Oh, do you think he'll want some?" she asked, getting everything ready.

"I'm sure he will, mom, your waffles are the best."

She smiled at that. I sat at the raised counter and watched as she put everything together. Just as Jasper was entering the kitchen, my mom made her way to the fridge. She was digging around inside and as she started to pull something out, Jasper slid up behind her and whispered something to her.

She looked so confused. "But they are his favorite," she said.

Jasper whispered something else and a sad, understanding look crossed her face. She came out with blueberries and whipped cream and I figured out what the little chat was all about.

Strawberries. They used to be my favorite. I had to hand it to Jasper, he was good. I'd have lost my appetite at the smell of strawberries.

Jasper pulled out a stool next to me and sat down. Again a mysterious wave of calm seemed to emit from him. I don't know how him simply sitting next to me could work to make me feel better, but it did.

I felt sick after finally getting food into my stomach and Jasper and I went into the living room to play Rock Band on the flat screen. Dad and Mom retired to their personal duties; Carlisle in his office and Esme in hers. Jasper kicked ass on the drum set, while I killed the guitar.

It wasn't until about four o'clock in the morning that I finally got tired. Jasper hadn't said a word about being tired the entire time and I would assume he was just "being there" for me. He followed me to my room and collapsed his ass into the leather chair in the corner and fell instantly asleep. I kicked off my socks and jeans and laid into my bed, falling asleep just as quickly.

– – –

We were finally alone together again, in that place I saw her last. Her hand was in mine and I felt whole.

"Do you love me?" I asked her.

She gave me her beautiful smile and sat down on the blanket, pulling on my hand so that I'd join her. I sat down next her and she made a face then scooted into my lap, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Of course I love you, you're Edward Cullen," she said very matter-of-factly.

"What does that mean?" I asked her softly, inhaling the strong, sweet scent of her hair.

She turned her head to the side and nuzzled my cheek then gently brushed her lips against it. "It means that just as you loved me from the first time we met, I loved you too. You're irresistible to me, you know, I was just too shy to admit it. I've loved you forever and I will love you forever," she told me.

I wrapped my arms around her thin waist and looked out across the ocean to the setting sun. It was getting chilly and Bella hugged my arms closer to her.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked me softly.

"Of course, my love, anything," I answered.

"Who's body do you enjoy more, mine or Tanya's? Honestly."

I snorted. What a silly question. "Bella, my love, my only love, you are the only woman I have ever found to be irresistibly attractive. Tanya doesn't have the brains and beauty that you do. She holds less then one tenth, no, one hundredth the beauty you possess. Look at me," I urged her. Her deep, dark brown eyes locked onto mine. "I will never, ever find anyone as attractive as I find you. You are the only woman I long for, the only woman I care to hold in my arms, the only woman I want to be with."

She stopped me there, even though I could have gone on for days, by pressing her lips to mine. "But who's body do you enjoy more?" she asked me.

I was confused. "Love, I just told you."

She shook her head. "No, you told me you find me more attractive, but you didn't tell me who's body is more satiable, more gratifying to you?"

"We haven't made love, sweetheart," I said, confused. "Though, I know it's you."

"Then why did you sleep with her, Edward? If you knew who could please you, why did you leave me? I'm the one who loves you, I'm the one you love. Why did you do this to me?"

And her face turned broken. Her brown eyes drowned me with tears that shattered my heart.

– – –

I woke with a start, my own loud sob waking me from a dead sleep. I jumped out of bed, feeling the unease of vomit rising, but failed to remember the fact that I wasn't wearing my brace and didn't have a healed leg. I came crashing to the floor with a hard thud and my stomach heaved violently.

I'd forgotten Jasper was even here until he was dragging me to the bathroom where I just barely made it to the toilet before spewing the remnants of waffles into the porcelain bowl. I wretched and sobbed, dying all over again. It hadn't been this bad in California.

Jasper left me, but returned quickly with my brace and crutches. I didn't want them. I collapsed backwards into the wall and slid to the cold tile floor, convulsing with the pain. I was sweating, despite my shivering.

I hadn't ever had her, why did it hurt so bad? How could I love her so much when she was never mine? How could the thought of her pain hurt me so much when she was the one who had caused me this pain?

"Get out," I sobbed at Jasper, not wanting anyone to have a clue how bad off I really was – like I really had a chance of hiding it now.

He obeyed my order and left me, closing the bathroom door.

I don't know how many hours I stayed there, letting the images of her harass me. And Jasper played guard dog. It was Friday morning some time, he wasn't going to school. I heard Emmett show up and Jasper turned him away. Alice showed up too, Jasper let her apologize through the door. My dad said goodbye through the door, and my mom begged to come in.

I didn't talk. I just sat there in a pathetic heap on the hard tile. My knee was throbbing, probably nice and damaged after the strain I'd put on it. I'd have to have my dad look at it when he got home.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked.

I didn't recall saying it out loud, but apparently I had told Jasper. The door opened slowly and I composed myself as much as possible.

My dad's eyes were pained as he looked at me, but he said nothing. "I landed on my knee this morning," I told him.

He nodded and knelt down by my injured knee. "Did you ice it?"

I shook my head. He shook his too, in disappointment. A doctor's son who doesn't do the R.I.C.E. procedure after an injury, how unacceptable.

He felt around my knee, which surprisingly wasn't too tender and instructed me to put some ice on it now, to get my ass off the floor, and to elevate it. He helped me stand up.

"I know what it's like," he said. "The first love is always the hardest, Edward, but life goes on. You need to grow up, son."

Gee, where did I hear that crap advice before? I think I'll stick with my plan, thanks so much. I have two more days to get this out of my system, closer to sixty hours, actually, to heal myself up, sew the pieces into place and deal with it. I had it all under fucking control.

Right Jasper? Where the fuck is Jasper? I need Jasper and his Silvia Brown bullshit abilities. There he is. I was practically clinging to him, poor guy. Oh well, he was here, he was going to help me.

I tried eating again, which always seemed to be fine while I was doing it, it was later it always came back to bite me.

And then Jasper asked me about my feelings. It hardly took a dirty look and he shut up. I depended on his silent calming powers, not his gay, "let's talk about our feelings" bullshit.

We played Rock Band again and I calmed right down. My hands were sore from playing so much, but I didn't mind. Emmett showed up after school and Jasper went home. I felt oddly like I was being babysat, switching sitters when needed.

Emmett was different then Jasper, more… rugged. He literally drug my ass outside and pelted me with footballs until I started catching them and tossing them back. I started enjoying myself. It felt so unreal.

My knee wasn't bothering me and I felt myself relaxing, tossing the pigskin as hard as I could. I made Emmett dive frequently, chucking the ball with force he didn't expect, in every direction. I wanted to run. Running would so help me right now… alas, the fucking knee. If I ever felt like killing that fucker who did this to me, it was now more then ever.

"Stop trying to fucking kill me, you asshole," Emmett yelled when I threw a particularly hard pass, making him dive into the mud to catch it. Emmett didn't miss…Emmett never missed a pass.

I laughed and he chucked the ball back at me, bombing it right into my chest. It hurt, in a good way. My muscles ached and it felt great. After tossing the ball back to him, I dropped down into the mud and started doing push-ups.

"Edward, what the fuck?" Emmett hollered then started running towards me. "Jesus, I thought you fucking collapsed and were having convulsions or something. It's about time you started working out again, that physical therapy bullshit they have you doing was turning you into a pussy."

I laughed, then challenged myself, putting my left arm behind my back. Combined with the fact that I already had my bad leg raised so I wouldn't unnecessarily damage my knee, I collapsed down into the mud on my second attempt at a one arm push. It was pathetic, I was so weak. Emmett laughed at me, and I laughed at myself for being such a pussy.

Emmett took off running then and I heard a high pitched scream. I didn't stop my push-ups to see what was going on, all I knew was it was getting closer.

"Emmett, it's muddy, stop. Emmett, stop. Emmett!" Alice screamed and then her weight was on my back. "Edward, if you get me muddy, so help me. I'll kill you both. These are new shoes and jeans! Don't, Edward! God, _Jasper_!"

This was perfect. Alice was a light little thing, and frightening as hell when new clothes was involved. I knew my ass was grass if I got her muddy, so I did my push-ups with her on my back and didn't get her muddy, afraid for my life if I splattered mud on her.

Jasper finally rescued her off of me and I rolled over and Emmett immediately stood on my toes. I kept my eyes on the dark sky above thinking of nothing but the wonderful burning muscles in my abdomen.

"He a machine, a machine!" Emmett growled. "Look at him go!"

Alice giggled, then her phone rang. Well, I hope it was hers anyway, because if Jasper or Emmett's ringtone was "It's Raining Men" I would have shot them in the foot – since they didn't have any balls.

Alice answered quietly and I knew immediately who it was. Jasper started carrying her away and I ignored her. Emmett started _singing,_ "It's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men," as an entertaining distraction.

I just got pissed off at them all for treating me like a baby and started going even faster. My stomach positively burned and I fucking loved it. Emmett started grumbling about being bored, and my knee was starting to feel funny so I quit, rolling over again and going back to push-ups. At least I found something to soothe me.

Emmett for some reason decided to spend the night that night. Maybe him and Jasper had a talk and decided I needed someone with me at all times.

I dreamed of her again and my morning started off crappy, though I got Emmett to agree to take me to the gym.

I didn't cry or vomit so I took that as an improvement. Emmett requested an omelet at my mother's expense and she cooked us each one while she was at it. I picked at mine, eating only the burning hot eggs and the scorching, melted cheese. It made me feel a bit warmer.

I left all the meat and vegetables and when it cooled off to a more normally desirable temperature, I was done. I nearly went to Emmett's Jeep then thought better of it. I pulled my car around front and had my iPod attached to the stereo and cranked as high as it would go on some heavy metal.

Emmett cringed but said nothing as I sped out towards Forks High, which had an open gym on the weekends. I hated this fucking school more than ever, but this was necessary. My speed bag was flat and the punching bag was broken after Emmett tried to tackle it in a drunken rage one night.

I'd have to have Esme order me a new one.

I warmed up with my "pussy" physical therapy crap and did some plain old push-ups and sit-ups again. When I felt the urge to begin, I attacked the speed bag first. I beat it until I couldn't feel my knuckles anymore and moved on to the crappy regulation weight bench. Emmett could bench press a whole hell of a lot more then I could, so I removed two twenty-fives to start.

It felt too light so I added two tens and was momentarily pleased. I grabbed two more tens and Emmett started edging closer to me, though I know he thought I didn't notice. I got pissed again and went back to the original weight Emmett was pressing and was pleased to see my arms shaking dangerously from the weight. Emmett tried to step in to spot, but I snapped at him to get the fuck away from me.

He obeyed but stayed close by. I got a bit locked up on one repetition, nearly dropping the bar on my chest, and the pure adrenaline of the possibility of having the huge amount of weight falling to my chest was enough to get it up again. I was huffing and sweating bullets, my arms felt like rubber but I loved it.

When my wrists started to feel like they might snap, I moved on to the punching bag. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage staying even without putting too much weight on my fucked up knee, but I figured it out for a little while. After getting fed up with tipping and fearing the strain on my knee, I grabbed some dumbbells and did some bicep curls until I couldn't even feel the burn anymore because the muscles were so sore they went numb. I finished with a nice strong ab workout that left me panting.

I felt like jell-o by the time I headed for the showers, sweat was pouring so profusely, I don't know how I hadn't passed out. Emmett was walking extremely close to me, so he was probably wondering the same thing. Thank God he wasn't overbearing in the showers; he let me be in there.

I convinced him to come with me again on Sunday. When I wasn't working out, I was studying. Yes, studying. I no longer had a tutor, I didn't need one. I could fucking do this on my own.

I was _the_ Edward Cullen for Christ's sake, I could do whatever the fuck I wanted!


	10. Chapter 10

Monday morning rolled around and I was on a mission, absolutely fucking hell bent on proving a point. I woke up at 5 AM to get to the school gym. My punching bags wouldn't be delivered for a few more days, so until then, this was going to have to do. Before leaving, I shaved the stubble off my face and ate a light breakfast, then brushed my teeth.

The louder my music was, the happier I was. Music blasting in my ear, I walked into the mostly abandoned school carrying my books and discarded them in my locker before going to the weight room. I started with warm ups, then moved to the weight bench to get bench pressing out of the way.

I didn't want a spotter, I didn't want anyone to see me. I put as much weight as I believed I could press onto the bar and laid down. I could hardly lift it up far enough to get it off the holder, I was pleased. This was going to be difficult.

My arms were locked above me and as I started to bring the weight down, they gave out. The bar holding well over my body weight started coming down at my chest and I felt the fear of death immediately sinking in. Time didn't stand still nor did anything flash before my eyes, but something in my body sped up, kicking my ass into gear.

The music blasted so loudly in my ears, it never would have been possible to hear anything, even if someone did come in, but I was sure I was alone. How then did I get this impossible amount of weight to raise back up?

Adrenaline. There was no way my arms could lift this on their own, but still I did. Adrenaline gave me the strength to raise it, again and again, until my wrists were in danger of splintering like toothpicks. People were starting to show up anyway. They ruined my concentration.

I moved to a mat to do crunches, giving my arms a break. Until I could hardly breath anymore and my abdominal muscles were spasming, I alternated between bicycle crunches, twisting crunches, and plain old damn up and down crunches. Thank God I could do the bicycle crunches without straining my knee or I'd go insane.

I worked until 7:30 and the small gym was getting smelly with all the jocks. I hit the showers and changed into my school clothes. I ran my hand through my hair a few times after towel drying it and felt pretty god damn good. I tossed my duffel bag onto my shoulder and went to find my seat in study hall.

There was still hardly anyone in the school. There was at least another twenty minutes to go before the warning bell rang, and no one showed up this early. I pulled out some things to review and stayed in the far back corner of the classroom while it filled up. I ignored everyone. It was rude, I know, but I wasn't taking the chance to look up.

The warning bell sounded and everything got louder before finally quieting down and the final bell sounded to announce the start of the day. So far so good. I didn't take my eyes off my papers once and I was doing fan-fucking-tastically at concentrating.

My body ached with soreness, it was doing a very good job at keeping me preoccupied with muscle spasms. Real pain outdid the mental pain.

The second hour bell rang and I stood up, collected my things, and moved to my next class, already prepared not to have to go to my locker 'til third hour. Second hour came and went and I made it to my third class without a hitch. Fourth hour too, then lunch.

That was slightly more difficult. Emmett and Jasper hovered, terribly. It was annoying, but I know what they were doing. I didn't hear one peep from Alice or Rosalie, which meant this had all been planned. I couldn't exactly be upset, they were helping me.

Had the school food always been this disgusting? I ate an apple, unwilling to touch any of the other shit they had.

I proved my worth in Calculus when I was called upon and got the answer without a hint of trouble. And in Biology, I even raised my hand to answer a question. I ran into a problem then though. It was announced that tomorrow we'd be doing a lab. Lab partners…

At the end of class, I went to the front to request a change of lab partners after everyone, or almost anyway, left. Mr. Banner told me it wasn't possible. I decided to try a different tactic. After Spanish, I disposed of my books, I went to the office to see if I could talk Ms. Cope into transferring me from the class altogether.

"Dear, compulsory means you are required to take the class, there is nothing I can do," she told me.

I leaned in closer to her, usually she was so easy. "Ms. Cope, is there any way at all I can be transferred out, perhaps to a different time?"

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, Edward, there is only one senior Biology class a semester."

"Then I'll just retake it next semester," I tried.

"Honey, you know that's not how it works. You're doing very well in the class, the only spots open are for students that _need_ to retake it and the ones that haven't taken it yet."

I groaned. "Fine, thank you for your time," I said, a bit harshly and turned to leave.

Bella was standing in the doorway, looking shocked. My eyes locked on hers and I felt my heart starting to shatter again. I held my breath as I pushed past her into the main hall and then moved as quickly as I could to my Volvo. I'd parked on the opposite end of the lot today, no longer using my knee as an excuse to use a close space, so I had been holding my breath for over a minute by the time I got to my car.

I fumbled with my keys, my lungs aching with the need for air and got it started. I didn't even care what was on the radio, I just turned it up as loud as it could possibly go before finally releasing the breath, or sob. It was loud and wretched sounding, but the music drowned it out. I threw the car into drive and sped towards home.

There was no option, I just had to do this. I had to steal my neutered balls off her mantel and put them back in place. I would not be broken. I would not be weak. I would not let her be more than nothing to me. She was nothing to me. She couldn't make me cry anymore.

Sweating, sweating was good. As soon as I got home I locked myself into my basement and did push-ups, pull-ups, and sit-ups until Esme literally drug me up the stairs by my sopping wet hair.

Which reminded me. "Mom, will you cut my hair?"

She gave me the stink eye. "Eat dinner, take a shower, and I'll do anything you want," she said.

I nodded. She made steaks tonight, with vegetables. Steak looked good. Protein, yum. I even ate my veggies.

I felt like such a good boy after doing as my mother asked. I pulled on some shorts and used a huge towel as a cape and sat in a kitchen chair, my mop of hair hanging wetly into my eyes.

"How do you want it?" she asked.

"Gone," I answered.

"Usually you just want to shorten it up, Edward, what do you mean gone?"

"Chop it," I instructed.

"Edward…"

"Mom, you said anything I want."

She took a shaky breath, holding it in. I heard the chop of the scissors and a chunk of reddish hair fell into my lap. I grinned.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye. Great, now I'm singing songs from _The Sound of Music_. More and more hair started to fall and soon, my head felt unusually cool. This was an awesome decision.

I heard my mom give a sniff and rolled my eyes. "O-o-okay," she stuttered brokenly, "t-t-that sh-should do it."

Sweet. "Thanks, mommy, love you," I said and stood up, shaking all of the hair to the sweepable floor. She gave a huge sob when I grinned at her.

Was it that bad or what? I left the hairy towel on the kitchen chair and brushed the cut strands off the rest of my body then grabbed my crutches to see what all her fussing was about. I crutched into the hallway where there was a mirror hanging and checked my reflection.

It wasn't so bad, just different. It wasn't even that short but it definitely didn't look like a mop anymore. I was distracted from my hair when I noticed I could already see a difference in my physique. I'll admit I started checking myself out in the mirror then, flexing and turning to take in all the angles. Hell yes, working out was paying off.

"Honey, I'm ho– What the hell?" Emmett hollered as he came through the front door.

I laughed at the expression on his face. I hadn't been doing anything _that_ embarrassing, and God knows Emmett checked himself out in the mirror every chance he got, so I could only assume it was the hair he was gaping about.

"What did you do to your head?" he asked me.

I laughed louder. This was perfect. No, wait, maybe it was the opposite of that. Was everyone going to bug me about my hair now? Well, maybe that would be okay, it would distract me.

"Edward, you're bald!" Emmett yelled.

I heard my mom give another loud sob from the kitchen and wanted to kick Emm in the shin. "It just so happens that I love my new hair," I said. It was true, I did like it. I wouldn't even have to run my hand through it now, it just sprung perfecting into place.

"So, I came over here to talk to you, Edward, and it's only me because Jasper says we need to butt out, but really I just think he's afraid of you, and obviously I'm not, you're still puny. Anyhoo, take a seat my brotha, and let me tell ya what's crackin'."

I already felt like hitting him, but I took a seat nonetheless. "M'kay, Eddie, you know I love you like a brother, but some things have went down recently and I'm not taking sides here, but we have to discuss something about a certain girl, yes that one." I winced and cringed, not looking forward to this at all.

"Rose called me to tell me that tonight, Alice called her to tell her that Bella, oops, I mean, that girl, came home bawling. We all know… things aren't good between the two of you right now, but you can't be mean to her."

"Get the fuck out of my house," I growled.

"Edward, knock it off. I know it hurts you to talk about her, or think about her, but you need to have some fucking regard for her feelings too. There are a lot of things you don't know, and it isn't my place to tell you, but just take a step back once, Edward. You aren't the only one who lost a friend… and more."

"I walked past her, that is all I fucking did, and I can guarantee you it hurt me a hell of a lot more then it did her, so you report that back to your little bitch watch dog."

"I know you didn't mean that, so I'm going to let it slide, but this is your warning: Don't you ever talk about Rosalie that way again if you'd like to keep your nose from becoming anymore crooked. I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything, just passing on the message. I'll back off now that I said what I needed to and I'd appreciate if you would not hit me, because I really don't want to hit you back."

I was fuming. I wanted to beat the living shit out of my best friend. Jasper should have done this if it needed to be done, he actually had feelings and knew how I'd react. I guess that is why he didn't do it though, because he knew.

"Out," I hissed.

Emmett massive body left the couch. "I'm sorry," he said, very honestly, then left.

After his loud Jeep disappeared into the distance, I returned to my basement and threw all of the weights we had onto the bar. It equaled about the same as what I had pressed this morning and I had my iPod deck turned as loud as it would go to drown out the sounds of my pained and angry yells.

She had lost a friend, my ass. She had said herself we weren't friends. And more than a friend, who was Emmett kidding. She never had any feelings for me.

"I loved her," I growled. "She broke my heart."

_You still love her_ , my head reminded in a sing song voice.

I nearly threw the huge amount of weight in my hands, I was so pissed off. Why couldn't I just get over her? I wanted to hate her so bad, and I couldn't. I did, for breaking my heart, but not as a person.

"Fuck you Isabella Swan," I said. "Fuck you."

– – –

Sadly, it was me who ended up fucking Isabella Swan that night. No, not fucking, I _made love_ to her. Fuck those stupid dreams. I was so sick of my head making sure I remembered that I was in love her.

I had to deal with her today, in Biology. I needed to prepare for that. Again, five o'clock in the morning I was up. Cereal, brush my teeth, admire myself for a few minutes – I really did like my new hair – and I was off.

Almost two hours of working out, shower in the locker room, and again, the first one to study hall. I took my seat in the farthest back corner and waited. It wasn't in peace this time.

"Hey," said a very girlish, almost childlike voice.

I looked up to see a bright mane of red hair. I followed down the hair to a pretty thin face dusted with freckles and a pair of eyes that were almost red in color.

No names came to me immediately. "Hi," I said.

"I like your new haircut," she told me with a smile.

"Thanks…" Vivian, no, Veronica, no, Valery, no, Vicky… "Victoria," I blurted, remembering.

She smiled and wrinkled her cute little nose at me. "You're welcome…E-Ed-Edw-Edward!"

She was teasing me. I liked her. "Victoria Vampire, right?"

She scowled. "It's Vempire," she said, sounding it out for me, indicating the short "e" in the beginning and the long "e" sounding "i". I'd known that, but she seemed fun to joke with.

"Sorry, it's the red eyes, I guess I just assumed."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Like I haven't heard that one before. So, where were you last week?" She asked me.

I leaned in closer to her and whispered, "Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually a vampire."

She giggled and leaned in a bit closer to me. "Shh, me too."

She was kind of cute, but is this what I really wanted, another distraction? The other one didn't work out so well. I didn't exactly get the chance to make that choice for myself as out of no where Rosalie showed up.

"Shoo," she hissed at the pretty red head, waving her hand like she was some kind of varmint.

It really pissed me off when she did things like that. The saddest thing was that the girl left.

"I hear you called me some sort of bitch last night," she informed me.

"Are you contesting that or what is your point, Rosalie?" I asked. She was a bitch, she had to know that by now.

"Oh, I don't know, I guess I just thought it was a good opener. What are you doing flirting with flame head anyway?"

"It is none of your god damn business who I flirt with and I don't appreciate you being such a rude bitch all the time. Besides, hasn't Victoria been dating that one guy for forever?" I didn't recall his name.

She was unfazed, as usual. She leaned closer to me in fact. "You know, you'll find this hilarious. James and Victoria broke up. Actually, James has been all over Bella recently and now Victoria has you in her sights. I wonder what _that's_ all about."

Don't get angry. Don't get angry. Don't get angry. _What the fuck did she mean all over…her?_ Don't ask. _Pain_. Deep breaths. Aching muscles. _Better._

"Why should I care?" I asked nonchalantly.

"You stupid prick," Rose spat in my face. "We both know I don't beat around the bush, so I'm done attempting that. Bella is in love with you, you idiot. Stop being a retard and open your fucking eyes." She threw a piece of paper at me and got up to leave.

There was still a few minutes before the bell rang and the class was mostly empty. I peaked around and Bella was not here yet. Everything inside of me wanted Rose's words to be true, but how could they be? I unfolded the piece of paper.

Written along the top was the title of a project we'd had to do a couple weeks ago, along with that date and the class and block number, and her name. I unfolded it again and saw the beginning of her thesis on the project.

How stupid was Rose? Did she think I'd just believe her if she threw a piece of paper at me?

I rolled my eyes and tore the note completely open. Rose had just wanted to ruin my day, make me suffer even more. My eyes stared blankly at the piece of paper until I saw it.

Where her thesis ended, my name started. _Edward Cullen_ , she had wrote, randomly, her sentence cutting off in the middle. There were a few random doodles beneath it then my name again. Her name was wrote right beneath it. More doodles, these ones in the shape of hearts. _Edward Cullen_ , was written again, very neatly and there was a few floating hearts around it. The final doodle on the page was a set of eyes. It took me a moment, but then I recognized those eyes. My eyes, my dark eyes. And then I looked very closely at a smudged out sentence.

I leaned in close to the paper and narrowed my eyes: _I want to be with you forever. ExB_

I sat up straight in my chair. Then looked over the paper again. It couldn't possibly, she couldn't possibly… no. If Bella loved me, she wouldn't have pulled away all those times.

_All those times_ , I scoffed at myself. When I kissed her, she believed me to be drunk… just that could explain the situation. And she pulled her hand away from mine once, and not even rudely, slowly, hesitantly, and I did nothing to stop her.

The time in her bedroom, the way her breath was catching in her throat while I leaned in closer to her. The time in my bedroom when I cupped her cheek, the anticipation that was in her eyes, and how I ruined it by apologizing and making promises about studying, causing her to look disappointed. The way she blurted she wanted a dinner and movie night, then looked ashamed. The way she pressed her face against my hand, enjoying it. How she turned red all the times that _I_ caught _her_ staring. Saying my name in her sleep, starting to say what…She l-?

Bella was in love with me? _Yes, you idiot! We've been trying to tell you that all along!_ No. Is that what my dreams were all about? I knew she loved me? _Bella_ was in _love_ with _me_?

It was odd how I could distinguish her footsteps from the rest. I knew the exact moment she entered that classroom and I looked up from her note.

I gasped at the sight of her. She looked gaunt, she looked ill, sick, faint, sad, hurt. She looked as broken as I did. I hadn't noticed this yesterday, I hadn't allowed myself to actually look. And now there was the age old question: How could I have been so stupid?

Bella hadn't broken my heart, I had broken my heart and hers as well. I was a fool, a ridiculously foolish asshole.

She took her seat and I quickly grabbed my crutches and made my way over to her. I took the seat next to her and she had her head bowed low over her work, her eyes closed and an arm wrapped around her torso. She didn't seem to hear me or notice me.

"Bella?" I said softly.

Her head turned a fraction in my direction and I saw her clutch harder at her torso. A small, clear drop slid from her eye, down her cheek.

What was wrong with her? Was she sick? "Bella?" I said again, worried.

"Edward," she breathed back, so much emotion in her quiet whisper that I nearly wept.

"I'm here," I told her.

She bit her bottom lip between her teeth and her eyes closed tighter, sending another tear rolling. I reached my hand out and caught the tear with my thumb, wiping it away. Her eyebrows wrinkled in her adorable look of confusion and she peaked at me through one of her eyes.

Apparently she wasn't expecting to find me sitting here because her eyes flew open wide and she gasped in shock, leaning back from my closeness, a bit too zealously. I caught her waist with my arm, thinking she was about to lose her balance and topple right off the chair.

She turned pure red as I steadied her, but she didn't look away from me and there wasn't a chance in hell that I was looking away from her. If she loved me, hell, even if she didn't love me, I wasn't looking away. I'd do everything I could to make her fall in love with me.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

She nodded, not breaking our eye contact. With my arm still around her waist, I pulled her a bit closer to me, bringing her to the edge of her seat like I already was. Her knees were between mine now and if I lowered my face just a couple of inches lower, our lips would be touching.

Still our eye contact didn't break, she had her head leaned back to keep our eyes locked.

I had to know. "Do you trust me, Bella?" But I couldn't ask her the tough questions here.

She nodded. "Say it," I told her, "out loud."

"I trust you, Edward," she said softly.

I wanted to kiss her like never before, but I couldn't; not yet, not here, not before I knew. I slid my hand around her waist, down her thigh, and then removed it completely and stood up.

"Come with me," I said.

That she didn't even hesitate as she stood was a nice boost. I centered my crutches and lead the way out of the classroom. I could hear her behind me and we were just about out of the door when the warning bell rang. I heard her steps falter.

I turned to see her standing there, looking so confused it looked pained. "We should tell someone," she muttered.

"Are you afraid?" I asked her, not blaming her if she was. Plus, she was Bella, and I was asking her to skip school.

She didn't even think about it. "No," she answered.

I closed the few steps that were between us. "What if I don't bring you back?"

Her full lips turned just the smallest bit upward. She liked that idea it seemed.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I said. I longed to know what musings were hidden behind those depthless chocolate orbs.

"I'm afraid now," she admitted.

I took a step back. I never knew what she was thinking. I needed to stop assuming. She followed my step, bringing her body back closer to mine.

"But only because I feel like you're going to leave again. I'm not afraid to leave the school, especially not with you. I trust you, Edward," she told me again.

I couldn't say anymore here. I gave her a reassuring smile, one I hoped would help her to believe I wouldn't leave, I couldn't leave again, ever – even if she didn't want me, I was hers for life.

I was so sick of these crutches. I longed to hold her hand as we walked to my car, which was again on the other side of the lot. I hit the unlock button and Bella didn't hesitate before she slid into the passenger seat. I threw my crutches in the back and got in with her.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see," I told her.

I couldn't help but be nervous now, there were so many 'what-if's.


	11. Chapter 11

We were both silent as I drove out of the lot. It didn't feel right to ask her here. I wanted to see her eyes, her face when she told me. This was going to be the longest car ride of my life.

It just seemed right to take this back to where it got messed up so badly. The day wasn't nice, it wasn't warm, and the ever ominous clouds were threatening to drop rain on us, but still Mora Beach was where we were going.

I kept the radio off, a soft heat blowing from the vents, and both hands on the wheel, despite the nearly painful urge to touch her.

_Not yet_ , I reminded myself.

Not yet, but hopefully I could hold her hand on the way home. I was having great difficulty keeping my eyes on the road as well. She seemed nervous and fidgety to me, my peripheral vision caught her biting her nails a few times.

Her note was burning a hole in my pocket and heavy like a lead weight pushing my foot against the gas pedal. I wanted, no, I needed to know.

Bella, do you love me? Do you love me, Bella? Isabella, are you in love with me? Can you love me? Do you…take this man?

How in the hell was I going to ask her? Maybe I should just say it, she'd say it back if she felt it, wouldn't she? It was one of the most generic questions, there was so few ways to ask it, it seemed simple, until you had to do it.

There was no question in my mind that I loved her and I knew I would have no problem saying it now. I'd already learned that pain of losing her because I was too afraid to ask and say it myself, there was no chance in hell that I was going to be afraid to say anything to her now. The problem was going to be hearing it back. It would hurt if she didn't say it, but not as bad as losing her completely.

_I love you Bella, and it's okay if you don't love me back, I'll make you_!

I nodded to myself. That sounded terrible. Maybe just a plain "I love you" would do. I wanted her to know that I'd still be here even if she didn't love me back though, I didn't want her to feel obligated to say it out of fear that I'd take off again.

I was such an immature little baby. Was I ready for this? Could I handle a relationship? Did I really want this? Was I making the right choice?

Fuck yes, there was no contesting any of that. But was I going to complicate Bella's life? Was I good for Bella?

_Just slow down, you don't even know if there will_ be _a relationship yet._

Right again. This was her choice anyway, I was just going to say how much I love her, she would have to decide for herself if she wanted a relationship.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I had to work to get it out while driving. I heard Bella's buzz as well. Looks like the news had already traveled.

_Don't be an asshole,_ Emmett. _Good luck. Keep ur head n dont be an asshole,_ Jasper. _Don't be an asshole,_ Rosalie – probably just Emmett again. _Bella loves you, so even if she is too shy to tell you, she's told me. But don't say I said anything xo,_ Alice.

Rosalie and Alice both said she loves me. Rose would be Rose, I didn't believe a word she said, but Alice wouldn't lie to me. So Bella loved me. Would she tell me herself, or would she be, as Alice had said, too shy? I wanted...needed to hear those three words from her lips, if she felt it. I could be patient, I'd have to be patient.

Bella giggled from her seat and I peaked at her quickly, she was still texting. "What?" I asked.

I saw her turn to look at me and didn't dare make eye contact for the fear of never looking away and tragically killing us both. "Emmett told me to tell you, don't be an asshole."

I laughed and nodded. When I spoke, I was very serious. "Do you think I'm an asshole?" I winced and waited for the answer.

"If you don't stop making that face, I won't tell you," she said. I attempted to not look like I was expecting the worst. "Of course," she answered.

Great. She thought I was an asshole. But I was an asshole, I couldn't blame her.

"Not," she finished. "Edward," she laughed. I don't know how it was funny, it was mean. "I'm sorry," she giggled. "It's not funny."

"No, it's not, you brat."

She made a gasping sound. "Asshole!"

I grinned. "Brat!"

She couldn't do the façade thing at all. She laughed, then somehow went to serious again. "I don't really think you're an asshole," she told me.

"I don't believe you," I said with a jokingly ill-humored tone.

She hesitantly placed her hand on my arm and I flinched involuntarily – I don't know where those electric shocks came from. "I think that you are a really great person, Edward."

I had no choice but to believe her, I knew it was all just us kidding around, but she really thought I was a great person.

"I don't really think you're a brat," I told her, just to make sure she knew.

"I don't believe you," she said, copying my earlier statement and tone.

She still had her hand on my arm, so I removed that hand from the steering wheel and held it mid air, giving her the option.

_Please take it, please take it, please take my hand,_ I begged silently.

Very slowly, her hand slid from my forearm, to my wrist, and her fingertips gently brushed along my palm until her small hand was completely against mine. Our fingers intertwined together and I held her hand tightly in mine, happier than I could possibly describe. Just simply holding her hand – at long last – did unbelievably strange things to my body. I almost felt like I was floating, my stomach was fluttering with nervous excitement, my knees were shaking, my head was spinning, and my hand felt like it was on fire! All of it felt so strange, and so good at the same time.

"So the asshole fell in love with the brat," I said softly.

She didn't laugh. "What a stupid brat," she replied.

I grinned; we both knew she wasn't stupid, nor a brat, but I took that to mean she was maybe admitting she was in love with said asshole. "What a sick, lowly asshole."

Bella's fingers tightened in mine and I heard a giggle muffle behind her closed lips. I laughed, she joined in.

I think it was official, we were lovesick fools.

I pulled into the small lot near the beach and regrettably let go of Bella's hand. I swear I made a powering-down sound as our skin wasn't in contact anymore. I made to reach into the backseat to find the blanket that was tossed on the floor somewhere, but was distracted by Bella's gasp as I leaned in her direction.

I locked my eyes on hers leaning in closer. "Boo," I said.

She narrowed her eyes at me and then daringly leaned even closer to me. "You don't scare me," she said.

I cocked an eyebrow. "You really shouldn't have said that," I told her in an threatening tone.

She didn't waver. I leaned closer and still she remained unmoving.

_Don't kiss her, don't kiss her, don't kiss her_. Not yet.

I parted my lips, letting my breath blow out of my mouth. I saw her jaw tremble slightly and her lips parted as well. This was perfect. She thought I was going to kiss her now, and I was really having a hell of time not kissing her.

Very quickly and very loudly, I snapped my teeth at her and she jumped. I couldn't help it, I laughed. She made a "ugh" sound and pushed my shoulder, muttering, "asshole" before getting out of the car.

She didn't mean it. I was only attempting at keeping the mood light, not letting myself be nervous for what lay ahead. Besides, at least she was disappointed that I didn't kiss her.

I grabbed the blanket and my crutches from the back and followed after her onto the sandy beach. Everything was gray and brown today, no sunny, bright colors to be found.

I spread the blanket into the sand and sat down, just watching Bella as she walked through sand, moving towards the loud, crashing waves. She stood at the edge of the wet sand for a few minutes while waves rushed towards her, just barely missing her shoes.

She turned and started towards me, a determined look on her face. This was it.

"It's kind of chilly," she said as she neared. I made an attempt not to look at her breasts, but my eyes made it there anyway. Yep, Bella was cold.

_Stop staring, stop staring, stop fucking staring_!

I drug my eyes away and up to her face. She was slipping her wet, sandy shoes off, stepping her little feet onto the blanket one at a time. I laid back onto the blanket and Bella laid by my side a few moments later. Without looking, I found her hand next to mine and she quickly turned her palm up, re-entwining her fingers in mine.

Just say it. No, don't just say it, look at the woman. I looked at her. Say it now. No, wait. Her head turned towards me and our eyes locked.

No more waiting. "I love you, Bella."

I wished this was like our easy banter where I could say something witty and she could say something smart right back, but it wasn't.

She seemed to be building her courage, or prolonging the moment, or drawing out my anxiety, or just trying to kill me. It took a few long moments before her lips parted, but nothing came out. Her eyes closed and her head turned away.

Damn it. _It's okay, just don't lose your head._ It's okay, it doesn't matter.

She needed to know that. As gently as I could, I let go of her hand. Her frightened eyes opened and looked back to mine. I immediately rolled closer to her, not wanting her to think I was pulling away. I placed my hand on the other side of her, raising myself so I was slightly over her.

It took me a long time to get it out without my voice cracking or sounding broken, but I managed to say it. "It's okay. If you don't. Feel the same."

Her misty eyes locked on mine. "I do," she said.

I gave her a small smile. "It's okay."

"No, Edward, I-" Her voice cut off there. She swallowed loudly, seemingly choking on the words.

"It's okay," I repeated again. "I can wait." There was conviction in my voice. I really meant it. I could see it in her eyes that she felt it, I knew it was there now, even if she couldn't say it yet.

She growled in frustration and I gave a light chuckle. "Really, it's okay."

"No," she said angrily. She looked so mad, adorably so. She tried again. "I…I…" She just couldn't do it, and I was okay with that, but she apparently wasn't.

She gave another frustrated growl and her hands were unexpectedly around my neck. She pulled herself up to me and her soft lips connected with mine. Lightning ran excitedly up and down my spine and sparks went off in my brain. There was no doubt that she loved me, her lips silently told me so.

It wasn't completely silent, I guess. Her parted lips closed against mine then parted again, making an irresistible smacking sound and a small, sexy, beautiful whimper came from her mouth.

"I wuv oo," she mumbled against my lips.

I laughed a little, delirious with joy and curled my arm under her raised waist, pulling her closer to me. She smelled so good, so unbelievably good. I parted my lips against hers and let my tongue taste her bottom lip. Her hands left my neck and moved up to my hair and she tried to grab it but there was hardly enough for her to get a hold of anything. She tried to pull our lips harder together, but she seemed to get frustrated with that.

Her hands left my hair completely and she gave a growl. I pulled back, unsure of what was going on with her. Her eyes were a bit furious as I opened mine to look at her.

"Why did you cut your hair?" she asked angrily at me. I was dumbfounded. What did my hair have to do with anything? "You have no idea how many times-" She cut off there, her lips closing tightly, and her cheeks went red.

"What?" I asked eagerly.

She didn't do anything but lick her lips, then she leaned up to kiss me again. "Whoa, whoa there, love, you can't distract me every time you don't want to say something by kissing me." She looked even more angry, blushing again. I kissed each of her stained cheeks then said, "Now, please finish your sentence. Why are you mad my hair is gone? How many times you did what?"

"Nothing," she mumbled.

"Isabella…." I pouted my lip at her and made a sad face.

"You can't give me that face every time you want something," she retorted.

"Please," I asked, trying to pout even more adorably. Her jaw tensed and she shook her head. Oh, I so had this. "Please Bella, I love you."

Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. I leaned in and pecked her lips. "Please," I said after the quick kiss.

"No," she said.

I kissed her quickly again. "Please."

"No."

Kiss. "Please."

"No."

Kiss. "Please."

"No."

Kiss. "No."

"Please. Wait. What?"

I laughed, extremely happy that I could confuse the smartest girl I knew. I put on my serious face then and stared into her eyes with all the intensity I could muster, trying to force the thought out. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't.

"Stop it," she whined.

"Stop what?" I asked.

"What you're doing."

"What am I doing?"

"You're…dazzling me, on purpose. Knock it off."

"Dazzling you?" I asked.

"Yes. It isn't fair."

This was even more fun then I'd planned. I dazzle her! "Have I dazzled you before?"

"Frequently," she admitted.

Good answer. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Say it, Bella."

"I love you."

I grinned. Perfect. "I have no idea how many times, what?"

"I dreamed…."

Okay. "I have no idea how many times you dreamed…."

"About," she paused. I tried to stare even harder. "Your hair."

"My hair?" I asked, confused.

"Yes."

"What about it?"

"Grabbing it."

Oh fuck. Bad mental images, really, really good bad mental images. Why, why did I cut my hair? "I'm sorry I cut it," I said honestly, and sadly.

She immediately reached her hand up to run it through my chopped hair. "I didn't mean I don't like it," she started. "It looks good, it's just… different."

That had been the point. I'd done a lot of stupid, unforgivable things, things that I couldn't take back.

"Don't be sad," she told me, moving her hand from my hair down to my cheek and stroking it lovingly.

I put my weight onto one of my arms and caught her wrist with my hand, bringing her palm to my lips and kissing it. I kissed each of her fingertips before placing her hand back on my cheek.

"Bella, there isn't even an ounce of sadness in me. I'm so unbelievably happy right now. You have no idea how much I love you, or how long I've been in love with you."

Her eyelashes fluttered dazedly and she leaned up again to kiss me. Before her lips touched mine, she whispered, "I've loved you since you saved my life." She pressed our lips lightly together and I pulled back.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered, connecting our lips together again.

God, I couldn't get enough of this kissing thing either, but there were so many things I wanted to know and I wanted to tell her. I pulled away again.

"I've loved you since then too. I remember thinking, 'God, if all the Forks girls look like this, I'm going to start _thanking_ my dad for moving us here.' That wasn't the case of course, you're the most beautiful girl in the universe, no question." She didn't reply, but her cheeks burned bright red. "And that, that blush, it's drove me crazy for years. You still blush just as much now as you did then."

She blushed even more; her cheeks grew hotter and a tint of crimson was sent to the pale skin on her upper chest. I couldn't resist, I placed my hand there, feeling the heat, and also her heartbeat, racing.

"Do I make you nervous?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she answered with a quiet truth.

I nodded. "You make me nervous too," I admitted. I kept my hand in place until her heart rate slowed. "Mine does the same thing when you're around, and when you touch me… sometimes I think it's going to beat right out of my chest."

This seemed to intrigue her. She placed her palm in the same spot on my chest as mine was on hers. Her small hand had to go inside my shirt a little bit to find the right location and that did a wonderful job of making my heart race. The electric charge she emitted that near to my heart gave me palpitations like never before.

"Wow," she said.

I chuckled. "I know. That's what you do to me, you dangerous little creature. You're going to give me a heart attack, not an easy thing to do either."

She smiled an irresistibly alluring smile and I had to kiss her again. As soon as our lips touched, I felt both of our hearts start to stutter away again. Brave and wicked as she was, she traced my lips with her tongue and my heart was going to explode.

I pulled away. "Stop trying to kill me."

She laughed. "Serves you right."

"I love you," I said again. I don't think I could ever say it enough.

"Edward…" I blushed. She was probably getting annoyed with me already. "I love you too."

I could listen to her say it all day and night. I couldn't say it enough, I couldn't hear it enough. "Do you want to go out with me?" I asked her, realizing we hadn't even been on a proper date yet.

"As in out, or as in like…do I want to be your girlfriend?" She asked timidly.

Oh! "Both!" I grinned excitedly.

"Yes."

"To both?" I double checked.

"Yes."

"Dinner and a movie?"

"You already owed me that," she said with a cheeky grin.

"So I did. What do you want to do?"

"Does this count as our first date?" she asked.

"Do you want it to?" She nodded. "Then yes. What about all of our study dates? We could be on like date twenty or something if we counted those."

She blushed, and though it didn't take much to make her blush, I actually figured this one out without asking. If we were on date twenty we would be doing a whole hell of a lot more on this blanket on the beach then hugging and kissing. That hadn't been my intention in bringing that up, I hope she knew that.

"I think dinner and a movie sounds great," she told me.

"Great, are you free tonight?" She nodded again and my phone buzzed in my pocket again. "Hold that thought," I told her.

I pulled my phone out and cussed as I read the text. _Don't forget your doctor's appointment at 4,_ Dad.

Shit. What time was it? If my appointment was at four, I'd have to leave by noon or so and I wouldn't be home until about 9. At least this was my last trip to Seattle, hopefully anyway. If I'd fucked it up landing on it the other day, maybe not.

I flexed my leg and wiggled it around a bit. It felt pretty good. But still, fuck.

"Unless you consider fast food as dinner and doctor's office television as a movie, I'm afraid I can't make good on my word for that date tonight," I said regretfully.

"Oh. I don't mind actually," she said.

"Bella, I have a doctor's appointment, in Seattle," I clarified.

"Well, if you want some company, I don't mind."

"Eight hours in the car, with me. I sing in the car, Bella, it isn't pretty. And I get grumpy after my visits, usually. Although, I should be relieved of my crutches today…."

"Really?" she asked excitedly.

"Yeah. And about damn time too. Do you really want to go? What about your dad?"

"I'll have Alice make up some lie. She's good at getting Charlie to believe anything." I raised my eyebrows at her. This was not a side of Bella I'd seen before. Lying to Charlie? "Don't give me that look, I lie all the time." Oh really? "Well, not all the time…I've lied before!"

I laughed. She was such an innocent girl and I was corrupting her already. She was lying to go on our first… second date. She'd skipped school for our first and was going with me to Seattle for an extension of the first. "I don't like it."

"You don't want me to come?"

"Of course I want you to come," _Don't think inappropriate thoughts, get your mind out of the gutter,_ "but first I made you skip school and now I'm practically running away with you. You shouldn't have lie to be with me."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Edward, it's fine. Just watch."

She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and made a call. Her eyes narrowed as someone answered. "Alice, how are you answering during class?" I could faintly hear Alice explaining herself. "Never mind. Will you do me a favor? – The keys are in my truck, drive it home after school, tell Charlie Edward picked me up to study at his house, and that we could be late. – No, I'm not at Edward's house. – No. – No. – No." She kept blushing, darker and darker. What was Alice asking? "I'll be home around…." Nine, I mouthed. "Nine. – Yes, please. Thank you. Love you too. Bye."

She smiled at me. "See, easy as that."

"Until Charlie finds out I'm dating you and he puts two and two together."

"It's not like we're doing anything."

"Yet," slipped out of my lips before I could stop it. Bella's eyes cast downwards and a blush crept to her cheeks again. "I'm sorry," I started apologizing immediately. I decided now would be a good time to put some distance between us and I sat opposite her. "I didn't mean to say that," I muttered, not really making my case any better.

She shook her head. "It's okay."

"No, that was really inappropriate of me. I shouldn't have said that."

She placed her hand on mine and said, "Really, it's okay. I like to know what you're thinking."

"No, you really wouldn't," I blurted, shooting myself in the foot again. What was wrong with me!

She blushed and looked away again. There were a few uncomfortable moments of tense silence and then Bella muttered, "As long as it's about me, I don't mind," and erased all of the uncomfortable tension and replaced it with the sexual kind.

"It's always been about you," I admitted quietly, wanting her to know.

I swear, even her palm on mine blushed, burning against my skin. I kept my hand under hers but flipped my palm up. Her fingertips slowly started to trace the lines and contours of my palm. Her eyes were watching her fingers while I kept my eyes on her face.

"We can leave now, hit some stores in Seattle before my appointment," I said quietly, offering her the chance to do some shopping while we'd be in the city.

Her eyes met mine and she stopped her memorizing of my hand. "Whatever you want," she told me.

I grinned and pulled my hand out from under hers. I lightly grasped the underside of her knee and pulled her closer to me. "You," I responded.

Her hand gripped my bicep as I pulled her to me. I involuntarily flexed my arm under her hand and blushed as she stared at my bulging muscle. Why did I always make myself look like an idiot in front of her?

She blinked a few times and her eyes looked from the ocean to the sky and back again before settling on me. "There is a bookstore I've been meaning to check out."

I laughed. Her hand connected with my chest and she pushed lightly. I involuntarily flexed again, this time my chest as her hand was placed on it.

_Damn it, stop doing that!_ I told my muscles.

"Okay, brainy, let's go," I said and stood up.

I managed to get on my feet before her and got the chance to offer her my hand to help her up. She looked slightly vexed. "Do you think I'm a dork?"

"I think you're beautiful," I told her and leaned down to kiss her again.

She didn't smile, but she kissed me back. "You avoided the question," she pointed out after I pulled away.

I rolled my eyes. "No, love, I don't think you're a dork. I think you are smart, brilliant, genius, gorgeous; you're not a dork."

She, for some reason, didn't seem to like my answer. "You have to say that," she muttered as I grabbed my crutches and she pulled her shoes on.

"I do?" I asked.

She grabbed the blanket off the sand and shook it out. There was a moments silence and I wondered if she was going to answer.

She started towards my Volvo. "Why do I have to say that?" I repeated my question.

She looked over her shoulder at me and gave me a smile, but still didn't answer. "Am I going to have to force an answer out of you again?" I threatened, not that I minded doing the forcing.

She pulled the back door of the car open and dropped the blanket in and after she closed the door, I trapped her against the driver's side door. I stepped almost close enough to attain full body contact, but kept just a few inches between us to avoid crossing too many boundaries. I leaned in close to her and took a deep breath.

"Now, will you do me a favor?" I requested.

"Um," she replied.

I leaned in just a tad closer and brushed the side of my nose against hers. "Please say yes."

"Yes," she breathed.

I looked into her eyes and placed one of my hands against the side of her neck. "Answer my questions."

She took a shaky breath then answered with, "Maybe."

I slid my hand to the back of her neck and used it to tilt her head back a bit, angling her lips upwards. Their full softness was almost irresistible, I just barely endured not kissing them again. Instead, I placed a small, light kiss to the upper left side above them.

"You already agreed, you can't back out now," I said and placed more light kisses around her lips.

She tried to make me kiss her lips by lining them up with mine. I avoided them skillfully, kissing her nose instead. She was getting frustrated with me. Answering my questions made things a lot easier on the both of us. I wished she'd just open up and say it already.

She made a small huffing sound then rushed the words out of her mouth. "What I meant was you have to say that because you're my boyfriend."

I grinned. I brought my other hand up to her face and gently started tracing the perfect double curve of her lips with my thumb. "You're right about one thing, I am yours, but that doesn't mean I have to say anything. I'll say what I mean, not because I'm in some way obligated, but because I feel it and mean it."

"Mine?" she asked shakily.

I grinned wider and moved my hand out of the way. I kissed her top lip then waited for her eyes to open again. I searched their depths for a few short moments then said, "I am your boyfriend, but I'm not just that, I am yours completely."

She seemed to like that. Her hands left her sides and went to the back of my head. She pulled us together, joining our lips in a passionate, long kiss. It was her tongue that grew bold again, pushing past her lips and licking at my bottom lip. Not yet, I had more to say. I pulled back just enough to get air and words.

"Yours. Whatever you want from me, Bella, whatever part. My heart, my soul, my mind, it's all yours. I'm with you in everyway imaginable. Yours. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually-"

She stopped me by bringing our lips together again. It would seem Bella expressed her feelings in a more physical manner. That was okay, I'd definitely take it. I'd take whatever she would give me, kissing surely wasn't anywhere near the bottom of the list.

Her small body molded to mine unexpectedly and I had to restrain a groan. If this wasn't Heaven, I couldn't even begin to imagine how much better it could get. She was like some kind of drug to me, she made my body react in the most unnaturally amazing ways and I was hopelessly addicted already.

I pulled back once more, just to say it. She had wrote it, which meant she must have felt it, I wanted her to know I felt it too. "I want to be with you forever."

She blushed, looked down, and bit her bottom lip to hold back a smile. She knew I read the note after that, I expected the blush. She spoke very quietly, "Why did _you_ not say anything before?"

That was a difficult question to answer, possibly a lengthy one. "Can I tell you on the road?"

She nodded and I kissed her once more before we started towards the Emerald City.


	12. Chapter 12

I pulled onto the highway and thought about my answer. I'd tell her the truth, obviously, but would she get angry or upset with me because I was a coward? It'd be a bit hypocritical of her since she hadn't let her feelings be known either, but being the male counterpart, I _was_ supposed to be brave and strong.

Being it was a long trip, I figured I'd get a few minutes to consider my answer, but maybe she thought I was avoiding. "So?" she prompted.

"Before my injury, I told myself that even having a crush on you would be a distraction." I quickly rushed to add, "But that doesn't mean I didn't love you just as much then as I do now, because I did. I'm sorry for being so _stupid_ in all of this, I-"

"Edward," she cut me off. Her hand found mine and held it tightly. "Don't apologize, just tell me the truth. No apologies."

I nodded, then said, "Wait, I want to apologize for something. I'm so, so sorry for leaving Bella, I shouldn't have ran away-"

She cut me off again. "Edward, we both know that was my fault."

"Absolutely not. I ran away. I was so immature. I didn't even _tell_ you how I felt, I just-"

"Stop! It's done, in the past, you're here now."

"So are you," I pointed out and gave her hand a squeeze.

She squeezed back. "Do you want to continue or talk about something else?"

"After this," I restarted, motioning to my knee, "things got more difficult. You know how I was. Anyways, I didn't let myself realize I was in love with you for a long time, I pushed my feelings aside. We started spending more time together and the inevitable happened." She gave a light laugh. "The love I feel for you came crashing into my world like a meteor, suddenly everything was bright, on fire. And then, when I left, it was dark again."

She pulled my hand into her lap and placed her other hand on it, holding my much larger hand in her two small ones. I pushed the grim, sadness from my mind and continued with my explanation. "So, I realized I love you. I didn't tell you or do anything for a while because I was deathly afraid of being rejected. Someone as good, as kind, as loving and gentle as you are couldn't possibly have feelings for me, the stupid, lowly asshole who had more problems than you can count on two hands."

"Edward," she said in a scolding tone.

I gave her a small smile. "I was a coward, that's my grand reason. I'm still a coward, but I'm not lying to you or myself anymore. Anything you want to know, I'll tell you. Anything you should know, I'll tell you, unless I think it'll hurt you. Then I'll keep it to myself."

"No," she said, "don't keep secrets. I want to know everything."

_I can't tell you everything, because I'm a coward. There are things I'm too afraid to tell you, love, things that will hurt you and I'm afraid of what you'll do when you find out_. "Will you tell me why you didn't say anything?"

She gave a sarcastic sound of disbelief. "Edward, I don't even tell my dad I love him," she admitted. "I'm more of a suffer in silence type."

"Love is suffering?" I asked. Of course, I knew what she meant and I was just pulling her leg. I laughed when she started to babble out an explanation for that one. "Shh, it's okay, I'm just kidding. I know what you mean. I'm a very lucky guy then, aren't I?"

"Lucky?" she asked, confused. "Oh, like you found a girl who _doesn't_ want to talk about her feelings."

"No," I clarified, "I mean, I'm lucky to be the one to watch you open up. Starting now. Besides you being a tight, closed little book, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Alice tell me? Jasper knew, I would assume him and Alice were having little discussions about this."

"I would have killed her if she told you, I told her so. She was under strict orders to keep my classified information to herself. She's my best friend, and family at that. She knows better than to betray my trust. Besides, Alice has her own way of working. She knew we'd get here eventually. Even after everything, I'm glad she didn't tell you. Now you know."

I grinned to myself. Little did she know…. "So, keep going. You didn't answer all my questions."

She sighed. "Did you really expect me to admit that I love you out of no where?"

"Expect, no. Hope, yes. Bella, will you promise me something?"

"I'm not falling for that again. What do you want?"

I had to chuckle. "Just promise me that you will tell me what you're feeling from now on. I can never tell with you, you're impossible for me to read."

"Right now, I'm happy, excited, in love. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, I suppose I can, but I never know if I'm projecting my own feelings onto you, confusing the two."

"Nope, I have my own feelings, they just happen to be the same ones you have."

Smart ass. "If you wouldn't have been too shy or weren't a feelings hider, would you have told me?"

She gave that some honest thought. "No," she answered. "You might think you're a coward, but you're a lion, Edward. Even when you tried to show me how you felt, I just… ignored it, wrote it off. You have me panned out to be something I'm not. I'm just a coward. But you, you are brave and you are the kind and loving one. I didn't believe you could love me, not you. You always say, 'I'm Edward Cullen,' and you are. And I'm just Bella."

"Explain," I prodded, getting frustrated.

She sighed. "You're funny, and charming, and… and… handsome. I'm… not. You're cocky, arrogant, and self-assured… I'm not. You're unbelievably good looking, I'm plain."

"Okay, I wasn't going to interrupt, but you're being ridiculous. Bella, the way you regard me is positively ludicrous."

"I feel the same way about how you regard me."

I sighed. "Then we'll agree to disagree, but you are the farthest thing from plain, Isabella Swan."

I think she was going to retort, but she seemed to decide better of it and kept her comment to herself. We sat in a comfortable silence and she started idly playing with my fingers. Something she had said brought a grin to my lips. I knew I was being an arrogant ass again, but I hearing her admit it was very pleasing.

"Unbelievably good looking, huh?"

She laughed. "Extraordinarily so. If you repeat this, I'll hurt you, but even Rosalie says you're too gorgeous to be human."

I full out laughed at that one. "Perfect pair then, aren't we?" I asked, bouncing my wrist against her thigh.

She didn't answer. We were silent for a few more minutes, then Bella said, "I thought you sing in the car."

I shook my head. "I'm sparing you."

"And if I want to hear?" she asked.

"No," I said, point blank.

We drove through Port Angeles right around lunch time, and though I insisted on taking her to La Bella Italia, she forced me to go to McDonalds instead, saying that she would really rather have time to stop at the bookstore. So we went under the golden arches and ordered out of the window. I made her promise to let me take her out for dinner in Seattle.

I drove and ate – not an easy task. I got Mac sauce all over my shirt, which Bella found hilarious. I gave her dirty looks for laughing at me and she made up for it by feeding me French fries. Her lips were stained red from the cherry Slurpee she had ordered and I had a mental flash of her sucking on that popsicle, then suppressed a groan as my jeans grew unbearably tight.

It was a long hour of me trying to keep my thoughts clean. First it was the red lips, then she leaned against the center console telling me about how terrible her latest shift at Netwon's Olympic Outfitters had been. I didn't hear most of her story, my ears refused to listen as my eyes took turns watching the road and the soft, fair skin of her nearly exposed chest. And finally, she leaned back into her seat, getting comfortable, spreading her jean clad thighs.

My toes curled and uncurled in my shoes as my cock throbbed in my jeans. Why was it so difficult to keep thoughts clean around Bella? She was just too fucking alluring. Those lips, those eyes, that hair, her smell, her warm hand on my arm… her hand grasping my thigh and inching upwards….

_Stop it!_ Agh. Shit. Okay. Clouds, rain, wet… wet Bella. _No._ Green, roots, trees, tree tops, looking down Bella's top. _No!_ Dirt, gravel, sand, Mississippi, Kentucky, Vancouver, Italy-

"Are you okay?" she asked me, stopping my thoughts, just as they began to work.

"Yep."

"Oh, you're quiet. Am I boring you?"

"Not at all." _Keep it together_! "You work this weekend?"

"I work every weekend. Noon 'til closing on Saturday, eight 'til noon on Sunday. Why?"

Fucking Newton. He got to spend every weekend with Bella. "Just making plans."

"Oh?"

"Maybe we can do something Friday night?" There was a party, as always, but that wasn't what I had in mind.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"And I still need my tutor."

She laughed. "Whenever you want."

We made quiet banter with each other for the rest of the ride, occasionally both of us were thoughtfully silent, just enjoying each other's presence. I managed to keep my mind clean; mostly we talked of nothing holding any importance but it was all incredibly interesting to me.

Seattle drew nearer and nearer, arriving impossibly fast. I knew exactly where the mall was that Bella said the bookstore was in and we pulled into the lot about an hour and half before my appointment. That was enough time for her to at least look around in there.

"I can't wait to be rid of these," I groaned, pulling my crutches from the backseat. She gave me a supportive smile and walked close by my side as we entered the mall. "I can't even hold your hand," I muttered.

"It's okay," she reassured.

"Do you want to hold my hand in public?" I asked her.

"Why wouldn't I?"

She was giving me a suspicious look. I shrugged. "You just don't seem the PDA type. I guess I'm actually curious whether you want to 'go public' or not?"

Her eyes moved to the ground and she kept them there as she continued towards the store. What did that mean? Did she not want to date me in public? I guess that was okay, for now, we could keep this between us, though most of Forks probably already knew. Or did she think that I had asked because I didn't want to? She was so frustrating.

"Okay, stop," I said, stopping in the middle of the wide aisle.

"What is it? Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine. Come here." She moved towards me and I leaned my crutches against a bench to my left and grabbed Bella's shoulders, pulling her closer to me. Her eyes wouldn't meet mine. "Look at me," I pleaded.

It took a few long moments, but her eyes did eventually meet mine. "We're going to practice that feelings sharing thing right now," I told her. She seemed to expect that, she didn't react. "What are you thinking?" I asked longingly.

"Nothing," she replied.

I growled. "Damn it, Bella, stop being so unbearably frustrating. Tell me exactly why you looked away from me when I asked that question."

She shrugged. "I didn't want to trip."

_Liar_! She's lying to me. "You are the most terrible liar I've ever seen, no wonder you make Alice do your bidding."

She scowled. "Why did you ask?" she muttered.

"Because I don't know what you're thinking. Bella, I don't ask you things because I'm not sure of myself, I ask because I have no idea what you want. I love you, and I'll gladly tattoo 'Property Of: Isabella Swan' on my forehead. I don't know what you want though, love, you need to tell me!"

I knew I was ranting, but she was just so difficult. She seemed upset by my little rant. I felt terrible. I pulled her into my arms and began apologizing.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have went off like that, that was wrong of me."

"I'm trying," she muttered into my chest.

I stroked her long hair. "I know you are, I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. I'll be patient. We'll keep this to ourselves until you're sure."

She pushed back from me. "What do you mean?" she asked me. "Edward, I'm sure. I want you, I love you."

I nodded. "I know, I just mean until you're ready."

"I never said I wasn't ready. Do you really want everyone to know that you are dating _me_?"

"More then anything," I declared.

Her whole body relaxed into my arms with a sigh. "I love you and I don't care who knows it, as long as you do."

"I do."

I did know that she loved me, but she still didn't love me enough to just tell me what she wants, or trust me, whichever. I didn't blame her. I left her, I hurt her – I had to earn her complete love and trust. I knew I had to earn her forgiveness too, for what I had done. We'd just barely started and I was already deathly afraid of being without her. How was I going to tell her about what I'd done? Hiding it was wrong, she deserved to know, but how could I tell her something like that?

"Here it is," she said, turning into the large store. I followed her in and she went straight for the romance section.

I eluded that section, I doubt Bella needed me hovering, and starting just browsing aisles. _Taxes 101, Dog Whisperer, Pendragon, The Lost Symbol, Dating For Dummies_. I had to chuckle at that one, though I made the mistake of continuing down that aisle. _Sex For Dummies, Fabulous Foreplay, The Complete Idiot's Guide To Amazing Sex, The Orgasm Bible_.

Oh god, just stop looking. I couldn't! _Squirms, Screams, and Squirts, 101 Sex Positions_ -

"Edward!"

Fuck! Nothing like getting caught in the sex section of a bookstore by your girlfriend of… oh… five hours.

She laughed when I turned around. I knew for damn sure that I was blushing dark enough to contest with Bella herself.

And just as I thought it couldn't get any worse, a middle aged female employee entered the aisle. "Can I help you two find something?"

"No," I said very quickly, my voice high with nervousness.

Bella was snickering away as I tried to make a run for it, but by now I knew there was no escaping anything quickly when you depended on two pieces of metal under your arms as a leg.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" she asked me through her giggles.

"I wasn't looking for anything," I grumbled.

"You were staring awfully hard not to be looking for anything," she said, giggling some more at my embarrassment.

"I wasn't looking for _anything_ , just browsing the _entire_ selection in the store. Did _you_ find what you were looking for?"

"Yes, I did, thank you. I left them at the counter while I came to find you."

"I'm never coming in a bookstore again," I griped.

"Aww, Edward," she sang. If it weren't for the embarrassment, I would have smiled.

Her hand brushed against my lower back and I instinctively flinched away from it. I didn't mean to, it's just that when I'm in a mood – embarrassment included – I shrank away from physical contact. I'd never have purposely moved away from the exquisite touch of Bella, but she didn't know that.

"Sorry," she muttered from by my side, staring at her shoes as we shuffled along.

Damn it. I sighed and stopped. We were in a secluded aisle of books. I leaned my crutches against a shelf and reached for her, grabbing her t-shirt. _Don't be rough,_ I tried to remind myself.

I didn't succeed. I pulled Bella closely and roughly against me, making her yelp in surprise. I bent down and inhaled her intoxicating scent. I caught her wrists and wrapped her hands around my back and then wrapped my own arms around her shoulders. I leaned down further and nuzzled my face against the side of her head, burying myself in her hair and smell.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"You wouldn't understand," I said.

This was my happy place, this was the place I came even when I couldn't. My Bella, officially. I hugged her warm body tighter to me. Had she not been so short, this wouldn't have worked. I had to bend down quite a ways, which thankfully averted my expanded jeans. Her pert little breasts weren't averted though, those were held nice and tight to my chest.

This was going to be some supreme shower material for later.

_Sick fuck._ I know.

"Um…."

"Am I hurting you?" I asked her.

"No," she responded.

"Can I please just hold you a few more minutes?" I begged.

She made a funny sound, then her fingers curled in against my back, holding me tighter. I suppressed a groan and reminded myself that this was shower material, not public store jeans material. I sighed, taking deep breaths.

This was it, there was no turning back for me. I knew all along that she was the only person I was ever going to want, need, love, but this moment was where it became concrete and I knew I'd die without her. It was like our souls suddenly melded to one, soldering together with an inseparable bond.

"I love you," I breathed into her ear.

She made an odd sound again and her fingers curled in tighter, grasping my shirt. It was hardly a whisper, barely louder than a breath, but she said, "I love you too."

We stayed there like that until I was so perfectly at ease I could have just went to sleep right then. I don't know if anyone entered or passed the aisle, if they did, they didn't disturb us. I was too absorbed in our envelopment of each other to notice anything else.

Although Bella's fingers were still gripping tightly at my shirt, I apologized and tried to give her some breathing room. Poor girl, I was already smothering her.

She didn't let me move away. "Just a little longer," she pleaded.

I willingly obliged. I pressed my lips to her neck for the first time. With her mouth so close to my ear, I heard her gasp. I pulled my lips away from her skin, afraid that she didn't like it. Her head turned towards me, bringing our lips close enough together for me to already feel the electricity rolling from her skin to mine.

"Bella," I whispered.

I'd never felt so alive and whole in all my life. Every one of my sense was strung, tensed and coiled like a stretch wire bearing the weight of a gymnast. I could hear, feel, see, taste, smell only Bella. She was everything, she surrounded me completely.

Just as I went to kiss her, my pocket buzzed. I groaned at the interruption and leaned back, digging my phone out of my pocket.

"Hello?" I asked harshly, not even bothering to check who it was.

"Just checking to make sure you made it to Seattle safe, sweetie," my mom cooed.

I sighed and let the tension release from my body. I couldn't be mean and angry to my sweet mother. "Yes, Mom, I'm here and perfectly okay."

Bella was backing away from our embrace. Confused, I searched her flushed face. She mouthed what looked like, "I'm going to pay," and motioned towards the service desk.

Unwillingly, I let her go, while my mother told me how much she loved me. I suspect she expected me not to come back.

"I'll be back before ten o'clock," I confirmed. Hopefully anyway. My appointments usually weren't long, those doctors were always rushing patients in and out of rooms. Dinner with Bella could be the set back, I didn't want to rush our first dinner out together.

"Okay, honey. Drive safe. Be careful. I love you."

"I will. Love you too."

I hung up before she could start to worry at me again and pocketed my phone. I staggered my way towards the service counter to see if Bella was finished yet. She met me halfway there, near the exit.

"Ready?" I asked her with a grin.

She nodded and we left the warm store, entering the loud halls. That was the good thing about bookstores, they were quiet, everything else about this malls was chaotic and cramped… and loud! I made sure Bella was close by my side as we moved towards the exit, checking periodically that she was okay.

It was drizzling outside, damp and cool, the normal, still irritating. You'd think I'd be used to the ever gray skies and cloud cover by now, but I wasn't. It was unnatural to see so much wet, cold, dark weather – the sun should shine more often here.

I found my keys and unlocked the doors for Bella to get out of the rain. She wasn't wearing enough clothing and must've been freezing. I started the car and immediately turned the heat up as Bella rubbed her exposed forearms, trying to warm them with friction. I looked at the clock. We had about thirty minutes to get to the other side of town and park in the ramp for my appointment. I took a deep breath and sighed.

"Nervous?" she asked me.

I tried to conceal a smirk, pouting instead. I nodded slowly, not daring look at her, she'd see the excited humor in my eyes. "I might not be so nervous if you held my hand," I tried.

It worked; she laced her fingers in mine without any hesitation. I took another deep breath, giving myself a few moments to 'calm down'.

"Maybe…." I trailed off, wanting her to ask.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Maybe…if you kiss me, it might help."

I peeked at her out of the side of my eye, not turning my head. I could see the red on her cheeks and the way she was nervously biting her lip. This was different, this wasn't a 'heat of the moment' kiss. This was me asking for her to kiss me, she no longer had adrenaline in her veins, no fear of me leaving. This was her chance to overcome her embarrassment and kiss me because I asked.

I wiped the smirk off my lips and looked hopefully at her. Her face slowly turned towards mine. I stayed put, making her come the distance to kiss me. She met my eyes and I nearly laughed – or maybe cried – at the nervousness they held. I knew that feeling, but mine was there because I wanted her to kiss me so badly.

She averted her gaze, then blushed dark red as she stared at my lips. I licked them for her, making her eyes soften, her pupils dilate. I know she was trying to move slow, yet fast at the same time. She would start towards me, then slow down. Her feelings were obviously conflicted; she wanted to kiss me, I think, but at the same time was nervous and afraid to.

When she finally made it to me, she seemed to let the nervousness win. Her lips were tight, her jaw hard as she kissed me, briefly, chastely, hardly.

I sighed as she pulled back. "My stomach is in knots," I whined. Not about my appointment as I'm sure she assumed, but in anticipation of getting her to open up to me. She kissed me before, heat-of-the-momently but still a kiss. Now, would be her expressing herself to me, openly.

She looked into my eyes for a split second before, then leaned back in, kissing me again, a bit more… willingly this time, but not enough to make me 'feel' it.

_Stop being nervous, Bella, be brave,_ I wanted to tell her, but I'm sure that would have made her pull away more, embarrass her further.

I sighed and pouted again, not bothering opening my eyes. Her lips came to mine again and I could feel her trying this time, but it just wasn't there yet. I needed her to put herself into it, to just give in, finally – for me.

She didn't. I tried not to be disappointed, everything was still too new and fresh. I couldn't blame her for not being able to open up to me, I just hoped we'd get there eventually.

I licked and rubbed my lips together, savoring her taste and made to turn back towards the steering wheel, my eyes still closed in an attempt to shield my disappointment. Her hands seized my face unexpectedly, her soft, gentle fingers curling slightly against my jaw bones as she drew my face back towards her.

Her lips connected with mine almost roughly, but not quite. Her full lips were soft, parted against mine, wet. Her hands moved against my cheeks, caressing softly. Her fingertips brushed against my eyelids, to my hairline, then my ears. Her hands curled around my neck and she pulled me harder to her lips, kissing me fiercely. Her fingers moved into the hair on the back of my head and she again tried to grasp at it, getting nothing but spurring us both on anyways.

Her lips parted against mine and mine parted with hers, our mouths were open against each others and I sat there, breathing loudly through my nose, waiting. She closed her mouth again and mine closed with hers, and again they parted. I waited again, she had to take this step. She whimpered then I felt her soft tongue on mine.

I fucking lost it.

I'd been waiting too long for this, all these years. Her taste, her mouth, her! She was exquisite.

My hands went to her face and I cupped her cheeks gently, but firmly. I groaned into her mouth as I slid my tongue along hers. I forgot my name. I forgot the fucking center console that was between us until it got in my way and I nearly beat it back just to get closer to her. It was too long, far too fucking long that I waited for this. This, Bella, _my_ Bella.

And she was giving it right back. The happiness, the love, the contentment, and also the pain, the anger, the sadness, and with that the lust, the passion, the want, the _need_.

Her tongue was on my teeth, my cheeks, against, over, and under my tongue. Her breath was more haggard than mine was as she broke away. I moved my lips to her throat, unwilling to be done with these unearthed feelings. She made a few breathy gasps as my tongue, teeth, and lips worked at her hot, soft skin and I pulled back.

I was back on my side of the car before I even knew what happened. The kiss had lasted an impossibly short time. I wanted more, I wanted more _right now_ , and that scared me. The sounds she made, the feel of her heart racing underneath my fingertips and lips, I could smell and taste her warmth… I wanted to consume her, I wanted her to be mine in every way. I shouldn't have been having those urges yet.

I put the car in gear, still breathing heavily and pulled quickly out of the parking space, gunning the accelerator, speeding us out onto the main road towards the parking garage and hospital.

Without the radio on, I could still hear her breathing as heavily as I was as I darted towards a red light. I was just slowing down as it went green and I worked my way through the masses of cars to get where I needed to be as quickly as possible.

We didn't say anything to each other as I continued to bend the laws of the road to my will, breaking speed limits to get in that ramp.

It didn't take long to cross town, thankfully, but speeding through a parking ramp was not a good idea. I was late, there was no changing that fact. I went up a couple levels and Bella pointed out an available space which I swerved skillfully into.

I hurriedly turned off the car and got out, collecting my crutches. Bella came around the back of the car and we started towards the door marked with an 'elevators' sign.

"Oops," Bella said unexpectedly and stopped. I did as well, turning to see what she was doing. "Go ahead, I'll catch up," she told me, bending to tie her shoelace.

The mere thought of Bella, alone, in a parking garage gave me goosebumps. Leaving her alone in here was not an option. I was late already, I could wait.

She jogged the few steps that separated us and apologized. I rolled my eyes at her for apologizing for an untied shoelace and pushed the heavy door open, putting us inside the small enclosure containing the elevators and stairs. I let her through first and she pressed the down button for me. I ticked my fingers impatiently against my crutches. Finally the lift dinged and opened to our right. We got in and headed down to ground level.

We exited the small building and crossed the street to the colossal brick building with huge windows. We moved quickly through the large lobby to the branch we needed and grabbed another lift to the sixth floor.

Orthopedics was on the east wing, we moved that way and Bella followed me to the check-in desk. I gave my information to the nurse and she informed me that the doctor would be right with me.

Yeah, I'll bet.


	13. Chapter 13

Bella and I took a seat in a secluded corner and I sat close at her side, retaking her hand in mine. She was closer to the table with the magazines, so I leaned over her digging through the pile. She leaned back in her seat and I looked up at her. I was turning into Emmett with this lack of respect for personal space. She just seemed surprised, not adverse to my closeness, so I winked at her and continued searching for something good.

I settled on an old issue of _Time_ and returned back to my seat. "Should have brought your new book," I told her.

I flipped through the magazine bored already. I turned to an article on the world's most influential people and decided just to browse that. Bella leaned in slightly and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

I was surprised when my name got called. I closed the magazine and tossed it back to the table then urged Bella up with my arm still around her shoulders.

"Oh, I'll just wait out here," she said.

I looked around. The waiting room was predominately male, especially on the half of the room we were sitting in. No.

"I want you to come in," I said.

"Oh, well, okay."

We rose to our feet and I crutched my way to the old, gray nurse waiting for me. "How are you doing, Edward?" she asked me.

I remembered this one, not her name, but she was friendly. "Good, great. Losing the crutches today, hopefully."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you," I said.

She opened a door for me and I stopped for Bella to enter first. She grinned at me as she walked past.

I knew the procedure; I walked to the examining table, rolled my jeans up my leg, sat on the hard, uncomfortable table, removed my brace, and waited. The nurse did some things on the computer, then again I heard, "The doctor will be right with you."

I nodded and she left, giving Bella a polite smile. I sighed and laid back onto the hard table and turned my head to look at Bella. She smiled at me and I instantly felt better.

"You're so beautiful." She went bright red and I had to grin. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to be able to tell you that."

"I wish you wouldn't," she muttered.

I scowled and sat up but didn't have a chance to say anything as there was a light knock on the door before the handle turned.

"Ah, well hello there," he said to Bella before greeting me. "Edward, how are you?"

"Never better," I said, throwing Bella another wink.

"Fantastic. Let's get right to it then."

The doctor approached the end of the table, lightly grasped my ankle, raising my leg, and pulled the extension out to keep my leg straight. He moved around the side then and started manipulating my knee.

"Any soreness, tenderness, swelling?"

"No," I said.

"Have you been doing your therapy?"

"Yes."

"No injuries?"

"Nothing serious."

He nodded then turned back to the desk. He grabbed the brace he had brought in with him and started putting it on my knee. "Okay, I want you to wear this whenever you'll be on your feet. Stand up."

He pushed the extension back into the table and I got to my feet. "How's it feel?" I nodded. It felt fine. "Walk."

I was suddenly very nervous. I hadn't walked without crutches in a long time and with Bella watching I felt like an idiot. I was hesitant, slow to put my weight on my knee but it felt fine.

"Does it hurt?" the doctor asked me. I shook my head, it didn't hurt at all. "Then stop favoring your leg. The brace is going to support you and keep everything in place, just walk normal."

I tried. It felt weird to not have the crutches or hinged brace anymore. He started speaking to Bella as I continued walking back and forth across the small room.

"You're going to have to watch him. Point it out when he's favoring the leg." She nodded. He addressed me again. "You'll get sore, but that's just everything regaining strength again. Absolutely no running, no jumping, don't stress the knee. Don't put any more weight on it then necessary. Re-teach yourself to walk. Keep up your therapy. If you have any questions or problems, call. Use the brace until you think you're ready. I recommend at least a good couple of weeks, longer doesn't hurt, but don't rely on it. You need to re-strengthen that leg. It's still healing, do not overuse it. When you feel you're ready to lose the brace, you can try some light jogging – don't push yourself too fast. Got it?"

I nodded.

"Avoid stairs for these first few days, start to take them a few at a time. When you can jog up and down a few flights of stairs at a time, you know you're ready to lose the brace, but that's a few weeks out yet, Edward. You had a lot of damage, we did everything we could, but I don't know that you'll ever be able to do 60 meter hurdles again."

I'd already accepted this. I nodded.

He held up his hand and ticked on his fingers. "R.I.C.E. Rest, ice, compression, elevation. Your father knows this, you know this, do it. You will get sore. No more oxys, toss them out. If you are in unbearable pain, call. Do you got everything?"

"Use, don't overuse. Soreness is to be expected. I got it, Doc."

"Good then, I don't want to see you in here again." He gave me a friendly smile.

"No disrespect, but I never wanted to see you in the first place."

He laughed. "Nobody does. I'm used to it."

He pulled the door open and I offered Bella my hand. She smiled and stood, we walked out the door and down the hall hand in hand. I couldn't keep the shit-eating grin off my face.

I very purposely left my crutches in that examining room, as well as the old me. To be able to walk past the appointment desk and not have to set up a next one was a great feeling. Hell, to literally _walk_ was a great feeling. And then there was the fact that Bella was with me, holding my hand.

"Thank you," I told her as I pushed the down button for the elevator.

She just smiled and nodded. The elevator behind us dinged and opened and I lead Bella into it. It was completely empty, which was a bad thing, yet an oh-so good thing. I'd been dying to kiss her again since the moment our lips had parted in the car more than a hour ago.

As the door closed, I turned towards her and she looked up at me with questioning eyes. Not letting go of her hand, I stepped towards her and gently brushed my fingers along her cheekbones. They turned red as my fingers swept over them and I grinned at the beauty of it.

I was interrupted again as I leaned in to kiss her, this time by the elevator dinging before the door opened. I let my hand fall from her cheek and stood at her side. The door opened and more passengers got on the lift to be taken down to ground level.

"Where do you want to go to eat?" I asked Bella.

"I'm not really hungry," she replied.

I frowned. "Bella-"

"I'm not really hungry, _yet_ ," she corrected. "I'm sure I will be by the time we get to Port Angeles, we can go to that Italian place you mentioned before."

I sighed, but nodded. I wasn't really hungry yet either, but I'd wanted to take her some place real nice here in Seattle. La Bella Italia may have looked gourmet compared to McDonalds, but it was second rate to the Seattle restaurants.

Walking. God, how I had taken the simple task for granted. It was so good to walk. We crossed the street and I felt the urge to jog as I normally would have, but reminded myself not to.

The car ride back was filled with simple easy questions about each other. There were so many things I still didn't know about her, even after all these years. It was after we took our seats in a sheltered booth at the back of the restaurant that the tougher questions started.

"Where did you go when you left?" she asked me after our waitress took our orders.

I felt the urge to recoil from her and her question. Was this it already? "LA," I answered. I'm sure she could see, feel, and hear my tension. I kept her hand lightly in my own, trying not to nervously squeeze the life out of it like I wanted to.

"You don't talk about LA much. What made you decide to go there?"

I ground my teeth together. She deserved the truth, no matter how afraid of telling her I was. She deserved the truth and I really didn't want to tell her.

"I don't think I decided, I just went," I said.

"Hmm, there must have been a reason."

It wasn't a question, it didn't need an answer, she was just speculating. "Yes," I answered anyway.

We were silent for a few moments and my hand started to tighten around hers. I couldn't let her go, I didn't want to lose her, she couldn't go, I can't be without her. Yet she still deserved to know the truth. I held securely onto her hand.

"There's someone," I started slowly, "down there. A woman." Her hand flinched in mine, and I know she saw what was coming. "I went to my uncle's, and she is his neighbor. I had a relationship with her." Bella's hand tried to pull away from mine but I wouldn't let it. "I don't love her, at all." She succeeded in getting her hand away this time.

She sat there, her eyes closed, her jaw tight, her hands down on her lap, shaking slightly. "Bella, I was so stupid. I shouldn't have left, I shouldn't have done what I did. I have no excuse for myself other then I'm a terrible person. I'm so, so sorry. Please, Bella, look at me."

She didn't, but she did speak. "You… you slept… with her?" Her voice was broken, choked up and I wanted to hit myself.

I could lie, I could have lied all along and she never would have known, she never would have had to feel this pain. I was hurting her again. "Yes, but I don't love her, Bella. It was so stupid. I was upset and I wasn't thinking and I did a terrible, stupid thing."

"You slept with her even though you don't love her?" Her jaw was shaking, but her words were hard and cold, strong.

"Yes," I said, shamefully.

"You lied to me, you said it was me, always me," she said brokenly, the coldness gone from her voice and now replaced with hurt.

I leaned desperately across the table. "No, Bella, I haven't lied. It was you, it is you! I love you, I've always only loved you. I've always only wanted you and what I did was so stupid. It was you, even then, with her, it was you."

She shook her head. "Please, love, I'm not lying. I'm telling you the truth, I'm telling you… I should have told you right away, but I was so scared. But I'm not lying, it's the truth. You, Bella, I said your name."

And I had. More than once. I never said Tanya's name while we…did it, but more then once I had said Bella's. I may have been trying _not_ to think about her at the time, but I couldn't stop, Bella was the only one I had ever _wanted_ to be with. I had no excuses.

"Stupid, sorry, I… can't… please. I love you," I fumbled for words.

"How could you do that, Edward?" she asked.

It hurt so bad. The disapproving disgust in her voice cut me. "I don't know. I didn't think, I just…I was hurting and I just did it. I'm sorry."

The waitress showed up with our food then. I couldn't eat, no way could I eat now. We were silent for a few moments after she left, then Bella spoke.

"It was my fault," she said. And somehow that hurt worse than everything else. The pain in her voice as she said it, the tears on her face, the shaking of her jaw, her hunched shoulders. "It was my fault, I pushed you to her."

"No, Bella, no," I said. I shoved myself around the partition separating us and caught her hurt, tear-stained face in my hands. "Don't, Bella-"

"I hurt you. You thought I didn't love you, I pushed you away, and you slept with her because of me."

"No," I begged of her. "Please don't. Blame me, Bella, I did it. I slept with her, I made that choice, it wasn't your fault."

"You slept with her and I can't be angry because it was my fault," she sobbed.

"Bella, no. Be angry at me, hit me, slap me, please just be angry at me."

This was probably worse then anything else. This was torture, to see Bella putting this on herself. For what I had done, for the terrible disgusting mistake I made, she was blaming herself.

Her tear filled, hurt eyes locked on mine. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I hurt you so much, but I love you. I'm sorry."

Her arms flung around my neck and her soft, tear salted, wet lips connected with mine. "Bella," I mumbled against her lips. I gently pushed her away. "Love, no. You can't put my mistakes on your shoulders."

"It was my-"

" _No_ ," I cut her off. "Listen to me, you're going to be angry at _me_. You can call me names, you can hit me, just don't blame yourself. _I_ did it, Bella. I ran away from you, I slept with another woman to try and comfort myself, I screwed up. Me, Bella, I did all the wrong things. It's bad enough that I hurt you the way that I did, you can't hurt yourself over this too. Stop blaming yourself, and then say what you want to say."

She was silent for a few minutes, staring at her lap and when she looked up at me, there was a fierceness in her eyes that I'd never seen before. "I'm angry at you," she said. I gulped and nodded, waiting for it. "You're so stupid, Edward," she told me. "You're an idiot. Do you know why you're a stupid idiot?"

I nodded grimly. "Do you?" she asked. I nodded again. "Tell me why, Edward."

"Because I left you without telling you how I felt. I ran away because I'm an immature idiot and then I had sex with someone who meant nothing to me trying to stop the pain I'd inflicted on myself."

"No," she said.

What? "No?" I asked, confused.

She shook her head. "No. Those things make you human. We all make mistakes. You're stupid because you didn't realize then and you still don't realize now how much I love you. You're stupid because you think that I'm capable of being mad at you, even for doing something terrible. I love you and you're stupid." She gave my shoulder a shove with her hand.

No. She can't just let me off the hook. "Bella, you can't just let me get away with what I did."

"You said yourself you didn't love her, which is terrible in itself, but you love me, right?"

"Yes," I agreed vehemently.

"You love me and I love you, we both made a mistake, we both have to forgive each other. I forgive you for sleeping with that woman, but don't ever do it again."

"Oh god, Bella, I won't, ever. I'd never cheat on you, I don't want to lie to you. And I'm so sorry, so much more than I can express."

She nodded. "Am I forgiven?" she asked.

"For what?"

"I made mistakes, Edward, and I'm sorry too."

"You made no mistakes. All of this is on me."

"No," she said. "Edward, I'm sorry. I'm going to assume I'm forgiven and that you still love me. Thank you for telling me… I don't want you to lie."

"I won't lie, and I promise I'll never screw up like that again. I love you, so much, Bella, more than anything. I forgive you, but I can't forgive myself yet, even if you do. What I did deserves so much more punishment, but thank you, for forgiving me."

"Is everything alright here?" The waitress asked us as she came back to our secluded booth.

"Uh, can we get these warmed up?" I asked. Our food was cold after sitting there while we talked.

"Okay, sure thing," she said, taking our plates.

"No more apologies," Bella told me, point blank. She knew me better then I thought, I was just going to apologize again.

I sighed. "But Bella, I-"

"No Edward, no more. We made mistakes, we apologized, now we're moving on. No looking back, okay? I love you, that's all that matters."

She's good. "If I agree, will you tell me something?"

"Sure."

"What did I do to deserve you, Bella?"

She scowled at my question. "What you did was wrong, but we weren't together, Edward. It still hurts, but we weren't together. We loved each other, but we didn't know it yet. I can't be mad at you for making a mistake then. If you did it now…" She gave a very pained expression at the thought.

I took her hands in mine. "Bella, I know I don't deserve it, but I want you to trust me. I will never, ever hurt you again, it will kill me if I do. I wish I could be perfect for you, like you are worthy of, and I will try to be. I don't want to make any mistakes with you, I want to be with you forever. It's a poor excuse after what I did, but I love you, Bella, and I want you to trust me."

"I do, Edward. I love you too. I know you didn't do what you did to hurt me and I know you didn't tell me to hurt me."

She leaned up and kissed me again and I kissed her back this time, trying to convey my love for her, my apology for what I did. I wanted her to know that I wanted her more than anything or anyone else. I don't know if even one of those came through in that one kiss, but I tried.

Our waitress interrupted rudely with a loud throat clearing. Our lips separated with a loud smack and I peeked through my heavy lids to see Bella's eyes still closed and her cheeks burning red. I unwillingly released my hands from her sides and slid back to my side of the booth. I muttered a thanks to our waitress, not meaning it one bit and stirred my dinner.

Bella centered herself with her plate and started gently mixing as well. She stopped unexpectedly and put her eating utensil down. "You know," she started. Then she looked around us, including over her shoulder. I was confused. She started again. "One of the reasons I trust you is being illustrated right now."

"What do you mean?"

"That waitress has been flirting with you all night and you haven't even looked at her."

The waitress? Huh…. "Bella, I don't see anyone else when I'm with you. Hell, I don't see anyone else even when I'm not with you. You are my life, my everything. You're the center of my universe."

I took a bite of my dinner while she considered that answer. She smirked at me and said, "I thought you were the center of your universe."

I chuckled. "Not anymore, now eat."

She picked up her fork and took at stab at her supper. I laughed and reached across the table to twine my fingers in hers.

It was starting to get late, so we both ate fairly quickly and I called for the check after Bella insisted she was stuffed.

I hated driving slow, but the slower I drove, the more time I got with Bella. But it was also already getting close to ten o'clock. Such conflict. Parting from her tonight was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.

"Stop here," she said.

"What?" I asked. We were like two blocks away from her house. Even questioning it, I still did as she asked.

"Put it in park."

"Why, Bella?"

"Edward, I can't kiss you goodnight if my dad is watching."

Oh! I smirked and threw the car into park. "You're going to have to tell him sometime," I said, leaning in for the kiss.

I gently pressed my lips to hers and waited. She didn't move her lips, she was still with her perfect pucker. Hmm. I pulled away, putting a small distance between our mouths and waited again.

"Was that it?" she asked.

I chuckled. "Hey, you're the one who said you were kissing me goodnight, I'm waiting here."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes at me. Slowly, she leaned towards me and I watched her eyes close as she lined up our lips. Her hesitation was adorable. My eyes closed as her lips touched mine.

It was electric and perfect as ever. Her lips were so soft, like rose petals wet with morning dew. She tasted floral too. Sweet; so sweet.

I eagerly opened my mouth, tasting that full bottom lip directly with my tongue. Rose petal lips and a tongue like velvet, a taste that could only be described as heavenly – she was an angel. Only angels were this perfect.

Her tongue slid along mine and her hands gently came to my face, pulling me closer as she tasted me. I did the same, holding her warm, delicate cheeks in my cold hands, moving my lips and tongue in time with the slow, searching, caressing rhythm that she created. I wasn't worthy of this. No, I'd never be worthy of such beauty and perfection.

Her tongue left my mouth and her lips closed against mine. She kissed me lightly a few times and I assumed that was the end, but instead she tilted her head the other way and started deeply kissing me again.

Who taught this girl to kiss? _No, don't think that._ Yes, that was definitely a bad thing to think. I got distracted and broke the kiss.

"You're a really good kisser," I told her.

"Uh-huh," she muttered and pulled my lips back to hers.

There was a bit more urgency to this kiss as she flicked her tongue over mine then started tracing my teeth. I bit down softly on her tongue and she made a beautiful moaning sound. Her hands moved from my cheeks to the back of my head and her fingers dug into my scalp as she tried to grab my hair.

It was so unbelievably erotic when she did that. I silently prayed for my hair to grow back fast as we kissed. Our tongues and lips lapped and pushed at each other, tasting and discovering the depths of the others mouth. I really didn't have the lung capacity I thought I did and Bella was breathing quite heavily too.

To be safe, I moved my lips to her neck, allowing each of us to catch our breath, though I couldn't resist having my lips back on this soft, delicate skin. Her head tilted backwards, permitting me better access for my continued exploring.

There was a few moments of panting before out breaths evened out. Bella broke the silence by unexpectedly asking, "What was her name?"

"Huh?" I asked back into her skin.

"Her name, the other girl?"

"Oh…" I hesitated, then with a sigh, I backed away from Bella. Where did this come from and why now? "Her name is Tanya."

She nodded. "Tanya. What does she look like?"

"I don't know… She's blond, tall, she's just a typical, run of the mill, Rosalie type of girl."

Bella blanched, loosing the lovely red flush from her cheeks. "She looks like Rosalie?"

"Not really, just the type, you know. Tan, blond, bitchy."

"Gorgeous?" she asked fearfully.

"Definitely not. You're gorgeous, girls like Rose and Tanya are just…fake."

"I think you should take me home," she said.

"Bella, I don't want to leave you if you're upset." I didn't want to leave her at all. I'd sleep in that wooden rocking chair in the corner of her room if she'd let me.

"I'm not upset, it's just that… you had… relations with a Rosalie, and now you're kissing… _me_."

"Oh. Okay." I got what she meant. Girls like Rosalie were usually… trashy. I'd had my mouth on a piece of trash and now I was kissing her. She was absolutely right. I had so much to make up for.

I put the car in drive and drove the two blocks to Bella's house. Before she could get out or say goodnight, I started. "I'm so terribly sorry for what I did and I have no excuse, it was my fault and I know you forgive me, but I'm going to be sorry for it until the day I die. I have to make it up to you, I'll do anything. I love you, Bella, and I'm on my knees begging that you give me a chance. I will make it up to you."

"Edward, you don't-"

"Shh, love. Goodnight, sweet dreams, I love you. I'll be thinking of you, nonstop and if you want, I'll pick you up tomorrow?"

"Okay," she agreed.

I sighed. "Okay."

"Goodnight, Edward. I love you too."


	14. Chapter 14

Bella got out of the car, leaving her books purposely behind so her father wouldn't be suspicious. I'd bring them tomorrow morning.

The car ride home was dull. Every mile I put between us hurt more. If there was ever a man that was wrapped around his girl's finger, it was me and I wanted it. Maybe I should call her… No, she'd call if she wanted to talk. Or maybe she won't. She might be too shy.

_You just left five minutes ago, give the girl a little space._ But I didn't want to. I wanted to go back and climb the tree on the back side of her house. I wanted to sleep in her room and never leave her side again. _You have issues._ Yes, I do.

I sighed to myself. I wouldn't call tonight, it was already late, she had better things to do – and I'm sure I could find something to preoccupy myself with.

It was 10:13 PM, and my mother was probably worrying herself sick. I was surprised she hadn't called yet. I'd really betrayed everyone's trust. I deserved so much worse. Mom didn't even actually ground me. Bella forgave me and agreed to date me. My dad didn't do more than complain about the gray hairs I was causing. And my friends were already over it. Why was it that I – of all people – had believed myself to be so unfortunate?

I'm a lucky bastard. I have decent parents who love me and treat me right. I am officially dating the love of my life. I have the best friends anyone could ask for. Not to mention the fact that my family is rich; money may not be able to buy happiness, but it sure makes life a whole hell of a lot easier.

There was so much to make up for. I had to earn my parents' trust, and Bella's trust. I had to show Bella how much she means to me. It was amazing how much damage one damaged person can do.

I pulled into the garage and picked up some of the garbage that was left over in the car. I began to wonder how much homework I'd have to make up and then smiled. What a perfect excuse to spend time with Bella.

I walked to the house happily. Walking! Bella….

"Carlisle, he's walking, he's walking!" I heard my mother yelling as I came in through the side door.

She came bounding for me as I made my way through the living room and I stopped and braced myself for whatever type of attack was coming. She looked way too happy to see me.

"You're walking, you're walking!"

"Mom, I've been walking for close to eighteen years, it isn't a big accomplishment." I couldn't keep a smile off my face or out of my voice as I said it.

"How does it feel? Does it hurt? Are you okay? Should you lie down? Do you want some ice? Anything, can I get you anything?" The questions were flying out of her mouth so fast I couldn't tell one from the other.

"Mom… Mom… Mom!" I cut off her worried questions. She went silent and looked anxiously at me. "I'm okay. I can get myself anything I need."

"Edward, don't overdo anything. Just because you are walking doesn't mean you can't ask for help." She started with her worried babble again. I sighed and pulled her into a hug, making her quiet.

"You smell like a girl," she informed me.

I giggled. Did I really smell like Bella? Maybe a shower wasn't such a good idea. If I really had Bella's scent on me I wasn't about to wash it away, even for fun time with my imaginary Bella.

"Why do you smell like a girl?" she asked, pulling away from me. I grinned. "And why are you so happy? Oh my god…. _Carlisle_! He's walking and smiling!"

"Good man," my dad said as he walked in the dining room.

"Thank you, dad," I said, meaningfully. I hoped he knew that I meant for more than just this.

He locked eyes with me for a few brief moments and we had a silent exchange. He knew what I meant.

With that, I kissed my mom's cheek and said I was pretty tired. She released me and I walked to my room. After closing my door, I leaned back against it and pulled my shirt off, smelling it. I could smell her but just barely. She seemed far away, her scent lingering faintly.

I thought back over the day's events. It was a long day, so long but so short at the same time – and so good.

Bella loved me. She fucking kissed me. God, she could kiss! The taste of her, the way her lips shaped to mine, her tongue like velvet.

Yep, I needed a shower. I peeled my confining jeans and boxer-briefs off and went into the bathroom. I turned on only the light above the shower and made the water nice and hot before taking off my brace and getting into the steamy enclosure.

I didn't even need imaginary Bella, memories of the real one were just fucking perfect.

The popsicle incident. The top halves of her breasts that she kept accidentally revealing to my greedy eyes. Her electric tongue on mine. The sounds she made when I kissed her neck. Her hands trying desperately to pull my hair.

Oh fuck. I locked my jaw to keep any sounds I may be making muffled. My poor shower wall got defiled, though the water rinsed away the evidence. The wall would forever be known as my jerk off wall.

Tired, I quickly soaped up and shampooed, rinsed, and finished up. I dried and put my brace back on then walked to my bed, carrying my phone with me, just in case.

– – –

_Bang, bang, bang, bang._

"Edward, get up!"

Damn it. I overslept again. I hadn't slept that good since… shit. Was it a dream? Another perfect and great nightmare?

No, there's my brace. Bella, fuck! I need to get Bella. Trust, responsibility, earning my forgiveness. I moved as quickly – yet hesitantly – as possible getting ready. I had to look, smell, and be presentable and be to Bella's house in fifteen minutes.

Chief Swan, you can't slow me down, I've got a promise to keep to your daughter.

I hurriedly kissed my mom and got into my car. I don't want to even know what would have happened to my car, let alone me, if I would have crashed. It was a good thing speed didn't scare me.

Thankfully, Charlie was gone. I pulled into his normal parking space and put the car in park. A minute late. Damn it.

Carrying Bella's books, I went to the door and knocked. Alice, carrying a cereal bowl, opened the door. She smiled at me when she saw me, ushering me in, then gave my waist a one-armed hug.

"Oh, Edward, thank you," she said in a hushed tone. "Bella, Edward's here!" she called up the stairs.

I swear I heard Bella mutter, "Shit" then something hit the floor and she was muttering again. A few moments passed and there was some more banging, muttering, then an "Ouch" that had me climbing the stairs I was suppose to be starting lightly on.

"What are you breaking now?" Alice hollered, racing me up the stairs. "You've been in there for an hour and a half, why didn't you just let me do it for you?"

What the hell was she doing in there? Alice yanked on the locked doorknob and annoyingly started kicking the bottom of the door until Bella flung it open. Her eyes were angry as she stared at her cousin, then she spotted me and turned a whole different shade of red, though it was hard to tell.

Bella wasn't her naturally radiant, beautiful self, there was makeup conflicting it, hiding it. Her clothes were not her typical style either, she looked preppy like. And her hair was all done, tied half up and more curly than usual.

What the hell was this all about? This wasn't Bella, not the Bella I knew. She didn't wear makeup, she didn't wear short sleeved hoodies and whitewashed capris, her hair wasn't perfectly set. It dawned on me then that this _wasn't_ Bella.

Bella had said, "I'm not upset, it's just that… you had… relations with a Rosalie, and now you're kissing… _me_." And I had misunderstood completely. As usual, I wasn't even on the same wavelength as her. Why is she doing this?

She is the most desirable to me, how could she think I'd want her to change who she is? God damn it Bella, how am I suppose to tell you that I don't like you wearing makeup and this… this preppy, cheerleader clothes?

Truth, even if it could hurt her.

I'd been standing there, staring like an idiot, trying to figure out what to do for a few drawn out moments. "I brought your books," I said plainly, holding them up.

Her reply was as uncomfortable and brilliant as mine. "Thanks. Um, I'm ready to go."

Yep, this wasn't us at all. "Great, can I just talk to you for a moment first?"

"Um…." She nodded.

I walked towards her bedroom and waited by the door so I could close it after she walked through. Alice was smirking at Bella, who was blushing as she walked past.

Be gentle. I closed the door and started softly, "Bella, what is this all about?"

She looked, or played, confused. "What do you mean? You asked me to come in here to talk?"

I pointed to her, motioning, hoping she'd get my point. I really didn't know how I was suppose to say this… she's so fragile, I don't want to upset her. "What are you doing?"

She looked down and looked at her clothes. She hesitantly looked back up to me and with sad eyes, said, "You don't like it?"

"Bella, I love you – _you_! This isn't you."

"You _don't_ like it," she said sadly, looking at the ground.

I groaned and walked up to her, lifting her chin. "Bella, I love you. I love you the way you are and I didn't say I don't like it, I just want you. I want _my_ Bella, not Bella two-point-oh. I don't know what you're telling yourself, but please stop."

Her eyebrows knit together. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we didn't understand each other last night. You said something about me and 'a Rosalie,' I misunderstood, assuming you meant a trashy girl and now you look like this, this morning."

"I look trashy?"

"God, Bella, no! Would you just listen to me? I love _you._ _You!_ " I was yelling now, trying to get my point across. It wasn't working very well.

I didn't realize Jasper was here until he yelled, "Stop yelling at her," up the stairs. Thank you, Jasper.

"Sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to yell." I rubbed her shoulders. She was looking at the ground, appearing so very heartbroken.

"What did I do wrong?" she asked.

I sighed and cupped her chin again, making her look at me. "Nothing Bella, you didn't do anything wrong. Did I say you did something wrong?"

"You didn't have to," she muttered.

"You are really not getting my point here, Bella. Please answer my question. I think I know what this is about, why you did it, but just to clarify, why did you do this?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She's so stubborn, I guess I just had to flat out say it.

"Bella, this isn't you. You don't wear clothes like this, you don't _do_ your hair like that, you don't wear makeup, and I love you for that. Now, why did you do this?"

Her fiery eyes looked up to mine. "Why do you think I did it?" she spat. "I'm not Rosalie or _Tanya_ , I don't know why I even tried. I'll never be them, Edward."

For being so smart, she is so insanely stupid. "Listen to me, Bella!" Yes, I was yelling again, talking calmly never works. "In case you haven't noticed, I hate Rosalie, and I never had any feelings for Tanya-"

She cut me off. "Oh, you obviously had _feelings_ for her." Her voice was dripping with lethal cynicism.

"I did not, I do not fucking have feelings for her," I growled through clenched teeth. "Listen to me, goddamn it."

"Don't bring God into this. We're going to be late for school."

"I don't give a fuck. We're not leaving until you listen to me."

"I hear you loud and clear, Edward, I'm-"

"No! You don't fucking hear me. You aren't Rosalie and you aren't Tanya, and that is the reason I'm in love with _you_ , Bella! You'll never be a stupid fucking blonde that doesn't know a chromosome from a pheromone. You are perfect with your sweatshirts and jeans, hiding behind your hair reading some sappy romance novel. I love _you_ , why can't you see that?"

She didn't say anything, she still didn't believe me? "Do you want all the gory fucking details, Bella, because I can give them to you, but you're never going to look at me the same if I tell you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You, Bella, and me. You are the only person that has ever appealed to me. You are the only person I've ever loved, and you're the only person I'll ever love. I already told you once, I'll say it again in case you didn't hear me the first time. I may have been fucking Tanya," we both winced as I just flat out said it, "but all I saw, all I thought about was you. I was hurting so fucking bad, Bella, and I made that terrible goddamn mistake and even if I want to, I can't take it back, but never did I think about anyone besides you. I said your name, never has anyone else's name came from my lips.

"And I'm not trying to make excuses for myself either, even if that is what it sounds like. I'm just trying to get through to you here. Still don't believe me? Fine then, we'll get even more descriptive. You don't know how many times, how many, many times I locked myself in my bathroom-"

" _Jesus Christ, Edward, don't fucking tell her that_!" Jasper yelled frantically.

He thundered up the stairs impossibly fast, flinging Bella's door open, and I was suddenly being dragged by my collar away from Bella. "She doesn't believe me, I'll tell her to make her believe me."

"Excuse us, Bella, Edward needs a lesson in manners," he spoke gentlemanly to my sweet, shocked girlfriend.

No, I wasn't thinking rationally, hell, I was out of fucking control. But I wouldn't lose her again. I'd tell her I jerked off in my shower hundreds of times, even last night, thinking about her if it would make her realize she was the only person I was attracted to.

Jasper pulled me awkwardly down the hall, closing Bella's door in her shocked, red face. "What the fuck are you thinking?" he whisper-yelled at me, pushing me harshly into a wall still holding my shirt by the collar.

"I'm not fucking ashamed, goddamn it. I love her, and I'll say anything that needs to be said to make her realize it!" I yelled loudly. The neighbors could probably hear me.

"Shut up, just shut up!" he yelled quietly at me. "She knows you love her, you stupid prick."

"No, she obviously doesn't," I hollered. "She doesn't believe me-"

The door flew open and Bella was at my side in an instant. "Don't call him a stupid prick, and get your fucking hands off of him," she yelled at Jasper.

Okay, I can honestly say I've never been so turned on in my life. One – Bella had pulled the pins from her hair, leaving it cascading wildly in curls around her head, changed out of the preppy shit into her normal jeans and t-shirt. Two – She was defending me. Three – She totally just said "Fuck".

Jasper looked just as shocked as I was, though I don't think that was possible. I knew my mouth was hanging open and if Jasper didn't watch out he was going to getting knocked over by my raging erection. Fuck, Bella is hot when she's mad – which I already knew, but watching her yell at someone else was just… fucking drool worthy.

"Jasper," she yelled, "let go of my boyfriend!"

He actually looked a little afraid as he gulped, releasing the collar of my shirt and straightening it. He gave me a look that conveyed both his shock, fear, and apology then departed down the stairs to Alice, who was standing at the bottom looking both afraid and thrilled.

"You said 'fuck'," I said to Bella, smirking.

She ignored me and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door a bit loudly. I heard the tap start and I knew she was washing that crappy makeup off her perfect face. I walked to the door and waited.

"We're going to school," Alice half whispered up to me. I nodded down at her and she looked undecided on if it was safe to leave or not. I smiled and nodded again. She smiled back and turned to leave.

The front door opened and closed and Jasper's Shelby Mustang purred to life and I heard them leave completely. The tap turned off and a few moments passed and I heard Bella sigh. There was some rough pulling noises that I imagine were from Bella pulling a brush through her hair. I winced, it sounded so painful as the brush bristles connected with snarls in her delicate hair. Finally, she moved towards the door and opened it.

I don't think she expected me to be standing right there, but she was unsurprised nonetheless. She stood there, eye level with and staring at my chest. I reached hesitantly upwards and gently brushed a lock of her wild hair behind her ear. She sighed and looked up at me. There was just a faint trace of mascara and eye liner left on her eyes, her cheeks were burning red with her natural blush and color.

My beautiful Bella.

"I'm sorry," seemed like a good place to start. "I know I say stupid things. I know I yell, and for those things I am sorry, but not nearly as sorry as I am for all the terrible mistakes that I've made. And I shouldn't have been saying those things. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, but I'm not ashamed-"

"Edward, shut up," she said, cutting off my rambling apology that was getting into the uncomfortable territory again.

I pushed my lips together, making myself do as she asked. She was breathing funny as she looked up at me, her nostrils flaring in an uneven rate. She licked her lips then and that did me in.

I leaned down and caught her lips with mine, too aggressive as always. She didn't seem to mind. Both of us still had some left over anger, I think that's what was making us both so forceful – or her at least, my forcefulness probably was because I honestly felt like there was no way physically possible to be close enough to her.

Her hands came to the back of my head and she pressed our lips and bodies closer together as she reached up on her tippy toes, kissing me like her life depended on it. God, those fucking lips. I parted mine with a moan, tangling my tongue with hers as she shoved it happily into my mouth. My hands went to her sides and found skin, sending my body into a frenzy.

_Don't do it, Cullen, don't do it_ , my head chanted logically. Too fucking bad, I'm doing it.

I slid my hands down over her ass and grasped the backs of her thighs, lifting her easily up to me and pushing her back into the bathroom door. My brain was slow, and it took a few moments for me to realize that the intense pleasure I was feeling was her warm, jean clad core held directly against my straining zipper.

Fuck, she would definitely feel that. I lifted her higher, suddenly being a bit modest. It was one thing to admit what she did to me, it was completely different for her to feel what she did to me. Then again, maybe that would just be another point in the direction of her understanding just how attracted to her I was.

_Don't put it back against her, you pervert._ I went with my head on that one. I wasn't going to purposely rub my boner all over her, even if I really, really wanted to.

I didn't realize I couldn't breathe until my lungs ached in a painful way as I fought for air through my nose. Fuck, I was going to suffocate us. I pulled back and moved my lips to her neck. Same as last night, her head went back and I swear her fingers tightened in my hair. I really needed to watch what I was doing or I was going to end up giving her a hell of a hickey.

I smirked to myself. God, I wanted that so bad. A nice, purple reminder on her neck that flashed "I belong to Cullen, so don't even think about it."

_No._ I scraped my teeth lightly and defiantly against her tender throat. But the damn head was right, no hickeys. Yet.

"We're going to be late," Bella panted above me. Fucking school. "Really, really late." She really didn't sound _all_ that upset about it. "Oh, God," she gasped suddenly, and I'd thought I'd done something right until she was pulling my head away from her neck. "Your knee, put me down, you're going to hurt your knee."

"It doesn't hurt at all actually," I told her quickly between a kiss to her throat.

She lowered her head back down, now denying me access to my play area. I couldn't help but get a little mad, not that I had the right. I sighed, realizing I had to do as she asked… One more kiss wouldn't kill anyone.

"Edward," she warned as I leaned back in. I shut her up with my lips quite effectively.

How can one single person taste so fucking good? So fucking good. She tried not to let her lips part when I parted mine, I could feel her trying to hold it together. My bad side gave an evil laugh as I sucked at her perfect lips. My tongue didn't even have to fight its way in, she shoved her tongue into my mouth willingly. I would have laughed but why laugh when you can moan.

I could be a good boy though, I was still in the doghouse and I needed to follow her orders. As I slid my tongue out of her mouth, I let her start to slide down my body. My hands ended way up the back of her shirt when she was finally back on the ground. I wasn't complaining, and it's not like I put them there purposely. I didn't take a step back but just stood there, holding her between me and the bathroom door while she again stared at my chest.

That reminded me, I forgot to… or didn't have the time to work out this morning. I'd have to remember to do that tonight, after studying with Bella – or maybe before, since she might not want me here or have plans.

I stared down at the top of her head and as she shifted her weight, I again realized way too late that I was pressing my hard on right against the poor girl. I backed away, cringing. I really need to start watching where I put that thing.

Neither of us said anything as we made our way out to my car. I took my time on the stairs, testing my leg. It probably wasn't the best idea to go up there yet, but hey, I didn't regret it. Bella grabbed her book bag and opened the door for me, then closed and locked it with the 'hidden' key on the top of the door frame. You'd think a police chief would be more original.

We were also silent on the car ride. My silence was comfortable, I was just happy to be here with her. But what was she thinking? I hated when she was silent, she was thinking when she was silent, and God only knows what about. I pulled into a free space in the cramped parking lot and Bella sighed.

I put the car in park and shut it off, and before I could even remove my seatbelt, Bella got out of the car and I swore I heard her mutter, "Here goes nothing."

I was ruining things again. Putting her in more uncomfortable situations. Everyone would know now. First we skip school together completely, now we show up late together. Might as well have hung a sign around our necks that said 'we're fucking' because that's what everyone was going to think. I didn't care, why would I, but Bella...

I sighed. Damn it, why couldn't I ever do the right thing? I could have just kept my mouth shut and we could have made it to school on time. But then Bella would still have been in a shitty situation thinking that I had feelings for or cared more for Tanya – or, God forbid, Rosalie – than her.

There was never a win-win situation for Edward Cullen. _Quit your fucking whining, you had Bella pinned to a wall and your tongue down her throat… How is that not win-win?_ Okay, good point. I swear, Bella knew exactly what I was thinking as she gave me a wide grin. Her eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint. She was so fucking sexy.

As she said: here goes nothing!


	15. Chapter 15

I let her initiate the amount of PDA as we walked through the empty hall towards the office. A little plan formed and I grabbed her hand just before we made it to the glass partition that Ms. Cope could see through.

I pulled her to a stop and said, "Stay here, I'll be right back."

I put on my best stressed look as I walked into the office. Ms. Cope's eyes widened a little then became heavy as she stared at me. Sick, and oh-so easy. I leaned forward onto her desk, creating a nice gap between my shirt and my skin.

If girls could use their cleavage to get what they wanted, so could I. "Ms. Cope?" I said sweetly.

I waited for her, not hurrying the process. She seemed to collect her bearings after a few moments. She cleared her throat and leaned back from my closeness. "Edward, you're late."

"Oh, Ms. Cope, I'm having a terrible day," I said in a voice I hoped would bring pity. "I got a flat on the way in and I was giving a friend a ride and it's made us both late." I sighed, staring into her eyes. "I don't know what to do."

I went to pull at my hair, knowing I could make it flop into my eyes, but got nothing but the short strands running softly against my palm. Damn. I pouted at her. "W-w-what can I do for you, Edward?" That line is _so_ overused.

I tried to look even more sad, pushing my eyebrows together in an innocent attempt to get my way. It's not like I was robbing a bank here… "I don't know, Ms. Cope. Is there anything you can do for me?"

She was putty in my hands. "Who's the friend you mentioned? I'll just make sure you were both marked present, but just this once Edward, next time you have a terrible day, you're going to have to deal with it."

"Ms. Cope, if you'll get in trouble then you shouldn't."

"Nonsense. What's his name?"

"Um, actually it is Bella Swan."

I swear I heard her teeth snap together. Jealous of a student, how despicable. "Have a nice day, Edward," she said shortly.

"Ms. Cope," I started, trying to backtrack after admitting it was a girl who was with me. I needed our records clean.

"It's taken care of, Edward, get to class."

"Oh, thank you," I said, taking the two slips of paper she was handing me. "Thank you," I said again, and then again as I backed away, and a final time before walking out the door. The thing with her was you could never say thank you enough.

"A terrible day, huh?" Bella asked me as I neared her.

I smirked. "Damn flats."

She snickered and I pushed one of the yellow slips into her hands. I checked the halls quickly then leaned in a kissed her lightly. "I love you," I said then stood back up and started towards our lockers.

"I love you too, but you're in so much trouble for doing that to poor Ms. Cope."

I feigned innocence. "Doing what? I didn't do anything, besides lie a little, but what's a little white lie?"

She glared at me from my side. "You know damn well the effect you have on women, and you use it against us."

I frowned. "When have I used it against you?"

"Um, let me think," she said, indulging me as she placed her finger on her chin, thinking. "Well, the first thing that comes to mind is your fake little 'Oh Bella, I'm so nervous, kiss me,' thing in the car yesterday, but there are other times as well."

I laughed. "Are you complaining?"

She pursed her lips and she really seemed to be thinking about it. "No. Well, yes, and no. Even if I don't _like_ when you use it on me." I raised my eyebrows at her. "Don't look at me like that. Just because I may enjoy it in some way does not mean I enjoy it completely. It isn't fair that you get whatever you want just because you're cute."

I smirked. "Bella, you could get whatever you want because you're cute too, you just have to be willing to use it."

"Shut up." I did. She growled a little. "My point is that… that…."

What is your point, Bella? Why are you afraid to say it now when two seconds ago you told me to shut up so you could say it? "What?" I asked.

"My point is that I don't want you using it on other girls," she hissed.

I smirked again. "Does that mean I still have permission to use it on you?"

She looked so flustered as she idly spun the dial on her locker. "No, yes, no." She shook her head.

"Was that a yes or a no?" I asked, smirking at the enraged look in her eyes.

"I'm not _giving_ you permission to use it, but I am banning you from using it on others."

I laughed now, I couldn't help it. I nudged my locker shut after grabbing what I needed while Bella still seemed to be unable to open hers. "Sounds good to me."

I moved towards her while she kept spinning the combination dial. "Do you need some help, love?" I asked her.

She seemed to notice her fingers spinning the dial then. "No," she snapped quickly.

I snickered while she kept spinning it. "What's your combination?"

Her breathing picked up and she looked incredibly worried as she stared at the lock. I was trying so hard not to laugh for her sake.

"Did you forget?" I asked her.

She whimpered a little. "No," she said, trying to still sound angry but panic was rising into her tone.

I moved up behind her and slid my right hand down her right arm, making her stop her frantic spinning of the dial. "Just stop and think for a moment," I said into her hair, right where her ear should be. I placed my other hand on her torso. Her breathing didn't slow but got even shorter.

_Don't laugh._ I choked it back and started using my fingers on hers to turn the dial. "Do you remember?"

"I-I didn't forget, I… just… can't… remember."

Oh, god, how can I not laugh at this? _Don't_. "Kiss me and I'll tell you the combination," I said, trying not to snort or laugh.

There was a tiny sliver of silence before her elbow connected with my stomach. "Ugh, damn it, Edward!"

I lost it. I snorted and laughed and nearly fell to the floor. I backed away from her murderous glare and clutched my hand over my mouth, though it did nothing to silence my loud laughing.

"Stop being a jerk and tell me the combination," she grumbled at me. It made me laugh harder. How did she forget the combo?

She moved to completely unfair territory then, her eyes tearing up. God damn it, she can't cry. I quit laughing promptly. "23-31-6," I told her, her locker combination.

She spun the dial and threw her locker open, grabbing the books she needed and slamming it then stomping down the hall to class. I shook my head and chuckled to myself, walking quickly after her and caught my finger in one of her belt loops, stopping her right before she opened the door to go to study hall.

"Are you really mad at me?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered. I frowned and stepped around her, keeping my hand on her lower back. She stared scornfully at my chest and I swear I saw her lips twitch as she closed her eyes. "I might forgive you… if you kiss me."

I grinned and chuckled, that's my girl. "If you seriously think I won't kiss you every time you ask, you have another thing coming."

I did a completely old-fashioned move, sweeping her nearly off her feet, leaning her back to kiss her. She panicked mildly at first, nearly dropping her things, but recovered as soon as my lips touched hers. And since she asked for it, I made sure I was very thorough.

She purred deep in her throat as I licked and sucked at her sweet lips. Now if only I could get her to part them. She wasn't having it, apparently being in public meant Bella kept her mouth closed – to my tongue anyways.

I groaned when her lips didn't open for me. I stood her back upright and scowled at her. "You ask me to kiss you, then you don't even let me." She started giggling to herself. "I don't know how that's funny," I whined.

"Because you're such a baby. I've never seen a more ridiculous pout in all my life," she said. "Now we have to get to class."

"I'll make you kiss me later," I promised in a warning tone.

She just smiled. Shit. I carried my books strategically low as she opened the classroom door. I walked in behind her, and I swear to God every student in the room would be seeing my father for mild cases of whiplash. As we walked to the teacher's desk in the back of the classroom with our excused tardy slips, the whole room broke out in a dull buzz as the whispers started.

Stupid fucking small town pieces of shit. Why could no one mind their own business? We took two seats in the back of the class, and everyone shamelessly continued to stare and whisper.

It went on like this all morning. As we stood in the lunch line, no one even _tried_ to hide the fact that they were gawking.

"Why are they all staring?" Bella asked me.

"I don't know, Bella, but we might as well give them a show."

She gave a nervous laugh then looked up at me. I was dead serious, and when she realized this she gulped. "No, Edward, don't,' she whispered worriedly.

"Why not?" I raised my voice. "They are all staring anyway." She elbowed me in the side so I quieted back down for her. "If they want a show, why not give it to them?" She looked so afraid. "Calm down," I tried to reassure her.

She sighed and placed her hand in mine. I knew this was the most action I'd be get in public. Hell, holding my hand was something at least, I'd take it.

I grabbed a tray and threw one of everything on it. "Hungry much?" she asked me.

"Half is for you… Take whatever you want." I paid for everything and lead Bella by her hand to my usual seat.

I pushed the tray towards her, giving her first pick. Stupid me only grabbed one slice of pizza which Bella picked. "I wanted that… You can have it, just give me a bite."

She rolled her eyes at me and I opened my mouth. She shoved half the slice in my mouth, smirking. What a brat. If she was shoving that much in, I was taking a huge ass bite.

"Impressive," she said, eying the bite I took then took one of her own, eating off the same spot I took a bite from.

I swallowed the half chewed bite too quickly, almost causing myself to choke. "You should see what else I can do with my mouth," I purred quietly, wagging my eyebrows. Her blush carried down to beneath her shirt. I smirked.

"Ewww, you two share food now," Emmett said.

"I think it's cute," Alice said.

I ignored them and grabbed the Coke on the tray. "I wanted that," Bella muttered, "but you can have it."

I rolled my eyes at her this time and cracked the Coke. I held it up for her and she took a drink while I held the can.

"God, and they feed each other. They're disgusting," Emmett groaned.

"It's _cute_ ," Alice insisted.

I put the can to my mouth and took a big swig, tasting the slightest hint of Bella and pizza with my Coke.

I leaned closer to Bella, nuzzling my nose into her hair, breathing deeply. "I love you," I whispered.

The heat radiated from her like the glowing sun as she blushed. You'd think I said something terrible and embarrassing the way she turned red. Maybe it was embarrassing for her, to hear that I love her in front of a room full of staring people. My fragile ego took a blow even though I suspected she wouldn't say it back here. She did look at me though, looking extremely apologetic, if not sad.

Lunch continued, everyone stared. I started losing my temper, Bella told me they'd find a new shiny toy to ogle tomorrow – I doubted that.

At least for most of our classes we got the choice of where we sat, unless there was a substitute teacher. I made sure Bella was at my table whenever possible. Of course, after the lunch hour we had to part ways completely. I was clinging to her hand, not wanting to be apart from her. I didn't even care if she was worried about people seeing. As we neared the door to her class, I desperately pulled her to me, kissing her soft, full lips.

I nearly cried with relief to be tasting and touching her again. My hand in hers was great, but nothing would ever compare to kissing her… Well… No, not even that, yet.

I parted my lips even though I knew she wouldn't do the same. I traced her lips with my tongue, just to really get the taste of her on my tongue before I had to go hours without kissing her again. I sighed to myself. Fucking school, the hellish demon wife of the devil Satan himself.

I pulled back from her lips and moved my lips to her ear. I kissed the skin right below it and earned a nice little gasp as I flicked my tongue over it.

God, how I want her. "Would you kill me if I gave you a hickey?"

I knew the answer to that questions. "Yes."

I groaned into her ear. "Come on, I'm sick of Jacob and Mike and James and Tyler staring at me with their murderous glares and staring at you like they should be the one on your arm."

"How is a hickey going to help that?"

"I don't know, a symbol maybe. I don't know. I just really want to give you one."

"No… If my dad sees it, and he will, he'll kill me, then you."

I growled against her skin and she shuddered against me lightly. "Give me one then." That was second best, plus it would feel fucking amazing.

"W-w-what?" she stuttered.

"You heard me."

"Edward, I-" The warning bell cut her off. "You have to get to class."

I growled and placed my lips and teeth against her neck. She gasped, her breath catching roughly in her throat. "Edward, don't," she rasped.

I swirled my tongue in a furious circle then took my teeth off of her, circling my tongue again over where my teeth had been. Her hands were clutching at my biceps now, though she wasn't pushing me away yet, and if I was guessing, she was pulling me closer. I sucked my saliva off her skin and pulled my lips away, eying the spot under her ear.

There was a set of faint teeth marks and the skin was a bit red but it wasn't going to bruise. I don't care if she was going to kill me, I was going to give her a hickey damn it, even if it was a for-my-eyes-only spot… Hell, that would make it better.

I grinned at my new plan. I kissed the shocked, puckered "o" on her lips and said, "Have a good class," then departed for my own.

As I sat down in the back of the classroom, I pulled out my cell phone and started typing a text message.

_Hey Jazz, will you please take Alice out tonight so I can have the house alone with Bella, we need to study?_ Send.

His reply came quickly. _Study lol who do u think ur kiddin. You dont get HS credits 4 studying the human anatomy._

I laughed. _No, Jazz, we actually have to study. I just don't want to listen to you and Alice discovering each other's human anatomy while we are trying to concentrate._ Send.

_O cum on that was 1 time n it wasnt my idea. i'll take Al out if she'll go but if she thinks u n bella r going against what she considers right she wont cum._

_It's not my problem that you can't make your girlfriend cum._ Send.

_Ur sick_.

_Learn how to spell._ Send.

_I spell jus fine thnx. I'll try to get Al out but dont count on it_.

_Jasper fucks Al._ Send. I snickered to myself.

_Ur so immature_.

_Ur so gay._ Send.

_Just remember that ur fucking urself n i have Al_.

I laughed and the second bell rang so I pocketed my phone.

The rest of the school day was long and boring. I couldn't wait to be alone with her, just to study… Well, and to leave my mark on her.

_You're sick._ So I've been told.

Seriously, if I had to see one more person staring at me, or her, or hear one more whisper about Cullen and Swan, I'd kill someone. I had chosen targets, the ones who kept glaring and yearning. I swear this school is going to be the death of me.

Bella's hand caught mine as we carried our books to my car and I instantly relaxed. This was all worth it to be with her.

I opened the passenger side door for her and she sank down into it and after closing it, I made my way around to my side. I didn't know if driving fast or slow would be better – maybe she didn't want me there, maybe she did, maybe not 'til later, maybe she didn't want to be alone. I didn't have much time to think, she lived only a couple miles from the school. I didn't know where to park. _Just ask, you dumb coward._

"Where should I park?"

"That depends on how long you're staying."

Nice open ended answer, Bella. I took my usual place along side her truck. Again I plucked up the courage to ask a question. "Do you want me to come in?"

"If you want to come in," she said casually.

Why was I nervous wreck now? Probably because we were going to be alone, for a couple hours at least, with multiple soft surfaces at our disposal. I could control myself… right? Yes, absolutely. Unless she did something crazy, like get naked.

_For Christ's sake._ Oh, right, this is Bella Swan. Silly me. "I want to come in, Bella, but if you don't want me to I'll understand completely."

"Why wouldn't I want you to come in?" she asked confusedly.

"Cause I'm dangerous," I said, smiling widely at her.

She blinked a few times then replied, "You are that, but I've told you before, I'm not afraid of you."

"I guess I'll just have to give you a reason then," I joked, getting out of the car. For the first time I realized my knee was throbbing. Shit.

I took a cautious step, just sore. Phew! Bella was out of the car now, and giving me a funny look as I stood there testing my knee. She started around the front of my car and I met her there.

Now, this is really where I say 'here goes nothing'.


	16. Chapter 16

Thank God Bella's ass was really fucking sexy, or else I might not have made it to the house if I didn't have it to follow. My knee was throbbing like hell, and walking without limping was not an option.

Bella noticed.

"Are you alright?" she asked me after noticing my gimping.

"Fine," I answered, trying to put on a show of hiding my pain.

"Does it hurt?" she asked, seeing through my terrible acting skills.

I sighed. "Yes, it hurts, but we're not going to worry about that."

I grabbed her hand that wasn't holding books and towed her in the direction of the living room.

Bella's house didn't contain any elaborate furniture or fixtures, I doubted the couch was even bought new, but still, everything looked… homey.

I dropped back into the couch, knowing that it was comfortable, and pulled Bella with me, hugging her to my side.

"I believe I'm suppose to be cowering right about now, am I not, Mr. Dangerous?" she asked snarkily from my side.

I gave an evil laugh and pushed her back into the couch, throwing myself on top of her. I didn't actually even put any of my weight onto her, but I still had her held down against the coach and she did look quite shocked with me.

"Are you scared now?" I asked, grinning.

"No," she tried to reply firmly, but her voice shook, giving her away.

I smirked wider and leaned down towards the exposed white skin of her throat. "How about now?" I asked when my lips were just close enough to brush her throat.

"No," she said again, the shakiness only increasing.

I placed the tip of my tongue against the pulsing artery in her throat and followed it up to her jaw, then I followed the curve of her jaw to her ear. I pushed her hair back with my nose and placed my lips directly against her ear to ask, "Where shall I leave the first mark?"

I didn't really give her a chance to answer. I gently caught her earlobe with my teeth, giving it a small tug then started kissing and nipping at the side of her neck. Every time my teeth touched her skin, her reaction grew more pronounced. Her body would give small tremors and her breath would catch in her throat, she'd exhale loudly, then she'd suck in another sharp breath.

When I made it back to the front part of her neck, where I softly started sucking on her skin, she finally gave me an answer. She tucked her chin slightly, making me move lower – not that I minded. "Edward, don't," she warned.

I smiled against her collarbones and started giving them proper attention, licking, biting, and sucking at them. She was tensed underneath me, breathing hard and making these unbelievably sexy whimpering noises.

Now, where to put the hickey she so refused? Her button-up shirt was taunting me. " _Here, open me, kiss down here,_ " it called. And though my head told me not to, I obeyed.

Very slowly, very watchfully, I reached for the top button on her shirt. I don't even think she noticed that one opening while I continued to taste her skin. The next one didn't come open quite so easily and she definitely noticed.

She jumped slightly, realizing what I was doing and I waited for the shove and scream. It didn't come, so I reached for the next button, looking up into her eyes. She looked absolutely terrified and I began to feel like a pedophile.

I was pushing my luck. Did I really want to lose the best thing that ever happened to me? No, but I also didn't want to remain a coward. I had to push our boundaries.

_You've been dating her a day, you don't even have boundaries yet. Everything is off limits._ I was so ready to tell my head to shut up, but I was distracted by the heat coming off her skin.

Bella may have been shy, but she'd stop me if she didn't want it. Besides, I wasn't actually going to take the shirt off, just open it a little bit.

With the third button open, I pushed the shirt open and nearly gave myself an orgasm. Fuck, her skin is soft and holy fuck, I just touched her boob. And her bra was blue. Bella wears blue bras! I wonder if her panties match.

_Don't even think about it._ Too late. This is some prime shower material right here. This is the best mistake I ever made. It was hard to think of it that way, but deep down – maybe not down, just deep, somewhere, far away from my loins – I knew it was a mistake. And still, how could seeing this be a mistake?

The fact that I had to question it was the reason. I couldn't stop staring. It was her breasts, for Christ's sake, and her bra; how long had I thought of this sight? Never had I even come close to beholding its true beauty.

My original plan was playing somewhere in my brain, but absolutely nothing would distract me. Fuck, how can one girl be so fucking beautiful? Naked, Jesus, naked was going to be… Okay, time to stop thinking about that.

Control. I really needed to start learning some control with this girl. She made me crazy, in every way. I wondered if she was enjoying it at all, or if I was the only one just about getting my rocks off. Probably just me, the sick little perv man that was shamelessly staring at my blushing girlfriend's rack.

_What is wrong with you_? I'm a teenaged boy with a penis, that's what's wrong with me. _Nice, blame the penis._

I ignored my head, and the thought of her enjoying this came back into my brain. She was blushing, more than I'd ever seen her blush in my life. Her whole chest was darkened with a enticing crimson color. And low and behold, how I had not noticed the nipples.

_She's cold, you asshole._ Uh-uh. Horny. Enjoying this. Bella's nipples were hard because she wanted me. Blue panties, darkened with her wetness… Oh, God.

"Edward?"

She had such good timing. I gulped down some air and threw myself at her mouth for a distraction. Bad choice. Board games and homework would have been distracting; Bella's lips were not at all helpful in my intended course of distraction.

She seemed eager as she kissed me. Excited. God, let her be excited.

Her fingers came to the back of my head where they toyed with the almost-not-there hair. Her stubby, little fingernails were giving my scalp a nice massage, not being long enough to scratch – not that I would have minded her nails digging in a little, as long as it was out of excitement. Her mouth opened with mine and I, so very happily, pushed my tongue against hers.

We'd hardly just started kissing and Bella already seemed to be incapable of breathing. Somehow, her kiss did work to distract me enough that I remembered just what I had planned to do. Now seemed like a good time, since I had it on mind.

I moved my lips down over her chin and lower to her throat and lower yet, past her collarbones. I gave tiny, soft kisses to every piece of her skin in my intended path.

It seemed the lower I got, the faster her chest rose and fell. I couldn't look up into her eyes, knowing that if I saw that fear again, I'd stop. I didn't _want_ to stop, and if she wasn't going to tell me to stop… even if I knew I should… I wouldn't.

My chin came into contact with the top part of her breast and I fought for the control I so needed. I bit my tongue to keep it behind my lips and I grabbed the couch cushions that my hands were resting on at Bella's sides to keep them there. I went slowly, trying not to rush as I moved my lips lower until they were at the swell of her breast.

Which breast? Shit, that's a tough choice. I moved down to the valley between her breasts and kissed up her right breast. No, left, it's closer to her heart. Well, don't I sound romantic!

I kissed back up her left breast and tried to find the perfect location. I traveled along the top edge of her bra, searching with my lips for the spot. I found it at the highest part of her boob, where the most skin was exposed to my greedy lips. My tongue forced its way out and started wetting and tasting her soft, perfect skin.

When it was thoroughly readied, I scraped my teeth lightly over it, just to feel the wonderfulness against my teeth. I attached my lips to her skin and her chest went oddly still as I sucked lightly at the flesh. It felt like lightening bolts were moving from the small piece of her skin in my mouth and shooting around in my entire body.

Dear lord, this woman! Her fingers worked at my skull, pulling me down even harder to her chest. I sucked a bit more firmly at the skin, tasting her skin as much as possible.

I pulled away and immediately checked my work. Proudly, I smiled down at the small bruise I had made. Mine, this woman is mine! The proof is there, written on her chest. My bruise left as a perfect little tag.

My delighted eyes traveled up to her face. Her lips were parted and her eyes were closed as she laid unmoving. Jesus, she wasn't even breathing.

"Bella?"

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open and were completely blank as she stared at me. Well, at least she was conscious enough to respond to commands.

"Breathe."

She drew in a ragged, shaky breath and turned red all over again. Since she was at least breathing now, I returned my eyes back to my mark. Greedily, proudly, so fucking excitedly I very gently traced the bruise with my fingertips. An evil planned formed then and I, although sadly, carefully refastened the buttons on her shirt.

Before she knew what was happening, I pulled off my shirt and had us flipped over so she was on top.

Completely disoriented, she laid on my bare chest. I swear she was trying _not_ to touch me as she attempted rolling away. I laughed and held her to me.

"It's my turn," I said arrogantly.

Her already frightened features turned shocked and frantic. She couldn't seem to decide where to look as her eyes darted from my face to my chest to the blank TV screen on the other side of the room.

As she stared at the TV, she mumbled, "You can't be serious."

I tried to encourage her to look at me by kissing her cheek. She didn't. "I'm completely serious. I want my very own little ta— hickey." I stopped myself from saying tag, fearing she'd take it the wrong way.

"Why d-"

A car door slammed close by and her question cut off with a gasp. Feeble and gentle little Bella really put up her best effort then, giving me little warning before she forcefully pushed herself away from me, her knee slid between my legs and giving a deadly blow to my fully engorged boy parts.

I held in the girlish scream, but I immediately tasted blood and got tears in my eyes, seeing black and little white stars. Bella was standing now and I literally just _fell_ off the couch to the floor. Her response was to throw my shirt at me then disappear.

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry_ , I chanted to myself. But fuck, it hurt so bad, I couldn't stop all the tears. And I had to recover quickly too. After only a few short moments to enjoy my anti-post-coital feeling, I had to sit up and pull my shirt on.

I leaned back against the couch, facing away from the door as much as possible. Just a second before the door opened, Bella was at my side with an open can of soda and textbook while I wiped my tears away.

I knew she wouldn't have possibly done it on purpose, but still, she could have given a little thought to my already bruised, broken, swollen, bloody genitals before tossing a heavy textbook right against them. The pained, girlish scream barely stayed in this time and I made a disturbing gurgling sound when my balls and cock were again crushed.

My watery eyes leaked some more and I clenched my jaw so not to start weeping like a child. But fuck, I just wanted to curl into a ball, cupping my smashed gonads. I blacked out momentarily from the pain and prayed for death but was only rewarded with more throbbing pain as I opened my blurry eyes.

I heard a deep familiar voice in the distance and squeaky little Bella at my side but couldn't concentrate enough to know what they were saying.

There was no way I was studying tonight. I need some fucking ice and a whole fucking country worth of vodka.

Could I stand? Was I standing? Could I walk? I attempted all of the above and though I couldn't see straight, I think I made it out the door.

Was that silver thing my car? God I hope so, let it be my car.

"Edward, where are you going?" came a worried voice from behind.

I just wanted to dig a hole and live in it for the rest of my life. _Don't cry_. I fought that urge off with lots of effort. I coughed, and I swear it was bloody… Coughing up blood, that's not good, right? The urge to caress my beaten nuts was extremely hard to stop.

I don't think I could speak human at the moment though, unless girlish sobs and cries counted. I coughed again, hoping to clear out the cobwebs. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said in a voice that wasn't even close to my own with a fake bass tone to it. I'd be singing tenor for the rest of my life after this, I'm sure of it.

I ran into something behind me, which turned out to be my perfect, shiny, silver Volvo. I flung the door open, hearing an extremely frightened girl's voice saying, "Edward," before slamming my door and speeding away.

I made it home after sacrificing my dignity and pulling over to shed a few tears. My phone in my pocket buzzed once but I couldn't bring myself to look at it yet.

I needed a doctor. Carlisle was home.

"Carlisle, I need to talk to you!" I bellowed into the house, making a straight line to my bedroom.

"Honey, Bella called. She sounded worried. Edward?" my mother yelled after me.

"Dad!" I yelled back.

I heard his quick footsteps behind me and I waited from him to enter my bedroom to close my door. I tried not to cry but I swear the pain was getting worse.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"I don't think she realizes she did it, I'm not mad at her, but holy fuck, she kneed me in the balls, Dad. I can't feel my legs and I'm coughing up blood. I think I'm dying."

His wide, terror filled eyes slowly starting smiling at me. A small smirk played at his lips before he became gravely serious.

"Yes, Edward, this is surely a death sentence. Coughing up blood? Did you black out too?"

"Yes," I whimpered.

"Hmm. She got you good, didn't she?"

Why did it sound like he was laughing at me? I did a careful inspection of his face. He was fucking laughing at me. Bastard! I turned a murderous stare on him.

"You're suppose to be a goddamn doctor and I'm dying and you're laughing at me."

"Doctor is in, I'll bring the scalpel so I can remove the shattered testes. Shall I remove the crushed pride as well?"

"Fuck you," I spat at him, through tears, which ruined the effect.

"My poor, fragile son."

He disappeared then, and returned graciously with a pain pill, a cold glass of water, an ice pack… and an Enya CD.

Fucking bastard.


	17. Chapter 17

I skipped supper, I ignored my phone, and I tried to sleep, even though the discomfort was keeping me wide awake. The icepack shoved down my pants actually felt like it was doing more damage than it was doing good, so I threw it at my closed bedroom door and rolled onto my side, which honestly did me no good at all.

" _Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows, only time_."

I covered my head with a pillow and considered giving my dad his own medicine. By that, of course, I meant kicking him in the nuts with enough force that he couldn't even _think_ about having any other children. And then actually giving him a taste of his own medicine. I doubt he'd find it funny if he were actually in my situation. At the moment though, apparently it was hilarious.

"Stupid fucking asshole son-of-a-bitch cuntbag motherfucker…" I cursed, and cursed some more under my breath.

"I hope you're not talking about me. That'd be awfully rude. And why is Enya blasted from the stereo outside your door?"

"I don't know, Jasper, why don't you ask my 'father?'" I knew the quotation around the word were obvious in the way I said it.

"Naw, I actually don't care, just wondering out loud, I guess. What I _do_ care about is the fact that I am message boy _once_ _again_ because the pompous prick known as Edward Cullen has _yet again_ left a dear, dear friend crying."

"Oh fuck," I muttered. Unthinkingly, I sat up quickly, reaching for my phone and nearly hurled at the pain it induced.

"You look like hell."

"And you are as flamboyantly gay as ever."

He laughed. "Not in a good mood, I see."

"Mr. Observant Flamboyant Gay-man, go the fuck away."

"No, Alice gave me strict orders and I will happily follow through with them." He pushed his sleeves up and cracked his neck, and I honestly began to wonder if he was sent to beat me up. He laughed at the look I was giving him and took a seat on the chair across from me. "Now, Alice says that Bella says something happened between you two."

I blinked rapidly then got angry all over again. "Deep breath," Jasper instructed. I've had about enough of people telling me what to do.

"FUCKING TURN THAT MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT FUCKING MUSIC THE FUCK OFF!" I roared.

The music played another half of a verse of "Only Time" and then was silent. I knew my mother's footstep when I heard them, and it was her who had done me the huge favor.

"Now that you got that off your chest, back to the point. What happened?"

"I might as well get it out in the open," I muttered, more to myself than Jasper. "I got kneed in the balls."

Jasper looked confused. "By whom?"

"Bella."

"Well, they didn't tell me that."

"What exactly did they tell you?"

" _They_ didn't tell me anything. Bella was not exactly in the mood for talking. Alice whispered that I need to get the fuck out here and ask you what your problem was. I made out something about her pulling away from you at a… well, at the wrong time, apparently. She thinks you broke up with her because she wouldn't do what you wanted her to."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. That was really my only thought.

"What exactly _were_ you two doing?"

I wasn't even listening to him anymore. I had my phone out and Bella's number was already on the screen, calling. This was not a conversation I wanted to have over the phone. Why did I keep hurting her when I was in so much pain?

" _You've reached Charlie and Isabella Swan, we can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as possible…_ " Beep.

Charlie's gruff voice was not what I'd wanted to hear, or the generic recording. I left a message nonetheless. "Bella, please call me, it is not what you think."

Hopefully that would get my point across, at least part way, yet was still non-descript enough that it shouldn't raise any questions.

"Okay, now Edward. What happened?" He sounded oddly like a therapist. And when I looked at him, he even looked like one with his hands clasped under his chin.

I guess I really hadn't shone the light on the situation yet, had I? I gave Jasper all the details, or most of them… or just the ones that pointed to my ball smashing.

He made a face when I told him about her knee taking its terrible path of destruction against my balls.

"I really don't care if she does anything with me or not, I was mostly just being, well, me. I love her, I'm not going to lose her over this."

"You should have thought of that sooner."

Panic struck me. "You think she's going to break up with me?"

"I don't know, but she's really upset that you just left. I can imagine what she thought."

I wanted to say something about him and his inner woman connecting, but I withheld. It occurred to me then that I had called Bella's house and not her cell phone. I dialed immediately.

"Hello?" Alice, a very disgruntled sounding Alice, answered.

"Alice, please put Bella on, I-"

"Why should I, Edward? Do you really think she wants to talk to you-"

"Alice, it's not what she, what you think. Please put her on, I need to talk to her."

I could hear Bella in the background telling Alice to give her the phone, in a none too pleasant sounding tone.

"Alice," I heard her warn her cousin.

Alice huffed and there was an unmistakable sound of the phone being passed from one hand to the other.

"Ed-"

I didn't even let her get my name out before I cut her off. "Bella, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Jasper said you thought I was breaking up with you. God, please don't even think that, Bella. I can't, I won't lose you. Please forgive me."

A small, arrogant part of my brain was asking why I was apologizing for getting kneed in the nuts, but I ignored it.

There was silence. "Bella? Bella, I love you, please believe me. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Why did you leave? I didn't want you to go, and I know I reacted badly to my dad getting home, but Edward, I didn't want you to leave."

"I had to Bella, I'm sorry. It was nothing to do with your dad coming home."

Another silence. I really didn't want to explain what had happened, since she was so obviously clueless to it, and making her feel bad about it would not help the situation. "Why did you leave?"

I made up a lie on the spot. "My phone had rung and my dad needed me at home right away."

"Oh…" More silence.

"Oh, for Christ's Sake, Edward, tell her the truth."

There was no question of whether Bella heard that. In the silence, Jasper's voice was loud and clear. I wanted to hit him like never before. I settled for a malicious stare.

"Edward?"

I sighed, groaned, or maybe it was more of a whimper. I rushed the words out. "Just promise not to feel bad, or get upset. I don't want to tell you because you're going to feel bad, Bella, and it was my fault for being so… so… pushy."

"Just tell me," she muttered.

"Well, you didn't mean to do it, I know that, so don't even apologize, but when you got up, you, um… sort of. Well, Bella, you see, uh, that... you hit me in the… um..."

"You kneed him in the balls, Bella," Jasper said plainly, and again, I knew Bella heard it. I wasn't sure whether to hit him or hug him.

"I did?"

"Yes."

"Oh, God. I didn't mean-"

"I know, Bella, I know. It's okay, really, I'm not blaming you, though I did deserve it, but I know you didn't try."

She sighed. "So we're…" She trailed off.

I remained silent, not knowing what to say.

"Are we— Did you— I mean… I hurt you."

"Bella, it's alright."

"Bad."

I couldn't deny that, it did hurt bad. "I'm-" I was going to say fine, but I couldn't lie that convincingly, "I'll be fine."

"But us?" she asked in the smallest voice.

I again didn't know how to respond. "I wouldn't even dream of holding this against you, Bella. But I'm such a fucking prick, I wouldn't blame you for-"

"No," she said defiantly. "Edward, I don't want this to be over."

"Oh, thank God," I breathed. "I'll slow down, I'll back off. I shouldn't have done what I did, and well, I think this was my sign. I'm sorry, Bella. I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered. She didn't address my promise to slow down.

"Okay."

"Okay," she agreed.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow?"

"Okay," she agreed again.

"Okay." More silence. "Well, goodnight."

"Uh, okay. Goodnight."

I hung up, unwillingly, but knowing I had to, since I already said goodnight. Jasper left shortly after and I went to sleep, feeling only slightly better.


	18. Chapter 18

Morning came too soon, but my alarm clock went off and Bella's face popped into my head. After hitting snooze and thinking of Bella until the annoying beeping roused me again, I realized that the ache of my bladder was nearly intolerable. At least my nuts weren't aching as badly anymore.

Even though I wanted to check every inch of my hurt genitalia, I refrained. Seeing a black-and-blue dick would haunt me for life. Seeing my black-and-blue dick... Well, I'm afraid that may have damaged me so badly I wouldn't ever be able to get it up again. So I pissed and avoided the sight of my own cock.

After dressing in some of my nicer clothes, in hopes of sucking up a bit to Bella, I went to eat breakfast. My dad had already left for work, and for that I was extremely grateful. My mom didn't so much as give me a funny look, and I was also extremely grateful for that.

As if it never happened.

Unfortunately, Bella knew it happened. I pulled up to her house and she was already waiting on the small porch. She was in my car moments after I put it in park and her arms flung unexpectedly around my neck.

"I'm so sorry, Edward, I feel so bad." Her lips pressed against my cheek and neck and my heart pumped excitedly. Not good.

"Bella, love, it's really okay."

I turned my head to kiss her lips and my plan after a short kiss was to head to school, but it was no short kiss. Bella's hands unwound from my neck and cupped the side of my face, bringing her mouth closer and more firmly to mine. Fuck. Her hot little tongue came out to flick against my bottom lip and with a loud groan, against my better judgment, my mouth opened to bring that tongue into my mouth. Oh fuck.

My accelerated heart rate seemed to center somewhere in my loins, pumping blood straight to where it hurt the most. It throbbed, and it really, really hurt.

With a sharp breath in, I pulled my lips away from hers and sat back against my seat.

"What did I do now?" Bella asked in a worried voice.

"Nothing, love, nothing." I was concentrating hard on losing my hard on. The boner elimination process. I thought about getting kneed in the nuts again, that did it. I could almost feel the pain of it.

When I opened my eyes again, Bella was staring at my lap. I wanted to groan. "Please stop staring at my crotch."

Her face was so red, I thought she might overheat. She muttered an apology and I started the car.

About halfway to the school, which was maybe two minutes after I started the car, Bella asked me, "Does it hurt real bad?"

I winced then found her left hand with my right. "Sweetie, you know I love you and I want to talk to about everything, but not this." She nodded and apologized again. "Please stop apologizing."

She nearly said she was sorry, again, for apologizing, but she caught herself and laughed a little. I laughed too. "I love you," I told her again, as I put the car in park.

Just as unexpected as the last time, she was on me again. "I love you too," she said and started kissing me in a wholly persuasive way. A way that told me not to pull away. Never pull away. Never leave. The goddamn armrest console got in my way again, and I didn't care that my groin was throbbing with pain.

"Fuck, I love you," I said against her mouth. She made a sound that had me wishing we weren't in the school parking lot, and that my dick didn't feel broken. Shit. "Shit."

"What?" she asked, sounding worried again.

I kissed her swollen mouth, trying to relieve the worry, but I was worried too. "I think we need to talk," I said. Her eyebrows rose. I continued, "About sex." I felt the shock rolling off of her. Or maybe that just her blushing. "Fuck, I know. God damn it. It's too soon, and I think that's why we need to talk."

"O-o-okay."

It didn't sound okay with her at all. "Okay," I repeated, nearly as unsteady as her. I kissed her again. Feeling her bottom lip move against mine had my tongue searching for hers once again.

We were so lost in the moment, it literally took a fist connecting with my window to draw us back to our location. "Okay," I said again, getting back to my side of the car. "Time for school then," I said in a chipper voice.

Bella laughed, and I just wanted to kiss her again. She got out of the car before I could do that. I followed her lead and Jasper was standing there looking like Alice had forced him to. She probably had.

"How's your dick?"

Hard was my first thought. I doubt he'd want to hear that, which made me real eager to say it. But why was he asking in the first place? "Fine. How's your pussy?"

"Wet," he answered.

I tried to keep a straight face, but it just wasn't possible. My chest and throat ached with the laughter I was holding back. I let out a loud snort then started laughing so hard I was shaking. I clapped him on the shoulder. "I'll bet it is!"

The school day sucked, and I mean it _really_ sucked. And not the good kind of sucked, like a blowjob, but the shitty kind… like a loud vacuum. Lunch was just as annoying, people staring and whispering, my temper flaring and blistering.

"You'd think you were dry-humping a dog by the way people keep staring," Emmett said, in his carrying, deep voice.

I lunged towards him and Bella caught my hand. My ass sat right back down.

"For Christ's Sake, people, get a life," Rosalie said. They listened to her.

"You guys better start making out while no one's looking," Emmett said with a wink. Every head whipped back in our direction and I aimed a kick at Emmett shin. He cussed, very loudly, and kicked back at me and hit Jasper instead. Jasper kicked him back and all was settled.

Back in class, the whispers continued to swirl. "I heard he showed up at her house, you know since she's like his tutor or whatever, and she was naked on the floor begging him to fuck her." "Mike said that Tina said that Heather said that Greg heard from Autumn that she gave him head in the boy's locker room. God knows he wouldn't be dating her unless she was good at something." "He OD'd on pain pills, and you know her daddy works for the police. I'll bet he's an addict and she scores him his pills from the evidence locker."

I turned around and slammed my fist onto Jessica's desk. She shut up promptly. "I've been in love with Bella Swan since the ninth grade. She isn't a disgusting whore like you that needs to get naked to get my attention," I hissed at her.

"Oh my God, you didn't tell me you and Cullen fucked," Lauren said from behind Jessica.

"You've got to be kidding me," I groaned.

"So it's true," Lauren said. Jessica beamed with excitement. What a fucking idiot!

"No, it isn't true. I wouldn't fuck either of you with an eighteen foot pole. Now shut the fuck up and if you say one more fucking word about my girlfriend, I'll make sure every other guy in this school steers clear."

They both remained tight-lipped in my presence. Even though I thought school couldn't suck any worse, as the final bell rang, I discovered it wasn't true. I was heading back to my locker to wait for Bella, but she was already there, in the arms of another.

Jacob Black. Jacob fucking Black. I'll kill him. With. My. Bare. Hands. He. Will. Die.

"He does not love you, Bella. I love you, not him."

"You don't love me, Jake," Bella muttered half-heartedly.

"Yes, Bella, I do. I love you. Do you hear me, _I_ love you."

"Edward loves me, Jacob, you're just confused."

"I am not confused. We are meant to be together. He just wants… wants… Bella, he just wants to get in your pants."

She laughed, which surprised me. What the hell was this? And why wasn't she kicking and punching that black-haired dog away from her? "I think you've got that backwards."

Jacob's shoulders tightened. "So you just want to get in his pants?"

Her face turned bright red. "No! Get off me, Jake, now."

"If you need someone, come to me, Bella. I can take care of you."

"Jacob, let go. I don't. No, Jake!"

But her struggles were useless and he crushed her small body to the lockers, his mouth against hers. I froze. I felt like my blood had turned to ice in my body, rendering me unable to move. I was so fucking pissed I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't speak.

Her arms were trapped between his body and the lockers, but her hands were on his hips, gripping. That I registered. He obviously did too, because his hips rocked into her. She was pulling him closer. Her mouth was tight, her lips locked… and then they went soft, her jaw relaxed. Her eyes went from wide and angry to closed.

Everything crashed. My ice filled veins suddenly boiled. I was there before I even knew I could move again. I grabbed a handful of dark hair and pulled, pulled so hard that the head in my hands yelled out in pain. I kept pulling and used all the strength I could muster to throw that head into the wall across the hall. It made a sickening thud as it connected with the mint green block.

The yell cut off with the thud. I wondered if he could die with one hit. My question was answered when he charged at me. Bella screamed and stepped out in front of me.

"Bella!" I rasped, fear for her knocking me back to the stupid frozen state.

Jacob pushed her out of his way, throwing her down to the floor and continued on his path to me. He aimed low, being the teams strongest safety he knew how to tackle and how to tackle hard. I braced myself for the pain and his shoulder barreled into my gut and he rammed me back into the lockers.

The pain was overwhelming, but in the last couple months, I'd dealt with so much pain I really could take it. "Gonna kiss me now, Black?" I growled.

He backed off, ready to barrel me into the lockers again or set up for a punch, but I was ready. As soon as he was far enough away, I drew my fist back and clocked him in the jaw. His momentum towards me helped with the blow, even gave it more force. He stumbled and I decked him again. Sadly, it didn't stop him. I flew into the lockers again. The locker didn't feel so bad this time, seeing as it had already conformed to fit my back.

My ears were ringing. No, no, that was someone screaming. And it sure as hell wasn't me. It was Bella. And I think Rosalie too.

With my vantage point, I threw my good knee up into Jacob jaw. That sucker had to be broken by now. He didn't try to throw me into the lockers this time. His fist flew at my face and connected with my nose. It stung like holy hell and blood instantly gushed from it. I sent another fist into Jacob's face, and another. And then he was gone.

"Bella, take care of him," I heard. It was Emmett's voice.

Just as I made to lunge at Jacob again, wherever he went, two small but strong hands connected with my chest. I knew who's they were and they froze me. Fear, fear that I'd hurt her. I stopped.

"Please," she begged brokenly, "please stop."

I made out her face through my hazy vision – rage did that to me. Thick tears rolled down her cheeks and her lips quivered.

"I'm done, sweetie, it's okay. I won't hurt you." I remember him throwing her to the floor and had to beat the rage back. Her fingers were curled into my shirt, holding me pinned to the lockers like kryptonite. "Are you okay?" I asked her.

She nodded and bit her shaking lip. Her hands were shaking on my chest. Her whole body was shaking.

"Oh God, Bella. I'm so sorry." I tried to move to wrap my arms around her but she stopped me.

"Don't move, Edward. You're hurt. An ambulance is coming. Or two," she said, looking over her shoulder. I followed her eyes to where Emmett still had Jacob pinned to the wall.

I have to say, he looked fucking terrible. And I really didn't feel too bad. But that could be the adrenaline. I usually did more damage than I took in a fight though.

"Love, just take me home. Dad will fix me up." She looked so frightened. "My keys are in my front left pocket, you can get them out and drive me home. I'll let Jasper help me walk. It's okay, love, really."

Her jaw just continued to shake, tears streaming out of her eyes. Jasper came to my side and he spoke softly to Bella. She nodded then. She slowly pried her fingers from my shirt and came down from her defensive stance over me.

Jesus. She was defending me. With her back to the enemy she stood there defending me. She put herself in danger not once, but twice to defend me, to protect me.

"I love you," I said. Her lips just shook and she nodded again, unable to speak. She was in shock. Jasper would need to drive. "My keys are in my pocket," I told her again.

She lowered a shaky hand to my jeans and started digging in my pocket. They were deep pockets.

Jasper laughed. "See, Bella sweetie, he'll be fine. Look at that smirk!"

She looked up, her hand still in my pocket and blushed a little, then gave a small laugh. She pulled the keys out and I nudged Jasper with my elbow. He nodded. "I'll drive Bells, Alice will follow us. You want to ride with her?"

"I'm staying with Edward," she growled at him.

He gave me a little grin. "Of course you are. Now let's go."

I threw an arm over Jasper's shoulders and pretended to use him as a crutch for Bella's sake. I climbed into the back seat and Bella followed me, keeping her eyes on me at all times. "I'm really okay," I told her, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her to me.

"I hate this," she said. "I've always hated it. I always knew when you got into fights. I always worried something would happen. Edward…" And she was going to say something about her feelings for me, something that would mean she was opening up to me, something big and serious, something potentially embarrassing in her eyes. So she stopped. I hope that was just because Jasper was there as an audience.

When we pulled up to the house, we sent Bella ahead to get my dad. Or I should say Jasper sent her ahead. He gave me that look that said, _"don't contradict me,"_ so I let him send her away. As soon as she was in the house, after tripping on the lip of the door, he started in.

"Jesus Christ, she hit Rosalie trying to get to you."

"What?" I asked.

"Rose was holding her back because she was going to dive her skinny ass right in there to help you. Alice showed up and calmed her down some, but she was screaming at you, and at Jake, and Rose was screaming into her phone for Emmett. I would have stepped in, but he's big, and you know… my mom…"

"Jazz, don't even worry buddy." Bella hit Rosalie! "Is Rose pissed?"

"No, Bella didn't mean to do it, she was just… She's a fucking wild cat! Rawr! Her defending you against me was something, but fuck, she was all claws and fangs ready to tear Jake's throat out for hitting you."

She came running back through the door then. Fresh tears on her face and my dad right behind her looking scared as hell. He relaxed when he saw me. He gave me a look that said, _"she acted like you were dying."_ I gave him an apologetic look back.

Per Bella's demand, my dad and Jasper helped me into the house and dad got into his doctor role. I shucked my shirt and Bella gasped as she eyed my back. Dad put her to work then, keeping her busy so not to start blubbering again. Thank God mom was grocery shopping. Two woman crying over me would have killed me. Alice was there and she helped when Bella started to lose it.

Bella brought a large dish of cold water and a started cleaning my face. I closed my eyes so I didn't have to see her crying while she did it.

Jasper and dad were talking about sports and Bella kept asking me if I was okay. I nodded, again and again. Finally I couldn't hear her ask again so I just grabbed her and kissed her. It worked. The wet rag hit the floor with a slap and her hands went to my hair.

My dad picked that moment to prod a tender rib. I hissed and arched away from the pain. "Fuck, you bastard, couldn't you at least warn me?"

"You seemed preoccupied enough," he said matter-of-factly. "And stop cussing like a goddamn sailor, I raised you better than that."

I grinned and Bella chuckled. And then mom came home. Everything started all over again. Even Bella's crying. And just to make it all worse, she started apologizing. Blaming herself. I pulled her to my room and distracted her again.

The first kiss she really tried to ignore and kept apologizing. The second kiss her hands came to bare chest and she pushed me away, telling me that I shouldn't be kissing her. The third kiss her tongue was in my mouth and I was trying like hell not to tear her clothes off.

A knock on the door broke up our hot and heavy make out. It was Jasper.

"Chief Swan is here to talk to you."


	19. Chapter 19

Bella's gulp was audible. Alice pushed past Jasper into the room and came to hold Bella's hand.

"He was going to find out you're with Edward eventually anyway." Alice always the voice of reason.

"He shouldn't find out like this," I said. "He's probably here to…" I trailed off as Bella's eyes grew wide.

"No, he is not going to arrest you. I will not allow it," she growled.

Shit. My mom called, "Edward, Chief Swan is…" she trailed off too as she looked around my room. "This doesn't look good," she said, eying the four of us. "You need to go talk to Bella's father." I nodded and strode forward. Bella followed. "Alone," my mom said.

Bella pulled up short and looked near tears again. I went back to her and kissed her softly. "It will be okay, Bella. Please don't worry. Your father will see the truth."

"You did nothing wrong, you protected me," she said to me, clutching at my shirt again, like it was her lifeline.

I nodded. "And that's the truth. Your father cannot arrest me for protecting you."

She stood up in her tippy-toes and whispered that she loved me and I told her that I loved her too, and kissed her again.

"I'll be right back," I promised her.

She nodded. Alice swooped in as I let Bella go and she stayed strong as I left the room. Chief Swan was waiting on the couch with my father.

"Sit down, Edward," Charlie said in his gruff voice. I sat. "Now from the beginning, the truth, no lies. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," I nodded. And I started from the beginning. I gave him the truth. He already knew Bella was involved, obviously, since Jacob gave his statement.

"So she's here?" he asked when I finished.

"Yes, sir."

He nodded and looked as happy as any father could be about his daughter getting caught in a violent fist fight.

"Dr. Cullen, your son is an adult, I'd appreciate if I could speak to him alone." My father nodded and left the room, taking my mother with him. Charlie seemed to be steeling himself for what he was about to say and I tried to steel myself too. I was not looking forward to this. "I'll make you a deal Edward," he took a deep breath. "Leave Bella alone and I'll let this one slide."

That I did not expect. I felt the rage and I controlled it. I didn't let my emotions betray me as I said, "Absolutely not."

He looked surprised, stunned actually. He stood up swiftly and I followed suit. He stumbled over the word "I" a few times then got his mouth to function again. "I'm afraid I'll have to take you in then, son."

I nodded. "Well, Chief Swan, what I have told you is the truth, nothing but it and you can ask Bella. There are several other witnesses as well, sir. With all due respect, you are making a very bad choice by making this personal."

He sort of gawked at me, as if he couldn't believe I was telling him how to do his job. That's just too bad. I wasn't going to be arrested for standing up against a could-be rapist, nor was I going because I was dating his daughter.

"Bella," he called after again regaining his talking skills. She rushed in, looking fearful. "We're going home," he told her.

She looked from her father to me and then edged in my direction. I wish I could have told her no, told her it would only piss her father off more, but all I wanted in that moment was to hold her in my arms. She slowly moved to my side and took my hand.

"I want to stay here a bit longer, it's not even close to my curfew yet."

He did that gawking thing at her now. Chief Swan was an intelligent man, but this one was throwing him for a loop. "No. We are going home. Now."

I felt Bella's hand curl against mine, turning claw like. That was my warning. I squeezed her hand back to try to bring some sense to her. It didn't work. "No, I am not going home with you."

"You are not staying here with _him_ ," Charlie seethed back at her.

"Oh, yes, I am," she demanded.

"No, you are not!"

"Why is that, Charlie?" she asked.

His face turned purple with anger. "Because, this boy nearly killed Jacob today. You are not seeing him anymore."

Bella blew. "Don't you dare talk to me about Jacob! And don't you dare tell me who I will see!" I held her back as she tried to fling herself forward at her father and her free hand reached out at him. "Edward protected me. Jacob could have raped me!"

"Oh for crying out loud, Jacob is not a rapist!" Charlie yelled back.

"You didn't see him," she screamed. "You didn't _feel_ him. I am staying with Edward."

Charlie's face turned from purple to red back to purple and his eyes bulged. He seemed to have realized – just as I had –what Bella meant by 'feel him' and he blanched, turning ungodly pale.

Bella flung at him, breaking my hold on her. "Dad, are you okay? Dad?"

He caught her as she came to him and he nodded. "Are you?" he asked. "Did he hurt you? Did he… touch you?"

"No, dad. If Edward hadn't have been there…" She trailed off, letting everyone picture what might have happened on their own. She shuddered. I hissed. Charlie growled.

"He threw you to the ground, Bella, are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

They both glared at me for interrupting. "I'm fine," she said.

Charlie's attention went back to her. "Are you sure? How did you fall? Did you hit your head?"

"I'm fine!"

"Okay," he nodded.

"And I'm staying here. I'll be home before curfew."

Charlie's jaw clenched, his teeth ground together, his hands curled into fists, his face went a bit lilac, and then he took a deep breath. "Fine. I'm going home then. To cook dinner for myself, I guess."

Mother, being the perfect Betty-homemaking she was, walked in. "Charlie, would you like to stay for supper?"

He got the child's "Boy, would I?" look on his face and then seemed to want to rub it in Bella's face. "Oh yes, Mrs. Cullen, that would be great."

"Wonderful," mom said. "You too Bella, right?" Like she didn't know! Bella nodded. "Jasper dear, Alice, are you both staying for dinner?"

Good lord, open house at the Cullen's! Of course this would make mom happy though. I dropped down onto the couch with a sigh and Charlie dropped into a chair. Dad came in and put on a game and Bella stood there looking, and probably feeling, so out of place. I reached for her hand and pulled her down against my side, and my dad plopped next to her. I cuddled Bella in tight to me and buried my nose in her hair, inhaling deeply.

"You smell so good, have I ever told you that?" I whispered to her, trying to get a taste of her from the smell of her skin alone.

I knew she blushed before I even heard Charlie's teeth grinding from across the room. Inconspicuously, my dad flicked my ear and mouthed the words "down boy" at me. I cooled my jets.

"Sorry," I whispered. She blushed again. That's when I realized it was my breath on her ear that made her blush. I chuckled and she blushed deeper. I nuzzled her ear and inhaled again. "So good."

She pinched my thigh, hard and I laughed again. "You're not funny," she hissed at me.

"Yes, I am," I countered.

"Does your nose hurt?" she asked me.

"No," I replied impulsively. It didn't really, unless I thought about it, so I didn't think about it.

"Do you want it to hurt?" she asked sweetly.

I cracked up. "You're right, I'm not funny, but you're hilarious."

She huffed, which made me laugh more. "You know, I'd hit you if you hadn't already been beaten up today."

I laughed, even though that wasn't really funny.

"Did you give him pain pills?" I heard Charlie ask my dad.

I could imagine the smile on my dad's face. "Nope, that's just my Edward. I swear his mother never dropped him on his head, and I mean, we stripped the lead-based paint off his crib after he started teething."

"Stop making me sound like a bad mother," my mom called from the kitchen. Dad chuckled. Charlie did too and turned his attention to the TV. I looked out the sliding patio door and saw that it was still light outside.

"Wanna go down by the creek?" I asked in Bella's ear.

She nodded. Both of us got up and our fathers ignored us. I held her hand as we walked to the rushing creek and I jumped up onto the flat rock that sat there. Still holding her hand, I helped her up. I sat down and settled Bella between my legs. I leaned into her and smelled her again.

"Really, Bella, you smell so good."

She leaned back into my chest and titled her head back. Her lids were heavy and she gave me that irresistibly seductive look. I pressed my lips to hers, tasting her sweetness and smelling it all around me. Her lower back was pressed between my legs and I knew the second I started getting hard that she could feel it.

Which brought back what I said earlier. I took one last taste of her lips then pressed my face into the side of her neck and wrapped my arms around her waist. I spoke against her skin. "We either need to have that talk now or we need to stop."

"I don't want to stop," she whispered.

"But do you want to go further?" I asked. She didn't answer. "Okay, we'll stop." I slowly slid my hands away from her waist and edged away from her.

"No," she said, taking hold of my fingers and drawing them back around her. "You know I can't… I just… Edward…"

I pulled her back against my chest. I spoke softly into her hair, measuring my words and taking deep breaths. "Isabella Swan, I love you," I paused.

She took the bate. "I love you too, Edward."

I nodded against the back of her head. "I know you do. Do you believe that I love you?"

She paused this time. I didn't like the hesitation, I didn't like that she had to think about it. "Yes, I believe it."

"I wish you believed in me more," I said honestly. She tried to start in but I hushed her gently. "I know that I don't deserve any type of trust, but I still wish and hope for it. I love you, so much, and I really want to spend my life with you, Bella. I can't imagine being any happier than when I'm with you and I hate it when we're apart. I want you to be able to talk to me, to open up to me, to trust me with your secrets. I won't laugh at you, I won't ever feel anything but love for you, no matter what happens or what you say. Just know that, okay?"

"I've never had an orgasm," she blurted.

Well, now that was unexpected. I tried to handle that little… big tidbit with grace. I swallowed rather loudly before attempting to speak. "You've never-" I still managed to squeak.

"No."

Huh. But don't girls do it too…? "But what about-"

"Nope."

"You've never done that either?"

"No."

Jesus, talk about uncharted territory. "Can I ask why you haven't?"

She shrugged. "I just don't. It's embarrassing."

I was a bit incredulous. "You're embarrassed to touch yourself?"

She was glowing underneath me, so bright red, but she kept talking. "When you say it like that it does seem stupid."

"If it helps any, I do it all the time!"

She giggled a little. "I've realized this. But you're a guy."

"I resent that comment, it's sexist. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean you aren't suppose to pleasure yourself, or get it from someone else. As long as that someone is me, I mean. Because I would, I want to. Right now. I could. God, I want to give you an orgasm right now."

Her grip on my thighs tightened and I could hear her breathing in short, gaspy breaths. "We're, ah, straying from the subject, I think."

"No, not really, quite on subject I think. You shared that you haven't had the pleasures of an orgasm and I'm dying to rock your world."

"R-rock my world?"

I smiled and brushed my fingertips across her jean clad upper thigh. "Mmhmm."

"You're being cocky," she said, her bated breath making her words sound airy.

I chuckled. "In a way."

"Edward, not here."

I chose to ignore her words. There was a million reasons why this spot was perfect, and I could have taken the time to explain them to her, but I just didn't have the patience. I clasped my fingers around her thin thigh and felt her muscles tense beneath my fingers. I played an undistinguishable tune against the inseam on her thigh with my fingertips. No one could see a damn thing from the house with the light fading and my back hid every inch of her body.

"Bella, I'm going to touch you. I'm going to give you an orgasm and you're going to be happy. You're going to feel as amazing and beautiful as you truly are. You're going to be satisfied and feel pleasure that you can only imagine. I'll give it to you, because I love you, and you love me and you're giving me an unbelievable gift by letting me be the first, just to touch you. And you're going to promise me that when you go home tonight, you'll think of me in bed and you'll give it to yourself. You'll give yourself an orgasm while you think of me, then another if you feel like it, and another, and maybe even another. You deserve to feel the pleasure, you deserve it, Bella."

Before I even knew what was happening, my words had just barely stopped and her hands were tearing open the front of her jeans. She had a hold of my wrist and was guiding my hand to the open fly. My mind kicked into overdrive. I actually convinced her to let me touch her. Christ, I was going to touch her pussy... I may have more seduced her into it than convinced her, but essentially it was the same thing.

"Not quite yet, love," I told her. I moved a hand up her torso and gently fingered at the thin fabric. "Up here first."

Her back arched, pushing her small, round breasts high into the air. What a sight. I guided my hand under the fabric and just barely allowed my palm to touch the soft skin of her stomach. She whimpered and squirmed against me. My hand made a slow path up her heated skin to the bottom of her bra. I poked a finger under the edge of the bra where it met between her breasts and waited. She didn't object, in fact she seemed quite impatient with me now. Carefully, I worked my hand under her bra and inside the left cup.

God, it was heaven. Her breast fit against my palm like it was molded to be there and my hand molded for her curves. Her hard nipple dug softly into my palm and I tried to memorize the way it felt. Perfect, it felt perfect.

She was squirming and arching regularly now, practically panting for breath. Good. She ought to be damn near reaching her climax by the time I even touch her, and hopefully it would be as mind blowing as I promised.

I took a few minutes of undisturbed navigating on her breast. Sure, naked in a bed would have been better but this was fun, monumental actually. I drew as many reactions from Bella as I could. And then she seemed to fall off the point of no return.

"Please, Edward, I need it now. I can't take it anymore."

I nosed some of her hair aside and nuzzled up to her ear. "You don't ever have to ask, or beg, Bella. Anytime, anything you want, I'll give it to you if I can."

Her mouth opened in a gasp as I slid my free hand down her stomach, keeping my other fingertips busy pinching her nipples. The upper edge of her panties was silky against my fingertips and I slid my hand under it. Bella moaned, even though I hadn't even really touched her yet. Her pubic hair tickled against my fingertips and I stopped when the soft hair was against my palm. The mere inch that separated her sex from my fingers left little to the imagination. I could feel the heat rolling from her skin like a wave. In the still night, I could even smell that she was aroused, the faint pungentness teased my senses.

It was obvious, but I still had to ask. "Do you want me, Bella?"

"Yes," she whimpered, "please."

She'd been so amazing tonight. All the things she'd done. Defending me, opening up to me, allowing me to be with her this way. She deserved this and so much more. I let my finger fall slowly towards her heat and when my fingertip connected with the waiting soft wetness, I moaned right along with her.

"Edward," she whimpered.

That sound, the mewling cry of my name, threatened to do me in. I started talking to distract myself as I slowly let my fingers explore her undiscovered treasure.

"You're so wet, Bella. I'm so hard." She leaned back into me, pressing my crotch against the small of her back. She gasped as my finger nudged against her erect clit. "I'm going to think about this later. Hop in the shower. Maybe we'll do it at the same time. I wish I could now, but it's okay, because this is so much better. I have later, right now is all about you. I want to hear you give in to me, Bella, I want to hear that it's me that gives you pleasure. Do I make you wet?"

"Yes," she panted.

"Do I turn you on?"

"God yes."

"Do you want to cum, Bella?"

"Yes. Edward, please!"

It was true, I was teasing the living shit out of her. Her clit was just begging to be rubbed and I kept avoiding it, wanting to hear my Bella being open with me as long as possible. But this orgasm had been eighteen years in the making and I needed to ease that tension for her.

My finger, slick with her wetness, slid lengthwise against her hardened nub and she shuddered and arched. I drew careful circles on her sensitive clit and by God, I had her cumming in less then a minute with some actual effort. Her fingers dug into my thighs and from the sounds of it, she could barely breath.

"Edward," she cried, "I think…"

"Oh god, Bella, yes. Cum. For me," I begged.

That was all it took to fling her over the edge. Her back arched so forcefully I felt like the only thing keeping her down was my one hand on her chest and the other in her pants. Her mouth opened in one quiet, but lengthy, moan and her body trembled. Her fingers were leaving bruises on my thighs but I couldn't have cared less.

Bella was having an orgasm. Her first orgasm. She was cumming all over my fucking hand. I totally rocked her world.


	20. Chapter 20

We sat there for about five minutes just breathing. The air around us was heavy with the smell of her and I probably looked like the Cheshire cat, grinning like a fool.

"Edward… I…" I hushed her again and kissed her neck. Somehow I already knew the time for talking had passed. Bella would be back to feeling uncomfortable, I just prayed she didn't regret this. "We're going to get caught."

I suppose the likelihood of that would increase the longer I kept my hand in her pants. But fuck, my hand was in her pants, and I sure as hell didn't want to remove it. She shifted against me, not wriggling to get closer this time, but to get away, at least from my hand in her pants. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to bear the thought that she might end up pissed at me for taking advantage of her. I pulled my hand out and zipped and buttoned her pants for her. I rested my hands on her thighs and couldn't stop staring at the indent her panties had left across the back of my hand. I kind of wished it was like a brand, but I knew it would fade away.

"Thank you," she said unexpectedly.

"Really?" I asked, grinning like an idiot again.

She shifted against me and looked up at me. "Yes, really."

I leaned in and kissed her. I kissed her with everything I had, and I'm damn proud to say I had her all but writhing against me again – and the only reason she wasn't was because she could barely move with her body crushed against me and her head leaned back.

Our kiss was cut short when the sliding door slid open and my mom called for us to be inside in five minutes for supper. Bella tensed.

"He's going to know," she said.

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't help it, this was just ridiculous. "Oh yeah, Bella, he's going to know I just had my hand in your panties and gave you your first orgasm." Nothing could deter the proud motherfucker grin I was currently wearing.

She tensed further. "This isn't funny."

"Hey, don't get mad okay, you just need to relax. Stop worrying about your dad. You're eighteen, Bella, an adult. You're horny just like the fucking rest of us and you're not going to feel bad about that."

She stayed tensed for a few more moments then let out a long breath and a giggle.

"There," I said, hugging her. "Now, did I keep my promise?"

I heard the laugh in her voice as she said, "Yeah. You rocked my world all right."

I growled, partly because I really hoped she wasn't kidding and I was letting myself believe that she just confirmed how awesome I was. "Are you going to keep your promise to me?"

"I didn't actually promise anything."

"Bella," I whined.

"It's time for supper," she said, breaking my hold and sliding down from the rock.

"You'd rather go in there right this second, face them all, then make a promise to me?"

She froze, bit her lip, and looked to be seriously considering her options. "Yep," she decided and marched towards the house.

I laughed a little to myself and jumped down from the rock, careful to avoid putting weight on my knee. I caught up to her easily and slid an arm around her waist to stop her. I turned her in my arms and held her close. "Look at me Bella." Grudgingly, she did. "I meant what I said. I do want to spend my life with you. I love you no matter what, forever."

She relaxed into my arms and pulled herself closer to me. "I love you too, and I feel the same way, but I'm still not making any promises."

I had to laugh again. "That wasn't my point in saying that. But jeez, you're stubborn."

There was a few moments of silence between us, just holding each other, then Bella decided it was time to face the family and lead me inside. I guess this was technically our first dinner with the parents.

I pulled out the chair next to Alice for Bella and took a seat next to her. Jasper and Dad were deep in a discussion about the Sea Hawks jerseys, while Charlie eyed the table setting greedily. I think I could have thrown Bella on the table and taken her right there and Charlie wouldn't have noticed… unless her elbow landed in the mashed potatoes or something.

My mind went a tad overboard with that idea, imagining exactly how much fun it would be to take her on the table. For starters, I'd try those perfect nipples. Licking, sucking, biting. The entrée would include nothing but my head buried between her thighs and more licking, sucking, and biting. And for desert, the grand fucking slam.

_Oh, Edward_!

An elbow connected with my side and Jasper's hand was waving back and forth in front of my face. "Yo, buddy, some of us would like to eat while it's still hot."

Oh, right, actual food. I grabbed the bowl of salad in front of me, threw some on my plate and passed it to Bella. Around and around the bowls and plates went, I threw some of everything on, not really paying attention to what it was. The table was loud and I wasn't interested in the conversation, hell, I wasn't even interested in the food.

"What's up with you?" Bella muttered out the side of her mouth.

I grabbed her hand under the table and placed it on the straining zipper of my jeans. Her eyes nearly flew out of her head. "You asked," I muttered back. And she really got her answer. What was _up_ with me was my dick trying to grow opposable thumbs and unbutton my pants. Fuck, I don't think I'd ever been so hard in my life.

She turned her head towards me, biting her lip and giving me a lusty stare that didn't help my situation at all. Her face was flushed and matched the red roses in the centerpiece. I let go of her wrist and shifted in my seat, feeling even more uncomfortable now that it registered in my mind that her hand was on my cock… in a way. Her hand slowly fell away to rest on my thigh, which she gripped. That was a mistake because it just brought back the fresh memory of her arched against me, moaning, her wet heat against my fingers.

I was seriously in danger of actually acting on one of my needy impulses. I didn't care if the Chief carried a gun, I was ready to nail his daughter on the floor whether he shot me or not.

"Bella, are you pressing charges on Black?"

"No, she is not."

"That is not your choice, Dad."

"Yes, it is. I will not have that report filed. I'll take care of Jacob myself."

"He forced himself on me, something needs to be done!" Bella's angry raised voice brought the conversation front and center, and her hand left my leg.

"I just told you I'd take care of it. Besides, you know, he… umm…" Charlie trailed off and looked around the table, and seemed to realize this was not the place nor time.

"What dad, what did Mr. Perfect do?" Lethal sarcasm marred her tone to something nearly unrecognizable.

"This isn't the place to discuss this Bella, we'll talk about it when we get home."

But she was angry now and she wasn't dropping it. "No, finish what you were saying. What did Jacob do?"

"He said you were kissing him back, Bella, responding to… umm… him."

"And you believe that? You honestly believe everything he says, don't you? Over me, you believe what he says over me?"

Charlie shot me a glare, like this was all my fault. "I said we'll discuss it when we get home."

"No. We're discussing this now! It is not your choice whether I file a report, and maybe Edward wants to file a report. Edward merely pulled him off of me, Jacob attacked him!"

"He did a hell of a lot more than just pull him off," Charlie stated.

"Self defense!" Bella seethed. "Look at his nose, it could be broken!"

"He's been in a lot of fights, Bella." Everyone knew who he was talking about. Me, trouble maker Edward. I'd been lucky until now, the police had never been involved, but it wasn't a secret that my temper was easily lost, and that I liked to throw punches. I was getting to that point, and as a matter of fact, Charlie's face was looking a little too colorless.

"Edward, can you help me clean up the table please?" My mother sensed my anger and tried to get me off the dynamite stick. I was rigged to blow any minute, my fuse burning up fast, and she just wanted nothing more then to move the explosion somewhere safer.

I ground my teeth and shot her a glare. "We'll take care of it, Mrs. C." Jasper grabbed my arm, tightly, and pulled me up. He seemed to sense my plan and grabbed all of the knives off the table, as well as the other dirty dishes. I was left to remove the food.

Livid, I slammed things around and nearly broke a few of my mom's favorite ceramics in the process. In the kitchen, I dropped the food to the island then marched back in, guns a-blazin', or so I wished. Bella was collecting up some more of the leftovers. With her help, the table was completely cleared and after dropping everything to the island, she caught one of my hands and used her free hand on my chest to push me into the pantry, closing the door behind us.

I left the light off. "I'm sorry," she said immediately, though I could feel the anger rolling off of her like a dry heat.

"For what?" I asked. "Did you kiss him back, get into it?"

I couldn't see a thing, it was pitch black and still I knew there was a shocked expression on her face. I reacted without thinking. I pushed her back against the door and I slammed myself against her exactly the way he had. I moved her hands to my hips, the way she'd held him and forced my lips and body to hers.

Her lips were tight, her hands fighting me off, so I responded. I moved away. She kept hold of my hips and I stayed about a foot away from her, silent.

"I didn't kiss him, I didn't, I don't want him," she whispered.

"I know," I whispered back. I did know, but I'd let my temper flare, burning her.

"No," she said sharply, loud enough to make me jump in the blackness. "He had no right," she growled. Her hands on my hips pulled me back to her. "I want you, Edward," she said.

I meant to just kiss her lightly, but she pulled me close and held me there. Her fingers dug into my hips and her mouth was hot and aggressive against mine. Her tongue fought for dominance and I let her have it, letting her taste and have every part of my mouth. She pushed her stomach against my relentless erection and moaned into my mouth when she felt it there. This was my wild cat Bella, channeling her anger and making it pure sex. Her hands started moving against my hips, rocking me, so I followed the movement, rocking myself into her, circling and rubbing my needy arousal against her stomach. I dropped my hips low and pushed my crotch against hers. She moaned into my mouth again. I was past making sounds. I was actually just in pain more than anything. My balls ached and I wanted out of my jeans.

A light tap came from behind Bella's head. Jasper whispered through the door. "You two need to finish up in like twenty seconds unless you want Charlie to witness the bump and grind you got going on in there."

I didn't realize how heavy I was breathing or how close to cumming I actually was until I moved away from her. Her hands followed the curve of my hips as I stepped away and they ended up at my zipper. "I promise," she whispered, pressing her palms against the front of my pants and then disappearing. The door cracked open and I saw her silhouette move into the bright lights of the kitchen. The door closed and I was left in the dark to think about her promise.

Fucking hell, I needed a shower.


	21. Chapter 21

The night wound down quickly. When I finally extracted myself from the pantry closet, my mom was in the kitchen doing dishes while everyone else said their goodbyes. I gave her an apologetic look and she seemed to accept it with a small bow of her head and a smile.

I took the long way around to the living room, rearranging my junk in my drawers so maybe I wouldn't look like some blue-balled teenager. Alice bounced herself up to me and said goodnight. Jasper just gave me a look and a nod and walked out the door.

Bella was looking at me from across the room, standing at her dad's side and she seemed defeated. I gave her a grin and she blushed and smiled back.

"Well, thanks so much, Carlisle. Thank Esme again for me. Dinner was delicious. Have a good night." Charlie turned to leave, not even addressing me or my presence.

"Chief Swan," I said. He stopped mid turn, his shoulders stiff. "I do not want to press charges on Jacob Black, and I agree that Bella should not either. But I trust you will make sure that _nothing_ like this situation will arise again. I will _not_ have Bella put in danger."

I knew I pressed it, I knew I took it one step too far, but I just didn't give a shit. He was her father, he was suppose to keep her safe and he was siding with that Black bastard. I could take him hating me if it meant Bella was safe, and I knew with his like for Jacob, he was going to let him off with a warning from the law no matter what. This way, I could at least assume he had his own little personal chat with Jake and Bella would be kept safe, and maybe, just maybe, he couldn't completely hate me because we both loved that brown-eyed girl.

Charlie's jaw strained and he looked like he wanted to say something other than the thank you he managed. But he plodded off through the door into the night without a backwards glance.

Bella stared at me with wide, love filled eyes and she mouthed the words "I love you". I considered mouthing the words back and blowing her a kiss, but I needed the real thing. I trotted over to her and asked, "What'd ya say?"

She laughed a little and said, "I love you."

I hugged her to me and kissed the top of her head. "I love you too. I'll miss you." Charlie yelled "hurry up" before slamming the cruiser's driver side door. "Do you want me to kiss you goodnight?" I asked her.

She looked up at me, her cheeks red and her eyes wide. "I always want a kiss goodnight from you."

I sighed. No answer could have made me happier, not even, "To hell with Charlie." I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, getting my final fix for the night. I didn't get carried away, I didn't even try any tongue. I broke away from her after a good long ten seconds that felt like less than a heartbeat.

"Goodnight, love. Sleep well." We both backed away from each other, our hands stretching out to keep the others. I remembered what she promised to do tonight and I grinned at her. "Have fun." She blushed, letting me know she really had plans to go through with it. "Not too much. I don't want the competition."

She laughed and our fingers fell away from each others. I instantly felt a little bit colder. I missed her already and she wasn't even gone yet. Watching her drive off into the night broke my heart. There was nothing I wouldn't do to spend every moment with her, every night and every day, for eternity.

"She's a nice girl." I startled at the sound of my dad's voice. I'd forgotten he was even out there.

I turned to go inside. "She's much more than that," I said as I walked past him.

I walked straight to my bedroom and closed the door behind me. Alone at last. Alone. I'd have preferred to be alone with Bella. The day had seemed so long. Too much chaos, too many emotional rollercoasters. And still, I wouldn't take it back for the world. My bruised ribs and nose were worth it in the end because it lead to the rock. The rock and Bella under my hand.

"Shower," I muttered to myself. The bed called out to me, but the shower and jerk-off wall screamed my name, not to mention the ache of my throbbing cock. At least is was throbbing in a semi-good way now.

I made quick work of my clothing. One handed, I turned the water on hot. Precum was leaking from my tip and my fist was closed tightly around myself. So good to be free, so fucking good.

I brought Bella back to the rock. Her back against me. The table. Her hand on my zipper. The pantry closet. Her stomach rubbing along my length. Grinding on her against the closed door. Her palms pressing on me through the denim of my jeans. They felt so small compared to my hard length.

My stroking felt good, great actually, but it was more just a comfort. Even though my balls ached with the need to release the pent up jizz, I didn't even feel an orgasm approaching. _My_ hand was no longer good enough.

The hot water beat down my back and relaxed my tense, sore shoulders. Bella's hand would get me off…wait. Bella's hand. Her promise. God, she might be making good on that right now.

I could see her room. The wooden rocking chair, the old, humming desktop, the broken closet door, the small twin bed. I could see her on her bed, her hair fanned across her pillow making a dark halo around her head. She wouldn't be naked, no not Bella. A t-shirt probably, a long one. And boy short panties… something plain but sexy at the same time, black cotton.

She'd be so nervous, watching the door and listening for movement – so afraid she might get caught doing something so natural. I think she'd think about me, I hope anyway. Maybe she'd think about how my fingers felt on her, teasing her nipples and circling her clit. Maybe she'd think about how hard I was for her, think about how I'd feel in her hand. Maybe she'd fantasize about all those things that I did. How my tongue would feel against the hard tips of her breasts. Or the feel of it on her thighs. How perfect it would feel to cum on my mouth. Or maybe she wants to know how it would feel to have my dick between her lips, how I taste. She'd definitely think about how I'd feel inside of her. She had to. She loves me and she wants to feel me loving her, filling her with my love, making love with her.

She would be so hot thinking about it. Her slick heat would be more than enough encouragement to take that final step. I'd asked for her to take it, to give herself everything she needed. And she'd need it. She'd remember how it felt to have an orgasm and she'd want it again. Need it. Maybe she'd have me there with her, pretend it was my hand, or tongue, or cock. But she'd do it. Her hand would make the trek down her long, lean torso to her panties and she'd touch herself.

She'd lose herself, forgetting the door and the others, she'd close her eyes and just let go. She'd experiment, find exactly what she likes… maybe in the end she'd even be happier than I'd made her – thinking about it, I'll have to get the balls to ask her, at least learn exactly what gets her off the best. She'd learn exactly what parts of her body were the most sensitive and reactive, and she'd use it.

God, all I could see was my tongue going around and over and under and against her swollen clit. Maybe that's all she could see too. One of her hands clasped tightly against the back of my head and the other wrapped around a spindle on her headboard. Her head tossed back in ecstasy, her tits heaving with her gasping breaths, her back bowing up off the mattress, and her legs thrown wide. She'd scream my name.

"Oh god, Bella," I grunted, feeling the hot tingle tightening in my balls, sending a rush up my shaft. "Fuck," I cussed.

I felt the cork fly off of it all and my toes curled, my head fell back, and my free hand braced against the shower wall. I wanted to shout and yell all kinds of bad words and to howl Bella's name, I bit my lip instead. My throat rumbled with grunt after grunt and my cock erupted a hugely pent up amount of cum onto the shower wall. All the aching was worth this.

When the orgasm receded, I was left panting and spent, leaning against The Wall. My hand felt a bit sore and my dick went comfortably limp. I don't remember a thing after that.

– – –

What was that god awful sound? _Berrmmp Berrmmp Berrmmp_. Neon green showed 6:45 AM through my cracked lids. I drew the pillow over my head to shield out the beeping alarm.

"Come on, kiddo," my mom said, gently patting my back. I squinted at her, saw her picking up my dirty clothes and groaned loudly. She threw the laundry out the door and came to sit on my bed. "Your back looks pretty bad. Roll over and move the pillow." I did as instructed, drawing my comforter safely around my lower body, realizing I was naked. "Huh, no black eyes." She gave me a tight lipped smile and left the room.

No black eyes, the nose wasn't broken, but it sure as hell was swollen and tender. I yawned, which twinged the nose a bit and drug myself out of bed. Yep, back hurt too. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and made my way to my bathroom. My front was unscathed, 'cept the nose, but the back was looking all sorts of battered. I think I could make out numbers on my ribs from where the dial had been rammed. I ran my hand back and forth over my head a few times, scowled at the lack of toning in my biceps, tried to count to six on my stomach, failed, and promised myself I'd work out as soon as I got home tonight. I dressed, ate breakfast, and headed for Bella's.

The cruiser was gone, Bella's trusty-rusty sat in its usual spot, but she wasn't waiting on the porch. I killed the engine and nearly ran for the house, I was so damn excited to see her. I knocked three times and waited. Bella pulled the door open, a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth and a notebook in her hand. She smiled, then blushed and pulled the toothbrush out of her mouth. She swallowed and gave me a proper smile.

"Hi," she said.

That was all it took. I attacked her mouth with mine. She wasn't even surprised. The damn girl made me hungrier than a starved wolf.

When I finished, I pulled back a tiny bit, flicked her bottom lip with the tip of my tongue and smiled at her. "Mmm, minty."

She blushed. "I, ah, umm, need to… Yeah." She pointed up the stairs a few times, blinked repeatedly, and finally decided that upstairs was her desired location.

The sway of her hips begged me to follow but I didn't. I picked up the notebook she'd dropped at some point in my attack and leaned back against the jacket closet door. When I heard her feet patting quickly down the stairs, I was surprised to find a worried look on her face.

She rushed towards me. "How are you? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Let me see." I very pointedly rolled my eyes at her, but the expression on her face said do it now, so I did. I wasn't surprised to hear her gasp. Her fingers lightly brushed along my spine and I shivered. "Oh, Edward."

That wasn't the context I wanted those words to be used in. I pulled my shirt back into place and turned back to face her. Her eyes were watery. "No," I said firmly and pulled her to my chest. Her arms hung limp before deciding to wind low around my hips.

"I'm so sorry. This is all my-" I found her mouth with my hand and pressed my palm lightly to her lips.

"Do not apologize to me. And do not say this is your fault. In fact, don't even think this is your fault. Now, let's get to school."

I caught her hand and pulled her with me out the door. "I need my-" I held up her notebook and she went silent. Her hand caught the lock on the door as we went through and it clicked shut. She took the notebook from me and thanked me.

The drive to school was a contently silent as we held hands. Bella noticed me scanning the halls as we walked to our lockers. "He's not here."

"Why?" I asked, and I wanted to ask how she knew that.

She answered both questions. "My dad made sure he was suspended. It's really only one day. He'll be back next Tuesday."

I nodded. Monday was a Teacher's Workshop day, which meant we had it off while they got report cards ready. We parted ways with a love-felt glance.

The day was annoying as hell. The whispers were even louder now. The stares even more intense. Jessica and Lauren forgot my warning and gossiped to whoever would listen about Bella, I, and Jacob. Rumors like Jacob had disappeared, gone missing, couldn't be found circulated like wildfire. Apparently someone even heard me telling Emmett I'd killed him and dumped the body in the ocean near La Push. Emmett got a real kick out of that one. Hell, he probably started it himself.

Final bell was the sweetest sound I'd heard all day, apart from Bella's voice.

"You coming over?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "Do you want me to?"

She wrinkled her eyebrows. "Always."

"Than I'll be there. Always."

The worried wrinkle on her brow disappeared and she smiled.

Even though it was Friday night, we spread books out on the floor of her living room and studied. I couldn't have stood a party tonight, even wasted, and I did need to study.

Halfway through an in depth explanation of "Riss", Bella cut herself off and blurted, "We never finished that talk."

"Huh?" I asked, lost.

She blushed and kept her eyes everywhere but on me. "That talk. The, um, one. We never finished it. You, ah, um, distracted me before we could finish really talking."

"Oh, that one," I said, closing my history book. She nodded. "What did you want to talk about?"

"You brought it up the first time, I don't think you ever really made your point."

"I kind of did, actually."

She frowned at her notebook. "Not a good point then, cause I never caught on."

"Oh, well, okay. I guess my point was that we needed to set boundaries. Our boundaries were kind of set, I guess, in a way. I've found what you're comfortable with and we can leave it there." She still looked confused. I tried to explain. "I touched you, you seemed okay with that?" I purposely turned it into a question. Crimson stained her face from hair line to neck line. She nodded. "But that's the limit. You are uncomfortable with touching me and that's alright. Those are our boundaries."

"What? No!" I was surprised by her outburst. Her voice came softer when she spoke again. "I mean, no, that's not okay." I shrugged. It wasn't my place to set all the boundaries myself, so she needed to speak up. "I-I want to. Uh. I mean that I want to touch you too."

Instant hardness. The wood floor never felt so uncomfortable. "I didn't know," I said. She scowled silently at her books. "What else do you want to do?" I asked softly. She bit her lip. "Do you want me to tell you what I want to do, what I'm okay with?" She nodded. "Okay," I said. "You can stop me if you get offended-"

"I'm not going to get offended by your desires, Edward." Did I sense a bit of get-on-with-the-show-already in her voice?

I nodded. "I've touched you, but I want to do that again, naked." She flushed. "And I want you to touch me too." She nodded, though I don't think she realized she did so. "I want to taste you." Her eyes slid closed and her lips parted slightly. "I want to taste you everywhere. Your breasts," her throat jumped, "and between your legs." Somehow saying pussy, or anything else, just sounded wrong. "I want you to taste me as well." Her tongue licked her lips and I felt my balls tighten as if anticipating her tongue doing the same thing to them. "And I want to make love to you. I want to be inside of you, Bella."

Everything was silent when I finished, save for her breathing. I could see the artery in her neck pulsing quickly, as if her heart raced, which would explain the slightly loud breathing. I grinned. Someone was excited, other than me.

"Are you going to go now?" I was surprised by my own voice. It sounded husky, even to my ears.

Bella shivered. She licked her lips again and took several deep breaths. "I want the same." Her eyes cast even further downwards as if she were mortified. "But, Edward, I'm a virgin."

I reached for a lock of her hair that dangled in her face and tucked it behind her ear. "Love, do you honestly think that would bother me? If I could go back in time, I would save myself for you, even if it meant I'd have to wait forever. You don't know how I regret losing my virginity and to be here now. I wish you'd be my first."

"You will be?" I was confused about why she came out with that, and as a question no less. She blinked a few times then met my eyes, unwaveringly. "I will be the first you make love to."

She was right. Absolutely right. "Yes," I said.

Bella would be my first. My first love. My first time making love. My only love and my only lover.


	22. Chapter 22

We sat in silence for a few moments. Bella stared at the grain in the hardwood floor and I stared at her. She seemed to realize this and met my eyes. I grinned at her and she blushed. We were already fairly close to each other, but she scooted closer, so our sides touched.

"You want to do it right now?" She blanched and I laughed. "I'm kidding, Bella, I'm kidding. Have a little faith in me! I am more romantic than a living room floor."

The color returned to her face and she narrowed her eyes at me. "I wouldn't mind."

My heart jumped into my throat, hammered against my vocal chords. I couldn't swallow or speak or breathe. It took a good long while for me to work the words out. "You say things like that, and it makes me want to do them." My voice was rough and barely there.

"That's kind of the point."

I rolled so I was on my side facing her, and she did the same. Just as I leaned in to kiss her, Charlie had his perfectly timed moment once again. His car door slammed and I instantaneously crossed my legs and my hands flew down to block any ball breakers. As I cringed, Bella frowned at me. I straightened myself up and rolled back to my history book. I could feel Bella's eyes on me and I was embarrassed as hell for making that cowardly move. I'm sure I looked about as brave as a dog thinking I was about to get kicked; if I had a tail, it would have been between my legs.

Charlie stomped his way across the porch, his footfalls were so loud they echoed inside. He was either pissed off or he was really trying to announce his presence. Maybe both. The front door opened and slammed. Keys hit the small table near the door. A jacket was hung up, nothing else. He kept his gun on. He stomped his way further into the house, but looked towards the kitchen, the opposite direction of us. His shoulders stiffened and his head whipped towards the stairs and he glared up, looking murderous. His hand twitched towards his gun.

Bella cleared her throat. Charlie jumped. I bit back a snicker. His hand stuffed itself into his pocket, rustled around, and pulled out a mint.

_Nice try, Charlie,_ I thought, suppressing an eyeroll.

No one said hello. There was just a lot of staring and glaring, then Charlie crossed the threshold and broke the silence. "I'm gonna put the game on."

Bella sat up. "We're going to my room."

Charlie's face reddened. "You can go to the kitchen."

She shook her head. "Not quiet enough." She stood and gathered her books. Without a backwards glance at Charlie, she had our things collected, took my hand, and led me upstairs. She pulled me in and closed the bedroom door. I remembered the last time we'd had the door closed, Charlie had made us open it and we hadn't even been a couple then. He was going to have a shit fit.

I shrugged. He really couldn't hate me anymore than he already does. I sat down on Bella's bed, then wondered if he'd really shoot me. I looked up at Bella to ask her what was next on the agenda, but no words made it out. Bella was blushing something beautiful as she stared at my right hand resting on her comforter. The right hand that had been in her panties last night. The right hand that had been on my cock last night. Resting on her blanket, under which she had used her own hand last night.

Oh boy. Bella stepped towards me just as I reached for her. I put a hand on each of her hips and pulled until she sank down on me, her thighs on either side of mine. My body absorbed most of the shock and luckily our weight didn't make the bed frame squeak. Our lips crashed together and I pulled her hips down, grinding our bodies together with blissfully frustrating friction. Our tongues lashed at each other and her hands turned rough as she scratched at my skull and neck. On her knees, she was higher up than I, and her hands found a good hold on my neck, bending my head back and giving her complete control over me. Not that I cared as I kept rocking her hips against me. I slid my hands off her hips up under the back of her shirt and arched my hips up hard against her. Her hands gripped onto my neck and her mouth broke from mine as her head fell back in a soundless cry. In that moment, I had her naked over me, riding me, my hands on her bare skin, her head tossed back. My balls tightened and hips bucked. I threw my head forward and slammed my eyes shut, my hands went back to Bella's hips and I held her above me, trying to keep as much distance between us as possible.

_I will not cum in my jeans, I will not cum in my jeans,_ was my mantra of the moment.

_Get a hold of yourself_! "We need to get back to work," I said hoarsely.

I gently made sure she was back on her feet, then tried to be inconspicuous as I turned around and rearranged my junk. When I turned back around, she was right there. My breath caught in my throat. Her eyes searched my face and slowly they drew downward until she was staring directly at the, most likely, obvious bulge. Her hand reached out and started innocently enough on the outside of my thigh, but as it made a slow trek upwards, I knew where it was headed. I caught her wrist.

"Edward."

My voice was so husky and hoarse that it crackled as I spoke. "Bella, I can't do this right now." One, the second your hand even brushes anything, whether through denim or not, I'm going to fucking explode. Two, Charlie. Three, Charlie has a gun.

"What you did for me…"

_Oh, God,_ I thought, _why now?_ I couldn't think about what I did for her right now, or the possibility of her wanting to return the favor. I shifted my weight uncomfortably, trying to reposition my aching cock. It didn't work. The head of my cock was already poking out the top of my boxer-briefs and the way I shifted made the denim of my jeans rub along the sensitive underside. I shuddered, groaned, and ran for the bathroom across the hall.

The door shut, I missed the light switch, said fuck it and let my pants fall down as my knees found what I assumed was the toilet bowl. I grabbed my throbbing erection and aimed downwards as the floodgates burst. It was the most embarrassing orgasm of my life. Not even an ounce of relief.

I turned on the lights with my clean hand and felt at least a bit better that the floor, or Charlie's toothbrush, wasn't covered in globs of white. I flushed down the evidence, washed my hands, and turned off the light again. I stood behind that door for what felt like hours trying to, in a matter of speaking, grow a pair. Shadows moved outside the door and I heard a couple of floorboards creak quietly as someone backed away.

God, she'd stood there the whole time. And it's not like she didn't know I just whacked off into her toilet. Hardly could considered that whacking off, I guess, the hand wasn't even necessary but for aiming.

After reaching for the doorknob about fourteen times, I finally made myself turn it. I walked to her bedroom and saw her sitting on her bed, staring at the floor.

"I think I'd better go now."

Her head didn't lift but her downcast eyes rose up to mine. "Why?" I ignored her question and started collecting what was mine off the floor. Her white socks were in my line of sight moments later. When I stood up straight she brought herself close to me. "I wanted to come in, I just didn't know… I'm sorry I didn't."

"God. I'm humiliated enough as it is about…Can we please forget that happened?"

Her hand brushed my bicep and I flinched away from it. I was in a mood, too humiliated and disgusted with myself to realize who was trying to comfort me. "I should have… Edward." Her fingers curled around my arm, not letting me pull away. "If you love me, you'll look at me right now." Without hesitation, my eyes went to hers. "Stop it." There was a moments silence, then Bella blushed and her lips tightened. She forced them to move. "If you wouldn't have stopped, I would have… too."

Would have stopped? Or would have cum? Or would have ended up humiliated? Or would have ended up running to the bathroom to be relieved?

"Would have what?"

She took a deep shaky breath. "I would have… you almost made me… it felt so… you felt so good… I nearly…" Goddamnit! Just say it! Another deep shaky breath. "Before you stopped, I was just about to… climax."

"I'm sorry I stopped," I said, honestly.

"I would have liked that… together." Her lips curled into her mouth and she looked down from my eyes.

"I would have too, I didn't know you were close. I'm sorry… for stopping, and for after." I took an equally deep and shaky breath as she had before. "I'm never going to be able to concentrate. And my mom will probably call soon for supper. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I have to work, both shifts… they're busy. But Sunday afternoon, and Monday, I'm all yours." I frowned. She saw. Her hand came to my cheek lightly. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm always yours."

I forced a smile. "You better be, I don't share."

She smiled back at me. "Neither do I."

I brought her close to me for a lengthy kiss goodbye. My hand started on her cheek, kind of fell down to her throat and, as Bella followed my retreat by standing high on her toes, on the top of her boob. Our kiss started all over from there, with my brave hand trying to be innocent as it slid down to cup her breast. I could tell the end was coming when I started pushing her towards the bed. Her knees hit the edge and she fell to the mattress. I didn't intend to follow, but her arms around my neck didn't give an inch, so down I went. My knees came to the bed, and the hand that wasn't on her boob landed next to her head. One leg ended up between hers and she clamped her thighs around it and ground her core against it. Her teeth clamped down lightly on my lower lip and she was pushing me quickly towards not giving a flying fuck about a bullet through the back of my head.

She let my lip slide from between her teeth and kissed my chin, then under my chin. "For once, I don't care how this is going to sound. I _do not_ share, Edward. And I'm sick of Jessica acting like she owns you. I want them to back off, but I don't know how to make them figure out that you're mine."

Her teeth pushed against my throat and her lips closed as she started to suck, her tongue dancing across my skin. My hand curled around her breast and I pressed my thigh tight against her core. She moaned against my throat and arched herself up against me again, rubbing herself along my thigh. Her lips parted from my skin with a smack and she tucked her chin low. Her eyes were soft, melted chocolate, so warm. Her smile was triumphant.

"I really should be going," I said, my voice full of need. What I really should be doing is cumming! Bella agreed, rubbing herself on my leg again. "You keep it up and I'm going to say to hell with Charlie, throw that chair in front of the door, and make love to you all night long while he knocks on the door. Is that what you want?"

She looked utterly conflicted. Yes and no all at once. She huffed. "I don't want you to go."

"I don't really have a choice because my self-control is waning and you're pushing it so far past the breaking point tonight. Do you have any idea how bad I want you right now?" Her eyes roamed downwards again. "Yeah, you think that's bad. My head's a mess."

"Are you going to think about me in the shower again tonight?"

I was learning tonight. Bella gets candid when she's massively turned on. "I think I'm going to think about you multiple times tonight."

"Me too."

"Oh Jesus, I'm not leaving. I want to watch."

"I want you to help."

"I'm not leaving. Fuck Charlie." Right on cue, his heavy feet stomped up the stairs. Thud. Thud. Thud. _Thud_! Christ, he was right outside the door, and his daughter's legs were still clamped around my thigh. The bathroom door closed and my head spun. I'd been holding my breath, and now I couldn't breathe because I'd been the last one in the bathroom.

"You're scared of him," Bella whispered.

I glared at her. "No shit. He carries a gun," I hissed.

"Believe it or not, he's harmless. He's never even used his baton, let alone his gun."

"There's a first for everything." She giggled. "Is this your plan? Get me all riled up then plant me as an experiment to see exactly what it takes to get Charlie to break?"

"No. The stress is getting to me, I think. I think this is me reacting badly to the situation. I was ready to let you lock me in here. I'm sobering up. You should probably get up. Maybe put a book or two in your lap."

"You're hilarious," I said with a glare.

"I'm being serious, stop snipping at me."

"Sorry, stress. Actually, him being in there, I think I'll sneak out."

She nodded. I kissed her quick. "I love you so goddamn much."

"I love you too. Sorry about the, um, hickey and other things."

I didn't have a chance to ask what hickey, I ran for it. The way I was creeping, I figured Charlie was going to fling the bathroom door open, pistol on the ready. I made it to the front door, and I was out of there. It was raining, dark out already because of the dense cloud cover. I found an abandoned road on my way home and I parked in it.

Parking, usually a two person sport. I was going solo. I unzipped my jeans and freed the monster.

_Seriously, you're doing this_?

"Ah, fuck yeah!" It dawned on me that I could be as loud as I wanted. Jesus, I might take this up as a hobby. Jacking off in the car, Cullen's new sport! Gives a whole new meaning to car jacking.

I just finished orgasm number two when my phone rang. I figured it was Mom, but it was Bella.

"Hello?"

"Hey," her voice was breathy and delicious sounding. I pulled the recline lever and then replaced my hand to my cock.

"Hey."

"What are you doing?"

Rubbing a couple out. "Nothing… You?"

"Cooking for Charlie. Bored. Are you sure you're not doing anything, you sound a bit preoccupied? I can let you go."

"No. I'm just in the car."

"Still? I thought you'd be home by now."

"I never made it home."

"Oh. Are you okay? Were you in an accident?"

I chuckled at the way her voice shot up a few octaves with alarm. "I'm pretty great actually. No accidents." Unless you considered getting cum on your shirt an accident, I kind of did.

"Where are you then? Just driving around?"

"No. I'm about five miles from your house. Parked. Like I said, I never made it home."

Something cracked in the earpiece, it sure sounded a whole hell of a lot like she just dropped the phone. I chuckled again.

"Sorry, um, dropped the phone." Thought so. "So, are you, um, still doing that then?"

"Mhmm."

I heard her swallow, imagined her swallowing something else. "I can let you go."

"You already said that. I don't want you to let me go. If this makes you uncomfortable, I'll stop and go home. I have to say though, it feels pretty damn good."

There was pure silence, except her breathing, which was louder and raspier than usual, and the faint sound of something cooking in the background. I moaned quietly, just a little hum, to make sure I had her attention. Her breath caught in an adorable little gasp.

"Do you want me to stop?"

She gave a breathy, "No."

I hummed again. "Does it make you wet to think about me doing this?" No answer, 'less a shaky breath counts. "I'll bet you're blushing, really blushing. The blush that goes down your chest. I always want to follow that blush, see just how far down it goes but your shirt is always in my way. I can't wait to find out. Will you let me find out?"

An answer this time. "Yes."

I moaned, a real one. "I can't wait. Are you blushing now?"

"Yes."

"You're so beautiful. I don't tell you that enough. And when you blush, the heat just radiates from your skin. It's gorgeous. And you smell so good. You taste great too. I can just imagine how warm your skin is, how you smell right this second. Are you hot, Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Are you hot for me, love?"

"Yes."

"Do you wish I was there with you, alone?"

"Yes."

"Mm, you're wet for me, aren't you?"

"Yeah." The replies were turning into little cries for me. Yes, yes, yeah, yes, Edward, yes!

I shifted back in my seat, kicking it up a notch. "I wish I was there right now, just you and me. I'd give you a new favorite dessert." I got a real gasp this time. "And by that I mean _you._ On the kitchen table. All. Night. Mmm."

"Edward." Just a whisper of a moan, but enough to really get the balls churning.

"Oh, Bella. God, thinking about what you did for me last night drives me crazy. Are you going to do it again tonight?"

The answer was obvious. She said she would earlier. "Yes." I just liked hearing her say it.

"Do you think about me?"

"Yes."

"You're all I think about. Ever. Not just when I'm horny. Don't get the wrong idea. You think you might call me later, maybe?"

"Yeah?"

"Like when you're in bed?" Silence. "Damn. That's okay. I'll have you soon, Bella. I'll have you any way I can. Anything you give me is more than enough and right now, this is amazing."

"I meant what I said earlier. I would have, in the bathroom."

"You would have touched me?"

"Yes."

That alone brought a hefty moan. "You would have wrapped your hand around me?"

Gasps. "Yes."

"And stroked me?"

More gasps. "Yes."

"Bella," I gasped back. I had one more question, the one that would throw me over the edge. "Would you have tasted me?"

"Yes, I want to."

"Oh god, Bella, I'm cumming." Her end went silent while I just let myself go. I think I grunted fuck a few times, maybe told her I was cumming a couple more times, I might have even told her I wanted to cum in her mouth, I'm not sure. But at the end, I wasn't the only one panting. I just wished I'd gotten to hear her telling me everything I just told her.

As I recuperated, things got rattled up on her end.

"What the hell, Bella?" I heard Charlie yell.

"Shit!" Bella cussed.

For a brief second I thought she'd been caught with her hand down her pants. I learned quickly that wasn't the case.

"It's fried to a crisp! And jeesh, it stinks. What were you doing? Bella, are you okay? You look really flushed? Do you have a fever?"

"No, no dad. It's just the stove. I'm really tired, I must have zoned out over the burner. Sorry about dinner, I'll start a fresh. Go sit down. I got it."

The distant sound of pots and pans banging together told me I was abandoned for the time being. The sink ran. Bella said shit a few more times. Finally, things settled down.

"Feeling a bit feverish?" I asked after hearing her pick the phone back up.

"It's not funny."

"I'm not laughing." So of course, she giggled. "And you know, Miss Swan, your language is getting fairly foul. I heard you say 'shit' a total of seven times."

I could imagine the eye roll she gave me. "You rub off on me."

"You bet I do."


	23. Chapter 23

Our little chat got all tied up when Bella started cussing again. She insisted that she could talk and cook, but I disagreed. She kept dropping things, and I'd already distracted her enough. I was heading towards another distraction. We said our goodbyes. She cooked, while I cleaned. Cleaned up, that is. Then I went home.

"I saved supper for you, it's in the oven," my mom said as I came in through the living room. "Did you eat yet?"

"No, not yet. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She smiled and curled in closer to my dad's side. I had to walk in front of them to get to the kitchen. Mom gasped as I walked in front of her and my dad chuckled. I didn't think I was sporting a hard-on at the moment, but apparently I was. I didn't stop to ask.

I didn't make it to the table with my supper. I was starving. I leaned against the counter and dug in. My entertainment for tonight? The parents' whispers.

"He shouldn't be alone with her."

"Esme, he's eighteen, you have to let him grow up."

"It's irresponsible. You're a doctor! You should know it's not safe for those two to be running around with each other."

"They're both good kids, dear, you are overreacting. Don't give me that look. You know just as well as I do that Edward could be with his choice of those girls at school, but he hasn't been. Don't give me that look either, I know these things. I don't think he's as innocent as he was the day he was born, but he hasn't been running around. And he loves that girl. They are going to do what kids do. Don't you remember? Do I need to jog your memory?"

After my mom giggled, it stopped being entertaining. Creepy, that's what it was. My plate was clean just moments later and I went to my room. But there was nothing to do in there, besides what I'd already done three times in the car, and that just didn't hold too much appeal considering I didn't have Bella to listen. I decided it was about time I worked out. I brought my iPod and cell phone with me. With my cell in my pocket and my iPod blasting Staind, I unloaded about fifty pounds from the weight bar. I didn't have a death wish tonight. I pushed the bar up and slowly brought it down. It was heavy in my palms, but it felt good. It didn't hurt like I'd been getting used to, it just felt good.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Bella! "Hi!"

"Er, hi. Sorry. I know I'm verging on stalker territory. I just called to tell you that you left your history book here."

"I don't care why you called, just glad you did."

"I'm not doing what you hope I'm doing."

"I don't care what you're doing, Bella. I do wish I were there right now though so I could kiss you."

"Me too. What is that sound? What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm pumping some iron."

There was complete silence on her end, then she sputtered. "You're still…?"

I snorted and laughed. "Good God, you have a dirty mind. I mean pumping iron as in lifting weights as in in my basement at my weight bench actually lifting weights. But I like the way you think! And what do you think that noise is? Does it sound like I'm watching porn or something?"

"No, it sounds sort of like a dull buzz to me."

"Jesus. I can only guess what dirty little pictures you have worked up."

"No, you really can't. It's music though, I guess. I can kind of hear it now that I'm listening."

"Now that I've pulled your pretty head out of the gutter, you mean."

"Shut up. I seriously just called to tell you about the book."

"No. No, I think you were hoping you'd catch me still at it. You are dirty! And to think, I was just kidding."

"That's not why-"

"I can get back to it, if you'd like. I'm hard, thanks to you."

"Seriously." Gulp. "Edward, you'd do that just out in the open like that?"

I made a sound of indifference. "I'm sure they'll turn around and go back up when they see I'm busy. Or I guess they'll enjoy the show."

"Would you let me watch you?"

It was my turn to gulp. She was calling my bluffs to the highest fucking degree. "You would want to?"

"That's kind of a stupid question."

"Just because I want to watch you do it, doesn't mean that I can assume you want to watch me. So answer my damn question and I'll answer yours."

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"We have the same opinion on this matter."

"Can't say it, can you? Come on, Bella, I know what you really want to say is, 'Yes, Edward, I want to watch you jerk off and cum all over the place.'" She sputtered like she might be choking, then grew silent. "Well, fine then, don't say it. I'll say my part though. Bella, I want you to watch me jerk off and cum all over the place."

Nothing. God, the silence was killing me. Was I suppose to apologize now? Maybe that was too far. Just as I was about to start backtracking, Bella spoke up. "You _want_ me to?"

"Yeah." I rubbed my neck. "I guess."

"I couldn't handle it."

"Watching me? But you just said-"

"No. That's not what I meant."

"Oh, you mean me watching you."

"Yeah. I couldn't."

"I think you could."

Somehow, I imagined she was shaking her head right then, looking ashamed, God knows why. "I'd be so… I couldn't do it. Alone is even… and just to know you were looking. You have a lot more experience though, I guess."

"Not really."

"Okay, well, you do but I guess it's that you're a lot more comfortable with yourself than I am."

"No, it's not that either. I'm just as self-conscious as you are."

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am. I'm terrified that you aren't going to like what you see."

"How couldn't I?"

"Same question goes for me, Bella. How couldn't I be absolutely captivated by you naked, when you affect me so much fully clothed?"

"Affect you how?"

I chuckled, because I couldn't help it. "Oh, love, I think we both know how you affect me. But really it's more than that. I'm drawn to you. Honestly, I'm addicted. I'm so attracted to you, it's damn near impossible to keep my hands off. You're fascinating, so beautiful, so soft, warm, you smell delicious, and taste even better. Perfect, in every way, even if you can't see it. And when…" I trailed off as my rage boiled.

"When what?"

"When others… I'm just protective of you. Possessive, a bit. I don't like the way they look at you. And Black. You don't know how badly I want to… what he did. It's going to take everything in my to keep my hands to myself when I see him again."

"I know how you feel."

"I highly doubt that."

"I don't like the others either. Your others."

"What others?"

She gave a sarcastic sort of snort. "Oh, come on."

Some words from earlier came back to me. They hadn't registered then, but now I remembered and got what she said. "For once, I don't care how this is going to sound. I do not share, Edward. And I'm sick of Jessica acting like she owns you. I want them to back off, but I don't know how to make them figure out that you're mine."

"If you think for one minute-"

"I trust you, Edward! Them, those… those… I do not trust them."

"You can swear Bell-"

"Bitches! I hate those fucking bitches. I _hate them_! Jessica always… and pretending. Two faced. And Lauren! She doesn't even… And their followers. Your followers!"

"Excuse me?"

"They're obsessed with you." Her voice was filled with a hatred I didn't think Bella was capable of. Something was up.

"Bella?" She didn't reply. But she was fuming on her end, I could hear it. "Love, talk to me."

"I. Am."

"Love, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You can vent to me. That's what I'm here for. Talk to me, Bella. Tell me."

"No," she growled.

"Why?"

"Because. You don't need… It's my problem."

"You promised you'd try, Bella." She knew exactly what I meant. "You have shared so much with me, and I'm so grateful, but you have to open up to me this way too. You have to let this out."

"Alice. I'll talk to Alice."

"I'll come now if you don't want to do it over the phone. I'll be there as quickly as I can, just to talk. I'll drive you to the beach."

"It's raining."

"I'll bring an umbrella. You won't get a drop of rain on you, I promise. Whatever you need, just talk to _me_."

"Oh," she said. And my words played back to me and I realized what I'd just unconsciously done. I was gunning for number one. I was pushing her best friend, her cousin, out of my way to be at the top of her list. And I didn't feel an ounce of remorse. I'd beg on my knees if that's what it took. "Okay, but this isn't going to help anything. You're just going to end up mad, and I'm going to end up mad, and nothing is going to change."

"Wrong. What will change is that you'll have a second opinion and another perspective."

"I don't want to do this, Edward."

"Why can't you talk to me?"

"I feel like I'm whining. It's my problem and I don't want to bring you into it."

"If you think I'm going to back down, you're wrong. I'm as stubborn as you are. Just get pissed off again and let it out."

"You've heard the rumors."

"Yes, but-"

"The ones about me don't bother me. And the ones about you, I know are false. Mostly. It's just…"

Mostly? "Go on."

"Jessica and Lauren are always gossiping. And then you come up, and they brag about things they've done. With you."

"I haven't done shit with either of them."

"I… want to believe that. It's just… Jessica knows things. Things that I wish only I knew."

"What things?"

"Things about you. About you… your… you know. That you're… big. She brags about being with you, touching you. I don't believe the other stuff she says… but how could she know?" I could hear her wanting to say so much more, but she stopped there.

"Bella, I swear to you, I haven't ever been with Jessica, or Lauren, or anyone else from this town, in any way. I've been alone with Jessica drunk, but I was never _that_ drunk. Even then she repulses me. She gets touchy feely, she might have gotten a cop or two, but she's never _touched_ me. And well, Emmett's the locker-room peeker. And you know how he likes to start shit. So in other words, Emmett knows… my size and if anyone asked, he'd tell."

"Emmett's a peeker? But he's so… straight."

"Straight as an arrow. He's just arrogant. He walks around bare-assed naked knowing damn well he's the biggest thing Forks has ever seen. He just likes to rub it in our faces."

"Bad mental images, Edward."

"Yeah, sorry, bad choice of words there."

"Then there's _her_." Oh, her. Shit. "I don't even know her and I hate her, Edward. And I'm not mad at you, so don't apologize again. I'm just… jealous, I guess. I'm jealous that she was there first. She was your first. And yours first."

"No. She was never mine, and I was never hers. You are my first love, Isabella Swan, so as far as I'm concerned, you are my first everything. Born again virgin. Now I know that's a gyp, it's not the same, but I won't look at it any other way. I refuse. I'm yours first. Your first. My first. Just yours, damn it."

"See, you got angry."

"I'm not… okay, yes, I'm angry, but not at you. At me. I hate this. I hate that I'm not perfect for you. I hate that I can't go back and take back the stupid, stupid shit that I've done. I regret so many choices."

"I wouldn't change a thing," she said unexpectedly.

"What?"

"I wouldn't. If I could, if we could go back, I wouldn't change a thing."

"You wouldn't change the fact that I'm not a virgin? You wouldn't change the fact that I've been with someone else?"

There was a deep breath. "No. You were right, before. I needed to talk about this, with you. Thank you. Edward, our choices have brought us here today and I can't regret any of it. I'm so happy, so in love, because of you. I think, maybe, deep down, I might love you more after it all. After everything. I think that if the mistakes weren't made, we might not have learned, and we might not be right here, right now. I love you, more than anything."

I couldn't speak. Speechless. Utterly speechless. Shocked silent.

"Oh, please tell me you're still there and I didn't just have a revelation with no one to hear it."

I stood up, hoping that might help. When it didn't I walked up the stairs. I hoped she might have heard the sound of my shoes connecting with the wood stairs on my way up, to let her know I was there even though I made no sound. Up the stairs, to my bedroom, to my bathroom. I stared at my shocked face.

I didn't realize I was speaking until the sound of my voice hit my ears. "I had sex with Tanya four times one night. All I saw was you. I was rough, mean. I hurt her, left her bruised, sore. I never once even considered going down on her, but forced her down on me so I wouldn't have to see her face. I'd scream your name, I couldn't help it, I wanted so badly for it to be you and it wasn't. And she'd get angry, everything would get rougher, she never stopped though. Until I got meaner, actually got off on hurting her for not being you." I didn't realize I was sobbing until I saw the tears on my cheeks in my reflection. I wanted to punch my own face. "You can't be okay with it. I fucked up so bad, you can't be okay with what I did."

She took it all in. Too quickly. "I am. I accept it."

"No. No, you can't."

"I do."

"No." I choked on a sob. "You're pristine, perfect. I'm damaged, unpure."

"Edward, stop." I did. I closed my eyes and it all stopped. The thoughts, the hate, the sobs. "We have to go to Los Angeles."


	24. Chapter 24

I was back to speechless. Bella promised to call back later, or asked me to text her if I didn't want to talk. But she had to know I was okay, she'd said.

That was a real dilemma. Was I okay? I just had some kind of breakdown. I cried. I told Bella things she didn't need to know. I looked like shit.

I pulled my clothes off and stepped into the shower. Icy water hit me first, making my cold body shudder. The water warmed up quickly, but my body did not. I shivered even though the water was hot enough to leave my skin red.

I towel dried and wiped the fogged up mirror down, checking to see if my lips were blue. My blood felt like dry ice. Cold and desiccated. My heart felt hollow.

How could she possibly love me?

A purple blotch on my neck caught my attention. I fingered it. " _You're mine_ ," Bella's voice resounded.

A shallow beat of warmth. " _I'm so happy, so in love_." More warmth. " _I want you_." More tingly burning warmth. " _I do_." A colossal amount of heat.

I'm wanted. I'm loved. I'm forgiven. I'm saved. Well, maybe not that last one quite yet, but I would be saved. Bella said I needed to talk to Tanya, to apologize to her, for what I did. I was feeling guilty, not only for Bella, but for Tanya. And she said she would come with me. Help me. This weekend. Sunday and Monday.

I dressed in a pair of underwear and fell to my bed. It was not late, by any means, but I was exhausted. I didn't have it in me to talk anymore.

_I'm going to bed. I love you, more than anything._ I texted Bella. It hardly seemed enough. I felt like I needed to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, to let her hit me, even. Maybe I just liked the pain.

Her reply came quickly. _I hope you sleep well. And I love you too, more than you know. Goodnight._

I wanted to reply, and I couldn't. I wanted to call her. I wouldn't let myself make things worse. I fell asleep feeling so guilty that a whole hour later, I was wide awake with wet cheeks. Crying again. Just great, I was turning into a real fucking pussy.

I rolled over and cursed into my pillow. Sleep didn't come, the guilt didn't ease, the pain didn't lessen, and I didn't relax at all. I grabbed my cell and car keys and was driving before I knew where I was going. I passed her house once, drove past again, not a light was on. Everyone was asleep. I stopped two blocks down and parked in an alleyway. And I got out. I walked. I shadowed the tree line, keeping just off of everyone's backyards, then I saw her window. I crossed through her backyard and stared at the tree aligned with her window. I scaled the tree with no problems, my arms got a workout but hey, I needed one anyway. I hung from a branch level with the second story pane, and stared in. I could see her form on the bed. Half of her body was twisted into the blanket, limbs strewn every-which-way, and her hair was just as scattered as her limbs. Her pillow looked black, except a few spots of lavender, because her hair was covering it.

My shoulders twitched. Oh, right. I hooked one elbow over the branch and let go with my opposite hand. I didn't expect to find the window unlocked, I thought I'd have to knock. The thing slid up easily. What luck. I swung my legs up onto the sill and tried to make as little noise as possible as I dropped in through the opening. My shoes connected to her floor with a queit thud. Her body twisted towards the sound but she didn't wake. In the distance, someone's snores faltered, I assume Charlie's. They picked right back up. I took off my shoes, closed the window, and had a rush of inertia hit me. I was glued in place with a _'What now?'_ feeling in my gut.

I unstuck my feet one toe at a time and moved towards her bed. My shoes were easily hid underneath, and the urge to crawl in and wrap myself around her was strong enough to make my knees wobble.

What was I doing here? This was bad! Breaking and entering, stalking… in the Police Chief's house! I had to sit down, and sitting on Bella's bed would not be a good idea. I took the rocking chair and started thinking.

_I should leave. I never should have came. I don't know why I came. How the hell did I even get in_? Maybe I was dreaming. I pinched myself, but only winced at the pain.

Bella groaned, her legs twisted into her blanket more. She clutched the wadded blanket between her thighs and rolled with it, so she was face down. Her arms went wide and she grasped each side of her twin bed.

"Don't leave."

Wow, I really needed to leave. I was hearing things now. I stood up and didn't make it much past her bed.

"Edward, don't go."

I closed my eyes and let my body drag itself back. An invisible force bound me to this room. To the chair. To her. Love, maybe. Leaving after she asked me not to would tear out my heart.

_Hearing things_ , my mind reminded. No, I was convinced she said it. My head wasn't that good.

Her body twisted again, sending the blankets to the floor. Oh, Lord, have mercy on me!

Her skin was glowing alabaster in the moonlight. Her hair was as dark as the night, a mess on her pillow. Her full lips were pouty looking as she slept. And her legs were thrown wide, giving me an eyeful of crotch. Her panties were black… No, blue… I couldn't tell, but they were dark. And perfect. They clung to her intimate juncture, showing nothing but hiding nothing. Her thighs, oh God, and her stomach, good lord. She was not wearing a bra… Her shirt was twisted just tight enough to make out the perfect curves of each breast, their tips hard and prominent. She had goosebumps too. Cold.

She flipped and her shirt twisted even higher. Her back hollowed as she stretched across her mattress. I wanted to trace her spine, linger on her lower back where the spine curved in. To feel her ribs in my palms. The smooth skin on her sides. God, her hips. And that ass.

I was breathing so hard my lungs hurt. I didn't know I was looming over her until I hit the edge of her bed with my knees, and nearly fell. I stumbled back to the rocker and sank into it. I covered my eyes. All I saw was her body.

I rocked. And rocked. And rocked. And an hour later, I dreamed I was going to bed with her. She was leading me there, her fingers easily popping the button to my jeans, pulling the zipper, letting them slide to the floor. I laid down beside her, feeling her curves against me. Skin on skin.

"So warm."

"Mmm."

But not warm enough. This was a new dream, so real but not. My dream Bella never wore clothes, yet there they were. And I'd never dreamed of her room before. Something kicked at my brain, but I ignored it, I was busy.

My right hand was under her ribs, I reached higher and let my palm drag over her smooth skin, under her shirt, to her bare breast. Her nipple hardened in my hand, searing my palm. So warm, so hard. I pinched at the tip and her ass rocked back against my hard length.

Hmm, how weird, I was wearing clothes too. What a weird dream, usually they disappeared at will. Oh well, this felt too good to change.

My left palm slid over the warm flesh of her thigh, her hip, the flat of her stomach. I fingered the upper edge of her underwear and her body rocked back into me again. So perfect was the memory from the rock, I could actually feel her under my palm. Damn good dream, even if it was weird with all this clothes.

The sparse, soft hairs on her pubic mound tickled my fingertips and palm. I curled my hand around the curve of her mound, following to the core of her. My fingers probed along her slit and found the source of the wet heat. The slick lubricant coated my fingertips as I explored. Her opening was so hot, so inviting, but I passed it by for now. My fingers glided over her inner folds, searching for her clit, knowing how she reacted to it being touched. I found the little nub with my fingertips and smiled as her ass jumped back against me. She kept tight to me as I made slow, lazy circles around it. Her hips rocked with the pressure of my fingers and I could feel her heart racing underneath her left breast. Our hearts were so close to each other, both flying with the hot pleasure our bodies created.

I knew she was getting close, I knew I was getting close too. My fingertips slid down her core and I sought out her opening with my middle finger. She was so wet, my digit slid right in, though not far. The tight opening was barricaded, her virginity securely in place. And the feel of her innocence turned me on so much my hips lurched against her ass, grinding into her soft cheeks. I searched around inside of her, feeling the soft heat pulse around my finger and the heel of my palm bumped against her sensitive bud. Her body jumped this time and I found a rhythm. In unison, our bodies rocked together, and with a hot clenching, her opening started to spasm around my finger. That sent me over the edge.

– – –

I groaned at the tingly, dead feeling in my arm. And another uncomfortable feeling hit me. The crustiness on my stomach and groin told me everything I needed to know. Wet dreams suck. You never remember the orgasm and the dried up cum feels disgusting.

But I remembered the orgasm. I smiled to myself, remembering the feeling of cumming against my dream Bella's ass. Her tightness clenching on my finger as she came. I sighed and settled back against my pillows.

Not my pillows. Christ, not my bed. And my arm.

"Jesus!" I gasped as I realized I had a human on my arm. A human Bella, not a dream.

"I know."

"Fuck, you're awake too. I'm sorry, God, I don't even know!"

"Shh."

"Shit, Bella," I whispered. "I don't remember. I didn't think. I thought I was dreaming!"

"Me too," she said, turning her head towards me. She smiled.

My hand was under her body, trapped flat against her breast. "I'm sorry," I apologized again and tried to retract the thing. She grabbed my bicep.

"Don't move. And don't apologize again."

Okay. I stared at her as she stared back at me. Except, I couldn't keep my eyes from traveling. And there, on her ass, was my proof of what a pig I was.

"Ah, fuck." I threw my arm over my eyes and tried to hide, therefore, I drew more attention to myself.

"What?"

Bella, you have a cum stain on your ass. I humped the living hell out of your ass last night and looky there, splat, white on black. Nope, dark blue, midnight blue. Jesus, stop looking.

Bella moved. Closer. Oh hell, if I got cum on her underwear, I could only imagine what mine looked like. I wouldn't even blame her for laughing and calling me "Cumstain" for the rest of my life. Her arm curled around my waist and she rested her head on my chest.

"How did you get in?"

"The window. Aren't you mad?"

"Not at all. I left it unlocked, I oiled the damn thing, hoping you might show up one night."

"You are kidding, right?"

Her face burned on my chest. "No." Well, that explains why it opened so easy. "I'm glad you came." Oh, boy. Back to cum. "You're blushing."

"I'm sure I am."

"Why? You aren't usually this bashful."

Great, now I feel like one of the seven dwarfs. And with my mood swings, I'll probably end up as Grumpy or Dopey soon. Maybe I should just get it off my chest.

"Bella, the dream, or, well, what I thought was a dream at the time. Oh shit, I had my finger…inside. Fuck, did I hurt you? Did I-"

"No, Edward. I'm perfectly okay, it was perfectly… amazing." She sighed against my chest. At least someone was enjoying this. I felt like too much of an ass.

"Oh, alright. Thank god. Good. But, what I was going to say was. I… well, you know." She propped her chin on my chest and wrinkled her eyebrows. Fuck. "Bella, I used your ass as a-" masturbatory object. A napkin. "I used your ass."

"Edward, I remember what happened." I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "I'm glad you're here, what happened was special, and I don't really want you to leave, but I have to work."

Oh. Oh! And oh. "Right now?"

"No. My alarm is going to go off in about fifteen minutes though."

A dead weight landed on my head. "Charlie. Shit, Charlie," I hissed.

"He's gone."

"What?"

"Fishing. He leaves at about five in the morning to go fishing with… a buddy on Saturdays."

"We're alone."

"No, Alice is down the hall."

"Oh, right. But we're alone. Can we… talk? I have some things I'd like to say." She nodded. I took a deep breath. "Okay, no interrupting though, okay?" She nodded again and pressed her mouth to my chest. "That's distracting." Her lips curled up. She bit them and nuzzled her face in tight to my pec. Her eyes were smiling still. "So distracting. You're too damn beautiful." She blinked. "Okay. I know you said no more apologies but I have to. Multiple apologies. The first, and largest, I'm sorry for this, but only because it was really unfair. I snuck into your room and I got into your bed."

"I brought you to bed," she corrected. I glared at her for interrupting. She glared back, probably for my apologizing.

"Either way, that led to me touching you without permission and doing other things that weren't permitted, and even if you're okay with it, it was still wrong. Now, number two. I'm sorry I broke down on you last night. That wasn't fair either."

"Edward, don't-"

"Bella-"

"No. Don't. I don't know how many times I have to say it, the past is the past. And you breaking down, opening up, don't ever apologize for that. I love you. I love you for telling me everything, I love you for coming last night, I love you for being you, Edward."

"I wasn't done."

"Continue then."

"I don't want to go to Los Angeles."

"I don't care." I balked. "We're going to Los Angeles. I talked Charlie into letting me go, though he doesn't have a clue I'll be out of town. We're going. And if you won't go, Edward, I'm afraid of what that will do to us."

"What do you mean?"

"Neither of us can live with your guilt. I've forgiven you. That doesn't seem to be enough for you. We're going to LA, and we're sorting this out."

"Did you just give me an ultimatum? We go or we're done?"

"Will you go if I say that?"

"Yes."

"Then yes."

She looked as unhappy about that choice as I did. I sat up, brining her with me. I took her face between either of my hands and looked her dead in the eyes. "I will not lose you. If that means we have to go to LA, then we will. But I don't want to."

"I know. We'll get through it, we'll be better off. You have to let this go and to do that, you need to talk to her. And I'll be there with you, for you."

"Okay."

"Okay."

I pulled her lips to mine and was utterly shocked by her kiss. Literally. My mouth burned. And my cock was hard, instantly. Alone, in her bed, mostly naked.

I pushed her back into the pillows and followed, keeping our lips connected. Her hands came around my back and she tried to pull me down on top of her. I refused to let my crusty boxers get anywhere near her. She gave up and slid her hands under my shirt. My wrist brushed the side of her breast and her fingernails dug into my shoulders.

Oh, fuck. I pulled back and sat down next to her. One hand remained under my shirt and she lightly tickled along my spine, up and down.

"Did I do something wrong?"

I groaned. "God, no, Bella, don't ever think that. You couldn't do anything wrong. It's me."

"I don't think you did anything wrong."

"Oh, but I have. On so many levels." I grabbed my jeans off the floor and worked them up my legs. Her hands slid down my back as I stood up to button them.

"Are you leaving?" Her voice was heavy with sadness.

I shook my head. "Not yet, but I think it's better if I have these on."

I heard the bed shift and looked back to see Bella pulling her shirt down as far as it would do and sitting up on the bed. She turned her alarm off then stood up.

"You don't have to go, but I'm going to go take a shower."

"Can I go in there first?"

"To shower?"

"That would be nice, but no."

"You can, if you'd like."

"Only if you join me. Kidding. No, um, I'll be quick."

"Oh," she said with a smirk.

"You're a perv, I'm not doing that, jeez! I have to clean up and piss, since you must know." She smirked wider. I growled and pulled her to me, kissing her. My hands found the back of her naked thighs and I skimmed my palms lightly against the smooth skin. "What are _you_ going to do in the shower, dirty girl?" I asked against her mouth.

She melted like butter in my hands, her body curving to fit against mine. Her breasts against my torso, her stomach against my erection, her ass in my palms.

"I'm going to 'clean up' as you put it."

I moved my lips to her ear. "Mmm, but see, I actually meant clean up. I think you are talking of something completely different."

"I think you're a liar."

My hand connected with her ass in a light slap and she jumped. "Get in the shower," I ordered.

I pulled off my shirt and pushed her towards the door. Her eyes got impossibly wide and she stumbled her way towards the hall. As soon as we hit the hallway, plans were shattered. Alice stood there looking absolutely furious and I ran into Bella she stopped so fast.

Her skinny, tiny little finger pointed at Bella. "You, in the shower. And you," her hand pointed towards me. I backed up a step. "Put your shirt on and get out of here. You are so fucking lucky that Charlie isn't here, he'd kill you both! How many times have I told you, there is no sex in this house! Do you remember what Charlie did to me? Do you remember how he threatened Jasper? Bella! I thought you were smarter than this!" Tears welled in her dark brown eyes. "I love you both, now please think before you fuck around in this house!" She stomped to her room, leaving me wide eyed and Bella looking shameful.

"She's right. I love you, you have to go!"

I nodded. "What time is your lunch break? I'll take you out for lunch."

"Noon."

"Okay, I'll pick you up. Love you. Bye." I kissed her goodbye and ran for my car.


	25. Chapter 25

I drove around confused as fuck for about an hour. In the house, Alice's fury had scared me shitless, I didn't have a chance to wonder. She may have been a full foot and a half shorter than me, at the very least a hundred pounds lighter, but she was lethal when she was angry. But now... Now I wondered. What the hell had Charlie done to her? Why the hell had Jasper never told me about it? Jesus, if he hurt Alice, if he hurt Bella… No. He wouldn't hurt them. Would he?

My phone rang. "Hello?"

"Edward Anthony, where the hell are you?" Jesus, Dad sounded like Mom.

"On my way home, Dad."

"You get your ass back here, pronto, you hear me?"

"Yes sir, I'll be there in a few."

The hardness in his voice was gone. "Okay, drive careful."

I didn't know whether to laugh or get pissed. Mom obviously had ridden his ass into yelling at me, but Carlisle never had been much of a yeller. I got my mean streak from Mom's side. That woman could scream for a full day straight and not lose her voice or momentum.

I prepared myself and pulled into the drive ten minutes later. Since I was going again soon anyway, I parked by the front door. No one met me with a lecture.

"Edward?"

"It's me, Mom."

"Have you had breakfast?"

"Not yet."

"What would you like?"

"Oh, I'm going to go shower. I'll pour myself some cereal when I'm done."

"No, no sweetie. You shower and I'll cook you some eggs."

"Um, okay. Thanks. Thank you."

I peeked into the kitchen and my mom had a stupid grin plastered on her face. My dad clapped me on the shoulder. "I worked her over for you." He had the same stupid grin.

"Oh, God! That's disgusting."

He chuckled. "Only because it wasn't you. If you just got what I did, you'd be grinning too. Hey! Maybe you did… no. Not a chance." He chuckled and clapped my shoulder a few more times. "Not a chance."

My brain was doing the _lah-lah-lah-lah_ thing trying to block out his words or erase them or something. It didn't work. Any plans for a shower jerk were shot to hell now. Thanks so much, Father Dearest.

Four hours to kill before my lunch date with the one and only. Four hours seemed so long.

"Hey Mom, have you started those eggs yet?"

"No, I'm just getting on that."

"Will you hold off for a few? I'm going to go in the basement for a good half hour or so. I'm not real hungry yet anyway. Sound okay?"

"Yep. Just let me know when you're hungry, dear."

"Okay, Mom. Love you."

"Love you too."

Dad peeked around a corner. "You're so lucky I made her go easy on you."

"Please don't start with the sex talk again." He chuckled and started with the stupid grin again. "Oh Dad, by the way, now that I have you here, I need to talk to you about something." He nodded for me to continue. "Um, I'm going on a small road trip this weekend."

"Where to?"

"Los Angeles. Just there and back. Real quick. Nothing special."

"With who?"

"Just me and Bella." The look on his face said, wrong answer.

"Your mother isn't going to like this."

I did the clapping on the shoulder thing. "Ah, but my good old Dad knows how to convince dear old Mom, right?"

"That would have worked, minus the old." Then stupid grin. "But I do know how to convince her."

"Yes, yes you do. And this means I'm free and clear?"

"With me, yes. Mom, yes. Charlie, no way in fucking hell."

"Charlie doesn't know she's leaving town, much less with me, but he knows Bella isn't going to be home this weekend. As far as I'm concerned, he knows all he has to know. And it's not like we're getting away to rendezvous or something, we actually have some important things to take care of in LA."

"Riiiight. So that means we're telling your mom there's a college seminar?"

"Sounds good."

"You're a lucky bastard, and you better know it."

"I do, dad, I really do."

"Now get out of my sight and pump your iron."

I chuckled and he joined in. "Heavy lifting. I may strain myself." He rolled his eyes at me.

After getting downstairs and starting my workout, a half hour went by way too fast. Even an hour seemed short, but I knew I was going to be sore, so I stopped. Before a shower, I asked mom to start my eggs, then I washed up. It was refreshing as hell, because somehow I forgot I was wearing my cum stained underwear 'til about fifteen minutes into my workout, and by then I just didn't feel like going to change. My jerk off wall frowned at me as I ignored it.

I shaved and put on some nice clothes. The hot eggs slid satisfyingly down my throat and into my empty stomach. After a cold glass of milk, I felt like a fucking king.

For about two hours, I dicked around with some studying, but I didn't really get anywhere. By that time, I figured I might as well go to town. I ended up at Newton's Olympic Outfitters about ten minutes to noon. Bella wasn't at the checkouts, and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask Mike where she was, so I started randomly scanning aisles.

As I neared the life jackets, I spotted her. She was bent over a box, her perfect ass aimed right at me. I couldn't resist. Quietly as possible, I slid up behind her and shaped my hands around the curve of her hips. She jumped just as I expected, giving a gasping squeak, she rammed back into me before spinning so quickly she nearly fell. I had my hands placed just perfectly and her hips were secured to mine. She used her hands on my chest to steady herself. I couldn't wipe my smile away if my life depended on it and the look of shock on her face was laughable.

"You scared me!" she gasped.

I wanted to say something like, 'no kidding' or 'oops', but instead I went for, "I'm sorry."

She glared, but smiled. "No you're not."

I chuckled. "No, not really." I slid my hands around her hips and gave her ass a small squeeze. She turned redder than the life vest behind her.

Her head turned back, looking over her shoulder. "You're early," she said.

I nodded. "One kiss and I'll let you get back to work." I gave her hunter green smock a tug. She blushed again.

I leaned down most of the way, giving her the option to close the distance. She did, pressing her mouth firmly to mine and parting her lips. Tongue in public! My over-excitement led to hands with a mission. I slid them into her back pockets, trying to get her closer, only to encounter a piece of paper that made Bella tense up. Not good. I could have assumed it was for work, for anything unimportant, but as soon as she realized my hands were in that back pocket, she froze. So not good. Pulling my lips from hers, I pulled the paper out.

"I was going to throw it away, I just haven't had a chance." I opened it. A phone number. James.

The near tears horror on her face told me I was not doing a very good job of looking cool. I fixed my face into something resembling humor and handed her the paper back. "How many of these do you get a week?"

She looked at the note and refused to touch it. "None. I didn't want it."

I hated that I was so obviously not taking this well. She seemed afraid, and I hated that. I brought her into my arms and held her there. I crumpled up the paper and threw it into the next aisle. "There."

"Mike's going to have clean that up later," Bella muttered against my chest.

"Oh, poor Mike."

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. "Hey Bells, it's…" He trailed off as he saw her in my arms. "This is a place of business."

I rolled my eyes at the twit. "Well, like you were saying. It's noon, which means Bella's on break. And I'm here to pick her up for our lunch date, so…" Scram, you nitwit!

Bella slowly backed out of my embrace, and I let her, though I really felt like pinning her to me and growling at the twerp so obviously pining for her attention – him and so many others.

No one said anything, so I broke the silence. "You ready, love?"

"Yep. Um, see you, Mike. I'll be back in a half hour." Great. Enough with the pleasantries. I grasped her hand and away we went. Mike glared at me the entire time.

"Newton is really getting on my nerves," I said just as we were out of earshot. To be honest, I didn't give a flying fuck if he heard, but I knew Bella wouldn't take too kindly to it. She didn't address my comment, though I did get a dirty look.

The Volvo was about the only car in the lot. Bella hopped into the passenger seat, then proceeded to stare at the same spot. She was blushing and she seemed to be having one of those _Just Stop Looking, Damn It!_ moments. I followed her gaze to the console in the center and started laughing hysterically. Wouldn't you know it, right there on the dark gray console was a glob of white.

"It's not… It's not… Oh God." I couldn't stop laughing. I scooped it up with my finger and held it towards her, which seemed to shock her. I was too busy snorting away to explain myself. "Ice… ice… icing. Taste it!"

She refused to do that, not that I blamed her and the heat from my finger caused it to melt some and slide off my finger onto her arm. I stopped laughing as I thought, _oops._ Then, _yummy_. I caught her wrist and raised her arm to suck the sweet icing off the inside of her elbow. She looked slightly shocked. I grinned and leaned towards her mouth. She pulled back from me. I wasn't having that. I lightly caught the back of her head and brought her lips to mine. I pushed my tongue against her lips, only to be refused again.

"Bella," I growled against her lips, "kiss me."

She took a shaky breath through her nose then hesitantly met my tongue with her own. She pulled back after our tongues brushed. "It's sweet," she muttered.

"Yeah, it's icing. My mommy baked cookies this morning."

"Oh. I thought you were being crude about the icing thing."

"Oh for chrissake!"

She laughed. "Sorry." She leaned to my side and kissed me. She pulled back after only a few short moments. "How did you manage to get icing on the console?"

I shrugged. "Who knows. Probably while I was changing the station or something. Let's get some food." Not that I was hungry, but if we didn't get out of there soon, my idea of lunch is going to be vastly different. The taste of Bella and icing lingered on my tongue and the thought of Bella's icing on my tongue was giving me a twitch… Guess where.

The Volvo purred to life with an easy flick of my wrist and with an even easier drop of my foot, we were speeding towards our destination. Forks only had one dinky little diner to offer, so of course that was where we were headed. And just like everything else in Podunk, it was right off the main stretch through town.

It would have made my day to do the gentleman thing again, you know like opening doors, etc., but Bella just couldn't hold her horses. Hell, she opened the door to the diner, and held it for me. I really hope she caught the glare.

"Ah! Well, well, looky here." _No._ Just fucking no! You have _got_ to be kidding me. "Hi Bella!" What a crock of shit. "Edward!" Get that damn ringing tone out of your voice, bitch!

"Jessica."

"Table for two?"

Oh! Oh! The blond can count! Nobel Prize time. "Yes, please." Followed by a fake smile that made my cheeks hurt. Bella seemed just as thrilled as I did.

Since when does Jessica work, let alone as a waitress? Her hair flip announced her impending stop and turn. Yep, here's our table.

"Here's your table." You're on a roll, darling, true scholar material! "I'll be right back with menus and water." She sauntered away, scanning other tables as she went. I was dumbfounded. Jessica was actually good at this job. And she was filling her life calling, serving.

I kicked back in my chair and Bella sat somewhat uncomfortably in hers, her hands folded on her lap. I leaned forward and grazed her cheek with my thumb. It burned to life and her lips twitched.

"Here you are," said Jessica as she placed down two menus, two rolled up napkins and silverware, and two glasses of ice water. I flipped my menu open and picked up my water, taking a long drag even though it tasted like metal. "I'll give you a minute."

I hope she didn't expect an "Oh great, thank you," because I wasn't giving one.

"Thanks Jess," Bella muttered. Of course she did. And I only wanted her more. Just splendid, now manners are a turn-on.

I studied my menu front to back, back to front, and all over again and didn't find a damn thing that sounded good. Comparatively, nothing looked good against Bella. The only thing I was wanted sat across from me. Damn it.

"All set?"

"Yeah. I'll have the Caesar salad, no croutons, light on the dressing. And a coke."

"M'kay." Pause. "And what can I get you, Edward?" Jesus, not this again. Oh wait, she was suppose to ask that. Shit, everyone was staring at me. Was "I want pussy" flashing from my forehead, because it sure felt like it might have been, or should have been?

"Um. Just a cheeseburger. Coke."

"Alright. I'll get those cokes right out and your food shouldn't take too long."

We sat in silence waiting for our drinks. They were set in front of us. More silence.

"Are you alright?" Bella asked me.

I blinked, hoped that might answer the question but knew it wouldn't. "Yeah. Fine."

"You seem… distracted."

"You could say that."

"Oh," she said. Her hands clasped over mine on the table. "Edward, I don't want to make you feel like you have to do something. If you really don't want to go, then we don't have to. I just… I think it will help you feel more right about it."

Well, thanks, now I have two distractions. And I'll never feel right about it. "We're going. That's not what I'm distracted about. But since we're on the topic, do we have plans of some sort? I mean, how is this going to work?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought you'd know. I assumed we'd drive down, um, talk, and come back. It's a long drive, I know, so we'll have to stop somewhere."

Ah. Stopping somewhere. Jesus, to actually have her alone. I was definitely bringing the big guns for this trip. No cheap, dirty, fleabag motel would be housing my woman, not even for a night. Oh sweet Jesus, there was not going to be a damn thing that was going to keep me away from her.

I didn't realize we were both sitting so long in silence until our meals showed up. The clink of the plates hitting the table brought me back to reality.

I grabbed Bella's hand on the table, with my right hand so she was free to her right. Eating left handed was slightly distracting, but so was the way her small hand fit in mine. The way her fingers twined with mine, curling around—

Cough.

"You okay?"

Another cough. "Yep. Fine."

I got the eye for a few long moments, probably so she knew for sure I wasn't going to go blue and die from asphyxiation.

This was so bad. I couldn't go twenty seconds around Bella anymore without getting a raging hard on and thinking about how every surface would work as a mounting block, so to speak. And if the mounting block had promise, how many positions it could handle.

I grabbed my cheeseburger and took a monstrous bite, then another. Fries came into play somewhere in the game. Without even tasting a single bite, my plate was empty.

How in the hell was I going to handle spending the next few days alone with her? Only one thing came to mind.


	26. Chapter 26

Since we were leaving right after Bella got off work tonight – Mike had agreed to cover her Sunday shift – she said she'd meet me at my house. Her bags were packed and she was ready for this… adventure.

I dropped her at the front door of the sporting goods store.

"I'll see you in a few," she said, leaning to my side, expectant.

Well, shit. I met her halfway. God, her lips were so soft. Her small hands slid around my neck, pulling me impossibly close.

This weekend was going to be hell. Hell! Hello blueballs!

Her hands slid down my chest as she backed away. "Mmm," she hummed happily, licking her lips. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Thank God for the four hours I had 'til she'd be off work. I swear, if in that four hours I didn't beat it enough times to leave bruises, I was going to repeatedly kick myself in the nuts, if only to make sure erections became an impossibility.

After Bella disappeared into the store, I pulled out of the parking lot and sped home.

– – –

Ow. Just ow. Not only did my right hand feel permanently curled in on itself, my left hand was cramping from over use. My pinky kept twitching.

Bella was due in about twenty minutes, and I imagine I looked about as good as I felt. Three and a half hours of doing nothing but jerking your cock really did a number. My cock felt like a plastic bag, soft and flimsy, and even when it got some wind behind it, it was still easily collapsed.

The thought of getting an erection hurt. Oh joy!

_Shit_ , I thought, _one more has to be left in me for the shower_. I hauled my ass off my bed and gathered up my disgusting pile of tissues. Jesus Christ, if my mother saw those she'd never look me in the eye again. I dragged my sorry ass to the bathroom and started flushing the tissues down the toilet. As I pulled my boxers off, I shuddered at the fabric rubbing on my tender manhood. _Get ready, because you are going through this shit one more time_.

My skin felt oversensitive and it stung like millions of needles penetrating me as I stepped under the warm spray.

_Final chance. After this there is no more even_ thinking _about sex, let alone hoping for it. Get it out of your system here and now_. I reached down and gave my balls a gentle rub. Ouch. I cringed at the feeling. The sad thing, the oversensitivity had me hard in no time.

So many scenarios had already gone through my mind. Hundreds of different positions, different ways I could have Bella. I flipped through them like a Rolodex. And there it was, a new one. Bella standing over me as I sat cross-legged on the floor. My tongue buried deep between her lips, rubbing her clit, suckling on it. One of her legs was cocked up at an angle and her body was arched in a magnificent, elegant S curve. I used two fingers in her pussy, pumping into her wet, tight opening, waiting for that perfect moment when her body started to contract around them. Her hands were in my hair, her eyes watching me, her chest heaving. I reached up and pinched her tight, pink nipple.

She exploded, her body shaking so forcefully I had to place my hand on her hip to keep her up. She sang my name like a song. Her pussy clamped down on my fingers and started milking them, biology telling her body that something was suppose to come from me and be drawn deep into her body. Her girl cum ran down my fingers, her own hands pulling roughly at my hair as I continued to lightly flick over her clit with my tongue. With a final, great shudder, she collapsed into my lap.

My hard cock was greeted to a wonderful friction as her sweat moistened stomach rubbed against it. She brought her hips up and the wonderful friction turned into something so much better. The heat from her wet sex made me shudder before we even touched. My sensitive head brushed against her erect clit, making her arch and putting my mushroomed tip right against her opening. Without a moments hesitation, she sat down on my length, enveloping it in her heat. Her soft insides squeezed at me with a tight grip sending electric bolts of pleasure up my spine.

She murmured sweet nothings to me. Words of little meaning that meant so much, everything. She told me how good I was, how amazing I was, how much she loved me, how she loved loving me. How much she ached for me, how hot I made her, how wet she got just thinking about being with me.

Her knees settled next to my hips and slowly she started up a rhythm. Her nipples grazed my chest and her hair tickled my shoulders. I found her lips and she kissed me with loving passion. She tasted herself on my lips and sucked on my tongue, savoring our mixed flavor.

Out of my dream world, my lower stomach tightened and my balls churned. God, not even a hint of pleasure in this chore anymore. And it was a chore right now. I had to do it to – hopefully – remain functional. But all I really wanted was at least a small part of any of my fantasies to come true. They couldn't though, not yet.

I didn't even feel the urge to make a sound as I came. I just ejaculated, I don't know that it was really even an orgasm from the lack of pleasure. I turned around and aimed my face up at the spray of water and let it wash the last of the sweat and cum from my body.

I vaguely wondered if it was possible to kill yourself with masturbation. It sure felt like it about now. Everything hurt with a hypersensitivity. Even my eyeballs stung, but that could have been from the headache. Sad to think that after all of those…ejaculations, I was more tense and achy than before I started, in every part of my body, less the one which just felt like a deflated inner tube with road rash at the moment.

I looked at myself in the mirror and cringed. My eyes were bloodshot and my jaw was tight – I'd imagine that was from holding back the grunts I was liable to make early on. My shoulders were up and rigid, like a cat ready to pounce. My stomach just hurt. I didn't dare look any farther south. I tried to roll my neck to loosen the muscles but cement had hardened everywhere. Yep, except there. For once.

Fair trade, I suppose. I kind of asked for this, did I not? I continued to towel dry, which felt like mousetraps snapping on my skin, 'til I just couldn't take it anymore and threw the towel over my head. I walked with the towel on my head, in complete blackness out of my bathroom and into the familiar bedroom I was beginning to think of as my own, versus the guestroom it used to be.

"Whoa, buddy!" someone hollered. I jumped but then recognized the voice as Emmett. I was in a mood of just not caring. Nothing he hadn't seen before. "Ever heard of man-scaping! Your bush is habiting some wild animals, my friend!"

"Just one, Emm, just one."

He chuckled, but only for a second. "You feeling okay there, Edward? You usually aren't so down with the junk flying free. Usually you're a bit like a nun with a wrench stuck up her ass."

"I'm fine. You mind leaving though? Bella's gonna be here in a few and we're hitting the road."

"Yeah, I know. Bella told Alice who told Jasper who told me. Do you even answer your phone anymore? I think I've called like twelve times in the past few days."

"I answer my phone," when Bella calls.

"When Bella calls," he muttered. "You need to lose the bitch for a weekend and we'll hit up a strip club."

"Emmett?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't talk about Bella that way."

"Suck it."

He laughed. "You don't look too up for that occasion, big guy."

"Alight, then eat my ass."

He snorted. "I'll take a rimming, but I won't give one."

Too far. Just. Too. Far. I should have seen that coming, considering who I was talking to. I grabbed a pair of jeans from my closet and pulled them on commando. Too damn sensitive to even think about underwear.

"Huh. Never took you for the commando type."

"I never took you for the gay type."

"Gays a strong word. You're a good looking guy, Edward."

"Oh God! Just get the fuck out."

"Oh come on, baby, one kiss. I'll never tell." I punched at him as he came closer. He laughed. "Bella's a lucky girl." I hated the fact that he sounded dead serious.

The door creaked open and Bella peaked in. Emmett got that look on his face. Yeah, that one. The one that put the _Oh, shit_ feeling in my gut. He was all fours on my bed and he crawled his way across it as Bella entered the room. What neither of us expected was him reaching out and grabbing her. She squeaked and fought him as he pulled her towards the bed. I jumped up on the thing ready to kill his ass if he even thought about doing something stupid.

"Hey good looking. Edward was just talking about you. He and I agree we should get a threesome going. Of course, he suggested I pull the caboose of that train. You know, take the tail. His tail."

Bella blanched. Her wide eyes flew to mine. I was still shirtless and my jeans were only half done up. Oh how this could look. Emmett was thoroughly all too convincing and it seems he was extremely bored today. A bored Emmett never had a good outcome.

I kicked Emmett in the ribs, just hard enough to get his utmost attention. It didn't work. His hand snaked its way to my thigh.

"Alright, Emmett. I don't know where Rose is, but we're going so no fun time is coming from us."

He pouted out his puffy lips and dropped his hands – both the one on my thigh and the one around Bella's waist. "She's ignoring me. I'm just so fucking bored."

"Go play with Alice and Jasper. We have to go."

His frown deepened. "Jasper isn't as fun as you." Bella's eyes did that wide thing again. Her dirty little mind was hard at work, she just didn't know Emmett well enough. "And Alice isn't as fun as you," he said, looking directly at Bella.

Her eyes swung to me with an I-don't-know-what-he's-talking-about look. I hopped over Emmett and grabbed her hand and pulled her off the bed. I snatched my gym bag up from the floor, which thankfully was empty, and started pulling clothes out of my dresser. Wouldn't you know it, right there at the top of my underwear drawer was a new box of condoms.

Of course, my immediate reaction was to slam the drawer shut and check if Bella had seen. Given the look on her face, yep, she saw.

Emmett, having witnessed the whole thing, started laughing in the background. Yeah, now I was not in the mood to take his shit. His feet landed heavily on the floor and he made his way over. What was I to do? Emmett's so much bigger than me and blocking his way wouldn't have helped, if anything that would make him happier. He wrapped a huge arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her towards his side, ensuring neither of us escaped. He knew I wouldn't leave her. God, she was blushing.

"Emmett, I understand you going through Rosalie's underwear drawer, but seriously, going in mine is a huge leap off the deep end."

He just smiled evilly. He slid my top drawer back and gave a phony, loud gasp. "Edward Anthony Cullen! Naughty!" He grabbed the box of condoms and switched it to his other hand, the one that was around Bella. She honestly looked frightened of the box, shrinking away from it like it would bite her. His free arm grabbed my shoulders and I threw my elbow into his side as he pulled me towards him. He didn't seem to mind. "Us three need to have a little chat, I think." Somehow, against my will, I was being dragged towards my bed.

"Emmett, we are leaving. _Now_."

He didn't hear me. I elbowed him again, and though he reacted slightly, he still just didn't give a fuck. All three of our asses landed side by side on my bed thanks to Emmett's gigantic arms. "Now, given Bella's reaction to the box of condoms, you two clearly haven't done it."

"This is _not_ -"

"Shut up, Edward, I'm talking."

"I don't give a shit-"

"Final warning, big guy." I put all my strength into throwing my elbow into his side. "Ugh. That one is going to leave a bruise." He grabbed the back of my neck like it was the scruff of a puppy. Bella looked like she was about to lose it but couldn't decide on a spot to start hitting. "Now where was I. Ah, yes. Bella," he petted her hair, "you don't have to be afraid. Edward is a good guy and he'll take care of you-"

"Emmett, this is none of your business. I didn't even buy those and we have no plans of having sex. Let me the fuck go. We are leaving."

"What do you mean you didn't buy them?"

"I mean I didn't buy them. Did I stutter?"

He shook his head, then smiled. "That doesn't make any sense. Are you trying to tell me you don't want to have sex with your girlfriend?"

"For the final fucking time-"

"Yeah, yeah, you're leaving. Answer the question, Edward."

"None. Of. Your. Fucking-"

"Business. Got it. But I'm a bit like an ingrown hair. I pop up in the worst places, it hurts like a bitch to dig me out, and answer the question."

"No."

He gave a exasperated sigh and turned to Bella. "How do you put up with him? Surely you'd like to jump his bones?"

Her eyes bulged and not even a squeak could come from her tight lips. My phone buzzed in my pocket. So annoying. I pulled it out since I had nothing better to do. Might as well clean out the inbox while I was stuck here. Weird. Rosalie and I avoided each other like the plague, but the most recent text was from her.

_Have u seen Emm_?

I threw her back a, _He's here right now._

_Tell him my parents blocked his number again. I want him to meet me at our place_.

Oh thank God! "Emmett, Rosalie just texted me. She said her 'rents blocked your number again and she wants you to meet her at your place."

In his excitement, he released me and bounced up off the bed. Then his eyes narrowed. "My place? We don't meet at my place…"

"She said 'our'. That's what I meant by your." And just to save time, I showed him the text.

"Sweet! You have fun kids. Don't do anything I wouldn't do, which translates to bang like rabbits and enjoy the fuck out of yourselves with no inhibitions. Seriously, you both need to pull the giant dildos, pardon me, sticks out of your asses and fuck each other senseless." The hand motions that went along with the last part made me a tad nauseous. He flashed a toothy grin, gave me a I'm-gonna-get-some wink, and gave Bella the equivalent of a take-care-of-my-boy glare. I'd never been so happy to see Emmett's ass before.

After the door shut behind him, Bella and I just continued to sit on the bed. Completely still and completely silent.

She cleared her throat a few times. "Well, that was awkward," she managed to mutter.

I rubbed my neck. "Yeah. Funny it still feels like the elephant's in the room even after he left." Bella gave an awkward laugh at my lame joke. "Right," I said and stood up. I grabbed one of her hands and hauled her to her feet. "It's a long drive so if we're going, let's go."

She nodded.

"And by the way, I didn't buy the condoms. I have no plans of… well, shit. I had no plans of trying to, er, take that step. But I mean, even if I had, which I hadn't, Emmett stole our condoms."


	27. Chapter 27

The exhaustion wore me out quickly. I felt dead behind the wheel. Numb, and not in the sleepy way. My body felt tired, but my head was wide awake, yet still slow. The silence would have been unbearable with anyone but Bella. Even with the hint of strain and tension in the air, it still settled into being a comfortable silence. Most of the time. Sometimes I would feel her staring at me, I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head. We both had things to say, but neither of us wanted to go first.

My mom had packed us sandwiches for supper to eat on the road, so wordlessly, we ate. Bathroom breaks were few and far between. The dark came so quickly. I refused to stop. I wasn't tired.

"There's a town in a few miles, we could find a hotel."

"I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright."

That was our big conversation of the hour. It was close to midnight already. Headlights were random and scattered on the highway. I expected her to go to sleep after the discussion. She did not.

I recall reaching to turn on the radio four separate times, then changing my mind. The radio would have put off the conversation even further, and as badly as I didn't want to talk about it, she might. Or maybe I'd find courage in a road sign or something. Lords knows it would be fleeting and the time it would take to turn down the radio would have been enough to dissipate it. Plus, Bella's breathing was soothing.

The long stretch of dark road ahead of me seemed fitting. I had no idea what was lurking just out of sight of my headlights. It was frightening. Unknown. It wasn't just the trip to LA that was scary. The woman next to me was my life. What I was sure of was that I would spend my life with her, if she'd have me. I wanted to get decked out in a tux and say "I do" to her. And before that, I wanted my college life to be at her side. We'd get a house together there. I'd ask mom for the family ring, pop the question.

I had it all pictured. Our future, our life together. We'd agree the wedding could wait 'til after we finished college. There might be a pregnancy scare along the way, I'd be ecstatic and nervous. Our babies would be perfect, whether they came before or after the wedding.

As I pictured it all, I couldn't help but steal a glance at her. Much to my surprise, she was half facing me. She had her legs curled up on the seat, she was reclined slightly and she was fast asleep. Her lips were parted just slightly and pouting as she slept. Most of her hair was tied back in a ponytail, but some rebellious strands were loose on her face. I reached over and gently brushed them from her face.

Remembering that I was driving, I placed my hands back at the 10-2 position and tried to watch the road. Six hours into the trip and already I wanted nothing more than to go back. Go back to my house, my room, my bed, Bella with me. I wanted to curl her into a sleeping ball of perfection and hold her. And keep her there for the rest of the weekend. Safe from the outside world. Safe from Charlie. Safe from what was going to happen in Los Angeles.

And something would happen in LA. Tanya was not the type to say, "Oh no biggie, Edward. Glad to meet you, Bella." Hell no, not a chance. Something would happen and I'd probably make shit worse. I'd never hit a woman, but my mouth just couldn't be stopped. If she even-

_There to make peace, Edward, not fight._ Right. No fighting. No matter what, no fighting. I'd give my apology, or whatever it was I was suppose to be doing, and that would be that, even if it wasn't accepted. And I had to face that fact. I wasn't going to be accepted. So, this trip was just pointless. Even more reason to turn around. Yet I kept driving. And Oregon was just so boring. Can't say California was much better though.

The sun was just rising when Bella started to groan. She'd been quiet, frighteningly so, the entire time she slept. Not the faintest hint of a snore, no teeth grinding, hell, she didn't move. But now she was groaning. But groaning was too manly of a word to use for the sound she was making. She was purring. Yes, purring. And damn it all to hell, my masturbation binge only worked… just over twelve hours. Erection free for twelve hours, and this one put all the others to shame, damn it. My blood missed being in my cock so much that it all tried to get there at once. Fuck that hurt. Maybe that was just still the overuse talking. But no, it felt bigger. Jesus, if I'd made the thing bigger…well, okay, I wasn't going to complain.

Bella's gasp was loud enough to startle me, and apparently herself. She grabbed the center console and jolted forward, her eyes wide and staring.

"Are you okay?"

Her hand flew to her chest and she turned her head towards me. She nodded slowly. "Just a dream." She muttered it again to herself.

In the quiet, I could hear her accelerated breathing. With a quick glance, my eyes landed on her throat and the pulse point in her neck was jumping as her blood raced from her beating heart. Her scent seemed stronger. It was probably just the close proximity and the heat in the car. My eyes caught the sight of a bead of sweat on her temple before she wiped it away. The smell of her… her… fear. No. This smell was too good to be fear. Far too good to be of fear. My body knew this smell. I refused to acknowledge it. But just because my mind refused to acknowledge it, didn't mean my body refused. My body recognized each and every sign of her arousal, and worshiped it.

"You drove through the night?"

"Yeah." I chose that inopportune moment to rub my eyes.

I could feel her frowning at me. "You must be tired."

"Not really," I answered honestly.

"Edward, next rest stop we're going in. You need to rest." Her tone said, "NO ifs, ands, or buts about it, mister!"

As much as I disagreed that I needed to rest, I planned to stop at the next rest stop. Which was just up ahead, 14.5 miles to be exact. I don't know if the silence made the distance seem longer or shorter, but either way, it was more silence between us for those one four point five miles.

The rest area had a well stocked vending machine and a coffee machine and I loaded up on mini muffins and mini donuts as well as a strong cup of coffee with ten packets of sugar.

It was like being caught with my hand in my pants. "You were suppose to rest!"

The sugar pouring out of the packets and into the steaming hot cup of coffee sounded louder then a M14 rifle clip being emptied.

I'm sure I looked as guilty as I felt, but I just shrugged. "I told you I wasn't tired."

"Which explains the caffeine and sugar overload you have going on there."

I grabbed her sweatshirt sleeve and pulled her close to me, kissing her hard on the mouth for being a sassy little brunette that made my heart soar.

I groaned against her lips. "You always taste so good." The mint of her just brushed teeth meshed with the perfectness that was simply Bella. It was exquisite.

"You taste sweet," she said, licking her lips. "Donuts," she said, eying my breakfast in a bag.

I grabbed one of the cinnamon-sugar coated spheres and bit it in half. The other half I offered to Bella. Her mouth opened slightly and my fingers and the donut slid into the heat. And her lips wrapped around them. The heat built up around my finger and her soft tongue slid along my fingers, retrieving the donut. I swear to God, everything was in super slow motion. I forced my super slow brain to work, pulling my finger out of her mouth. The soft sucking sound and the light smack of her lips nearly did me in.

I had to look away as a chunk of donut lodged into my throat. I grabbed my coffee and downed half of the blistering hot liquid. I think it set me on fire it was so hot. Incredibly distracting, too. Note to self: Burning hot beverages make great distractions when on the verge of blowing a load. Noted.

After stocking up on a few different bottled drinks and some more unhealthy snacks, we headed back out to the car. Bella cut me off and walked around the front of the car. I wasn't firing on all my pistons quite yet this early in the AM on no sleep.

It took Bella saying, "I'm driving while you rest," to clear up my confusion.

"Are you sure?"

"Yup."

I shrugged and plopped myself into the passenger seat where she'd been previously sleeping. Dreaming, about me. Aroused. I was now the passenger, in much the same frame of mind as she seemed to be when she was dreaming. I hope it was about me…

"Don't forget it's an auto," I said with a smirk as Bella positioned the seat for her much shorter legs.

I got absolutely nothing in return as she pulled the seatbelt on. The car purred to life and she slid it into drive. She checked all of the mirrors and over her shoulders before pulling carefully into a lane. I had to chuckle to myself. As she eased down onto the highway, a rush of drowsiness settled over me, despite my high blood sugar.

I rubbed my eyes and shifted in my seat. My gaze landed on Bella's profile. I stared, and memorized, and stared some more. The concentrated set of her eyebrows, the small button nose, the perfect complexion, the reddish tint hiding just below the surface of her light skin, the luminous glow of her dark brown eyes – like there was a light shining out of them – the full, perfect curve of her soft, pink lips. God, I wonder if her pussy's the same color…

I cleared my throat. "So what happened with Jasper and Alice, you know, the whole Charlie thing?"

Her lips turned down and her eyes took a quick sidelong glance at me. The question had been weighing on my mind since it happened. The lack of finesse in my choice of words clearly didn't make the answer any easier. If it weren't for the fact that I knew she heard me, I might have asked again. There was dead quiet for what seemed like a lifetime.

Finally, Bella inhaled like she was about to speak, and I found myself holding my breath. "Charlie walked in on them…together…on top of each other."

"Charlie caught them having sex." I'd expected as much.

"No."

"Oh?" I was lost. Again.

She coughed lightly, swallowed loudly, then continued. "They were on Alice's bed. Charlie wasn't suppose to be home 'til after five. I was grocery shopping. Jazz and Alice weren't suppose to be alone in the house together. Um, but they weren't…having sex."

"What the fuck were they doing? Selling bibles? I don't get it!"

Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the steering wheel. She mashed her lips mashed together angrily. She absolutely hated that I was making her spell this out, but her vagueness and my slowness were not a good combination.

"Ugh," she groaned. "They were… goddammit, they were going down on each other."

I snorted, because I just couldn't help it. "Charlie caught them 69'ing?"

I got glared at for the few milliseconds Bella thought it safe to take her eyes off the road. "Yes."

I laughed. "Jesus. Can you imagine if Jasper would have been on top! What a view Charlie would have got! Ah, but man, poor him for getting the shot of his niece's goods."

"Jasper was on top," Bella muttered, "and they weren't naked. Thank God."

I took a moment to think that over. "Huh."

Bella read my mind. "Alice is-" she cut herself off. "I should not be talking about this!"

"I don't mind."

I got another sidelong glance and a snippy, "I'll bet you don't."

I glared a hole into the side of her face, just waiting for her to look again. She did, and her features softened. "Sorry. Er, yeah, so Charlie caught them. He seriously took a couple of Jasper's hairs out of his head by pulling him off of Alice. Er, umm, Jasper was quick to get…himself back in his jeans so I don't know that Charlie really knew both were…going at it. Actually, I'm pretty sure he thinks it was just Jazz…umm…giving. Ali said Charlie went apeshit on him, telling him he'd have him put away for statutory because Alice wasn't eighteen. After he threw Jasper out, he threatened to put Alice in a foster home."

She took a deep breath and held it. I didn't know whether I should have gotten pissed or afraid or just felt really bad.

There was more stretched out silence as Bella drove. I thought. Alice seemed to have Charlie so wrapped around her finger, heck, even Bella said it. I just couldn't imagine him going off on her that way. But, then again, I'd thought maybe he'd hit her for the fear that had been on Alice's face. Charlie went off on Alice and threatened her with the one thing he'd never do but she feared the most. And he couldn't do it. Alice was like a daughter to him, a sister to Bella, he'd lose two daughters by sending away the one. But he knew it would work.

"Did he apologize? He and Jasper seem okay now."

"Edward, of all people, you should know that Jasper has his ways. No one can stay mad at him for long, he's just too…empathetic."

Yeah, I guess I did know that about him. And I guess I knew Charlie well enough to know that he never apologized unless it was an absolute necessity.

"No sex in the Swan house."

Bella laughed a little at my comment. "None."

I grimaced at the fact that I was even thinking it, let alone going to say it out loud. "I think your dad just needs to get laid, he probably wouldn't be so uptight."

Bella made a gagging sound. "Please do not even broach this subject."

"Oh c'mon! It's life. You are the fruit of good ol' dad's loins. And by the sounds of it, that was the last time he had any."

My slow reflexes didn't catch Bella's hand flying at me. She smacked my arm, twice. "Don't. Edward. Cullen."

I thought of my own dad with his stupid little grin. "Yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry."

Bella sighed. "No sex in the Swan house."

"My parents are okay with it, you know. Both of them think we are just buying ourselves some time away from everyone for a weekend of fucking. My dad supplied those condoms that Emmett stole."

Her mouth opened and closed multiple times before she managed to mutter, "What are you suggesting?"

"Oh. Nothing. I was just saying. Future reference, I guess."

A hint of a smile twitched at the corner of her lips. "So what exactly did you tell your parents, Edward? I mean, since they assume we are getting away to-" her throat cleared, "-fuck."

I had another near "Jizz In My Pants" moment. "They just, um, jumped to conclusions, I guess."

"Uh-huh," Bella said sarcastically.

"Alright, fine. I told them I was stealing you away so I could jump your bones."

She grimaced. "Emmett used that term, it's forever ruined." She shook her head. "I can't believe they were okay with it."

"They're a bit… free-spirited. Well, my dad more so than my mom. As long as we're safe, they're on board."

Bella giggled. "I think your dad just knows you are your father's son."

I laughed along with her. "That could be true."

Neither of us had anything else to say after that and I apparently fell asleep because things happened in that car that we so far from possible it wasn't even funny. The shaking of my shoulders woke me.

"Edward," Bella whispered softly, "wake up. Edward."

"Guhhh, what?" I opened my eyes and blinked repeatedly trying to figure out if I was actually just getting out of a warm bath with the love of my life.

"We're in Sacramento." My first thought was that I was still dreaming. What in the hell were we doing in Sacramento? But then I remembered the stupid road trip. So much for that nice, warm bath… and other nice, warm things. "I want to stop for a while."

"I'm hungry," I groaned, rubbing my stomach.

"Yeah, we'll get food. Do you think you can drive or are you still tired?"

"Food," was my only thought.

Bella found the nearest drive thru and I ordered half the menu. Chili-Cheese fries were so not going to sit well, but damn I was starving.

"Chili-cheese fries, mottz sticks, and extra onions on everything! Edward, I'm not going to kiss you for a week!"

I frowned around my mouthful of garlic tasting cheese sticks with marinara sauce. "Seriously?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Just eat your food," she said with shake of her head.

I grabbed my chocolate shake and took a long draw. My stomach growled at me for not getting it down fast enough. I watched as Bella speared a single piece of lettuce and carefully placed it in her mouth. I looked back at my lap to the wide variety of dangerously fattening fast food. I wiped my grease covered lips with a paper napkin.

I considered saying something like, "Oh my God, I'm such a pig," but I was too hungry to get all girlishly dramatic about what a load of fat and carbs was going to do to my figure. I stuffed another forkful of chili-cheese fries in my mouth.

We switched spots after we finished eating and I took the last five hour drag without a problem. Bella dozed some during those last couple hundred miles. As soon as I took my exit and the lights of LA were glaring through the windows, she was as wide awake as I was.


	28. Chapter 28

Sunday, 4 PM, Los Angeles, California, Sierra Drive Cul-de-sac. It felt like some kind of funeral proceeding.

What in the fuck was I doing here? I wondered if that's what dead people think when they see the inside of their casket…

"I need to go alone," someone said, and then I was getting out of the car. I was walking to the door. Jesus Christ, someone stop me! I don't even know what I'm doing here let alone what I'm going to say. And I just kept walking! Fucking hell, stop me!

" _Ding-dong_ ," rang the doorbell. Who the ef pushed that? Such a taunting, generic sound.

"I said I've got it!" The gray door creaked open. "Edward?"

"Um, hi Tanya."

I expected a slap. A punch. A kick. Anything! Nothing. Just nothing came. Except a sigh. Then, "what are you doing here, Cullen?"

"I came to, uh, umm," I cleared my throat and decided that her pink painted toenails were not the ones in need of an apology. "I came to apologize."

She blinked at me. "You drove twenty hours to apologize?"

I rubbed my neck, realizing how absolutely retarded this was. "Yeah."

"Have you heard of a telephone? Or a cell phone, perhaps?"

"I needed to do this in person."

Tanya narrowed her black lined eyes at me. "Oh, I see. Okay, go ahead then." She popped a hip and leaned slightly to the side, an amused look on her face.

"I want to apologize for the way I treated you. It was very wrong of me to use you in the way that I did and I feel terrible."

A muscle in my chest spasmed and I reached up to rub it. There was silence until Tanya asked, "Is that it?" I nodded. She pursed her lips, obviously considering what I said. She took a step forward. "That was kind of lame, but I guess if you drove all this way, I can't possibly deny you."

"Really?" I asked. Surely it wasn't this easy!

She grimaced slightly at me. "When did you turn into such a gutless pushover? Even as a virgin you had more spine. Let's get this over with I guess."

Before I knew what was happening, Tanya had a hold of my elbow and was dragging me into the house. The door shut behind us.

– – –

I came back through that door two hours later. I felt so unbelievably abused it wasn't even funny. But I came out alive, stronger. Poor Bella having to sit outside for that long though.

I walked around to the driver's side and pulled the door open. The _ding ding ding_ of the door ajar alarm was the only sound 'til I lightly shut the car door. I sighed as I felt myself slide back into my true being. Beside Bella is where I belong. "What a day," I said, rubbing my eyes and running my hand through my hair for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

I started up the engine and backed out of that driveway for the final time. I nodded towards my uncle's house, though I know I obviously wasn't seen. Still, I had to acknowledge him.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, placing my hand lightly on her shoulder. It slid off as she shrugged. I tickled her ribs. "Gonna answer me, beautiful?"

When my hand got slapped away, I knew something was terribly wrong. She was curled in on herself, her hair shielding her face, her head turned away from me completely. Jesus, what the hell? I peered into the side view mirror and found her face. The fact that she was crying was painfully obvious. I veered the car off onto the shoulder.

"Bella, what's wrong? What happened?" I tried to coax her towards me but she kept herself turned. "I was with her the whole time, she couldn't have come out here," I muttered to myself.

She swung at me, her whole body getting ready to defend if she needed to. The look on her face made me want to cry, it was so heartbroken and the anger she tried to cover it with didn't work. "Yeah, Edward, I know you were with her the whole time, no need to rub it in."

Oh for Christ's sake, she couldn't be serious. "Isabella Marie Swan-" I cut off as she turned away from me. "I don't think so." I made her face me and I secured her hands between my palms, forcing her to meet me eyes – and I was having to be more forceful than I ever wanted to be with her, but this was a necessity. "You will look at me."

I don't know how she got it there, but her palm connected with my cheek, and it wasn't softly. I clenched my jaw then loosened it, to roll it out. I cracked my neck and kept her face between my palms, trying to remain gentle, but she was fighting me every step of the way.

"Third time I've been slapped tonight, go ahead and keep at it." I dropped my hands from her face and leaned way in towards her, offering her the good cheek – the one that didn't have the busted lip. "Just fucking hit me," I told her.

She raised her hand at me again. She stopped just before she slapped me again. "What do you mean third time?"

"What's it matter, Bella? Just keep it up, you obviously have a point to make so just fucking hit me again."

"Edward?"

"What the fuck do you think happened, Bella? Do you think I'm such a fucking prick that I'd bring you here just so I could fuck that whore again? Is that honestly what you think of me?" She started crying again. "Come on Bella, just say it."

"I just… I just saw her. The way she looked at you, the way she _looked_ , the way she led you away."

"And I spent two fucking hours in hell!"

"So did I!" she yelled back.

That thought never crossed my mind. It nearly pulled me up short, but I wasn't backing down now. This had to stop.

"What the fuck is so wrong? What am I doing so wrong that you think so little of me? What is wrong with you? What do you think is so wrong with yourself? I am so in love with you, right now I feel like I'm dying." I stopped myself because that wasn't the path I wanted to go down right now.

Bella's jaw trembled as she tried to get words out. She couldn't do it. I slammed the car back in drive and peeled out off the side of the road. When her hand came to land on my wrist, I pushed it away.

Her sob broke _my_ heart. "Please don't. Please don't push me away. I do that enough for both of us."

"Yeah, you do."

She sobbed again. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Well, Bella, I don't think you could be anymore sorry that I am. This trip was a mistake. I knew it from the beginning. But I came because you wanted me to. I'd do anything for you and this is what I get in return. Being forgiven hardly makes anything better now, does it? Look where it's left us."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed again.

"Two hours in hell. My own personal hell. And I thought things couldn't get any worse than Forks High. It seems two hours of begging for forgiveness from someone you absolutely despise is worse. Taking someone you consider close to nothing and agreeing with everything they say. Listening to it all. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself what she says isn't worth getting upset over. It still hurts to be degraded. To be slapped. Did it ever cross your mind that I might have needed you? I really could have used a little support. But of course not, that might be out of your comfort zone. And God forbid! Of course you'd think I fucked her."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too, Bella, me too."

"No! I'm sorry to you. I'm sorry." I didn't give her a reply. I couldn't. I just wanted nothing more than to forgive her, but that's not how it worked. We'd end up with more problems than anything for me to just brush this off. As badly as the words stung at me, I held them back. "Edward, I'm sorry," she sobbed desperately.

"You being sorry isn't going to make it all go away." _Just like the words 'I forgive you' aren't._

I couldn't see what she was doing, but the choking sobs were unbelievably painful for me to bear. "I know," the words were strangled so she cut herself off to take a breath and start again. "I know you're right. I tried to keep it together, I really did. But she… I told myself that you were only doing what we came here to do but the two hours that I sat out there. All I kept seeing in my mind was her. _Her_ and you. For two hours. And I was stuck there, in the car, and I couldn't even fight for what I wanted because she was going to just have you. She could just have you."

"She couldn't have me, and she can't have me. No one can have me, Bella. I'm yours, I've been yours, I'm only ever going to be yours. Why can't you see that you're the only one for me?"

"Because I'm not! I have to fight for you. I can't just have you, it's not that easy."

"Nothing is easy. And right now you're not fighting _for me_ , Bella, you're fighting against me. Pushing me away just like you always do."

"I'm not pushing you away, I'm trying to open up. Right now I'm trying."

"Not hard enough, because I feel like you're telling me to be with someone else, when I'm telling you I can't."

"I'm not telling you to be with someone else. I don't want you to be with anyone else. Ever! Why do you think I'm acting the way I am? I thought you were _being_ with someone else. It was… is killing me inside. I have to fight for you, even if you feel the way you do, because I'm _not_ the only one who wants to be with you. Everyone wants to be with you! Hell, I think even Emmett wants to be with you! You may think he was just kidding, but I've seen Emmett kid enough to know that the look he was giving you had a much different meaning hidden. And see, you cracking a smile like that, knowing that everyone wants you is the reason I have to fight. Sure, some of them you shut down, but your ego likes to be stroked, you like those people wanting you. That's why I have to fight."

"Do you honestly think I don't feel the same way?"

"You can't feel the same way."

"Oh yes, I can. You are just too goddamn modest, Bella. I may not be able to read minds, but I'm a guy, I know what those perverts are thinking when they look at you! And Emmett would do just about anything if it weren't for Rose, so that's a given. Mike would really like a blowjob from your sexy lips. Tyler would like to fuck you from behind so he can take hold of your perfect hips. Eric…well he's too geeky to get more elaborate than a nice little missionary fuck. James wants to bang your brains out and make you scream, leave you a bit bruised, bite you. Jasper wouldn't mind a threesome, but he's too faithful to Alice to imagine anything dirtier than Alice eating you out while he nails her."

I honestly didn't expect her to speak to me after that, but she did. "So, being a guy, you know these things because you think them too."

"About you, yes. The James one for me is a pleasure pain thing, though. The remnants of that one would just be a reminder of the multiple amazing orgasms I gave you. The way James looks at you, I think he just wants to hurt you."

Much to my surprise, astonishment really, Bella laughed. "So you think about the last one too?"

"I don't think about having sex with anyone but you." Sure, that was a bit of an avoidance.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"No other reason to avoid the question you really asked."

"Guess not."

And for the first time since I got back in the car, there was a thoughtful quiet. I sighed. "Bella, I did not have sex with Tanya today."

"I know that. And I'm really, really sorry that I talked myself into believing you could do that to me. I love you, Edward, and I know you love me, and I _do_ trust you. But my insecurities came back full force when she pulled you in that door with that look on her face. I'm sorry I made you go through all of this and I'm sorry that I slapped you. I'm sorry that she slapped you and I'm sorry that she said whatever she did and I really wish I could go in there and hit her back for you."

I chuckled. "Thank you. Just so you know, it was worth it. I don't think any of this was a mistake. Tanya and I parted as… well, not friends but not enemies either. This was worth it, Bella. I feel like I deserve you now. I don't feel like such a worthless piece of crap. Well, I mean right now I don't. About ten minutes ago I think I equaled less than shit."

"No. You did what you had to. Thank you for everything. And I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize again. This is over. We're going home."

She nodded. "Home." She sighed. "Home. You are my home."

I grinned. "I know. I need to make a stop quick."

I found the nearest Wal-Mart and slid into a parking space. I leaned over the center console and caught Bella's eyes.

"I love you. I'll be right back."

She nodded and I leaned back. "Edward." I stopped midway out the door. When I turned back she was right there. She pressed her lips gently to mine and kissed me harder when I didn't pull away. Her hands worked into my hair and she pulled my bottom lip into her mouth. I hissed as my split lip made contact with hers. She pulled away and looked at my lip. "I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't worry about it," I said, pressing my lips back to hers.

She kissed me back, even pressing her lips to my wound. It hurt in a good way. It split open again after that though and I cursed and started to pull away. I didn't want her to kiss my bloody lip. As always though, Bella surprised me. She placed her hands on either side of my face and pressed her lips back to the cut. She softly ran her tongue over it and the sting seared me to the core. My blood in her mouth shouldn't have meant anything, but it did. Part of me was inside of her.

"I love you," she said in a hoarse voice.

In a somewhat dazed way, I made my way into the store and back to my desired department. It took me a while to find something worth buying, but it was Wal-Mart, what did I expect? On my way to the checkouts, I made a detour because, you know, safety first.

The cashier gave me a funny look for my two choice items, a whopping total of $20.48.

I walked back out to the car, nervous as fuck. I went to the back door first to hide my safety splurge and to take the packaging off of Bella's gift.

_Please don't let her think this is stupid. Please just don't let her think I'm a cheap idiot,_ I willed.

I climbed into the front seat, the gift hidden in my hand. Bella was staring at me, looking somewhat expectant. I suppose my nervousness gave me away.

"Take off your shoe and sock." She gave me a confused look then did ask I asked. "Will you put your foot in my lap?" I got an even more confused look. I didn't blame her. For all she knew, I could be asking for a foot job here.

I took a deep breath and looked into her eyes as her foot settled to rest on my thigh. I let my hands fall onto her foot and I aimlessly started circling her toes. She smiled.

"This is the only way that seemed logical." I presented my gift. "This is my version of a promise ring, Bella. I know it's not what you'd expect, but I figured a regular ring would be too obtrusive. This way it is hidden and no one is the wiser unless you tell them." I didn't know what to do now, so I settled for what was probably considered normal for a wedding proceeding. I placed the ring at the end of her second toe. "I promise to be faithful to you, I promise to always treat you well, I promise that one day, I will give you something better. Will you accept this ring with the promise of better things to come?"

"No," she said. "Edward, I will not take that promise. Nothing could be any better than this."

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. "Bella, will you please just say yes?"

"Only if you promise to be with me forever, nothing else."

"I promise to be with you forever. Will you accept this ring?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed with a bright smile.

I slid the silver toe ring with the green stone onto her toe and her foot disappeared. Her lips came to mine impossibly fast and she kissed me with all the love in the world.

"This is perfect, Edward. I love it. Thank you." She kissed me again.


	29. Chapter 29

Heading north towards home put me in a good mood, as did the sight of Bella's bare foot resting on the console, the silver of the ring catching the light. Her hand was in mine, our fingers twined lightly together as I drove into the night. The radio played quietly around us and every once in a while, Bella and I would just peek at each other and smile. The tension between us was displaced and a new chapter in our book was started. The one that was free of Tanya, completely.

Just like she did every hour on the hour, Bella asked if I was tired. Suggested we stop at a hotel. Made sure that I was positive. But I felt fine. This felt right and to make it home, I needed to keep driving. If I drove straight through, we'd be home around supper time on Monday night.

So I did. I drove straight through the night again. When my left hand got tired, I had to switch, and I felt terrible for taking my hand out of my sleeping Bella's. She stirred and I felt even worse, thinking she would wake. But she just moaned my name and turned in her seat. Her hand slid up my thigh and took hold. I groaned.

When the sun rose, so did my sleeping beauty and after a stop at a rest area, she took the wheel. Just to be a smart ass, I faked sleep about five minutes into her driving time and moaned her name and turned my body towards her. My hand landed on her thigh and I cupped and squeezed just as she'd done to me. At least her reaction was nearly as good as mine. I heard her moan softly and peeked through my lids to see her biting her lip. Okay, her reaction was much better than mine. Eventually, I must have fallen asleep.

When I woke up, my hand was still on her thigh, sort of. My fingers were mostly between her thighs and pressed against the inseam of jeans, practically trying to pry the seam apart at her crotch. I pushed my fingers against the seam and her hips rotated and she whimpered.

"Where are we?" I asked.

She jumped and her thighs clamped down on my hand. I chuckled and leaned across the center console to nuzzle her ear.

Her breath was shaky as she inhaled and exhaled through her parted lips. I kissed her neck. "Edward, you were distracting enough in your sleep."

I chuckled again, this time against her neck and she shuddered. "Good morning beautiful, are you going to answer my question?" I wiggled my fingers between her thighs, just to feel them tense up again.

"It's one in the afternoon and we just crossed over the Washington border."

"Mmm," I said against her ear. "How about we switch places and you can take your turn of distracting me while I drive?"

"I don't think I really have a choice because I'm going to crash this Volvo if you don't knock it off."

I chuckled again and nipped at her earlobe. "It kind of feels like morning to me. But it's completely inappropriate so I'm not going to tell you why."

Much to my pleasure, she laughed. "I bet I can guess."

"Go ahead and try then."

She smirked. Her right hand moved from the steering wheel to my hair. "Your hair is messy, which feels like morning."

"I guess, but no."

"You feel a bit slow from the just waking up thing, which feels like morning," she said, moving her hand to my forehead.

"Yeah, but no."

Her hand moved down towards my mouth. "Your voice is rough and husky from sleep?"

"Yes, but no."

"Bad case of morning breath?"

I chuckled against her hand. "Definitely, but no."

Her hand went to my chest and down to my stomach. "You want breakfast?"

"Sure, but still not it."

"My hand feels dreamlike?"

I laughed. "Always, just not quite the reason."

Her hand dropped to my lap. "Morning wood."

I groaned as her hand gripped my tight jeans right over my hardened length. "Yeah, that's it."

"I'm pulling over now," she said in a small voice, turning right onto a thin gravel road. Possibly someone's driveway.

When the car was in park, she removed her seatbelt and just barely gave me a warning of her attack. She moved quickly, climbing right over the center console. It wasn't graceful, but it was beautiful no less. She sat on my lap and pressed herself to me. Her lips molded to mine, breasts flattened against my chest, her spread legs put her core right over my begging erection and she rubbed against it.

Her lips just barely came away from mine for her to say, "Five hours. Five hours your hand was there between my legs, driving me slowly insane."

"Your hand was on me for eight hours."

She groaned and pressed her lips back to mine. My hands found their way to her ass and I gripped it tightly, rubbing her on me even harder.

She broke away breathlessly from my lips. "I don't think we should do this here, but I want to."

"Want to what?" I asked huskily.

She whimpered as her hips rolled against mine once again. "Anything. God, just anything. I don't care."

Her fingers were the ones to get to the button on her jeans first. She pulled it open and I slid my hand, not so easily, inside. It was a tight fit but I found what I was looking for. By the sound she made, I think she did as well. Hot, sticky sweetness coated my fingers. The back of my hand was getting wet as well, from the soaked spot on her panties. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad that she was just as horny as I was. On one hand, praise the lord, on the other, being so horny it felt like your head would explode really sucked. But then on the hand that actually counted, once we actually got there, we'd be fucking like rabbits since we both had the sex drive for it.

My fingers slowly circled around the tight bundle of nerves at the front of her pussy and her eyelids slammed shut as her mouth flew open. Sitting on her knees above me, put her breasts about mouth level. I leaned forward and through the bra and shirt, bit down on what I hoped was the location of her right nipple. She jumped and her eyes opened as she looked down at me.

"Take off your shirt," I said, in quite possibly one of the huskiest voices I ever heard.

Her brown eyes were sultry and lust filled and the shirt went flying to the backseat. Which left the bra. It was a sexy bra, don't get my wrong, but goddamn it! Bella's eyes went back to being shut and her head rolled back as I palmed a breast filled bra cup. Her hips rocked against my fingers and she moaned loudly, filling the car with sounds so much better than the music. I moved my hand from her breast to the back of her bra, searching for a clasp, and not finding one. The front! I'd heard about these stupid bras having front clasps. Damn girls always keeping us on our toes. And there it was, the evil little thing. I fingered the thing trying to figure out how it worked. Bella didn't notice, she was rocking herself on my fingers, her breath coming shorter.

_Get the damn thing open while she's delusional!_ Part of my brain said, while the other groaned, _What a gentleman!_

And it popped open. I groaned and leaned forward, catching one of the tight little buds with my lips and sucking lightly. Bella's hips jumped against my hand and her hands moved from my shoulders to the back of my head, holding me tightly to her tit. I sucked and licked and nibbled on her nipple, teasing the other one with my fingers as Bella rode the wave. Literally, she was riding something all right! Her hips rocked and rolled while my fingers played with her clit. Her open mouth let out gasps and moans. Her fingers tightened in my hair and her chest gave a great heave.

"Oh god," she gasped. "I'm…" _Fuck, say it, Bella_! "Edward!" she moaned.

"Say it, Bella," I rasped at her.

"Edward," she moaned again.

I latched onto her nipple again, rolling my tongue around it. My fingers were mercilessly rhythmic circling her pleasure button. For just the smallest of seconds, everything froze. And with a final circle, she peaked. A high pitched moan, sounding a whole lot like a squeal of pleasure, rang through the air, followed by several "uh", "uhn", and "ah"s. Her body shook in intervals, every time her hips rocked forward, she'd shudder, and I could feel her inner muscles clenching at nothing.

Just before she collapsed forward, she moaned my name one more time. Her head fell onto my shoulder and the occasional aftershock would send a shudder through her body and a gasp into my ear. I held her as much as I could with one arm, stroking her bare back and nuzzling her ear.

With an accidental slip of my hand, I brushed her clit with my fingers and sent her body into another spasm. "God," she groaned, "Edward."

I kissed her ear, knowing the oversensitivity always verged on painful. She hummed into my neck. "Bella?" I asked. She hummed again. "Say it."

"What?" She asked in a somewhat croaky sounding voice.

I smiled. "Anything."

"You're the best," she mumbled.

I chuckled. "Why thank you. Anything else?"

"What do you want to hear because after that you could probably get me to say anything?"

I chuckled again. "I just like hearing you talk is all. And before, I was really hoping to hear you say you were cumming. That would have been a major turn on. But one more turn on and I'd probably have exploded."

She shifted back away from me and I grimaced. _Way to go dickhead, now she's uncomfortable._ She met my eyes, barely a hint of blush reddening her cheeks. "I'll remember that," she said.

I smirked. "Will you?" I asked, wiggling my fingers lightly against her clit.

She gasped and pulled back from my hand. "Stop. You're going to make me pass out."

I smirked wider. Very carefully, I pulled my hand out of her jeans. My fingers were absolutely covered in her cum and my mouth watered. She buttoned up her pants while I stared at my fingers. When I managed to look up at her, she was blushing, so deeply it went to the top of her creamy white breasts. Beautiful.

And what the hell! I shoved my fingers in my mouth. I moaned as her taste met my tongue. Strawberry sweet perfection! I sucked my fingers off shamelessly. It was too damn good to give a shit. I leaned my head back and moaned again as I rolled her flavor around on my tongue and let my hand fall back down. I jumped half a mile in the air when her hand landed on the huge bulge in my jeans.

It didn't stop there. She moved her hand to the button and zipper and so very easily my fly was open. "What are you doing, Bella?" I asked hoarsely.

She met my eyes for a couple of seconds then looked back to my open jeans. She grabbed the upper edge of my boxer briefs and slowly started to peel them downwards. There was nothing slow about my cock springing forth. It sensed freedom and sprang free, bouncing around in the open air.

"Oh my God," Bella gasped.

For all I knew, it grew teeth and warts overnight. I didn't look down to check, I just kept scanning her face. Behind the small amount of fear was shock and excitement. I had to look down. Her hand was about two inches from my cock, just hovering there like it wanted to grab on and give me the jerk of my life, but something was telling it not to. Thank God, there were no teeth or warts, but plenty of pre-cum was rivering down my shaft.

Ever so hesitantly, her thumb brushed along the underside where the river was running. I hissed at the simple touch and my cock jumped excitedly, bouncing off my stomach and sending more pre-cum from the tip.

When I managed to peel my eyes open again, Bella was looking even more afraid. She was looking me right in the eye. "Am I going to hurt you?"

"Absolutely not."

"Okay," she sighed. "It's just looks so… delicate."

I grimaced, she noticed and frowned. "Thanks love, that's exactly what I wanted to hear."

She laughed a little. "I just mean… I really like it." _Mmm, do you now?_ "It's very big. Can I?"

Her hand inched toward my cock, which jumped with excitement again. "Please do," I groaned.

Oh so gently, she took hold of my granite hard cock. I think I moaned loud enough to shake the car. She froze and some how managed to loosen her grip. I quickly wrapped my hand around hers, thinking she was going to pull away again. I tightened my grip on her hand and slid it upwards.

"It's so hard," Bella muttered. "But so soft. Sorry."

Concentrating on what she was saying was not at the top of my priority list right now. With her hand on my cock, I was otherwise preoccupied. I guided her hand around my cock, up and down, twisting slightly to get my pre-cum all over her palm. I cursed and took the Lord's name in vain enough times in that minute to get a guaranteed denial to Heaven.

I brought myself to the edge with her hand before any grain of sense was realized. _So wrong, Edward, you're so going to bust a nut any second._ Kind of the point, wasn't it?

I removed my hand from hers, but she just kept on stroking me. "Oh, god, Bella, stop!"

She didn't, until I re-grabbed her hand with mine. The grip was too tight though and it nearly threw me over the edge. "Shit," I hissed. My self control was tested to the highest degree as I beat back the throes of the orgasm.

Imagine my surprise when a perfect, smooth, wonderful thumb brushed against the underside of my head. With the complete distraction of fighting off the one orgasm, a completely different one came barreling through and my mind exploded. And when my mind exploded, my cock erupted.

"Fuck. Bella. Fuck. Bella!" My hips took on a mind of their own and I somehow ended up fucking her hand with the complete senselessness brought on by an orgasm.

But it was her hand. And even though I was half busy trying to make it stop, it was the best orgasm of my life.

There was a minute and a half of so of pure nothingness, just happy little after shocks and catching my breath and trying to remember how the thought process worked again. After figuring out how to open my eyes, I remembered cursing as well.

There Bella sat, on my thighs, my cum running down her chest. One perfectly aimed creamy white glob was sliding over her left nipple. The rest were random and scattered but just as perfect as they slid down her torso.

"I think something went wrong," Bella said.

I looked up at her face and shook my head. "No, that's what is suppose to happen."

She frowned at me. "I'm not _that_ naïve, I know that's what's suppose to happen. But you really didn't seem to enjoy that. At all." She peeked downwards.

I looked down too, at where her hand was still wrapped around my still hard cock. Her hand was covered in my cum too. What wouldn't I give to see her lick it clean?

"Uh, yeah. No, that was amazing, really it was. I just, uh, still have the ability for… more." Another ten by the looks of it. Her hand moved and I hissed. "Bella, not right now." I peeked at the clock. Shit, two o'clock. "We need to get a move on."

"But you're still-"

"Love, even after an orgasm, you're still horny too, aren't you?"

She shifted. "Sometimes. I mean with you, yeah."

I nodded. "That's all this is. We don't have the time to go at it 'til I'm not hard anymore because with you half naked, that would take all goddamn night!"

She smiled. "I don't mind."

I groaned. "Isabella, you're going to kill me."

I pulled my shirt off and grabbed her hand off my cock. I started wiping away my cum, which nearly killed me, but that's why I went for the hand first. Might as well kill myself slowly rather than take the bullet to the brain that the cleaning off of my masterpiece was sure to be. When I finished with her hand, I pulled her lips down to mine to distract myself while I cleaned her chest and stomach off. I hated it. Every second of it I hated. One day, soon, she would get a pearl necklace and she'd wear that fucker all night.

When I was finished, Bella pulled away from my lips and leaned into the backseat. I figured the zipper I heard was to her bag, she probably wanted a new shirt and bra… maybe some new jeans. Or panties. But she leaned back into my lap with the box of condoms I bought in her hands. She sat on my knees and looked into my eyes, the box of rubbers held between us.

I felt mortified. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.

She smiled. "I'm not."


	30. Chapter 30

I drove the rest of the way home. The way Bella held onto the box of condoms distracted me the entire time. The drive felt incredibly long and at the same time it felt like time flew. Anticipation drew it out and nerves ate it up.

Instead of driving around to the garage, I parked up front. I collected both of our bags and Bella slipped in close to my side, pushing the box of condoms back in my bag.

"Will you come in?"

Bella nodded.

I went to open the front door but it was locked. I pulled out my key and slid it into place. After sliding the deadbolt free, I opened the door. "Dad? Mom?" Nothing. "Hmm."

Bella followed me to the kitchen where there was a note on the counter.

_Edward -_

_Mom and I took off for the weekend since you weren't going to be home. We should be back early Tuesday morning._

_Bella's truck is in the garage. Let her know I changed her oil, fixed the dent on the side, and changed the bulb in her right headlight. She's lucky I had the itch for mechanics because Charlie stopped out. He thinks you were at a college convention. He said Bella was staying with Rose for a weekend of shopping. You kids need to get your stories straight._

_Hope you had a good weekend. Don't do anything stupid. Anything lost or damaged is your responsibility. And don't forget, I'm a doctor - I know things._

_Love,_

_Dad and Mom_

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I really like your dad."

"So do I."

We both laughed and the laughter died away into silence. The silence was the big reminder. We were alone. Completely alone. In a house. With beds. And other soft surfaces.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you spend the night?"

She looked as nervous as I felt as she nodded her head. I closed the small gap between us and kissed her. I kissed her with everything I had. We were alone. And we had a full night together. Sex was the last… the second thing on my mind. The first was simply that we were finally alone. The third was that I really needed to shower. And the fourth was that she needed to tell someone she wasn't going to be home tonight.

We both started to talk at the same time.

"I'm going to call-"

"I'm gonna go-"

We laughed awkwardly and I started again. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

Bella nodded. "I need one too, but I have to talk to Alice or something. You know, somehow make sure Charlie thinks I'll be at Rose's another night."

I nodded back at her. She followed me back to my room. We parted ways once there. I slipped into my bathroom while she went to my bed, her cell phone in hand.

I turned the water on hot and thought about everything that had happened. So much had gone wrong, but ended up so right. Tonight, everything could go wrong again, but maybe it would right itself like it always did. Or maybe it would go wrong for the final time. So many possibilities, so many choices, so much chance, so very little luck on my side.

We wanted to be together. I knew I couldn't ever want anything more than Bella. I hoped she felt the same about me. She wanted me to promise to be with her forever, and I did, because I wanted that. I wanted to be with her forever. It was a promise I wouldn't back out of. With no luck on my side, I still had my promise. I would do anything she wanted, no more and no less.

I scrubbed myself meticulously with my bar of soap. A slippery, soapy hand sliding over my genitals felt amazing, but I didn't let myself turn a cleansing shower into a wank session. The face, the pits, the ass, and the balls… Maybe Emmett was right, the hair was looking a bit thick.

Bella knocked on the bathroom door. I quickly stepped under the spray of water and stopped staring at my own dick. "Yeah?"

The door opened a crack. "Would it bother you if I came in to brush my teeth?"

"No, love, go ahead."

I swear I heard her sigh as the door swung open. The tap turned on for a short burst and I found myself peaking around the shower curtain to watch Bella brush her teeth. She was faced away from the mirror and propped back against the counter with her eyes closed. I bit my lip and turned off the water. Her eyes shut tighter and I had to bite my lip harder to keep from laughing. I grabbed my towel and tied it around my hips. My bare, wet feet on the tiles created virtually no sound as I took slow steps in her direction.

I swear her body sensed me drawing closer, her eyes shut tighter. Her breathing picked up and her eyebrows raised like she was going to open her eyes, but she didn't. I slid in close to her side.

"Why are you closing your eyes so tightly?" I asked quietly.

She still jumped. With her eyes still closed she spun away from me, towards the sink, and blindly searched for the faucet. When she found it, she finished with her brushing, spitting into the basin. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and turned back towards me, her eyes still sealed shut.

"Would you like a towel?" I asked. She shook her head. "You know, I am wearing one. You don't have to act like I'm going to flash you any second."

"Need to shower," she mumbled.

Right. Okay then. "Would you like me to assist you or are you going to quit playing blind if I leave?" Apparently, she didn't find my joke funny. I left without another word, shutting the door behind me.

I imagined Bella slowly peeking with one eye and sighing when she saw I actually left her alone. Dirty Edward kicked in then and imagined her stripping, checking herself out in the mirror, and finally setting the water dial in the shower. Oh, how I envied the drops of water running over every inch of her body.

My cock tugged at the towel around my hips and I realized I should probably put some clothes on. I finished drying off and pulled a pair of boxer briefs on. I was damn tired and I would have preferred sleeping naked, but I think my bed was being shared tonight. Anything more than the boxer briefs would have been uncomfortable. So I decided that comfort was key and moved to the bed in nothing but the underwear.

Bella's bag was still sitting on the bed. The front part where her toothbrush had been was the only part open. She didn't have any clean clothes in the bathroom with her. _Oh. Freaking. Score!_ Bella, fresh out of the shower, in nothing but a towel… yeah, I should probably put some more clothes on. Or be a gentleman and hang the bag on the bathroom door knob. Or put the bag inside the bathroom.

I did none of those things. I did cover myself with the comforter though, and move Bella's bag to the floor right next to me. I grabbed my own bag off the floor and pulled the condom box from it. I shoved the box between the mattress and box spring. Hidden, yet easy to access. Just in case.

I closed my eyes and my mind swelled with pictures of Bella from this afternoon. My mind wasn't the only thing that swelled, nor was my pride. I heard the shower cut off about ten minutes later. Bella bending over for a towel, Bella drying her hair, Bella rubbing her tits with the towels and slowly moving it towards the juncture between her thighs.

 _Oh good lord, she's not going to get off on a towel, you pervert_!

But she might. She just might get carried away with the towel drying process. Maybe she'd need a hand. Or a tongue.

As clear as day, I heard the door handle turn and creak open. My eyes opened, but I kept them aimed at the ceiling. I didn't hear her come out or approach, so naturally I looked over.

Bella was standing just outside the bathroom door, a white towel tied just over her breasts and the bottom of it ended just low enough that the goods were hidden. She was staring at her feet looking scared shitless. When her eyes raised to meet mine, a confidence overshadowed the fear. Her hands went to the small knot in the towel and untied it. The towel landed at her feet.

I grunted. Call it primitive caveman dynamics if you wish, but fuck me she was naked and a grunt was the only logical sound I could make.

"I love you, Edward, and I want you to make love to me."

Since speaking wasn't an option, I moved. I threw back the covers of my bed and went to her. I brought her naked body to mine and shuddered as her hard nipples dug into my bare chest. My lips pushed hers apart and my tongue gave a detailed explanation of just exactly what it was that I wanted to do to her.

She moaned into my mouth and her body melted against mine. With ease, I picked her up, a hand on each of her thighs and her arms around my neck. I laid her back down against my sheets and pinned her arms to the bed with my hands. She wasn't going to stop me from getting what I wanted now.

I moved my lips down her throat and to her chest. Her nipples were already hard little pebbles begging for attention and I lavished them in it. I traced the underside of her breasts with my tongue and nibbled my way around each of the perfect fleshy globes. I flicked my tongue over and around her areolas and I sucked her taut nipples between my lips. When my teeth raked over the hard buds, her hands started to struggle. I released her with no plans of moving north for a good long while, and she didn't try to make me. Her hands pushed my head lower. And God, I jumped at the chance.

I circled her thin waist with my hands and kissed down the soft skin of her stomach. I could feel the muscles bunching and working under my lips as her hips writhed and circled below. I dipped my tongue into her bellybutton and her gasp made me smile. I looked up at her as I kissed down the last few inches of her stomach. Her head raised off the bed and she looked down at me. She smiled back at me and I took a long sweeping lick of her cleft. Her hips flew up towards my face and her head laid back into the bed. A loud moan rolled through her body. So fucking perfect.

I scooped her thighs up with my hands and put each of her legs on my shoulders, then worked my hands back around and up her body to tease her nipples. This time I pushed my tongue between her lips to get my first real taste of her pussy. Her hips bucked again and I was drowned from nose to chin with her anticipation.

Eager was a lenient way of describing Bella's movements. My plan had been to savor this, to learn slowly, and to just taste and feel but every time my tongue, lips, or teeth moved against her in the slightest way, she was bucking and humping like a damn bronco. I moved my hands from her breasts down to her hips and I attempted holding her in place. It didn't work. So I latched on with my lips to her clit and held on for the ride. She screamed and I tried to pull back thinking that I'd hurt her but her thighs clamped down on my head and held me in place.

Her back arched high off the bed and a high pitched, "Oh my God," came out of her mouth. I couldn't breathe but still I kept my lips locked around her clit, sucking lightly. Her body shuddered constantly and her hips gave forceful thrusts. My chin was soaked with her girl cum and it was even running down my throat.

"Oh, stop, stop," she cried, prying her fingers from the sheets and moving them to my forehead to push me away.

Her legs slid off of my shoulders as she released my head from her thigh hold. I panted for air and kissed her thighs repeatedly. Her legs spread wider as I kissed across her mound and kissed every inch of skin I could find.

Her pussy was perfect. Her dark pubic hair was trimmed into a neat little tuft, not bushy or wild like some Amazon forest. The dark hair contrasted perfectly with her pale skin and the soft pink of her sex. I took an appreciative swipe with my tongue and she rocked towards me with a moan.

I grinned to myself as I got an idea. I grabbed her thighs once again and this time I pushed them fairly wide and up towards her chest. Now she couldn't move. With her legs in the air, she couldn't thrust so forcefully and I held her legs wide to keep them from strangling me. Not that I minded her doing either things, but I just really wanted to spend more time down there.

I took another long, sweeping lick through her sex and earned an encouraging moan. I took my time exploring with my tongue, probing and searching the nooks and crannies, peaks and valleys. The fleshy folds of her lips intrigued me and I took my time tonguing and sucking on each one. I already discovered the clit of course so my exploring there was limited to learning that the right side was slightly more sensitive than the left. My grand finale was her opening which I took many long, exploratory pokes at. After figuring out how to make my tongue work the way I wanted to, I wiggled it into the tight opening of her sex and felt the heat build around it. Even around my tongue the heat and tightness was nearly enough to make me cum.

"God, Edward, please!"

 _Yeees, deeear_. I moved my investigation slightly north to her clit. I flicked my tongue up and down over the little nub a few times, making her gasp and her hips tried to jump. I flattened my tongue over it and took a long drag north, she cried out loudly and used the only thing she could to force me down. Her hands. Her fingers grabbed the hair on the top of my head and held me in place. I took another long lick over her and got another loud cry. I pressed my tongue flat and wiggled and rolled it.

"Oh, god, Edward. Oh, god, Edward," she cried. She was obviously close to peaking so I did what I had to do to push her over the edge. I pulled her little clit into my mouth and sucked. She let out another squeal. "I'm cumming," she gasped.

 _Fuck. Me too_. I had to ram my legs together to keep that embarrassing situation at bay. I succeeded in making myself uncomfortable enough to control the urge to cum right then and there. Bella's leg writhed and fought against my hold while her fingers pulled roughly at my hair. I swear to god she was trying to get my head fully inside of her pussy – and again, definitely _not_ complaining!

Soon enough, her fingers loosened their grip and were pushing me away. Avoiding her clit, I paused my retreat to get a nice tongue full of cum from her drenched pussy. As I sat back on my knees and released Bella's legs, I realized I'd completely worn her out. Her legs fell to the bed like two bags of sand and she moved only to breathe.

I was mostly proud of myself, only a small area of my brain asked why I was such a dumbass. I ignored it and crawled up the bed. I laid on my side next to Bella and pulled her naked body tight to mine. She curled up in my arms, still panting slightly.

Three voices in my head fought. _She just needs to rest. Nope, she's spent. Oh, shut up, this is just fine._

I agreed with them all, naturally. I'd be okay with the fact of her just needing to rest, I'd deal with her being spent, and really, holding her after licking two orgasms out of her perfect pussy was more than fine.

It was a good ten minutes before she started to move again. A good ten minutes of a painfully hard erection remaining untouched, and with it not even considering leaving anytime soon, something had to be done.

I started to very gently release her body from my hold and when I was able to fully sit up, she grabbed my arm.

"Where are you going?"

"Uh, I need to clean up."

She pulled on my arm. "Absolutely not!" The fact that she even sounded a bit angry was incredibly amusing. She knew exactly what I meant when I said 'clean up.' She pulled on my arm again and didn't stop pulling until I was hovering over the top of her. "I told you I want you to make love to me," she said, meeting my gaze dead on.

"I thought you might be tired."

"I'm fine."

"We don't have to-"

"I'm not afraid."

"It's going to hurt."

"I don't care."

"Bella-"

"Edward!"

"No, Bella, listen to me." I sat back on my knees again, looking down at her. She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "No, don't cover those." An amused look crossed her face and her arms lowered to just below her breasts, and she managed to push them up and together. I groaned. "God… I forgot what point I was trying to make."

"That was my plan."

I growled at her and grabbed her wrists, putting her hands back down to her sides. I leaned down and gave each of her nipples a suck and a lick then kissed my way up her chest. I kissed her throat and then hovered just over her ear.

"I can't promise that it's going to be perfect. I can't even tell you it's going to be good."

"That's okay," she whispered back into my ear.

"I don't want to hurt you."

She slipped one of her hands out from under mine and gently palmed the back of my head, bringing my face down into the crook of her neck. "You won't hurt me." I started to protest, but she shushed me. She rubbed the side of her face against the stubble growing on my cheek. "I know that it's going to hurt, Edward, but it's not going to be your fault. Every girl has to have their virginity broken, we all have to go through that pain. I'll be okay as long as it's you."

Some part of me knew that she wanted this, but I had to be sure. I couldn't just pop her cherry because of a hunch, now I was sure. And God, her pain was going to kill me. This first time was going to be torture, I could feel it. Not only would I be hurting her, but while I was hurting her, I'd be getting off. The fact that I was going to be the only man to have her stoked some animalistic, male instinct within me and urged my body to mark her as mine.

I kissed her neck and started to back away but she stopped me. "Edward, promise me."

"What love?"

"Promise me that you'll make love to me, completely."

"What do you mean completely?"

"I mean from start to finish. Promise that you'll take my virginity and make love to me and not stop until you've… cum."

I took a deep breath. "Okay Bella," I answered.

"No, promise."

"I promise, Bella."

She let up on the hold she had of my head and I leaned back. She was smiling at me. Genuinely smiling. "I love you," she whispered.

I pressed my lips to hers. "I love you too," I whispered back against her top lip.

Her hands slid down my spine to the top of my boxer briefs and slowly, she started to work them down my hips. She got them just low enough for my cock to spring free and I managed to work them the rest of the way down. Again, I sat back on my knees, this time watching her face.

Her eyes slowly drew lower on my body, first taking in my chest, then my stomach, and finally, my erection. Her mouth popped open and her chest rose and fell much faster.

I chuckled to myself. "You do like it, don't you?"

She blushed dark crimson from her forehead to the top of her breasts. Despite the blush, she answered, "Yes, I do."

I waggled my eyebrows at her. "It likes you too."

She giggled. "I've noticed."

I fell on top of her, putting not even a pound of pressure on her, except at her lips. I kissed her hard, and my intent had been to make it long, but my dick landed against her hip and she arched her hips up to rub me against her. I sat back on my knees as quickly as I fell.

 _Keep your cool._ Too late.

I reached behind me, digging for the box of rubbers that I hid. I managed to find the box and even got a condom package torn free of the others. When I sat back up, I gave the final look of questioning. Bella nodded.

I tore the package open and slid the lubricated rubber out of the casing. Slowly, I slid it into place and then tossed the empty package to the floor.

Bella was smirking when I was done. "What?" I asked her.

She grinned wider. "I was just thinking… I think I should do the condom shopping from now on." I was confused but I went with it. I didn't care who was buying as long as we were using. I lowered myself down on top of her and kissed her lightly. When I pulled back from her mouth, she clarified. "You're liable to get jumped at the checkouts looking like you do, buying a box of ultra-thin magnum sized condoms."

I rolled my eyes, but chuckled nonetheless. "What ever you say, love."

She kissed me and lightly ran her hands down my back. "Just go slow."

So here we are. For how badly I'd thought I wanted this, I was sure scared now. "Are you sure, Bella?"

"Yes."

I laid myself fully between her thighs and my cock found her pussy. Bella's hips were the one to seek out more pressure and she rubbed her wet sex against my latex covered length. My head was already all over the place.

"Make love to me, Edward," she breathed right into my ear.

There was no denying that voice. I carefully aligned our counterparts and her hands were comforting as she rubbed along my back. She was patient while she waited for me to hit the mark. But once I was there, we both froze.

The size difference felt like trying to fit a shovel into a keyhole. Impossible, painful, and damaging. Her hands on my back slid down to my hips and she urged me forward. My lips were shaking with the want to ask her if she was sure again, if she was okay, if she was seriously going to let me hurt her like this.

She tensed up as the very first inch of me slid inside of her. My toes curled at the pure intensity of her heat gripping me. Everything in me was fighting for a finish – both the finishing of her virginity and the finishing of my orgasm; the marking of her as mine.

"I'm okay," she murmured and again she was urging my hips forward.

I felt like I hardly moved at all when I had to stop again. This time, I _had_ to. I hit the barrier of her virginity and she made a noise that was something between a quiet gasp and a cry. Her nails dug into my hips.

"Don't stop."

"I think doing this part quickly would be better, Bella."

She nodded against my shoulder. "Go ahead."

I waited a few seconds and felt her relax just slightly more around me. And I thrust. I froze immediately after feeling the tearing of her hymen. Her cry came quickly and it tore right through me.

"I'm okay," she said quickly. Her voice was strained.

I tried to lean up to see her face, but the moment I started to pull up, she dug her nails into my shoulder and held me in place. I could tell by the way she was breathing that she was crying.

"Bella," I said, in that pitying voice no one wanted to hear. Her nails dug harder into my shoulder. We just had to get through this hard part… "You're so beautiful," I cooed, nuzzling her ear, "every part of you." I used one hand to hold my weight off of her and lightly started tracing the curve of her arm with the other, then her side. I nudged her ear with my nose a few more times and slowly started to kiss down her neck. I let dirty, wonderful images clog my brain, hoping to make my voice rough and husky. I gripped her hip just slightly roughly and sucked on her neck. "You're so deliciously perfect."

She gasped quietly and raised her chin, offering her throat. I licked up the side of it, right where her vein was throbbing with each beat of her heart. I let my chest rumble with a growl. "You taste so fucking good. Everywhere," I added. "You taste good everywhere." I knew she caught my meaning when she let out another gasp.

With the relaxing of her body and the wetness of within, I was able to slide slowly inside of her. My body reacted to the knowledge of being entirely within her by making my cock twitch powerfully. She had to have felt that deep in her body and she automatically tensed up.

"Oh, god, you're so big," she gasped.

I pushed my lips against hers and she groaned into my mouth. I could feel her trying to relax but every time she'd loosen up enough she'd clamp back down on me again, which very much simulated the milking motion of an orgasm. And it was driving me very quickly insane.

I wasn't going to be able to talk my way out of this one. The only words that wanted to be spoken were 'Fuck, Bella.'

I experimented with pulling out on one of her more relaxed moments and as I started to back out, her nails dug into an extremely sensitive spot on my back that made my toes tingle. Her hips raised off the bed and buried me back into her completely.

"Fuck, Bella," I hissed loudly.

Her hips rocked against mine, either from discomfort or pleasure, I really didn't know. She groaned loudly and rocked her hips again, digging her nails in even deeper.

"Fuck. Fuck. I can't…" I groaned. This was ridiculous, I knew this was going to happen.

Her hips did something that sure made it feel like she was fucking me as I slid out a couple of inches and slid easily back in. She cried out and repeated her motions.

"Stop, Bella," I groaned. "I… I…" She did it again. "Oh god."

Her head rolled back with a moan and she squeezed my cock tightly with her inner walls. I was done for. I fisted the sheets on either side of her head and my back hollowed, a deep grunting rising from my throat. I fought not to move, but my hips started to jerk on their own accord as my orgasm started to race through me.

Bella's knees clamped down on my hips and I felt my cock starting to empty into her. I was half with the orgasm, half trying not to hurt her, and the first half was the stronger of the two. It was an unbelievable orgasm.

Very slowly, very carefully, when my climax subsided, I started to withdraw myself. She managed to keep herself relaxed most of the time, the last two inches were definitely the most difficult - probably because she was the most tender there and the head of my cock was the most obtrusive. But I was able to get it out, seemingly without much pain to her.

Her hands slid down from my hips to her side and she relaxed completely into my bed, looking exhausted. Sitting onto my haunches again, I looked down to where we'd previously been joined and started to panic. Red streaks of blood stained my condom and were evident against her pale skin, mixed with the remnants of her earlier excitement.

 _It's okay. It's normal_! shouted an intuitive part of my brain. But whether it were okay and normal or not, I didn't want Bella to see I'd made her bleed. I quickly got off the bed, putting my back to her and hoping she didn't look between her legs.

"Edward… where're you…"

"I'll be right back, love," I said in what I hope was a lazy, calm voice.

"'Kay," she sighed.

I moved as quickly as I could for the bathroom without being conspicuous, turning off the bedroom light just to help my chances. I pulled the condom off, tied it, wrapped it up in toilet paper, and threw it in the trash. Quickly, I started the tap and grabbed a washcloth, soaking it with warm water.

Bella looked nearly asleep when I returned. I startled her slightly when I started cleaning her up. She relaxed immediately.

Her body vibrated as she hummed. "That feels nice."

I kissed her thigh. "Do you want me to keep going?" I lightly pressed the wet cloth to her cit and she shuddered.

"No. I'm tired. It just feels nice."

"Okay," I said, kissing her other thigh.

I dropped the washcloth to the floor with my underwear and slid onto the bed with her. As much as I didn't want to disturb her, sleeping sideways on the bed wasn't going to work. I got us both settled on our sides with her head on the pillows then I grabbed the comforter from the end of the bed. I covered us both up and slid in close behind her. She leaned back until she was pressed completely against me. Our naked bodies fit together like matched puzzle pieces.

"Edward," she started, her butt moving just slightly against my, of course, still hard cock.

"Shh," I said against her ear. "You were amazing."

She sighed. "So were you."

She wrapped her arm around mine and pulled me even closer to her body. Her scent wafted around me and she fell asleep very quickly, her hold on my arm going limp.

– – –

What felt like minutes was hours and what felt like hours was minutes. I closed my eyes for what felt like the millionth time, only to reopen them a few seconds later, the clock read 2:01 AM.

I silently slipped out of bed and picked up the dirty laundry off the floor, putting it in my to-be-washed basket. I grabbed the empty condom wrapper and tossed it in the trash. I pulled on a clean pair of underwear from my dresser and walked through my open door into the hall. Everything was dark and quiet. I went to the fridge and drank a few swallows of orange juice straight from the carton, but it didn't help. Dry throat wasn't the reason I couldn't sleep.

For the first time in years, I took notice of the baby grand in the far corner of the sitting room. Hmm…

I sat at the bench and cracked my knuckles. My fingers hit the keys lightly, but the sound still came out loud in the quiet darkness of the empty room. I played some classical stuff that I remembered but it didn't feel right under my fingers. I started carrying out notes of my own tune and I thought of Bella. A song came to mind and I found the right chords for it.

Slowly, I started to play the song in my head.

"You're my world, the shelter from the rain," I murmured with the tune. I smiled to myself and kept playing, throwing the words out with it. "You're the pills that take away my pain. You're the light that helps me find my way. You're the words when I have nothing to say." I kept my voice low with the keys, trying to remain quiet.

"And in this world where nothing else is true. Here I am still tangled up in you. I'm still tangled up in you, still tangled up in you.

"You're the fire that warms me when I'm cold. You're the hand I have to hold as I grow old. You're the shore when I am lost at sea. You're the only thing that I like about me.

"And in this world where nothing else is true. Here I am still tangled up in you. I'm still tangled up in you. How long has it been since this storyline began? And I hope it never ends and goes like this forever.

"In this world where nothing else is true. Here I am still tangled up in you, tangled up in you. I'm still tangled up in you, still tangled up in you."

I played a few more notes and let them die off. In the silence that came, a sniffling from behind me drew my attention. Bella was standing in the doorway to the sitting room wearing a white button down shirt that I recognized as my own. The moon turned her tears silver as they ran down her cheeks and she nearly ran to me as she saw I noticed her.

"How long were you—" I started to ask, but she flung her arms around my neck and pressed her lips to mine, kissing me in away that made everything very clear.

I stood up slowly, not putting any space between our lips, and scooped her up in my arms. I carried her back to my bedroom and laid her down in my bed, following along. We kissed until I fell asleep, my cheeks wet with her tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "Tangled Up In You" by Staind. No copyright infringement intended.


	31. Chapter 31

Morning came impossibly fast, but at least it was unusually pleasant. With Bella curled up in arms, wearing nothing but my button-down, morning just didn't have the same unlikableness. It was a cell phone buzzing somewhere in the distance that roused me.

_Shit_! was my first thought. But the clock said it was 6:04. Deep sigh of relief. One of my hands was dead numb under Bella's hip, but I didn't move it. With my other hand, I tenderly began rubbing her upper thigh. She shifted a little bit, so to ease her out of sleep I applied a bit more pressure. I worked my way up to her hip, absolutely giddy with the fact that she wasn't wearing any underwear, then back down her thigh. She shifted again, this time back into me.

"Morning, love," I whispered into her ear.

I swear there was a laugh mixed in with that groan. She rolled over to she was facing me and threw both her arm and leg around me, giving me a full body hug.

I hummed in approval and hugged her back. "I hope this means you're moving in with me." She laughed lightly against my chest. "I'm not kidding," I whined. "I'm seriously going to die if I can't spend every night with you." She pulled back to look at me. I cringed lightly. "And I don't mean-"

"I know," she said, pushing her face back into my chest and kissing it. "I'm going to miss this too."

"I don't like the way you made that sound like this will never happen again."

"Oh, it will happen again if I have anything to say about it. I just don't know when or how often."

"Well, my plan works perfectly. See, there's plenty of room for your clothes in here and we don't need your bed, since mine works great, and you could bring your computer if you really wanted to, or we could get a new one."

"Edward," she groaned.

"Okay, I'll shut up," I said. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head and stayed there, with my face against her hair.

She raised her head again, slowly, and I kissed my way along it. My lips touched her forehead and her nose and finally her lips.

"I wish it were-"

"I know."

"I don't want to get out of bed with you."

"Well-" Her phone started buzzing again somewhere cutting me off.

"I think that's mine," she muttered. I nodded. She sighed. Then sighed again. Then groaned and moved away from me. "If it's Alice, I'm going to…" she trailed away, muttering to herself.

She shifted to the other side of the bed, throwing her legs out from under the comforter and standing. She tucked her wild hair behind her ears.

"Bella wait," I said as she started to move away. I crawled across the bed to her and muttered, "Your shirt is buttoned wrong."

She looked down, confused. I suppose _she_ wouldn't find anything wrong with the way it was buttoned but _I_ knew different. I quickly unbuttoned every button except one in the middle. I pressed a kiss to her lips and said, "There. Perfect."

She scoffed and swatted halfheartedly at me. The glare she gave was feeble and made me laugh. I threw myself back across the bed to my pillows as she moved towards her bag. My eyes followed her movements meticulously. Every time her right foot came forward, I got flashed. And the shirt was practically falling off her shoulders, so despite her best efforts, I got plenty of boob flashing too.

I love my life.

"Ugh, it was Alice!" I presume she was scanning her missed calls and texts while she stood there – and I ogled. "I guess I can't be mad… She just wanted to make sure I got up. I do need to shower."

There was a drawn out silence where I was simply captivated by the apex of her thighs. "Oh," I said, realizing she'd been talking to me. About needing a shower. Right. "Well, if that look on your face means I can join you if I wish, I'm really going to have to pass. The second that shirt comes off, my self-control is shot to hell and you _won't_ be leaving this room any time in the near future."

"Oh really?" she asked, popping the last button.

"Isabella Swan," I growled as she grabbed either side of the shirt. "I'm not kidding, at all."

Bella cocked an eyebrow and daringly started letting the shirt slide off her shoulders completely. My body reacted just the way I expected it to, launching me off the bed and Bella started backing into the bathroom the shirt falling lower and lower.

My bedroom door swung open. "Oh good! You're up," came my mother's voice.

Bella squeaked and pulled the shirt around herself as quickly as she could. It didn't exactly work to well with it down at her elbows. It seems for me a combination of surprise, stress, and my mom's voice was the remedy for morning wood.

"Oh, Bella, I didn't know you were here." My mom shot me an incredibly dirty look. "Make your bed," she said, placing a stack of clean laundry on my dresser. "And put these away." She picked up my dirty laundry basket and turned to eye Bella. "Anything you need washed, dear?"

"No," Bella said, shaking her head, and tucking her hands under her arms across her chest.

"Okay. I'm going to go start breakfast. Anything in particular that you'd like?"

"Yeah, I'd love some-"

"I wasn't asking you," my mom cut me off, giving me the evil eye again.

"No, thank you, Mrs. Cullen," Bella said, cringing back slightly.

My mother gave her the sweetest of smiles. "Esme, please, dear."

Bella nodded. "Sorry."

"Oh, don't you worry. Let me know if I can get you anything." I got the glare of death one final time before my mom disappeared through my door with my laundry.

All of Bella's fun and teasing was gone. She closed the bathroom door most of the way, leaving it just a crack open. I made my bed and put my clean laundry away, then stripped into my birthday suit before heading into the bathroom. While Bella was showering, I shaved and brushed my teeth.

"Are you in here?" Bella asked.

I spit into the sink. "Yup."

She peeked around the shower curtain to find me standing naked by the sink. "Oh, holy shit," she squeaked, throwing the shower curtain back in front of her face. I had to chuckle. "You're naked," Bella gasped.

"Yes, my love, that I am, with intentions of getting in the shower as soon as you're done so keep the water running and hurry up!"

"Well… buh… umm… Can you hand me a towel?"

"Sure thing, babe." I dug up a nice fluffy, white one. "Here you are."

She slowly peeked through the shower curtain. I believe she was trying not to look, but her eyes immediately traveled down to my erection. They widened and her lips parted, her tongue sweeping back and forth over the soft curves of them.

I cleared my throat and she blushed deeply, giving me an apologetic look. I gave her an eyebrow waggle and kissed her. "It's there just for you, look all you want."

She smiled and grabbed the towel, covering her front side up nice and tight before stepping out of the shower. She lost her footing on the slippery tile and I jumped forward to catch her, creating lots of skin on skin contact. My cock ended up on the smooth, soft skin of her upper thigh with the way I was crouched down to catch her and when I stood back up it slid underneath her towel, the head landing at her bellybutton.

"Mmm," I moaned. "This is not good." I pushed her backwards into the bathroom wall. "You really are going to have to be more careful, Miss Swan."

I bent down and pressed my lips against hers, creating rough, wet friction between them. Bella whimpered into my mouth as I rolled my hips against her and wrapped my tongue around hers. Even through the towel still between us, I could feel the rock hard tips of her nipples digging into my upper stomach. I grabbed each of her thighs and picked her up, sliding her upwards against the wall. When her body was level with mine, her lips at my lips, and her sex at mine, I created even greater friction between us, on both our mouths and lower. Her back arched away from the wall and her lower lips stroked at my length. I maneuvered us both until we were aligned just right and slowly started to push forward.

Bella made a hissing sound, her body arching away from me. I groaned and came to my senses. "Jesus, Bella, I'm sorry, I forgot."

Her fingers dug into my shoulders. "It's okay. If it weren't for your parents, I'd be all for this."

"No. Too soon. God, I'm a prick." I carefully set her back onto the floor.

"Edward! Look at me right now." It wasn't until she said it that I realized that I was completely avoiding her gaze. I raised my eyes to hers, trying to convey so many emotions at one. My love for her, my apology for the pain of last night and more importantly the hurt that I nearly made that much worse, my embarrassment at losing control of myself. "You are no such thing."

"Well, it was totally uncalled for. The last thing you need right now is for me to jump you. I'm gonna hop into the shower before I pull another stupid move."

"Edward," she said and stopped me by grabbing my arm as I turned for the running shower. "Everything about last night was perfect. For me, I mean, it was perfect."

I stepped back to her, cupping her face. "Me too, love. And believe me, I'm going to go mad thinking about it over the next couple days. But you need to heal."

"I feel fine." She had that stubborn set to her eyebrows.

I sighed. "Love, you bled last night. Quite a bit. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry, but I'm… not trying to toot my own horn here, but I'm quite big and I think we're going to have to take this one step at a time. I… think… I hope last night was the worst of it, for you, but…" I didn't want to continue with the rest of my plan.

"Thank you."

"For what love?"

"Everything. Just everything. I always wanted it to be you," she looked down and peeked up at me through her lashes, "and I never doubted you, but you've been amazing to me. I feel like you've been so good to me, and I'm seriously lacking on my side."

"You've been doing just fine." She peeked down at my erection. "Don't you worry yourself over the fact that I'm a hornball. Just pretend that it's sort of like a dog's tail, it wags because it's happy to see you and well," I motioned to my junk.

"A dog wags its tail because it expects to be pet."

Shit, she was good at making points. "That wasn't the point I was trying to make. I mean that it's not there because I want it to be."

"Sure, but it still expects attention."

"We'll talk about it later. Right now I need to shower and we need to get out to breakfast before my mom comes back here again."

Bella blanched slightly. I kissed her quickly and jumped behind the shower curtain. I shrieked when the water hit me. "Jesus, that's cold!"

Bella laughed. "Yeah… uh… yeah."

"Congrats Bella, you've found the second trick to making my tail stop wagging."

She snorted. "What's the first?"

"My mom."

She laughed at that one. The painfully cold shower worked like a charm, for all intents and purposes, that is. I couldn't stand to be in there long enough to actually have what was considered a shower by any means. Besides, I pretty much shed a layer of skin with last night's shower. The water had been so hot and I scrubbed so hard.

I ran through the bathroom in my towel, straight past Bella to my dresser, my teeth chattering. Underwear, jeans, a long-sleeve shirt, and a t-shirt over it went on it record time. I scrubbed my head with the towel trying to get all of the cold droplets of water from it. Some hot food sounded perfect. I shifted from foot to foot waiting for Bella to finish up whatever she was doing in the bathroom. She came out dressed, her hair mostly dry over her shoulders. I grabbed her hand and hurried for the kitchen.

The smell of maple and meat hit my nose and my stomach growled ferociously. Eggs, toast, sausage, bacon, the works were waiting in steaming piles on the counter. I pounced like a wild cat. My plate over flowed and two glasses of milk hardly seemed like enough.

Esme was chattering at Bella while I stuffed my face, I didn't catch a word of it. I belched loudly when I finished the last of my toast and milk.

"Edward!" my mom said in a scolding tone.

"Sorry, mom." I kissed Bella's cheek. "Sorry, love." I patted Mom's hand. "That was really good. Thank you."

"Yes, thank you Mrs.— Esme. It was delicious. And thank you for being so kind to me." Bella looked down at her lap.

Mom smiled at me. "Don't you even worry about it, dear. I'm glad to have you here." For some reason, I got the feeling that _I_ wasn't going to get quite the treatment she gave Bella. But I'd take it, if it meant she was going to be so accepting of Bella every time she stayed.

"Are you done?" I asked Bella. She nodded. "Mom?" She nodded. "Sweet!" I grabbed the last of the eggs and then froze with the spoon halfway to my mouth. "Wait. Where's Dad?"

"He left right after we got back. The hospital was apparently trying to contact him all weekend but neither of our cells were receiving messages, or signals." The look that crossed her face added the, "Because they were turned off." I cringed.

"Will he be home tonight?"

My mom's expression went right back to motherly. "Yes, should be. I don't think it was all that important, I'm sure they could handle it, but you know how they are about your father." I nodded. "I'll tell him you asked for him this morning." I nodded to her again. I assumed she'd percept that I wanted to speak with him. She nodded back.

I finished the eggs. And Bella helped mom clear the table. She left shortly after that to stop home before school.

School itself was boring as usual. I took up my normal activity of staring at Bella most of the day. Afterwards, Bella said she couldn't come over tonight and she had to at least give Charlie one night. Something about a weekend of takeout and Alice's cooking had put him in a bad mood and she had to spend some time with him. I kissed her goodbye and told her to call when ever she got a moment.

I pulled around to the garage when I got home. Dad's car wasn't back yet so I dicked around with an old issue of Sports Illustrated while I waited for him. An hour later, there was no sight of him. I sighed and went up to the house.

"Talked to Dad?" I asked Mom as soon as I walked in, dropping my car keys loudly to the table in the entry hall.

"He said he'd be home around supper time. Come here, Edward." I'd been headed for the basement but I made a right turn into the kitchen where Mom was cutting up some veggies in her apron. "I know you know what this is about." I nodded and took a seat across from her. She wagged her knife at me. "You need to be careful, Edward. Chief Swan is sure as heck not happy about you dating his daughter and he's going to have a coronary when he finds out you're sleeping with her."

"Mom, I know this, but Charlie needs to let her go. She's eighteen, he keeps the leash too damn short. We're not running around town shouting it from rooftops and from what I know, you, Bella, and I are the only ones who know. Besides, last night was the first time anyways."

Mom's eyes widened considerably at that. "Oh." She paused. "Well, that doesn't matter. First time or fiftieth first time, the risks are the same. If she gets pregnant-"

"Glove or no love, mom. Pregnancy isn't an issue." Which really was something I needed to keep in mind. No more spur of the moment control loss.

"No less, we'd like to keep a friendly relationship with Charlie. Him finding out that Bella stayed the night here with our knowledge is going to deter that relationship."

"Like I said before mom, Bella… short leash," I made a motion with my hand like someone yanking on a choke collar. "He has to learn to deal with the fact that Bella's an adult who has sex. And I'm trying to help her see that there is nothing wrong with human nature so I'd appreciate if you'd keep the diplomatics on the down low."

"I guess I see your point, but it's not going to make Charlie see the point. He's going to blow his lid when he finds out."

"We'll deal with that when the time comes, Mom. Will you call me when supper is ready?" She nodded and I headed for the basement.

I worked out for as long as I could stand to with my mind in such a mess. I'd been thinking about talking to Dad all day and my nerves were being grated by every second that passed. It was one of those sure to be uncomfortable talks that you just knew you had to have.

I hopped in the shower and changed quickly and made it to the dinner table before my mom could call for me. I heard Dad's car pull in.

"Just in time," my mom muttered with a smile as she set roasted potatoes down in front of me.

The front door opened and closed and my dad's keys hit the table. "Smells delicious, my lovely wife." My dad kissed my mom on the cheek. "Hey kid, how was your weekend?"

"Um, great."

He looked up at me as he poured himself a glass of milk. "The 'um' tells me it wasn't so great."

"That's not it, I just need to talk to you."

Mom bustled back through from the kitchen with a platter of meat. Dad nodded at me and not another word was said about it.

"I'll be in my office," he said after finishing his meal.

As a delay, I started to help Mom clear the table but she just smiled and said she had it. That left me to make the march up the stairs to my dad's study. I knocked before entering.

"Come in, Edward," my dad said. This all felt vaguely familiar as I sat across from him at his desk, nervous as heck. He folded his long fingers against each other, leaned forward on his elbows, and assumed that 'I'm here to help' look. "What can I do for you, son?"

"You look like a shrink when you do that," I muttered.

"Alright," he said. He unclasped his fingers, leaned way back in his chair and scratched his nuts. "Better?"

"I don't know. Might be worse." My dad chuckled at that. It didn't feel as tense and professional as it had though. "Are you sure you have time?" I asked. He nodded and made a hand gesture for me to continue. I started tapping my foot nervously, biting at the inside of my lip. With a sigh, I started. Sort of. "I want your opinion as a doctor… on something… it's, umm, personal?"

"Ask away."

Great. "I'm expecting this to be kept strictly between us because it's not exactly about me."

He nodded. "Okay. But you need to tell me who it is about and what exactly I can do for you, or them."

"It's Bella," I blurted. Dad just nodded. "We…"

"Take your time," he said after I trailed off. "Just let me know when you're ready to share."

"I'm plenty ready, I just, this felt like the right thing to do this morning, but now I feel like I'm breaking her trust by telling you these… intimate things."

"It's between you and me, kid. I'm here as both a medical professional and as your father. Confidentiality is a given. Bella is important to me because she's important to you, and you're not breaking her trust by trying to help whatever is going on by seeking medical advice."

Well, when you put it that way… "Okay. Last night was our first time."

Dad nodded. "I did assume it was about sex. First you came to me about love, now about sex, next will be about marriage, and then pregnancy – and it better be in that order."

I felt like I was giving 'scout's honor' when I repeated for the second time that day, "No glove, no love."

"Just remember that. I know what it's like to want it so bad, you don't care."

"Can we please not make this about you?"

"It actually sort of was about you, but—"

"Are you telling me I was a mistake? A big horny disaster?" I blurted.

For some reason he found that hilarious. "Of course not. Completely planned. I just meant I sympathize. Now, on with it. First time and?"

"Our first time together, Bella's first time ever."

"Ah. Complications?"

"Bleeding."

"Normal."

"Quite a bit."

"Still normal."

"What other complications were you expecting?"

"Oh, I don't know. Thought maybe you got it stuck or something."

"That's not funny."

"Wasn't suppose to be. It happens."

"Great. Something _else_ to think about."

"Damn kid, when did you get so cryptic? Would you just lay it on me?"

"I want advice. Last night wasn't so great. I mean, sure, it wasn't so bad for me, aside from the fact that I was scared shitless that I was going to break her, it was..." I trailed off, attempting not to groan or shift in my seat at the thought of how it _felt_ inside of Bella. "The point is, she was in shit loads of pain, whether she'll admit it to me or not."

"So you want to know how to make it better?"

"For her. Yes. Less painful."

"Okay, good. Good. So, last night was a complete failure for her, no offense to you?"

"During, yes, not that she'd admit it, but she was just in pain."

"That's normal for every girl's first time. During? So you prove your dad proud and go for the before or after?"

"Dad, I'm looking for the doctor right now, please. And we're not discussing what I do with my girlfriend in the bedroom. I mean, not to that extent."

"You can brag if you want to, I don't mind."

"I am not going to brag about last night."

The serious look was back on his face. "Right. I can assume you took your time?" I nodded. "And she told you when to stop and go, and you listened?" I nodded. "And she was… properly aroused?" I cringed and hoped he'd settle for another nod. I was _not_ about to explain how wet I made my girlfriend to my father. "Well, then I'm sure all is well. You broke her hymen?" I nodded again. "Give her a few days rest, she's going to be sore. And after that, just keep taking your time. Her body has to become accustomed to yours and the best advice I can give you is to just take it slow. Listen to her. Make damn sure you take care of her properly – before, after, or both – because it may take a few times for the pain to reside enough for her to reach an orgasm."

"Pain is all she's going to feel the first few times?"

"It's not the end of the world, Edward. It's a honor for you. You love her and she loves you, this just makes the act more special for you both. She knows you aren't hurting her on purpose-"

"But I kind of am!"

"Would you rather it be someone else?"

"No," I growled.

"Then you have to get through the hard part. Sex isn't supposed to be taken lightly. It's serious business. The pain will be gone soon enough and you two will be—" _Oh, please don't say it_! "—both having a great time." I sighed. "And fucking like bunnies!"

God! Bleeding ears. Bleeding. Ears! "Loosen up!" said dad as he stood up and clapped me on the shoulder. "Alright, more advice, the more uncomfortable kind. If I were you, I'd—"

"Don't even fucking tell me what _you_ would do to _my_ Bella."

His chuckle was a bit darker than usual. "You are so much like me. You know that scar on your uncle's lip? I gave that to him for putting his hand on Esme's arm one Christmas. I could have made sure it healed all clean and scar free, but I wanted that scar there as a reminder. Anyways, I'll rephrase. My advice to you for how to proceed with _your_ girlfriend is to let her set the pace, depth, etcetera. Let her be on top now that the hardest part for her is over. Plus, you being on bottom have two free hands. You do know what to do with those?"

"Yes." I stood up, not able to handle anymore of this conversation. At least I had some more insight now. "Thanks."

"Hold up a second there." He stepped in front of my path. "Have you considered doing some shopping?"

"For what?"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Edward, I know you're not modest enough to not know what I'm talking about." But Dad, you fried my brain. "Toys, you Nimrod. Think about it."

Oh… oh… god. "You know I appreciate your help," I muttered, "but please don't ever, _ever_ repeat that word again." I closed the door as quickly as I could, slipping through and practically running to clear my head.


	32. Chapter 32

I lied in bed, trying to clear my thoughts with loud music, but it didn't work. My dad even broaching the subject of _sex toys_ with me was going to scar me for life.

" _Here son_ ," said my father in my head, " _let me help you pick one out_." He pointed to different silver, black, and pink colored contraptions on the computer screen, shopping an online adult store. " _Oh, this one! Your mother loves it_."

"Gahhh!" I growled, tossing my iPod aside. I grabbed my cell phone like an addict for his crack pipe. Fingers shaking, I found Bella on the top of the list and called. I felt like my brain was going to rattle loose of my skull with every ring.

"Hello?" Something made a small crashing sound in the distance and Bella cussed under her breath.

I sighed, because I should have known. "You're busy, aren't you?"

"A little bit, yeah. You okay? You sound a little odd." I could tell I had her undivided attention in that moment. I could almost see the concern on her face as she grasped the phone in her hand, instead of flattening it halfheartedly between her shoulder and her ear.

"I just need to talk for a few minutes. Just say something really distracting and I'll be okay." _For now_.

"I miss you," she breathed quietly into the phone.

I sighed deeper and relaxed back into my pillows. Just that voice helped, but knowing she missed me, it's all I could think about then. "I miss you too."

"I love you."

Even better. "I love you too."

"I've been thinking about you," she whispered in a very distracting tone of voice.

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm."

"I really wish I was there. Or you were here, actually. I'd fill up the Jacuzzi tub and give you a bubble bath."

"That sounds really nice, but I don't care where we were, as long as I was with you it'd be really nice."

"How are you feeling?"

"Edward," she said in an exasperated tone. "You watched me all day today, I think you know how I'm feeling better than I do."

"I'm just worried I hurt you more than you are letting on."

"I'm fine. More than fine, actually. But I have to go now. I'll call you back in a little while, I promise."

"Okay," I sighed. I had a feeling my new nickname was going to be Clingy, or Cling-On, or Clinger.

"I love you. I'll talk to you soon."

"Love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

How long 'a little while' would be was the issue. I hated the waiting game, or maybe I just lacked patience, I didn't know. All I knew was that I wanted to be with Bella more than anything in the world. Right now and forever. Charlie complicated everything. I couldn't see Bella tonight, I hardly got to see her at school, I couldn't spend the night with her, weekends would always be screwed up because of stupid Newton and that fucking shop. We'd never have time with just each other.

And we desperately needed time with just each other. Not just for sex either, because that actually wasn't all I thought about. I want to hold her, to kiss her deeply, and tell her how much I loved her, not just hug her, give her a chaste peck, and whisper that I loved her into her ear.

Then there was the sex issue. I didn't have a problem jumping into the shower and jerking one out. Bella, on the other hand, just didn't have it in her to please herself the way she should. I needed to be there to make sure her frustration didn't make her spontaneously combust. Sex was a natural, human need, and fuck we both really needed it.

– – –

It was a week and a half before I finally got my much needed alone time with Bella, along with a cold spurt of weather. Her little mittens, furry boots, and puffy coat made me smile. A whole week and a half though, I'd only seen her in passing. I couldn't even drive her to and from school anymore.

She was no longer my tutor, because we couldn't concentrate. I was no longer her ride to and from school, because we couldn't concentrate. So maybe I got a bit handsy once or twice, I was feeling frisky, couldn't hardly cut me off for that. I asked for a little trust. She said she trusted me, but didn't trust herself, that I drove her crazy, she couldn't focus or even think when I was being, well, me. I did as she asked, grudgingly. She promised me time, we'd think of something. She promised that it wouldn't always be this way; fighting for a second alone, stealing kisses in shadowed corners, and copping tiny feels whenever absolutely possible.

A whole week and a half later, we got snowed in. Mom and Dad were stuck in Seattle. Charlie was busy with all the weather related accidents and injuries. School was closed. And Bella was on her way out to my place, with her giant rust bucket. I probably would have been safer going to get her in my two-wheel drive Volvo, but she insisted—and when Bella insists, there's just no pushing her!

Two hours. Two. Freaking. Hours. I was ready to just go looking for her already. Or call a search and rescue party because it was snowing again. Or call her father. I knew I was actually starting to panic when I considered that.

Two hours after she told me she'd see me soon, that old junker came around the final bend. I just about leaped off the patio. I seriously doubt that landing would have felt good though, so I took the icy stairs two at a time, meeting her as she opened her creaky door.

"Oh, thank God," I sighed, wrapping myself around her as tightly as possible.

"Your hair looks wild," she muttered, "and you look cold. Did you stand out here the whole time?" I ran my hand through my hair. "And do that?"

The hair was growing back at extreme speed. My habit was coming back and I'm sure the hair was standing up at full force after the last two hours of me pulling at it while I paced the deck.

"Let's just go inside before we can't find the house," I mumbled back at her, looking up at the huge, fast falling flakes.

I held her hand while we walked up to the house and followed her up the slippery steps. Funny how coming down I managed to take them dangerously quickly and even at snail pace Bella managed to nearly kill herself three times. I'd catch her and she'd turn pretty shades of red.

I didn't consider how bad of an idea this was until we got in the house. Charlie was going to kill me. Seriously. Not only did I already endanger her, but if she tried to leave in this ever worsening weather, she'd be put in even more danger and likely end up in the ditch or worse. Which meant she'd have to stay here, and Charlie was going to kill me for that, after he already killed me for not talking Bella out of coming.

Yet, all I could think was 'reunited and it feels so good.' I shucked my coat and hung it up while Bella kicked her wet boots off. We traded places and she hung her coat next to mine while I tossed my boots next to hers. It felt familiar and right and perfectly fitting.

I snaked my arm around her waist and pulled her body flush with mine. "I missed you," I cooed before pressing my lips to hers. Her warm hands covered my checks as she held my face.

"You're so cold," she said as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself closer to me.

I rubbed my hands up and down over the back of her blue sweater then rested my hands right on her full ass cheeks. "You're so warm," I said back, rubbing my cold nose against her cute little button one then kissing her full, inviting lips again.

With her arms already around my neck and my hands perfectly placed on her butt, I decided it would just be easier to pick her up than bend, so I did. I walked, still kissing her in the direction of the kitchen and forced myself to remain gentlemanly, though I really didn't want to. With a final, slightly rough and greedy kiss, I pulled away from her, setting her down on the countertop.

"Are you hungry?" I asked her. I know I was. Starving. Not for food, but I'd sure give that a fucking try and pretend that it might be satisfying enough.

She shrugged her perfect little shoulders and my eyes lingered on her breasts as they moved with her. That's when I noticed just how nice her sweater was. Maybe _nice_ wasn't the word I was looking for. It was v-necked and that perfect blue and God did I get a little breathless taking in the whole picture. I could feed her, then I could fuck her. _Not gentlemanly!_ I certainly never claimed to be no Prince Fucking Charming. Maybe a Charming Fucking Prince, but not the other way around.

"What do you want?" I asked her, and hoped that husky tone wasn't as perceptible as it sounded to me.

I think it must have been, because she bit her lip lightly then leaned toward me, just begging to be kissed again, and fucked. I had to deny it, I had to turn away because I was all to willing to just do it, right here, without feeding her first. I opened the fridge and grabbed the first thing that registered, which just happened to be leftover lasagna. Somehow I was able to get that on plates and microwaved without something exploding, and I meant that quite literally.

I was lucky the lasagna was fucking delicious or Mom's expensive center piece would have gotten destroyed in my path of sexual destruction. I was beginning to think I was possessed, it just didn't seem normal, but I decided that sex with Bella was a bit like a drug. You just needed it in that way; it was addicting, fulfilling, utterly fucking breathtakingly amazing, life without it didn't feel right, and I'd do anything to get that high.

So I waited. I ate and I watched and I waited until she was finished and I waited some more because I'd do anything, and waiting for her to be ready was one of those things. I continued to try for gentlemanly as I took our plates to the dishwasher and she followed me there. When I turned around, she reached for my head and knotted her fingers into my hair and pulled my lips to hers. I groaned as her mouth pressed against mine and her tongue pushed its way between my lips. She molded her body to me, and I wanted nothing more than to find a surface to push her against in hopes of getting closer.

I picked her up again. That fantasy I'd been having for a week and a half flashed in my brain and I started towards the huge bathroom with the Jacuzzi tub. As bad as I wanted to have her between my sheets again, bathing her had toyed with my mind and I couldn't push away the chance. I wanted to play with Bella in a bubble bath.

I lowered her down and her feet patted lightly when they met the cold tile floor. I turned the water on to fill the tub and pressed the magic Jacuzzi button that made bubbles. When I turned back to her, she was biting her lip impatiently, or nervously, or just doing it to drive me even fucking crazier. I smiled at her because I couldn't wait to peel that perfect sweater off.

The sound of the rushing water combined with everything else felt like a fantasy come true as my skin sparked from her touch. She tried to grab my shirt to pull it off, but I didn't let her. I very slowly pulled hers off instead. Her bra was black today and the way her pale breasts filled it out made me groan a little bit, it was so unbelievably fucking sexy. I knew the underwear would be black too and I just had to see them immediately. Ever so slowly, I lowered her pants off her hips. I ended up kneeling and the black bikini style panties looked just as perfect as her bra. In desperate need of some contact, I tried to take it slow and ended up having a small make out session with her bellybutton which she thoroughly seemed to enjoy by moaning and wrapping her fingers in my hair again.

The tub was full enough that I couldn't delay anymore. With purpose, I removed her underwear. The goddamn bra and its mal-fucking-functioning back clasp pissed me off a bit more than it should have, but Bella was patient with her hands on my chest, staring at me with every ounce of love, respect, trust, and all kinds of lust in her eyes. Finally it fell to the floor. I didn't think it was possible for my breathing to get any shallower, but I was wrong.

After gulping down many feelings, much air, and excessive amounts of saliva, I guided her to the tub only to receive a questioning look. She reached for my shirt again, and didn't seem pleased to be stopped, again.

I pulled her naked body to my completely clothed one and kissed her with every bit of passion I was feeling, which meant the kiss was rough and hot. I kissed along her jaw to her ear and gently bit down on her lobe before whispering to her, "Bella, the second my clothes come off, I'm going to _need_ to be inside of you, so just let me have this."

With a sharp intake of breath and no objections, she let me have it. I got to play with bubbles and skin. Bella seemed so oddly relaxed yet turned on, I couldn't decide if she wanted to take a nap or fuck my brains out. My hands were everywhere they could be feeling her skin under the water. I watched her and loved that I had her naked in the bubbles and couldn't get enough of the look on her face as I played.

I don't know how long it had been, but as my fingers raked over an apparently responsive part of her upper thigh, her wet hands fisted into my shirt and she pulled me to her. She pulled me so hard and I wasn't expecting it and I didn't really care because I wanted to kiss her. But I missed the edge of the tub with my hand and ended up on top of her in the water. I was plastered against her, soaking wet and covered in bubbles. God, did I fucking love it.

Her tongue tasted divine rubbing against mine and her lips felt as soft as ever. Her breasts were pressed tight against my chest and her nipples were hard among all the soft flesh. Bella was ready for it right there in the bathtub as she tried to peel my clinging shirt off of me. A brief moment of pure lust washed over me as I remembered a particular fantasy where Bella had her legs flung over the sides of the tub and the water sloshed noisily as we grunted against each others mouths. I pushed it away and pushed myself away from the tub and Bella as I had no other options. She followed quickly, dripping wet and determined.

She pushed me back roughly against the bathroom counter and grabbed my shirt with both hands. She had her fists tight into my shirt and I wouldn't have been able to stop her if I tried. She pulled hard until the shirt was over my head and she dropped it with a loud splat onto the floor. Her hands grabbed the front of my jeans, the button flew open and the zipper went down. My hips lurched towards her as she dropped my pants to the floor, too. I was already panting when she tried to go for my underwear. I grabbed her wrists quickly and wrapped them up around my neck as I pressed our bodies together again and kissed her like my life depended on it.

It was all tongues, and lips, and teeth, and chest on chest until I had her steered into my bedroom. She moaned loudly into my mouth when I fell with her onto my bed. Her legs wrapped up around my hips and she arched her core up to rub against me. She growled when she encountered fabric, not skin.

Hastily, I unraveled our bodies from each other. While getting rid of my underwear, I reached between the mattress and box spring and pulled out the amazing box of sex. Yes, the box was sex. That was my logic. The box was sex because without it, there was none. Logic. If only the wrappers weren't so goddamn tricky. It forced me to concentrate on something _other_ than my throbbing erection and I had to send a quick telepathic kudos to the manufacturers. I carefully extracted the condom and rolled it onto myself.

I quickly began wishing I'd have spent the previous two hours of waiting for Bella jerking off in preparation for this. Which reminded me that I had to give Bella an amazing orgasm before I blew my load and that wasn't going to be accomplished by the still-painful-for-her intercourse.

I dropped to my knees and palmed her thighs, pulling her to the edge of the bed. Her fingers wrapped into my hair and I grinned at her eagerness, until I was being pulled past my desired location. I gently grasped her wrists.

"Edward," she begged, "I need you. I need you now, please."

I trembled all over. I wanted like nothing else to give her exactly what she asked for, but it wouldn't be everything her lust-hazed brain had it made out to be, so I forced myself to wait because it was for her.

I kissed her thigh with an open mouth, then whispered against her skin, "Bella, I need to calm down. I promise I'll give you what you need, just hold on a little bit longer."

She made a sound between a sigh and a groan and relaxed back into the bed. I kissed her thigh again and up, up to her hip and over her stomach and to her perfect breasts. Her fingers came lightly to my hair as I licked around her globes and over her hard nipples. I kissed higher to her neck and couldn't resist a stop at her lips. I was lost in the kiss and I didn't feel her move until her hands were wrapped around my aching shaft.

I groaned defeatedly into her mouth. I couldn't push her away again because I ached and she'd make it all better. My condom covered cock jumped against her palm and she stroked along me, all purpose and intent. This was the exact opposite of what was suppose to be happening. Somehow, I remembered that her cumming was my priority and navigated my fingers to between her thighs. She made sounds right along with me as I worked my finger inside of her tight, wet opening. We found a good rhythm with her pumping along my length and my finger slipping in and out of her while my thumb nudged against her clit.

I added a second finger quickly, hoping she'd like that. She did. As tight as she was, I thought it might be uncomfortable, but she was relaxed and the second finger slid right in with the first, stretching her. Her hips rocked and she aided my search of her _spot_ and when I found it, I used it. She was writhing and gasping before me and that was my goal. When she clenched down on me and started spasming around my fingers, I felt my own spasm start. She came around my fingers and I came into her hand. We panted and calmed and I rested on top of her.

Slowly, she started kissing my neck and I knew she was ready. Just before I started to pull away her lips rested at my ear and she breathed huskily into it, "Make love to me, fuck me, I need you. I need you in me."

If I needed convincing, those were the words that did it.

I quickly striped off the soiled condom and replaced it with a new one, after a painstaking battle with another foil wrapper. As I settled myself between her thighs, I remembered the fact that her being on top may be easier, so I rolled.

She leaned up, and the surprise wasn't momentary. She stared at me, shocked. She sat up slowly and my hands eagerly gripped her hips. I decided that was too firm of a stand with the likelihood of literally taking hold by grabbing her hips, so I moved my hands up her sides. I could aid from here if necessary, but couldn't get quite as rambunctious, hopefully.

She remained still. "I-I-I don't know what to do," she stuttered.

I smiled lazily up at her. "Do whatever feels good," I said, stroking her stomach lightly and watching her eyes fluttered closed.

She shifted slowly and everything lined into place. Sitting above me, I watched her take one more questioning look at me before pressing her hips down onto me. Her brow wrinkled in what I assumed was a combination of concentration and pain. I forced myself to look away. I had to trust her to stop if it was too much. I watched our bodies coming together.

So slowly, her hips sank lower and she enveloped me into her inviting heat. Like before, the first half seemed to be the hardest part. She faltered and pressed on a few times before sitting completely against me. I watched as she rocked her hips experimentally. I groaned, feeling her tight, hot walls pressing against me in whole new ways. She leaned forward and rested her hand flat on my chest. My eyes fluttered closed as she rocked again and I opened them to see her face. A stab of guilt hit my gut when I could still see more pain than anything etched into her features. Then she lifted her body some and the cool air hit my wet, hot shaft and I shuddered.

She sat back down and I moaned at the sultry tight feel. She did it again, lifting up slightly higher then sinking back down. Then again, rotating her hips slightly before going back up again. And her hand curled into my chest slightly, biting me with her fingernails and a whisper of a moan came out of her lips. I watched as she moved up and down and rocked on me.

It dawned on me, she was fucking me. I moaned so loud I actually scared her a little bit. She looked worried, like she'd hurt me. She froze and my fingers twitched with the need to grab her hips and make her fuck me harder. I didn't trust myself to touch her anymore, so I moved them to the bed. When she moved again, they twisted around that comforter with purpose.

It started over again from there. The slow up and down and the rocking and my balls were churning up a storm but I could see the pleasure just ghosting forward, pushing the pain aside slowly so I held back with everything I had.

Her brow wrinkled again and she stopped, leaning back up. It started over again, slow up and down. And it felt completely different again and I wondered if she was trying to drive me fucking insane. But the ghost of pleasure was gone and the pleasure was solidified. I could see just hints of pain and plenty of pleasure as her hips built intensity. As she moved faster, she rose up in the middle of a rocking motion and her head rolled back into a loud moan.

I let my hands have her hips. I helped her find that motion again, and again, and again, and I'll be damned if she wasn't moaning just as much as I was. Fucking everything felt good to me and finding something that felt good to her gave me enough of a clear head to take hold of her hips. Her fingers wrapped around my wrists and I continued to help her.

She was fucking me and her tits were bouncing and it was all just too fucking much with her loud moaning and gasping. I couldn't take another second and I exploded deep inside of her. She felt it and stopped, just sitting down on top of me and feeling me cumming inside of her. My hips pushed up into her as gently as I could manage and she rocked a few times until the final sparks died away.

I realized that I didn't know. I hated myself for having to ask. "Did you?"

My heart broke a little bit when she shook her head and slowly raised herself off of me. She saw. "But you were amazing," she said.

She removed the used condom for me this time and discarded it in the trash. She moved off to my side slightly and lied down, her head on my shoulder and her body pressed up against me, her arm and leg possessively laid across me.

"You were amazing," she said again, and it made me hate myself even more, even though I knew this would happen. I still hated it. "Edward, look at me." I didn't want to, because I knew she would convince me of the stupid fact that she did actually think I was amazing, but I couldn't deny her anything so I looked at her. I looked at her and I let her convince me that I was amazing and I let her kiss me.

And when she kissed me, I felt her thigh slide along my length and I remembered that we were snowed in. We were snowed in and alone, indefinitely.


	33. Chapter 33

I think Bella fell asleep while I held her there. I remained awake and ran my fingers through her long, dark locks. I decided then and there that I didn't care how much trouble we got in for this. Fuck 'em all, each and every last one of them. We deserved this. We deserved a chance to be alone together, no stress – well, a little, seeing as I was really bummed she still wasn't cumming – no worries, no thinking about anyone but us.

She hummed in her sleep and moved her naked body even closer to mine, practically laying on top of me. I smiled to myself and continued to caress her hair. Just us.

She didn't sleep long, a small power nap was apparently all she needed. She woke up bright-eyed and smiling, with just a hint of a devious glint hiding in there. I didn't question it, I wasn't worried, she could do whatever the fuck she wanted.

It just so happens what she wanted was to get us hot and panting again. She slowly climbed her way up to my lips and kissed me hard, sliding her leg completely over my body and sitting on my stomach.

I couldn't suppress a groan. She was so fucking hot and so fucking wet. I could feel her inching downwards and I gently grabbed her hips to stop her.

She pulled back from me slightly with a confused look on her face.

"Before we do that again, can we talk?"

I got an incredulous stare for that one. I chuckled.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asked, still sitting there on my lower stomach. I don't know that I was capable of a conversation with her seated naked just inches from cock.

I shrugged. "Just to talk. I haven't talked to you in forever."

"We talk every day."

"Yeah, but there is always something else going on. I mean to just talk, you know. Just us." She nodded and laid herself down on top of me. "How are you?" I asked her. "And I mean really, how are you?"

"I do miss you," she said. "We see each other and talk to each other every day, but I guess it's like you said. There's always something else, always something going on, not just us. So I miss you."

I wrapped my arms around her and held her. "I know. I miss you too. But we have each other now."

She inhaled deeply and pressed her face into my neck. "I love you."

Her breath against my neck made me shiver and pull her closer. "I love you too, Bella. Always." We just laid there again, silently holding each other for a few minutes. We didn't have to talk, we both knew how the other felt and our embrace felt so good. "Do you talk about me with your dad?" I asked.

She seemed a bit confused by my question, but answered regardless. "Sometimes, I guess, yeah, you come up."

"So, honestly, how much does he hate me?"

"I don't think he hates you," she said too quickly. "I mean, I think it's more that he hates the idea of you, not you as a person."

I chuckled. "That was one skilled avoidance, love, unfortunately, it didn't work."

Bella sighed. "I am serious. I think it's more the fact that you're my first… er, boyfriend than anything."

"How often do you talk about Jacob?" I asked, even though I didn't really want the answer.

"Me, never," she answered.

"Again, Bella, wonderful avoidance." I rolled my eyes very pointedly at her scowling face as she rested her chin on my chest.

"Charlie still brings him up like he never attacked me. He takes Jake's calls though I refuse. And he conveys the sorries, 'I shouldn't have's, the 'I'd take it back if I could's, 'can't we still be friends', 'the I miss you's. Like I didn't hear…" She pushed her lips together very conspicuously.

"Hear what?" I asked, wondering what she was keeping from me.

"Nothing," she answered. Her terrible acting skills came into play while she pretended it was nothing. She shrugged just a little too big, her eyes were just a little bit too calm and far too wide to be believably innocent. She also bit her lip like she did when she was nervous. Definitely hiding something.

"Hear what, Bella?"

She sat up. Whether she was trying to distract me or not, it worked. All I could think was boobs. Very nice, firm, perfect, perky boobs. Deliciously tasty-looking boobs. My God, those nipples are amazing boobs. Boobs.

Wait. I shook my head and growled a little bit, while closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. "As much as that worked, I'm not giving up, you fucking cheater. Now what did you hear?"

I wondered if she would take it further to win. Cause she could have. I'm sure she knew that. I warned her, "The longer you draw this out, Bella, the worse I'm going to assume it is."

She sighed. "I'll tell you, but you have to look at me so I can figure out how badly you're taking it."

I peeked through one eye and there she sat, boobs and all. Yeah, no way would I be concentrating with those babies in full sight. I smirked as I reached forward and cupped one in each hand. Smirking wider yet when their perfectness was pressed into each of my palms, I finally met her eyes. I almost laughed at her biting her lip and looking very distracted. Served her right.

"Come on then, out with it."

She glared at me. She took a deep breath and her chest expanding distracted me momentarily. I was beginning to think this was the cure all for everything. She probably could have told me that Armageddon killed the rest of the world, but if my hands were on her boobs, I would still be happy.

"I heard that Jacob told his buddies he would rather have forced me then have had nothing at all."

Nope. I was wrong.

That stupid son of a mother fucking piece of shit fucker.

Bella lips crashing into mine surprised and distracted me, but only for a moment. My hands had fallen away from her in my anger. She grabbed my wrists and pushed my palms back onto her boobs.

"I'm going to kill him," I mumbled on her lips. I think she understood me.

She kissed me harder yet, licking my lips and going to whole nine fucking yards to distract me from the anger with her body and lips.

Somehow it didn't work.

"Gonna fuckin' beat that fucker to death," I growled into her mouth.

She bit my bottom lip, hard, and sucked on it, working her tongue over it in the most amazing way. I made a sound that I'd never heard myself make before and it could only be described as a whimper-growl-moan. Apparently she'd won because all I could think about was the way her body was pushed against me and her mouth moving against mine.

I pushed my tongue out to meet hers and she responded twofold. She grabbed my hair and pressed our lips even harder together. She could hardly breathe, and I could hear her trying to gasp, but my mouth wouldn't let her. I pushed her back slightly and her head fell back in a loud gasp as she caught a breath.

"Edward, I want you," she panted. "I want you so bad right now."

It was my undoing when she looked down at me, her eyes dark with lust. I scrambled for the condoms and tore one off and open.

I don't know if this was another part of her distraction, but frankly, I didn't care.

I rolled the condom on quickly and Bella lined herself up while I held my cock for her. Just as I knew she would, she winced at the first few inches. But she was a pro at relaxing by now and when I was again completely sheathed inside of her, she didn't pause. She settled her legs beneath her like she wanted them and started back upwards.

I groaned loudly at the sight and feel of it. It never ceased to amaze me just how hot and tight her pussy was, not to mention the never ending supply of delicious moisture.

Up and down she went, riding me just like I wanted her to and I hope just like she wanted to. Her heaving breasts caught my attention again and I pressed my palms into them. Her nipples were unbelievably hard. I rolled them between my fingers and she moaned. Her pace quickened and I swear I felt her clamp down on me slightly.

That fact overexcited me, along with the fact that I imagined her screaming my name as her body spasmed around me. It was definitely not the right path for my brain to have taken.

I grabbed her hip and groaned, "Stop, stop."

"No," she said, bouncing harder on me. I again couldn't remember shit but how fucking good it felt. "I want it, Edward, give it to me."

I knew what it was she was talking about. As always, my body didn't disappoint Bella. Though, she had to have been disappointed because there I was cumming again and she still hadn't.

My orgasm just left me more frustrated. I was feeling more than just a bit incompetent and disgusted with myself at that moment and I was probably a bit rougher than I should her been when I grabbed her and threw her back down against my mattress.

I vaguely registered the excitement on her face as I came towards her and then disappointment when I dove face first between her thighs. I couldn't stand the fact that I couldn't please her anymore. So I pressed my tongue against her folds and licked and sucked quickly at her clit. I was delighted at how far her back arched up off the bed.

But she had to be fucking ultra-super-mega horny by now. My useless dick couldn't do a fucking thing for her. I carefully pushed one finger through her wetness and inside of her hot body. Her back arched impossibly higher and I added a second finger quickly. I pumped my fingers in and out of her body and my tongue ran a ruthless path up and down over her engorged nub.

"Oh, God, Edward," she panted. "Oh, God, Edward," she cried louder. I heard her breath catch slightly and felt the unmistakable tightening of her body. "Oooh," she breathed out brokenly, gasping for another breath.

I slowed my tongue slightly and made more firm, precise movements against her clit. Her fingers in my hair curled into fists and she went oddly still. With a final round of my fingers pressing into her and my tongue rubbing on her, she exploded. Her legs shook before clamping down on my head and her shoulders came up off the bed while she pulled at my hair. I didn't notice if she was pulling clumps out or strangling me, because that look on her face was everything and the only thing that mattered.

She fell back into the mattress panting heavily while I slowly continued to lick at her clit. Her hands loosened in my hair and she lovingly ran her fingers against my scalp. I kept my eyes looking up her body and eventually she came to enough to smile down at me. Her hands tried to guide me up towards her, but I refused to move. I so was not fucking finished. I was dead set on making her scream my name.

I wrapped my lips around her clit and lightly slid my teeth over it.

"Ohgod," she gasped.

That's fucking right. The oh-so-amazing spot in her that I'd avoided last time was front and fucking center now. I curled my fingers up and her ass jumped right off the fucking bed when I found it. She pushed down onto my fingers, wriggling into the pressure. She seemed to like firm pressure there so I gave it to her and she moaned loudly. Her hands slammed down into the bed and curled into tight fists while her back arched up high again.

"Holy fucking shit," she cried as I applied even more pressure.

Her dirty mouth spurred me on. I pumped my fingers up into her spot and applied as much pressure to her clit with my tongue as possible. Her ass arched high off the bed with a squeal and I used my other hand to grab her right ass cheek firmly.

She clamped down on me so hard. "Edward," she shrieked loudly, her voice going up a couple octaves at the end, almost sounding questioning.

She clamped down on my fingers so hard that she actually pushed them out and her body quaked then fell down to the mattress, I lost contact with her clit. My arm underneath her got covered in something warm and I watched in amazement as her juice poured from her body. With each clench, another gush of fluid came rushing down onto my arm.

I was fucking transfixed as she writhed hard and came so much fucking harder. A final rocking shudder rolled through her and one last clench sent one more drop of her girly cum onto my soaking wet sheets.

I used my thumb to catch the liquid and followed up to her hot, crazy wet center. When I brushed her clit, she quaked hard again and cried out another, "Oh."

I was pretty fucking satisfied in that accomplishment and I crawled slowly up towards the pillows. She was covered in sweat and her hair was everywhere. I'd never seen her look so fucking sexy. I laid down next to her on my side, propping my head on my arm to watch her as she came back from that.

"Oh my God," she panted. Her thighs clamped and she shook again from an aftershock. I was completely amazed that this was lasting so long for her. I guess if my dick was really that useless, at least I had talented fingers.

"Edward," she groaned.

"Right here, love."

She cracked an eyelid open and saw me lying there watching her. "Don't know what happened," she panted, shaking her head. "Most amazing feeling in the world," she added. "It felt like something burst. So good."

"It was unbelievable. Breathtaking."

She nodded, then she tried to sit up. "Oh my God," she breathed, collapsing back down. Her arms looked like rubber. I chuckled. "I don't feel like I have any bones left," she said.

"That's alright, I'll lie here with you until they grow back."

She laughed breathily and laid there silently, her breathing slowly going back to normal. Finally she sat herself upright. She smiled at me first, and when she looked down at the bed her eyes went wide.

"Did I do that?" she asked, eying the wet stain.

"Like I said, unbelievable and breathtaking."

"My God," she said. "No wonder it felt like something burst."

I chuckled. "It was quite the sight. Amazing," I muttered, kissing her arm that was closest to me.

Her head rested against my shoulder and she leaned into me, I turned my head and kissed her lightly on the forehead then rested my head against hers. Her hand boldly reached out and she wrapped her fist around my still condom covered cock. I couldn't suppress a groan. She stroked me for a few moments then pulled the wasted rubber off, tossing it away.

Her body moved too quickly for me to notice in my dazed stupor. I did notice the feeling of her lips wrapping around me. Again, it was impossible to suppress a groan. I knew there was no point in telling her she didn't have to or that I was fine, because she was going to do what she wanted to do and it really felt too good to say anything.

I kept my eyes on every movement she made as she slid her tongue from my head to my balls, wrapped her lips around the top and went down until I hit her throat, then swirled her tongue around my head. She did that, and everything in between. The sucking sounds she made when she'd pop off of me were outstanding. I was disappointed when she quit.

She brought her mouth up to mine and without a second thought, I kissed her, tongue and all. Her hand moved between us and she started stroking me again. Again, no second thought. I hummed happily into her mouth. Then before I could even comprehend what the hell had happened, I was trapped in hot heat and wetness. Bella stared at me apprehensively while I froze with shock.

"What the hell did you just do?" I gasped out.

"I want us to do it like this, nothing between us."

I stared incredulously. "Jesus Christ, are you thinking clearly? God, what if I…? We can't. No, no. Absolutely not."

I think she recognized as much as I did that I was trying to convince myself. She was cheating again, but there were much higher stakes this time.

With her hand on my shoulder, she rolled, bringing me with her. "Pull out if you have to, go as slow as you have to, stop if you have to, but I know I can give you what you want like this."

"You really overestimate my self-control, Bella. The second you start cumming, I'm going to fucking explode and you're going to end up pregnant. This is stupid." And I couldn't bring myself to stop it or pull out, despite every ounce of logic.

"I trust you."

Of course she fucking trusted me. Her legs were wrapped around my hips and she was slowly grinding against me, working me with her soft inner muscles. Nothing between us, just us. That fact was glaringly fucking obvious.

"This is fucking stupid," I said again, and as I started to pull out, she allowed me. When I started to push back in, she moaned.

I was on my knees and her ass was off the bed, her legs bent behind my ass. I gently grasped one of her hips and slid my other hand down her stomach, pressing my thumb between her folds and finding her clit. She moaned again as I moved in and out of her, this time rubbing her clit.

This without a condom bullshit would be the death of me. It felt unreal. No, opposite of that. It felt unbelievably real. Nothing between us, just us, all the fucking way. The risk was scaring the shit out of me. I think Bella was enjoying taking a risk. A fucking huge one. Fucking stupid mistake, but it was too late to turn back now.

I had to stop a few times, and she would freeze when I did. She tried to be completely still but couldn't stop her pussy from twitching and she couldn't help that her heartbeat reverberated deep inside of her. I came close a couple times to completely losing it, but I managed to scare the urge off.

Completely off the wall unexpectedly, Bella arched high off the bed and dug her fingers into my arms. She bucked hard into me with her hips and I groaned as she clamped onto me.

"God, Edward, I'm cumming, I'm cumming."

Of course she'd fucking scream that at me now, when I was doing everything in my power to hold back. Halfway through her orgasm, it all became too real. All the wetness right on my skin and the power of her pussy spasming on me. I couldn't take it anymore. With a loud groan, I pulled out of her and just barely made it to her stomach, where I emptied a large load.

I'm fairly sure we both passed out because the next thing I remembered was the sound of Bella's stomach growling and the room being pitch black.


	34. Chapter 34

Bella's stomach growled again. "The baby must be hungry already," I said.

"Shut up, Edward. I'm not going to get pregnant."

I rolled my eyes, though it was fairly pointless. "Just because you say you're not going to doesn't make it the truth. I thought you knew the mechanics of making babies by now, but apparently, you still think parents wish for one and the stork brings it."

She growled. "My God, just shut up would you and let me finish. I'm not going to get pregnant because I can't."

I know the shock on my face was obvious. "Can't as in, like, can't _ever_?"

"No," she groaned.

"Oh, thank God." Her shocked look must have mirrored mine from before. I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I want kids," I said before she could ask. "But not now, so would you spit it the fuck out already?"

"I didn't tell anyone I went because it was the single most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my entire life," she muttered.

"Can we skip all this evasive shit, please? I don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about."

She groaned. "I'm on the pill."

"Since fucking when?" I asked incredulously.

"A while," she answered.

"But—"

"I wasn't going to tell you until I was certain that it was going to be effective. I wanted to be certain and I was already tempted enough as it was, so I couldn't tell you."

"Christ," I groaned, running my hands through my hair. I was so fucking thankful that babies weren't in the making at this moment. "I don't know why you didn't just tell me that before, save me all this panicking."

"I didn't really want to tell you at all." She sighed then, seeing the look on my face. "Alice gave me the number to a doctor in Port Angeles so I wouldn't be recognized. She doesn't even know I went, no one does. And that bitch was a bitch, I've never been so humiliated."

"What's her name?" I asked seriously. "I'll have Carlisle get her license suspended."

"Edward," she groaned. "I think it was more me than her. She just reminded me of Lauren. I do think she found it funny that I was still a virgin though. She offered to get rid of my hymen. I'm beginning to think that would have been a good idea." Her face was pure red as she told me this.

Irrational anger flared in my chest and a growl rumbled out of my throat before I could stop it. "I'd have killed her if she would have taken your hymen. That was mine."

Bella smirked. "I think it's common, so the pain isn't as bad."

"I don't care," I growled, "I'd have killed her."

"Calm down," she said, "you got my hymen. It was yours."

I stood up and grabbed her hand to tow her up after me. "Damn right. Let's get some food since I've decided no one is going to get killed today and we've discovered you're only going to be eating for one."

She chuckled. "Well, if we keep this up, I'm going to be eating for five. Sex is exhausting."

"You know you love it!"

She chuckled again. "Damn right."

I pulled my top drawer open and pulled out a pair of boxers and two plain undershirts, handing one to Bella. She smiled gratefully and pulled it over her head.

It took me a few minutes to realize that there was nothing electrical on. At all. Anywhere in the house.

Bella shivered. "It's cold out here."

"I think the power is out," I said. I flipped a switch and nothing happened. "Does anyone know where you are?" I asked, suddenly back to a bit of reality.

She nodded. "I texted Alice when I pulled in the driveway, she knows I'm safely out here with you."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "I don't know about 'safely'."

She smiled. "Yeah, you got me there. You're already trying to starve me to death and kill me with sex."

I whirled at her and picked her up off the floor. She squealed from the unexpectedness of the attack. I placed her on the counter. "What shall I feed you, then, before I begin trying to kill you with sex again?"

"It would be a great way to go, wouldn't it?" she asked me, reaching out and running her hand through my hair. I hadn't anticipated her grabbing it, but she did and pulled me to her mouth. Her lips pressed firmly to mine, molding to fit the exact shape and her legs folded around my waist.

"Food, Bella," I mumbled into her mouth.

She pulled back with a giggle. "You distracted me."

I raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out how exactly _I_ distracted _her_. "Well, now you know how I feel ninety-nine percent of the time." She rolled her eyes at me. "You never told me what you wanted." Her eyes narrowed and a smirk came to her lips. "Cereal it is then," I said before she could tell me I distracted her again.

I poured two bowls. It was weird how you never noticed that the light always came on in the fridge every time you opened it, until it didn't come on. I handed Bella her bowl and hopped up onto the counter next to her.

"Think everyone is okay?" Bella asked between a bite.

"Definitely," I answered. She sighed a little bit. "Can I ask you something without you getting completely mad at me?"

She thought. "I suppose," was her answer.

"How are you feeling?"

She grimaced slightly, then sighed again, louder this time. "I am starting to feel a bit sore." I watched as she peeked at me for my reaction.

"I'm fine with taking a break, you know. We have our whole lives, we don't have to get it all perfect in one day." She nodded at me, smiling shyly. "I really just want to hold you."

She turned to look at me and her eyes were doing that love-beyond-words thing that made me melt. I think it was safe to say we were done eating.

I would have liked to shower before bed, but no electricity kind of made that difficult. As we walked back towards my room, the view out the large picturesque window caught my attention. Everything was way too shiny.

Apparently, it had started to rain at sometime and most of the snow that fell was gone, but everything was covered in an inch-thick layer of ice now. The thermometer read thirty-three degrees though and I was willing to bet that we'd only have a two hour late start in the morning because it would all melt off over night. So much for a snowstorm.

With a shiver, Bella grabbed the comforter from the end of my bed and opened her arms for me to crawl into. We snuggled up together, wrapped the blanket around us, and used body heat to stay warm. She kept humming happily into my chest and I was smiling into her hair when we both fell asleep again.

It was three o'clock in the morning when both of our phones beeped and buzzed on the nightstand next to my bed. I blindly groped for them and Bella reached for hers out of my hand.

"How many do you have?" she asked me, her voice rough with sleep.

"Five voice, thirteen texts. You?"

"Two voice, weird, thirteen texts for me too."

She played hers first. The first one was Alice calmly stating that Bella was in deep shit when she got home. The second was Charlie, not sounding at all happy.

"Bella, it's Dad. Alice told me where you are. I'm not sure what was going through your head driving on a day like this or how you could possibly put yourself in danger that way. Just… don't… drive again. Stay there." The line clicked dead and I stared in shock at her phone. It was like permission, only I was willing to bet that it was as Alice had said, she'd still be in deep shit when she got home.

I played mine next. The first two were from Carlisle just updating his and Mom's status.

When the third started, it was Emmett singing. "You're sooooo, getting boooooned, right nooooooow." I hit delete before anymore could come out of that.

The last two were Carlisle saying he heard we didn't have power or phone lines, and that he'd try again soon. When he tried again, we still didn't have power or phone. I found it amusing how he called to tell me I was without power or phones.

None of my texts were anything important, half of them were Emmett being retarded. When Bella blushed I asked her, "What?"

"Nothing," she said.

I grabbed her phone. It was from Emmett of course. _Give me a F, give me a U, give me a C, give me a K. What's that spell? FUCK! Add Edward and you're SOOOOO FUUUUUUCKING Edward, right NOOOOOOW!_

I rolled my eyes. I sent my dad a quick text letting him know the phones and power was back. When Bella was done, I placed both of our phones back on the nightstand and curled myself back around her warm little body. The warmth made it easy to drift to sleep.

Loud blaring music coming from my iPod deck woke us up. Today the song was:

" _All night long, said, all night long, I been drinking about how to get your panties on the floor. So let's get it over and just get naked with sweat dripping down your little back. I'm a Holy roller and I own the spaceship so let me take you for a little ride, ride, and ride_."

I laughed and Bella groaned. "What is this?"

"Spaceship by Puddle of Mudd. Isn't it great?" Laughing, I fisted the bottom of my t-shirt that she was wearing and whispered in her ear, "So let's get it over and just get naked."

She pushed my shoulder until I rolled onto my back and she straddled my waist. "It sounds great when you say it, but…" she grabbed my iPod off the deck and the music cut off, "how can you listen to that this early?" I shrugged. "What time is it anyway?"

"Probably six thirty."

"Why is it so bright out?"

I shrugged again. "It always looks brighter behind that curtain because it's so dark in here. Go check." I nudged her towards the window.

She crawled across my bed and my shirt was just long enough to cover all the good parts. When she threw the curtain open, she groaned.

"What?" I asked.

"Snow's all gone, ice too."

"And you're upset about that?"

She jumped back on the bed, crawling back over to me. "I'm not ready for this to end."

I nodded in agreement and said, "Me neither." I flipped the TV on and scanned for the local news. When I found it, Forks High was on a two hour delay. I flipped it off again and wrapped my arms tight around her. "Well, at least we get to cuddle a little bit longer before we have to get ready."

"What a crappy snowstorm," Bella groaned against my chest. "I wouldn't exactly know, but aren't they supposed to last for a few days at least?"

I chuckled. "I wouldn't know either, but usually, I think. We're in Washington though, Bella. We get every element in one day at times. We don't count for what's usual."

"Nope, we're definitely unusual."

"Still talking about the weather, Bella?"

She swatted my chest and I chuckled. We talked and joked and held onto each other for another hour before making our way to my shower.

We both went in together under the hot spray. As much as I would have loved a quickie before school, I restrained myself because Bella was keeping everything as innocent as was possible with another naked person. She let me wash her and she washed me in return and it was definitely one of the best showers I'd ever had, including all the ones that were mainly just jerk off sessions.

The morning routine continued and she kissed me goodbye before climbing into her truck.

I had been right and everything had melted off overnight. The temperature was already at forty and inclining.

School was morbidly boring as always, except when I'd see Bella and she'd smile shyly at me. That girl had her ways, and I was more depressed than ever at the fact that we weren't going to be spending tonight together.

So I ended up taking a back way home and when I spotted the Forks Police Station, I pulled in. I assume subconsciously I realized this is where I'd wanted to go, but I had no idea why. Charlie's cruiser was in the lot. Before I even had any plan at all, I was walking through the door.

I spotted Charlie immediately. The little bell on the door announced my entry and the Chief looked up at me. His eyes narrowed and his face turned an odd shade of purple.

"Hi, how can I help ya?" The eager red head with short hair was just itching for something to do. Charlie was at his desk with a deck of cards, looking bored, I could only guess that this secretary was severely lacking in the busy department – I had a feeling she may have been lacking in the brains department as well.

"Chief Charlie Swan please," I said, like I couldn't see him ten feet away.

"What is your name, sir?"

"Edward Cullen."

The red head smiled broadly and reached down to press a button. Her finger hovered over the button, she cleared her throat then pressed the button down. She leaned forward and spoke clearly, "Chief Swan, Edward Cullen is here to see you, Chief Charlie Swan."

Charlie was already to the front desk by the time the red head had finished. "Thank you, Heidi," he said kindly to her. I had a feeling I'd just made her day. He jerked his head for me to follow him and swung open a partition. I followed him back to his desk.

"What can I do for you, Cullen?"

"Sir," I started, he raised his eyebrows. "Charlie?" I asked. His eyebrows went up higher. "Chief Swan?" My voice went up girlishly high with the question and nerves. I cleared my throat.

"Charlie is fine," he grumbled.

"Charlie," I started again, not having a clue where I was going with this, "I would like to speak to you about, er… I guess I feel like you don't fully understand my and Bella's… situation."

"Situation?" he grumbled, looking incredibly unpleased.

"Relationship," I stated firmly. If anything, he looked a little embarrassed by the fact that I came to talk to him about his daughter's relationship with me, and more unpleased by the new word. "Look, Charlie, I love her. I know you think this is probably just some stupid high school fling and that I'm only with her for one reason, but I'm telling you right now that I'm with her until she says otherwise. I love her, more than I expect you to believe or understand and this isn't a fling, for either of us." His face was turning red and purple and kind of green, but I kept going. "Like I said, I don't expect you to believe me or understand, but I am in love with your daughter. You may think I'm young and stupid and God knows what else, and believe that I have no idea what love is or what it feels like, but I'm being completely honest with you when I tell you—"

"That you love my daughter, yeah, I got it, just don't say it again."

Well, at least he was listening. "Bella means a lot to me."

"She means a lot to me too," Charlie said defensively.

"I don't doubt that for a moment, and I wasn't implying that she doesn't. I just want you to know that I'm not trying to take her away from you. She can loves us both you know."

"What the hell did you come here for, Cullen?"

I groaned inwardly at the newly irate tone in his voice. "I don't want you to hate me, Charlie. I even might want you to approve of me a little bit. At the very least, I'd like to be civil."

I held my breath waiting for a response and all I got was a spat out, "Get outta here, kid."

– – –

I showed up at Bella's house that night right after dinner just like we'd planned. No more of this avoidance crap. I needed to spend a couple hours with her in the evenings, if I didn't get the nights.

Much to my surprise, Charlie answered the door. I think I shit myself. I know I gulped. I expected to get run off like a stray cat again. He didn't make eye contact, and just said, "Cullen," and stepped out of the way so I could enter.

Bella was standing over by the kitchen doorway, smirking. I gave her a ' _what the fuck?'_ stare.

"Like baseball, Cullen?"

His partial sentences were really starting to amuse me. "Yeah."

"Game's on," he muttered, walking towards the living room.

Bella snickered quietly and took my hand as we walked into the living room behind him. I would have been still standing in the doorway with my mouthing hanging open if it weren't for her hand leading me. Charlie sat in his chair and Bella and I sat on the couch. She snuggled into my side, kind of hugging my arm. For more than half the game, I could feel her just staring at me, not even aware of the TV, but I forced my eyes to stay ahead so I wouldn't get lost in her gaze. At least it was a good game.

Charlie took a bathroom break during a commercial and I quickly looked at Bella, who look advantage of my turned head by kissing me quickly.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," I said back, feeling a stupid smile spread across my face.

"I hear you talked to Charlie this afternoon." I nodded. "He asked me some stuff, like if I loved you and if I was in this for the long haul."

She didn't continue so I pressed her on. "And?"

"Obviously I said yes to both. Charlie grumbled something about stupid shiny Volvo owners and then he told me he thought you were okay. I warned him that you were probably going to be over here a lot from now on and that snuggling and kissing really wasn't that big of a deal."

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Really? You talked to your dad about kissing me, huh?"

She blushed. "Well, I told him goodnight kisses were still kind of customary between couples." She shrugged.

I laughed and I heard Charlie coming down the stairs, rather loudly, so I took that as my sign to kiss her now and not in front of him. I stole a quick kiss and couldn't bite back the stupid smile at all. Bella was trying, biting that bottom lip of hers like she always did to drive me crazy.

The game ended. Charlie stood up and stretched. "School night Ed—Cullen," I watched his face go red for almost using my first name and I tried to hold back a fit of laughter, "better get home."

"Good game, Charlie, thanks for letting me watch it over here."

He snorted quite obnoxiously. "Yeah, I'll bet that big screen at home is much worse than our crappy thirty-two inch."

"Dad!" Bella hissed.

He glared at her for a moment, then awkwardly patted me once on the shoulder while looking in the other direction. "Feel free to uh, watch the game here anytime you'd like." He made a hasty escape after that.

He was halfway up the stairs when I heard him yell, "Five minutes Bella. I expect you upstairs in five minutes."

She smiled at me and gave me an eye roll. "Yes, Dad."

She grabbed my hand then and led me out onto the front porch. The air was cold but it felt much more open and less stressful on the porch.

"Thank you," Bella said, looking up into my eyes.

"For what, love?" I asked honestly.

"Going to talk to him, having the courage I guess, I don't know. I'm happy you guys are… getting along?" Her eyebrows kind of knit together with confusion. Getting along was about the best way to describe it though.

"No problem, Bella, I'd do anything for you." I gave her a grin at my cheesy line, though it was one hundred percent true.

She shuffled closer to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "I know you would, Edward."

I sighed and rested my head on the top of Bella's. "I should probably go before Charlie says he was just kidding about the whole thing and gets trigger happy."

Bella's head flew back and she scowled angrily up at me. I kissed the hard line of her lips with a laugh. She swatted me on the side lightly once, but then wrapped her fingers into my hair and pulled my lips back down to hers.

"Goodnight kisses are customary, remember?" she asked me.

I smiled crookedly down at her. "How could I forget, love?"

She smiled before pressing her lips into mine. I sighed happily and she parted our lips further, pressing her hot little tongue into my mouth. I rubbed her arms slowly, kissing her for as long as she allowed me to. Or until Charlie did get trigger happy or something.

Neither was what broke the kiss. No, devilish pixie Alice came speeding home. Both Bella and I turned to look at the quickly approaching tiny figure. She was running and Bella squeaked when Alice hooked onto her arm and pulled her into the house.

All I heard besides Bella's squeak was, "Curfew Bells. Hi Edward. Bye Edward." Then the door slammed.

I got a text from Bella as I got into my car, still laughing incredulously at the whole night. _Sorry. Love you._

I chuckled some more. _Love you too Bella. Sleep well._

While I was at it, I sent a jab at Jasper. _Your girlfriend has to be the world's most effective cock block._

He shot me back a text quickly. _Nope, that would actually be the chastity belt._

I groaned. "Medieval, know it all, bastard with his tiny cock-blocking girlfriend," I muttered to myself as I drove home.

Once home, I did everything I could think of doing, short of taking sleeping pills, to get myself to sleep. None of it worked. Not working out, not a shower, not jerking off while showering, not Claire De Lune, nothing. I was restless. My bed smelled of Bella but her warmth was missing.

It was late and without much of a second thought, I got in my car hoping that a drive would make me drowsy. It didn't. I was driving around town and wide awake. Of course I ended up on her street. I kept driving. Then I was on her street again. The third time I saw my hiding place from the last time I'd snuck up to her house and swerved into it.

"This is stupid," I told myself aloud as I crept along the tree lines and yard lines again. "This is really fucking stupid," I growled at myself as I spotted her window.

But I didn't fucking care because I needed her to sleep. I needed her every fucking second of every fucking day. I needed her.

I scaled the tree. It was much more difficult than I remembered it being. Again the window was unlocked and it slid opened silently. Jumping in was seemed easier this time.

I swore I heard Bella sigh. She rolled over and her eyes were open and knowing as she stared at me.

"I couldn't sleep either," she whispered. I smiled at her and strolled to the bed. She sat up halfway and pulled my pants open before I could. She grabbed my hands when they fell down and pulled me down onto the tiny twin bed. I kicked my shoes and the jeans off my feet then molded my entire body to hers. Before I could forget, I reached down to my jeans and set my alarm on my phone for five in the morning.

Bella was already almost asleep, I could tell by the way she breathed. "I'll leave the window open for you," she told me.

"I'll come," I promised her.

* * *

***** Outtake: *****

**A/N: Okay, so this was originally what I had wrote, but I decided it wasn't going to work. Prologue to this outtake is that Edward climbed through her window, they got nekkid, and were going to get it on...**

The thundering footsteps up the stairs were enough warning for me to take cover. The window was already open so I flung myself through it while Bella kicked my clothes under her bed. I was on the second story so my only choice was to hang from the windowsill and pray. The blackness of the night should have given me the cover I so needed, and my ass was facing the woods so mooning the world wasn't too big of an issue.

I could just see over my arm in the position I held myself. Charlie flung the door open and Bella flung her blanket over her naked body.

"Dad!" she shrieked.

"Bella, are you okay, I heard something." He looked around the room and I noticed my boxers were only half-hidden under the bed. I wondered how bad this fall was going to hurt and if it would kill me.

"I'm fine!" Bella's voice was higher than normal with nervousness. Her face was red and she looked on the verge of tears as she clung the blanket to her chin.

Charlie swept the room with his eyes again, they came to rest on his feet. "Oh Jesus," he muttered, backing up two steps. His face turned many shades darker red than Bella's, which I thought would have been impossible. I silently willed Bella to know how much I love her and hoped she wouldn't miss me too much after I died. "I-I-I-I'm sorry."

Charlie disappeared, slamming the door, thundering back down the stairs, hell, I even heard the front door slam. I scrambled back through the window and landed hard on my right elbow and knee. If I hadn't been caught from the inside, it was just my luck that Charlie would find my naked ass plastered to his rough wood siding, dangling from his daughter's window. But what the hell had that all been about?

I looked to the floor and found where Charlie had been standing mere moments ago. Not six inches from where he'd stood lay Bella's underwear, wet stain up. I laughed, and tried to muffle it with my hand. The cruiser started somewhere in the distance and I went silent. Gravel crunched then tires sped on pavement.

"You need to go," Bella hissed.


	35. Chapter 35

"Edward," she gasped. "What are you doing?"

I chuckled as she tried to push me off of her. "I'm resting, Bella." I pushed my head into her chest, directly between her breasts so I could rub my face into them.

"Do you have to do it on top of me?" she asked, her voice high with nervousness.

We were moving into an apartment in Seattle. My things were all here already. My parents and I had moved them during the weekend when Bella was at her final weekend shift at Newton's. Good riddance! I rode up with Emmett with a load of Bella's things and Charlie rode up with Bella and another load. Emmett and Charlie would be riding home together, which left the Volvo here for us, and scared me shitless. I paid Emmett off to keep his mouth shut to Charlie, but I didn't know if it was going to work.

Both Bella and I had been accepted to the University of Washington, by some miraculous wonder. She had the grades, she was brilliant, and she was granted a full-ride scholarship, accepted without question. I was surprised to get my acceptance letter before her, short hours but still before her. My dad didn't even have to bribe anyone.

Oddly enough, U of W was where Bella wanted to go. It was a good school and close to home. She repeatedly said she didn't care, but I noticed the way she would glance at the brochures while telling me about other college options. I didn't fail to notice that she filled out the U of W application first either. I'd heard her scream from inside the house when she'd went to get the mail that day.

I remember running outside, looking for blood and internal organs. All that was there was my Bella kneeling on the wet grass with a piece of paper held in front of her like she was praying to it.

"Jesus Christ," I growled, "you nearly gave me a fucking heart attack."

She didn't even hear me. Her eyes were darting from left to right as she read the letter, back and forth they went and her mouth kept repeating the same words quietly, "You've been accepted to join the University of Washington." Over and over she muttered those words to herself.

Then her eyes flashed up towards the door. "Edward, you're not going to believe it," she called towards the house.

I chuckled at her obliviousness. "Right here, love," I stated, stepping into her immediate line of sight.

She looked like she might fall down again as she tried to stand, but she was all power when she finally rose to her feet. She ran at me and I braced for the impact. She threw herself into my arms and I caught her. Her arms wove tightly around my neck and her legs came to cinch around my waist.

"I got in, Edward. University of Washington. I'm going to be a Husky. Scholarship. Love you. Got in." Between each sentence, she was planting kisses on my face.

I kissed her hard on the lips once with a chuckle. "That's fantastic. I got my acceptance letter this afternoon."

She pulled back from me so fast I had to take a step to re-balance us. "What?" she asked. "Why-why didn't you tell me?" she stuttered.

I half smiled at her. "I figured yours would come today too." I shrugged my shoulders. "Your excitement definitely trumps mine."

Despite her scowl, she made sounds of utter happiness. "Oh God," she gasped, pressing her lips to mine forcefully. "Oh my God," she gasped louder yet when she pulled away. Her wide eyes held mine. "We're going to college."

Her lips crushed to mine with more force than I'd been greeted to in a long time. I willingly took her tongue in my mouth and grunted as she pulled my hair. I blindly started carrying her into the house, never putting distance between our lips. She moaned into my mouth as I pressed her into the hallway wall and ground against her. I breathlessly moved my lips to her throat and my ears were greeted to her breathless moans and pants while she tried to claw my shirt off, which didn't work in this position. I carried her to the couch and pushed her into it.

"If I'd have known how excited you got over acceptance letters, I'd have been forging them and sending them to you for months," I joked while I tossed my shirt to the floor.

"Shut up, Edward," she begged, pulling me back into her arms and to her lips.

My memory was broken by real life Bella squirming beneath me. "What are you thinking about?" she asked accusingly.

I smirked, rubbing my erection against her. "The night you got your acceptance letter."

I watched her eyes glaze over as she thought back to that night. Neither of us would be forgetting it anytime soon. It had been… monumental. I still couldn't remember whether I'd shut the front door completely, neither of us had any idea what time it had been, and we had sex in the Swan house. We broke our one rule. Chief Swan had come home only fifteen minutes after we'd finished putting our clothes back on, and he was carrying the mail, inquiring about why it had been laying in the front lawn. Bella told him the good news, and Alice had come in wondering what all the squealing was about. When both of them started squealing together, I thought my head was going to explode, but I couldn't stop smiling at Bella's excitement.

"I still can't believe Charlie bought your lie," I said, rolling my eyes. "Your hair, to this day, has never been so sexed as that night." I snorted. "'I was so excited I was pulling it,'" I recounted her lie. I pushed my face back between her breasts, shaking it back and forth, laughing at the fact that Charlie had bought it.

She smacked my shoulder. "Shut up, Edward!"

I think the second those words escaped her lips, she'd regretted them. I pushed my erection into her hard and she bit her lip to muffle a moan. I could hear feet outside of _our_ door but I didn't care. Even when _our_ door opened, I didn't move my lusty stare from her eyes or cease the rocking motion of my hips.

"Oooh, can I join?" Emmett asked excitedly.

"No," I growled. I leaned down and started licked and biting at Bella's collarbones.

"Edward," she gasped, probably because I was dry humping her and making out with her collarbones right in front of Emmett. I hoped it was actually because she was enjoying it.

"Shut the door," I snarled at Emmett, not turning my head in his direction what so ever.

I heard the door click closed. I moved my lips to Bella's shirt and bra-covered breast and bit down on her nipple while my hands spread her legs around my hips. "Edward," she said sharply, "you do realize he's still standing there."

I looked up and sure enough, Emmett was standing there with a cocky smile on his face. I glared. He just shrugged. "You told me to shut the door, man, you never said get out."

"Fuck me," I groaned.

"See, Bells, what did I tell you? He's always begging me," I heard Emmett say to her. I rolled off of Bella onto my back next to her. "Hey Edward?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped at him.

"Quit popping tents and get your ass downstairs to get the rest of the fucking boxes." I heard the door open and Emmett's heavy weight disappeared from the apartment. I chanced a look downwards and rolled my eyes at my very obvious erection.

When I heard footsteps outside the apartment again, I rolled off the bed onto the floor, knowing it wasn't Emmett this time. Charlie was being pretty calm about this sharing an apartment thing, him finding us in bed together already would hardly be a good thing.

I had just disappeared when the door opened. "Bells, what are you doing?" I heard Charlie ask.

"Oh, I just sat down for a minute, I'll be right down," she replied smoothly. In truth, I'd pushed her into _our_ bed and fell on top of her, giddy with excitement and momentarily forgetting we weren't completely alone in _our_ apartment yet.

"Where's Edward?"

"Probably in the bathroom or something," she hedged.

He grumbled something then said, "Well, you both need to hurry up. We're almost done."

As the apartment door closed yet again. I said, "Seahawks pre-season game is on today."

Bella did a Charlie-worthy grumble then said, "Should have figured."

I grabbed her hand and pulled her up off the bed. "Come on Bella, hurry up. If we get them out of here, we can break in the new apartment before the game starts."

She knew exactly what I meant, and I chuckled when she huffed and smacked my chest.

But we did just that. Unloading the rest of the boxes only took another hour and after a tearful goodbye from Bella, we were back in _our_ apartment. Alone. Together. I think those two words flitted through both of our minds at the exact same moment because we both attacked simultaneously. By the time we were both worn out, the Seahawks were just kicking off and I kicked back on _our_ sofa in my underwear to watch. Bella was on the floor unpacking boxes in nothing but one of my white t-shirts and her skimpy panties. I'd felt bad and tried to help while watching the game, but she chased me away.

I had a feeling a halftime tradition was starting as she crawled across the floor towards me the second halftime was announced. By the time the game was back on, neither of us was even thinking about moving and she dozed on my chest while I finished watching the game. When it ended, I turned it off and the room went dark. That night, we went out for dinner, then broke in the kitchen. We were three rooms down in one night, and I had a feeling _our_ bathroom would be joining the following morning.

– – –

It was hard to believe how quickly the weeks were passing. College was nothing like high school for me. I had Bella in my arms every night, in _our_ king size bed instead of her tiny twin and no snoring Charlie across the hall. We made love like it was going out of style and actually put a hole in the wall. We took the head board off the bed after that.

The actual education was really very stimulating. I'd had my eyes set on a path over the summer and now that I was here, I was sure physical therapy is what I wanted to do. If I couldn't be an athlete, I wanted to somehow be involved. And medicine was in my roots. Dad was thrilled, to say the least, with my decision.

I'd been trying and trying to get Bella to spill on her dreams, but she kept tight lips. On a random hump day night, while we humped on the kitchen table, which happened to be one of our favorite spots, she bit her lip. I'd thought she was just biting back a moan again and I sped up, watching her breasts bounce and listening to our bodies slapping together.

She grabbed my hip though and stopped me. Her brow was wrinkled in a confusing way and she looked very indecisive. "Edward?" she asked. Like she didn't have my complete fucking attention. "I want to be a librarian," she blurted, then blushed all over.

She got fucked hard that night. Too many images of Bella the Librarian assaulted me. She seemed to have freed herself by telling me as well. She was uncharacteristically loud and demanding, which I thoroughly fucking enjoyed.

– – –

"Fuck, Drew, fuck, fuck me hard. Fuck. Fuck. Drew. Cumming. Uhn. Gah. Ummmm."

I cocked my eyebrow at Bella across the room. The neighbors were at it again. They seemed to enjoy staying in as much as Bella and I did. They were U of W students too, and boy did they get loud sometimes.

"Fuck, Cammie, your pussy's so good."

I was sitting on the couch, which was right against the wall that separated our apartments. They were literally fucking four inches from my head. What I assumed was a table was slamming rhythmically against the wall and 'Cammie' was still screeching away.

Bella had the end of her pen in her mouth, which would have seemed innocent enough, but I could see her tongue flicking over it and twirling around it. They way her lips puckered as she pushed the pen unconsciously further into her mouth and back out made me instantly hard.

"I'm feeling just slightly insignificant over here," I stated.

Bella's eyes sought mine and she gave me a questioning look. She only pulled the pen out to say, "What do you mean?" then put it back in.

"Well, first off, that lucky fucking pen is getting one hell of a blowjob over there. Secondly, you never scream like that bitch," I said, pointing to the wall. Currently, all I could hear was some seriously perverted breathing that would make a stalker jealous.

She glared, dropping her pen. "I was not giving the pen a blowjob." I didn't miss the defensive tone in her voice. I cocked my eyebrow at her again. "Was not," she retorted. She stood up and stalked over to me. "And I don't need to fake scream like a porn star. You know what you do to me," she said, running her fingers through my hair as she stood in front of me.

I leaned forward and hugged her hips, planting my face into her stomach. I nuzzled her shirt up so I could feel her warm skin on my face. My lips brushed against her skin as I spoke. "I don't think she's faking."

She gently grasped my hair and pulled my head back to look at her. "Do you think I'm faking?"

I shook my head. "No, I know you aren't faking. Just feeling… insecure, I guess."

"Do you think she's having better orgasms just because she's loud?" Bella asked. I shrugged. "Edward…" her eyebrows wrinkled together and she seemed to be searching for words. "Would it make you happy if I screamed like that?"

I know she felt me smiling against her stomach because she sighed in defeat. "Listen, love, I'm not saying you have to scream yourself hoarse or something, I would just really love for you to stop biting back the moans, and don't think I don't notice." I raised an eyebrow at her, she blushed. "I don't know what you heard, but I'm going to tell you flat out, dirty talking and loud orgasms are high on every man's list."

"You want me to talk dirty too?" she mumbled.

I just kissed her stomach, pulling some of her skin between my lips and running my teeth over it. "What were you thinking about when you had the pen in your mouth?" I asked her.

"Giving you a blowjob," she muttered honestly, sounding embarrassed.

"Mmm," I hummed into her stomach. "Are you ashamed to want to suck my cock, Bella?"

She gasped slightly and I pressed my lips harder to her, flicking my tongue against her skin. "No," she answered firmly.

"Good," I told her. "I love when you put my cock in your hot little mouth," I told her. I slid my hand from her hip down to between her thighs and I rubbed her through her pants. "I'm not ashamed to love eating your perfect pussy either. I love sliding my tongue inside of you and tasting how hot I make you."

She moaned at my words and wrapped her fingers into my hair, pulling my face closer to her and bucking her hips slightly.

"See, love, it isn't hard. Don't you like it when I talk dirty to you?"

"Yes," she answered in a half moan.

I kissed her stomach a final time, swirling my tongue in her bellybutton, then I stood up. My cock was pressed to her hip and her pussy was pressed against my thigh as we stood there, pulling each other closer. "Talk dirty to me, Bella," I begged low into her ear.

"Edward," she half moaned again. "You make me so wet."

I hummed my approval. "I love feeling your wet panties, and smelling them, and tasting them. Sometimes I do it when you're not looking."

She gasped against my chest and her hips pressed hard into my thigh. "I love when you get hard and I love when you press your hard cock against me." I groaned, doing just that. "I don't care if we're naked or not, I love feeling it on me and then in me."

"I love when you get so horny, I can smell it."

"I love hearing you grunt my name in the shower, while I'm still in bed and you think I'm sleeping."

"Every morning I have class early, I jerk off in the shower thinking about you."

"I know. One time, I got so horny in class, halfway through I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I fingered myself."

That one did me in, I was pushing her backwards with my body, I don't know where to, but we were lying down somewhere, right now. The middle of the sitting room floor is where we ended up, on the beige carpet.

"You fingered yourself in the girl's bathroom?" I asked, pulling her shirt over her head.

"It felt so good. I came just as a group of girls walked in. I was so horny thinking about what you'd done to me the night before, I didn't care if I had to cum in a public restroom."

"God," I groaned, pressing my lips to hers and fucking her mouth with my tongue.

When I pulled away, she said, "Your turn."

I impatiently unclasped her bra – which I was a pro at by now – and tossed it across the room. "You have the most amazing tits in the world."

I palmed them and teased her hard nipples. "I love sucking your dick and making you cum in my mouth. You taste so good."

She was trumping me. I could feel my cock twitching with every dirty word that came out of her mouth. I was straddling her stomach as I fondled her breasts and she pulled my shirt off.

"I stole a pair of your exceptionally wet panties a week ago and brought them with me to class. I sniffed them when no one was looking and when I got home, I jerked off with them and came all over the wet stain you'd left."

She groaned and pressed her hands against the bulge in my jeans, stroking along my length. "You're obsessed with my panties… I had no idea."

"I'm obsessed with your pussy," I corrected.

She giggled and pulled my jeans open. "Sometimes when we're having sex, I think about you in a doctor's coat. I almost called you Dr. Cullen once."

I groaned. "I think about fucking you as a naughty librarian all the fucking time. Books everywhere, you yelling at me to be quiet, you pressed up against shelves. God, I fucking love it."

She pulled my jeans down my hips and I stood up, removing them completely, then did the same for her. I straddled her waist again, wanting this to go forever.

"I have a dirty book hidden between the mattress and box spring."

"A dirty book?" I asked.

She nodded. "Smut, erotic literature, a dirty book, Edward. I don't need it to turn me on or anything, just sometimes, it gives me ideas."

"What ideas?"

She blushed. "Anal sex."

I think I full out moaned at those two words. I slid down her body, lining up our lips and kissing her until we were both breathless.

"Your turn," she prompted.

"I've thought about anal sex too," I admitted.

She shook her head. "That's cheating. Tell me something else."

"I still want to watch you touch yourself," I said, recalling that that was the one thing we still hadn't done in front of each other, not completely.

"Okay," she said, which sounded like an agreement to me. "I still want to watch you touch yourself too." She held her hand out to stop me when I started to tell her that she was cheating now. "The sounds you make, the grunting, the groaning, the moaning, it makes me the horniest. I usually cum the hardest and fastest when you're grunting in my ear."

"Hearing you scream that you're cumming all over my cock would make me cum on the spot."

"Fuck me." Her hands wrapped around my cock as she said those two words and I almost lost it. She hardly ever swore. 'Fuck' was the one word she could say that would make me obey immediately. I couldn't say no to that, ever.

She moaned loudly as I slid all the way into her with one long thrust and I dug my fingers into the carpet on either side of her head. "Edward," she moaned, again, loudly. "You're so big."

I grunted her name into her ear and her nails dug hard into my shoulders as she moaned loudly again. "You're so wet," I groaned at her. She really was. Her girly-cum was all over my balls with two slow thrusts.

I was hardly moving and she was being the loudest she'd ever been. She was letting go and it was driving me fucking wild. "Bella," I grunted again.

"Edward," she squealed, wrapping her legs tightly around my hips and grinding on me. I thrust into her with three short strokes, grunting with each one and she cried my name loudly again. Her hands landed down on the floor and her whole upper body arched up. She was pushing her chest up into mine, moaning loudly and breathily over my shoulder. Her pussy spasmed hard and she collapsed back down to the floor.

While she panted and came back from that unexpectedly quick orgasm, I slowly kept thrusting into her, just watching her by the light of the muted TV. She slowly looked back up at me.

"I love when you fuck me hard," she told me. I groaned. "I love feeling your balls slapping against me." I grunted out her name and an expletive as I started to pick up our pace again. She gripped my biceps. "I love when you cum in my pussy. I love feeling your cock twitch and the way you always fuck me deep when you cum." I grunted her name again, helpless against her words. "I love when you cum right after I do. Almost every time, I orgasm again from feeling you get off in me."

I slammed into her hard and she moaned out my name shrilly. "Do you want me to fuck you hard and deep, Bella?" I grunted at her.

"Yes," she cried. "Yes, fuck me hard. God, you're so big. Fuck me deeper, Edward. Yes."

It satisfied so many cravings to have her saying these things to me. I gave it to her like she wanted, hard and deep and she came with an earsplitting squeal that the whole apartment complex had to hear. I fought back my own orgasm, sitting back on my heels with her legs braced behind me, my hands holding her up by her hips, and continued to fuck her.

"I love watching my cock slide into your tight, wet pussy," I moaned to her, watching just that.

"Cum in my pussy, Edward," she begged.

It was tempting, but I wasn't ready for this to end quite yet. "All in good time, love. I think you still have a couple of wall shaking orgasms to give me yet."

I worried she was going to get rug burn as I pushed into her hard again and her shoulders started to slide across the floor. I leaned down and pushed both of my arms underneath her shoulders to hold her off the carpet and in place while I continued to slam my groin into hers.

Even the sound of our bodies slapping together was seemingly louder than usual. Bella's moans were endless and loud and I was quickly losing it.

"God, Bella, I'm so close. I love feeling your hips bucking into me, feeling you rocking hard against me when I slam down into you. I love watching you rub your clit on me. I love hearing you moan so fucking loud. I'm so fucking close, I'm gonna cum."

I knew what was coming when her knees locked down against my hips. I shortened my thrusts as her pelvis titled up and she just fucking took me so deep as she clenched and released my cock. Her hands were pushing my face so hard into her neck I could hardly breathe and her moans were so loud next to my ear I thought my eardrum was going to burst, and I'd never been so fucking happy.

"Edward," she screamed. "I'm cumming so hard on your big cock. Cumming. I'm cumming so hard all over your cock!"

"Fuck," I roared, feeling my stomach lurch with the tightening sensation of the orgasm. "Fuck Bella, I'm cumming." I grunted and groaned loudly into her throat as my orgasm drew on and on.

Her moans never stopped as I pumped into her, shooting my load deep inside of her. I felt what I'd always assumed were residual tremors of her pussy, but she claimed it was another orgasm and I ground into her hard, which made her scream my name again.

I collapsed onto her panting and completely spent. I rolled so she was on top of me before pulling out. I expected her to sneak off to the bathroom like she always did to clean up, but she only sat up against my knees. It was odd that this was the first time I got to watch my cum drip out of her pussy. We always just fell asleep or she went to clean it away. I was altogether amazed with the sight, and much more turned on than I should have been after an orgasm like the one I'd just had.

I reached down and spread her folds. She clenched slightly at my touch and I watched a big drip of my cum slide from her pussy onto my stomach. I groaned.

"That's so fucking hot, watching my cum drip out of your pussy."

"Feels nice," she commented, pushing out another glob of my cum.

What sounded like a round of applause startled us and we both turned to look at the distant wall. It was definitely someone clapping and there was a "Woo!" too.

I chuckled and Bella blushed, biting her lip to hide a smile.

We showered together and upon stepping out, even more exhausted than before, I heard someone knocking on the door. I grabbed some pajama pants and t-shirt and scrubbed the towel through my hair quickly. The knocking came louder.

"I'm coming," I hollered, throwing the towel into the laundry basket.

I pulled the door open to a smirking female face. "Were you now? Didn't get your fill before?" I'm sure my confusion was evident on my face. "You must be Edward," she said, stretching her hand forward, "I'm Cammie."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. I laughed as I shook her hand and noticed the male form behind her. "Then you must be Drew," I said, through my laughter. He shifted from one foot to the other and nodded.

"Edward?" I heard Bella call from the bedroom.

"Love, we have company," I yelled back, mostly as a warning. They could hear us fuck all they wanted, but they weren't seeing my Bella naked. "Come in," I offered.

They did and we waited for Bella. She came out of our bedroom in jeans and a sweatshirt and I rolled my eyes at her. We were ready for bed, but company meant no pajamas for her.

"Bella," I said, "this is Cammie and Drew, our neighbors." She stopped short, her face turning red, her eyes growing wide, then she shot me a glare.

Cammie pointed to the couch. "We can hear you sometimes, just barely. Our kitchen is right on the other side. You guys are usually so quiet, we felt bad, but you gave us a run for our money tonight." She seemed oblivious to Bella's embarrassment as she turned to her. "Did he seriously give you as many orgasms as it sounded like he did? I had to meet you two after that. We sometimes make films, but hearing you two, I wondered if we were the right couple to be making films."

The Drew fellow spoke up. "Cammie, I don't think they're interested." He nervously looked towards the door and I wondered if he was as uncomfortable as Bella.

"Er, yeah, sorry," I answered, "we aren't interested in any films."

"Regardless," said Cammie, waving her hand around, "I like you two. We should get coffee together. We are neighbors after all, we should be on friendly terms." With that, she waved goodbye and grabbed Drew's hand then skipped back through our door, closing it on her way out.

Bella gave me an odd look. "She's weird," she whispered. I nodded in agreement.

– – –

After the awkward meeting with the neighbors, we did end up having coffee with them once. Then they talked us into a local Halloween party. Drew, who seriously reminded me of James McAvoy, was a huge Trekkie and we somehow got forced into Star Trek attire. Admittedly, I never got into the whole ordeal but Bella's costume had me hard as fuck and I could hardly wait to make it home to rip that fucker off of her.

Thanksgiving and Christmas came quickly and went even quicker. Bella insisted on going home almost every other weekend to take care of Charlie and although I hated being separated from her, spending time with my parents was great. Seeing Jasper, Emmett, and Alice over Thanksgiving and Christmas break when we were all home for the holidays really made me happy too. I didn't even mind seeing Rosalie.

Jasper and Alice were both in California for college. They were at Davis, Jazz for a degree in History and Ali for a license to be a shrink – both of which seemed hilariously fitting for them. Rosalie had been accepted to some prestigious beauty program in New York and Emmett followed her out there, despite his distaste for all New York football teams. He played for NYU, and it was bittersweet for him to do something like that for Rose. I thought he was retarded for being with her anyway, but it was nice that he cared for someone that much.

I really did miss my friends, and for me, leaving after New Years was harder than leaving at the beginning of the school year. Though I certainly did miss the perks of my and Bella's apartment.

Valentine's Day was approaching quicker than I expected and I had no idea what I was getting Bella. Alice sent me a package of lingerie two weeks before the day. I glared at the contents, wondering if it was some sort of joke.

_Edward,_ started the accompanying note from Alice,

_I know you are clueless, so here are some items for your consideration. There is a box of Bella's favorite chocolates at the bottom, a list of her favorite flowers, and of course, as much skimpy lingerie in her size that would fit in this box. Have fun, and Happy Valentine's Day!_

_Love,_

_Jasper and Alice_

I pulled the pieces out one by one, and one by one, I started slipping them into her underwear drawer, every day something new. The first pair she found confused her. I pretended to be reading, though I was really watching her face scrunch up in confusion as she held them in front of her body. Comprehension dawned on her face, and I still pretended to be absorbed with my book as she smirked and stuffed them back in her drawer.

I hadn't paid attention to which pair of what she took with her to the bathroom that day, but when classes were over and she slowly started unbuttoning her shirt for me in the apartment, the electric blue lacy number was staring me dead in the groin and I wrecked it quite efficiently in my haste to be inside of her.

Valentine's morning, I woke up alone in bed. I frowned at the note that was beside my head.

_Edward,_ wrote Bella,

_Happy Valentine's Day, I love you. I'm so sorry I wasn't here to show you how much this morning, but I had to study for a test today. After class I have to be in the Library for Mrs. Pettigrew. I love you, babe, please forgive me for ruining Valentine's Day. :(_

_~B_

I sighed. Mrs. Pettigrew was taking advantage of Bella's willingness more and more these days. Bella volunteered her time down in the library lately. She loved it, though, and I couldn't be upset with her for doing what she loved.

Class drug on and on and I was missing Bella like crazy. Just as my classes ended, I got a text.

_Love, I miss you. Come visit me, please. ~B_

I jumped at the chance. She usually didn't want me in the library with her. I was always trying to sneak her to the back row of shelves though, and I can't say I blamed her for trying to keep me away. I was going to get her in trouble down there one of these days. I swore I'd be on my best behavior, since it was Valentine's Day and all.

I walked through the big double doors and searched around. There were two girls with Scientology books in a corner whispering heatedly, but other than that, there was Mrs. Pettigrew behind the desk and a girl in a pencil skirt reaching for a book on a high shelf.

I started scanning aisle's for Bella. Further and further back I went, but I didn't see her. I saw the pencil skirt girl again, and thought for a moment that it was Bella with the color of her hair and skin, but Bella didn't wear pencil skirts. Nor did she twist her hair up into a tight bun. Or wear glasses. So I kept searching.

In a dark aisle, I could feel her behind me. When I made to turn around, she reached her hands over my eyes and slid up against the back of my body. "Keep your eyes forward," she whispered.

Thrilled at whatever the hell she was doing, I obeyed. Her hands slid down my face to my chest and she rubbed that through my shirt for a few moments. My eyes focused on the books before me and I chuckled.

"Do you think it is funny that I always find you in the sex related book aisle, Edward?" she asked in a sultry voice.

Her hands slid to the front of my jeans and I hissed as she gripped my cock. "You herded me to them," I accused.

I felt her reach up on her toes, her body sliding along my back, and she kissed my neck. "So I did. I can't help it if I only have one thing on my mind." She released me completely, stepping back away from me, and I hated the loss of contact. "Don't move until I tell you to," she ordered. I shuddered at her demanding tone. "Okay, Edward, turn around and tell me what you think."

I did as she asked and my jaw fucking hit the floor. She _was_ the girl in the pencil skirt. Her dark hair was pulled back into a tight bun. She had fucking horn rimmed glasses on that made my body tingle with want. Her blouse was unbuttoned enough that I could see some really unbelievable cleavage and a black bra. She even have black heels on. She was the naughty fucking librarian of my wettest dreams.

She slowly pushed the glasses up into her hair, and somehow looked even more professional naughty librarian-like. "Well?"

"Holy fucking shit," I groaned. It was the only thing I was capable of doing.

"Drop your pants," she ordered.

I tried to obey, but my fingers were shaking and I ended up fumbling with my button for far too long. My jeans eventually dropped to my knees and when I looked up again, Bella had the skirt bunched up completely around her hips. Her pussy was bare and she had a garter belt on to hold up her stockings. I groaned and had to grip the shelf behind me to keep from falling down. She slowly took a step toward me and popped another button on her shirt as she did so.

When she was just inches from me, her black bra was completely visible and giving her more cleavage than I thought possible. I tried to remember how to swallow.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, what do we have here?" Her fingers slowly slid along the length of my hugely obnoxious erection through my underwear and I groaned. "Oh, I see," she said, gripping me in her hand tightly. She leaned in close and licked my ear. "Naughty boy! You were looking at the sex books."

She stroked along my length slowly as she continued to breathe into my ear and lick it occasionally. "You know what happens to naughty boys who get hard looking at sex books in the library?" she asked. I shook my head. "The naughty librarian comes to find them," she said.

She dropped down then and she was kneeling in front of me, slowly pulling my underwear off my hard cock. She leaned in and her mouth was open, just about to take my cock in her mouth when she looked up at me. "Oh, and remember, naughty boys who make noise get punished, and you don't want that. Trust me."

She plunged my cock into her warm mouth with one quick movement. Knowing she'd probably stop and walk away or something if I made noise, I covered my mouth with my hand, grunting into it quietly. Her eyes met mine with a warning in them when she heard me. I whimpered pitifully, watching her mouth descend further and further onto my stiff length.

I was a fucking goner in minutes flat. She had a mouth with too much talent and naughty librarian Bella had been starring in my dreams for so long, and with the real life one before me, trying to _not_ cum was ineffective.

"Bella," I warned in a soft grunting voice. She met my eyes and smiled around me. I lightly gripped either side of her head, enjoying her mouth for just a few more seconds before it was unbearable and I was on the edge of an orgasm. I pulled out of her mouth.

I didn't want to cum yet. She hadn't worn panties for a reason and I was sure as shit going to fuck her in the library, even if a blowjob would have been fucking awesomely great.

Her anger was immediate. It was written all over her face as she grabbed my hands off her head and pushed them onto the shelves. She dug her fingernails into the back of my hand as she held them there and I knew better than to move. Her mouth plunged back onto my cock in one quick movement of her head. I hit the back of her throat hard and my hips lurched when she gagged.

She wanted my cum in her mouth. She fucked my cock with her lips and throat and with her nails digging into my hands, I couldn't stop her. I bit my lip hard to hold in the sounds she was eliciting from me. I was back on the edge of an orgasm again in moments.

"Fuck, Bella. Fuck, Bella," I groaned.

Her lips came to my tip and she sucked hard on it, thrusting her head with short strokes as she hit my sensitive spots with knowing movement. I came with a huge shudder, shooting my cum onto her soft tongue that licked every drop from my tip and she swallowed it all.

I softened minutely in her mouth, though I didn't go completely flaccid. She could have had me rock hard again with her mouth. Instead, she dropped me from her lips and stood up. She turned away from me and bent over, grabbing a shelf in front of her.

"Lick me," she ordered.

I swear, it may have even been better hearing her say _that_ than it was hearing her say, "Fuck me." I obediently – and very happily – dropped to my knees behind her, shoving my tongue forcefully between her lips right to where I knew the source of her wetness would be. I groaned happily when her flavor hit my tongue and palmed her ass to spread her wider and push my face against her harder.

I knew every spot my tongue could reach and which ones she liked best as I flicked it over and into her hole. She had her mouth pressed into her arm and I could hear her muffling moans with her skin. I removed my hands from her ass and pressed two fingers directly into her entrance, not pausing at all but thrusting them inside of her as deep as they could go. The way her pussy clenched down to grab them told me she was going to be easy.

I used my other hand to expose her clit and I lapped at it a few times then wrapped my lips around it and sucked. Her knees nearly buckled they shook so hard. She'd gotten into the habit of letting herself scream when she orgasmed lately. When I heard her choked cry, I knew she was going to cum. Her pussy squeezed around my fingers hard as I softly licked at her clit and my fingers curled down to her g-spot.

I was hard again and though I knew she wouldn't have minded getting fucked from behind, I stood her up straight, turned her in my arms, and picked her up.

"Edward, fuck me," she begged quietly into my ear and I loved the turn of the tables. She was no longer the demanding librarian, I now had the upper hand.

"Call me Dr. Cullen," I demanded.

She did. She begged Doctor Cullen to fuck her. And I did. She was fighting to remain quiet as I held her with my arms under her knees and her arms around my neck, thrusting into her hard.

I didn't care if we got caught. The only ones likely to catch us back here were students and most of them would just walk away, embarrassed. Bella had had this planned and I'm sure she'd taken every precaution, including making sure that Mrs. Pettigrew had to stay up at her desk.

Bella came hard and I quickly followed.

Her lips pressed against my ear as we panted. "Happy Valentine's Day, Dr. Edward Cullen."

I smirked. "Very Happy Valentine's Day, Naughty Librarian Bella."

When I set her back down to the ground, she surprised me by not immediately fixing her clothing and covering up. Instead, she reached high up into one of the shelves and pulled down something small and black. With a devious smirk, she handed me a video camera.


End file.
